Hi there,

Kids’ friendship concerns are the same all over. This week’s question comes from The Netherlands! Check it out!

Please consider becoming a paid subscriber to Dr. Friendtastic for Parents! You’ll get a monthly coupon for $20 off the featured webinar as well as extra posts plus the full archive. Your support also helps keep the Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic podcast free for everyone!

Warm wishes,

Dr. Eileen

P.S. Scroll down for an easy-to-read podcast TRANSCRIPT, DISCUSSION QUESTIONS, and how to submit YOUR CHILD’S QUESTION.

P.P.S. Did you see my article on AI companions for kids? Scary! Scary! Scary! Please share it. Parents need to know.

You might also like these podcast episodes:

Ep. 111 - Friend won’t forgive her (Thea, Age 10)

Ep. 94 - Before you confront a friend

Ep. 26 - Friendship doesn’t have to be all or nothing (Abigail, Age 10)

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1. Send in your child’s question!!!

2. Post a review on the Apple Podcasts app or your favorite podcast platform.

3. Become a paid subscriber to help keep the podcast free for everyone. (You’ll get $20 off an online workshop each month plus additional posts for parents.)

Send in YOUR kid’s question to be featured on the podcast!

Use your smartphone's memo function or an audio app to record your child's question. Hold the phone close to your child's mouth to make sure the recording is clear. Have your child state:

1. their FIRST NAME (or another first name),

2. their AGE, and

3. a BRIEF QUESTION or concern about friendship. (Please do not include any friends' names.)

Submit the audio file at https://DrFriendtastic.com/submit. I’ll answer as many questions as I can. (Obviously, this is not psychotherapy, and it’s not for emergency situations.)

Send in YOUR kid's question

Think-About-It Questions to discuss with your child

For a quick and easy FRIENDSHIP LESSON, play the podcast up to the end of the kid’s question, then ask your child/students what advice they’d give. Play my answer, then use the discussion questions below to deepen your child’s/students’ understanding.

• How could you try to be enjoyable company when you’re with a friend?

• Dr. Friendtastic mentioned two plans that are NOT a good idea for dealing with your friend playing with someone else. What were those plans, and why are they not a good idea?

• Why is it a good idea to try to be friends with a friend’s friend?

• Why is having more than one friend a good way to take care of yourself?

Transcript

I get so excited when I get a podcast question from a kid in a country outside the United States! How thrilling to be able to help kids grow strong and caring friendships around the world! So far, we’ve had questions from kids in India, Cyprus, and the United Kingdom. Today, we have a question from a kid in The Netherlands!

Take a listen!

(Music & Intro)

Hi there! I’m Dr. Eileen Kennedy-Moore, also known as Dr. Friendtastic. I’m an author and clinical psychologist based in Princeton, NJ. Each week, on the Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic podcast, I answer a question from a kid about making and keeping friends.

If you have a question you’d like me to answer, you can send it in at DrFriendtastic.com/submit.

Today’s question is from Metis, who lives in The Netherlands. First, we’re going to hear her question in Dutch, then we’ll hear her mom translate it into English. Here’s the Dutch version:

[Dutch question]

And now, here’s Metis’ mom saying her question in English:

Hello, my name is Metis. I’m 6 years old, and my question is, what should you do if your best friend is playing with somebody else at recess?

Hi, Metis. Thanks for sending in your question! This is a very common and painful problem! My guess is that you felt sad, hurt, left out, and maybe also angry when your friend played with someone else at recess. You might also have felt jealous, if you’re worried the other girl will end up stealing your best friend! So what can you do in this situation?

Let’s start by talking about what would not be a good plan. It would not be a good plan to jump on your friend, wrestle her to the ground and say, “No! You may not play with anyone else besides me at recess!”

Why would this not be a good plan? Well, your friend probably wouldn’t enjoy being jumped on and wrestled to the ground. Also– and this can be hard to accept–your friend has a right to have more than one friend and to choose who she wants to play with at recess.

Here’s another thing that would not be a good plan: go off by yourself in some corner of the playground, sulk and look super sad, and wait for your best friend to notice, feel guilty, dump the other friend, and come running to be with you.

Why would that not be a good plan? Well, your friend might not notice you off by yourself because she’s busy playing. Also, there’s that part about she has a right to have more than one friend and to choose who she wants to play with at recess. So, trying to make her feel guilty about doing that is unfair.

I’m sure you’d rather have your best friend all to yourself. You like spending time with her and playing with her!

But here’s a question for you: On a typical day, how many hours do you spend away from your friend? My guess is it’s at least 12 hours. So, at least half of every day, you are not together.

Are you still friends when you’re not together? Of course you are! You care about each other even when you’re physically apart. So, that means that your friendship isn’t going to disappear just because your friend spends time with someone else, especially if you also have other time you spend together. It might help to remind yourself that your friendship doesn’t depend on being together all the time.

But what can you do in this situation?

Well, one option is to try to befriend the other girl. If your best friend likes her, there must be something good about her! If you try to get to know her better, you might make a new friend. If the three of you play together, you’ll also get more time with your best friend.

Sometimes threesomes can be complicated, so you might also want to invite a fourth girl to play, to broaden the group.

What if your best friend and the other girl don’t want to let you join them? That’s hard, but maybe it’s also an opportunity for you to play with other kids and expand your friendship circle. Having more than one friend is a good way to take care of yourself because it give you more options. Also, if you play something fun with other kids, your friend and the other girl might want to join your group!

You might also want to try spending more time with your best friend outside of recess. Try to be enjoyable company, so she wants to spend time with you. Think about what you both like to do that you could do together. Be kind and friendly and have fun. That will strengthen your friendship, regardless of what happens at recess.

This has been Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic. You can learn even more about friendship through my funny and practical books for kids: Growing Friendships: A Kids’ Guide to Making and Keeping Friends and Growing Feelings: A Kids’ Guide to Dealing with Emotions About Friends and Other Kids. They’re available through your library or wherever you buy books.

Parents, check out my online workshops for kids at workshops.eileenkennedymoore.com.

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The Dr. Friendtastic for Parents newsletter and the Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic podcast are for educational purposes only. They may or may not be relevant for your particular situation. I trust you to use your judgment about what’s right for your child and your family.