Betrayed & Stayed

This is the million dollar question. And, it's one that we fear we will get wrong or regret down the road. This episode won't tell you what to do - but it WILL give you practical tips to help you make the right decision for yourself.

Guest Info:

Dr. Bruce Chalmer is a psychologist in Vermont who has been working with couples for over thirty years. Through his teaching, consulting, writing, podcast, and videos about relationships, his ideas have helped thousands of couples and their therapists.

Dr. Chalmer is the author of three books: "Betrayal and Forgiveness: How to Navigate the Turmoil and Learn to Trust Again", published in 2024; "It's Not About Communication! Why Everything You Know About Couples Therapy is Wrong", published in 2022; and "Reigniting the Spark: Why Stable Relationships Lose Intimacy, and How to Get It Back", published in 2020.

With his wife, educator Judy Alexander, Dr. Chalmer co-hosts the "Couples Therapy in Seven Words" podcast, available at https://ctin7.com.

Bruce's website: https://brucechalmer.com/

Work with Monica: monicahumpal.com

Get Monica's Book: betrayedandstayed.com

Have you ever wondered why you react the way you do in relationships? Why some people crave reassurance and closeness while others tend to pull away when things get difficult?

In this episode of Betrayed & Stayed, I'm joined by attachment specialist Sloane Carlson to explore how our attachment styles influence the way we love, communicate, handle conflict, and build trust.

We'll unpack the different attachment styles, how they develop, and how they can affect our relationships, especially when trust has been damaged by infidelity. More importantly, we'll discuss what you can do to recognize unhealthy patterns, develop greater emotional security, and create healthier connections.

Whether you're navigating reconciliation after betrayal or simply want to better understand yourself and your partner, this conversation offers valuable insights and practical steps toward healthier relationships.

Because understanding your attachment style isn't about putting yourself in a box. It's about recognizing patterns and learning that you have the power to change them.

Guest Info:

My guest today is Sloane Carlson, a Licensed Professional Counselor with 15 years of clinical experience helping adults break free from anxious attachment, low self-worth, and toxic relationship patterns. She specializes in codependency, narcissistic abuse recovery, generational and relational trauma, and the anxiety and stress that come with navigating it all. Sloane's work is about helping people rebuild trust in themselves and create relationships that actually feel safe, starting with the one you have with yourself. https://beginlifecounseling.com/

Get Monica's Book Betrayed & Stayed: https://a.co/d/0a3EKihT

Work with Monica: https://monicahumpal.com/

Join Monica's Facebook group for betrayed women choosing to stay afterinfidelity: https://www.facebook.com/groups/wiveswhostay

When infidelity enters a marriage, the focus is often on the couple. But what about the children? How does betrayal affect their sense of security, trust, and future relationships?

In this deeply personal episode of Betrayed & Stayed, I'm joined by my daughter, Morgan Daily, a licensed mental health counselor associate and addiction specialist associate. Together, we explore the impact of parental infidelity through the lens of our family's experience and Morgan's professional insights as a therapist.

We discuss what children experience, the emotional wounds they may carry, and how parents can support their healing.

Because when infidelity happens in a marriage, the children have a story, too.

Guest Info:

Morgan Daily is a Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor Associate (LCMHCA) and Licensed Clinical Addiction Specialist Associate (LCASA). She works with adolescents and adults navigating anxiety, depression, trauma, relationship challenges, substance use, and life transitions.

Morgan takes a compassionate, collaborative approach to therapy, helping clients understand the deeper emotional patterns, beliefs, and experiences that influence their relationships and well-being. Her work emphasizes not only developing practical coping skills but also fostering greater self-awareness and lasting change.

She holds a Master's degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from the University of North Carolina at Pembroke and incorporates evidence-based, trauma-informed approaches into her work.

If you are in North Carolina and are looking for a therapist, email Morgan directly at [email protected] - she accepts in person and virtual sessions.

Order Monica's book: betrayedandstayed.com

What is the connection between pornography addiction and infidelity?

For some couples, porn use exists quietly in the background. For others, it becomes part of a much larger pattern of secrecy, sexual disconnection, escalating behavior, and betrayal.

In this episode, I'm joined by porn addiction recovery coach Jeremy Lipkowitz to explore how compulsive pornography use can affect intimacy, sexual expectations, emotional connection, and trust. We also talk about why porn use can sometimes escalate into sexting, paid sexual content, online relationships, or physical affairs.

Jeremy shares what real recovery requires, how someone begins separating fantasy from real-life intimacy, and whether a betrayed partner should ever have to become the one policing devices, behavior, and accountability.

If pornography has been part of your betrayal story, this conversation will help you better understand what may be happening beneath the surface and what genuine recovery can look like.

Guest Information:

Jeremy Lipkowitz is a former Buddhist monk, meditation teacher, and ICF-certified executive coach who helps high-achieving men overcome porn addiction and build lives of discipline and fulfillment. After overcoming his own struggles with addiction and shame in his undergraduate years, he went on to become a genetic researcher in a Duke PhD program. He later left the program to pursue meditation full time, training as a monk in Myanmar. He now runs Unhooked Academy and the Unhooked Podcast, combining mindfulness and neuroscience to help men break free from compulsive behavior.

Coaching: https://unhookedacademy.com/

App: https://unhookedapp.co/

Unhooked Podcast: https://unhooked.buzzsprout.com/

Connect with Monica: monicahumpal.com

Join Monica's Facebook group for betrayed women choosing reconciliation: https://www.facebook.com/groups/wiveswhostay

Buy Monica's book: https://betrayedandstayed.com/

Can a relationship really be better after infidelity?

It's a question that can sound almost impossible, especially when you're still living in the shock, grief, and devastation of betrayal. But for some couples, the relationship they build after an affair becomes more honest, more intentional, and more connected than the one they had before.

In this episode, Monica explores the good, the bad, and the ugly of reconciliation after infidelity. She talks about what "better" actually means, why staying together is not the same as healing, what real change requires from both partners, and why rebuilding isn't about getting your old relationship back.

Drawing from both her personal story and her work with betrayed partners, Monica shares the complicated truth: betrayal itself is never the gift, but what two people choose to build afterward can become something entirely new.

If you're wondering whether trust, intimacy, connection, and even happiness are truly possible after an affair, this episode is for you.

Order Monica's book, "Betrayed & Stayed" - https://betrayedandstayed.com/

Join Monica's private Facebook group for betrayed women: https://www.facebook.com/groups/wiveswhostay

Schedule a free consultation with Monica: https://monicahumpal.com/

After betrayal, physical intimacy can suddenly feel uncomfortable, overwhelming, or completely off the table. You may love your partner and still find that your body wants distance, even when your mind is trying to move toward reconciliation.

In this episode of Betrayed & Stayed, Monica talks with Becky Aste about how the body responds to trauma and infidelity, why desire and physical closeness can change after betrayal, and what those reactions may be trying to communicate. They also explore how couples can begin rebuilding safety, connection, and intimacy without pressure, shame, or forcing the healing process.

If you've wondered why your body seems to be saying "no" after infidelity, this conversation will help you better understand what's happening and how to begin moving forward with compassion and intention.

Work with Monica: https://app.delenta.com/ta/@monicahumpal

Pre-order Monica's book, "Betrayed & Stayed": https://betrayedandstayed.com/

Join Monica's private Facebook Group for Women: https://www.facebook.com/groups/wiveswhostay

About Becky Aste

A few years into my marriage, I found myself separated and on the verge of a divorce I never thought I'd face. I'd done all the 'right' things, the therapy, the books, the communication exercises, but nothing actually changed until I realized the problem wasn't what we were saying to each other. It was what our bodies had never been taught to do: feel safe enough to stay, to trust, to come back together after rupture.

That discovery became the foundation of my work. For the past 15 years, I've coached women through marriage and attachment healing using somatic tools, nervous system regulation, and the kind of body-based work that talk therapy alone often misses.

I created Root to Rise, a 90-day framework that's helped hundreds of women rebuild trust and connection in their marriages, and I host Your Breakthrough Blueprint, a podcast ranked in the top 3% globally.

https://www.idobreakthrough.com/voice

Finding out about an affair is devastating. But for many betrayed partners, the pain doesn't begin or end with Discovery Day.

As you look back, you may realize there were months or even years of lies, emotional distance, blame shifting, gaslighting, criticism, or being made to believe that you were the problem. Suddenly, you're not only trying to heal from infidelity. You're trying to make sense of a period of your life that wasn't what you thought it was.

In this episode of Betrayed & Stayed, we're talking about the often-overlooked part of betrayal trauma: healing from what happened before you knew about the affair.

We'll talk about rebuilding trust in your own instincts, processing the way you were treated during the affair, separating relationship problems from responsibility for betrayal, and learning how to look at your past without allowing the affair to rewrite your entire story.

Because D-Day didn't create the betrayal. It revealed it. And healing isn't only about learning to trust your partner again. It's also about learning to trust yourself.

Work with me: https://monicahumpal.com/appointments/

Join my private facebook group for betrayed women who choose reconciliation: https://www.facebook.com/groups/wiveswhostay

Measuring our own healing after something as devasting at infidelity can be challenging. We often feel "stuck" or as though we are moving a snail's pace. But, the reality is more hopeful than that. I'd like to offer a different way to look at what healing truly looks like from someone who experienced it herself. Take a listen. Work with me: https://monicahumpal.com/appointments/

Private Facebook group for betrayed women choosing reconciliation: https://www.facebook.com/groups/wiveswhostay

Why do betrayed spouses keep asking the same questions after infidelity, even when they already know the answers? In this episode, we explore why repeated questions are a normal response to betrayal trauma and how your brain is often searching for safety, not just information. We discuss why trauma affects memory, the deeper questions hidden beneath the ones we ask out loud, and how to recognize the difference between healthy conversations that promote healing and repetitive questioning that may keep you stuck.

Whether you're the betrayed partner trying to understand your own healing or the unfaithful partner wanting to better support your spouse, this episode offers practical insights into rebuilding trust after infidelity with greater compassion and understanding.

Healing after infidelity isn't just about finding answers. It's about creating enough safety that, over time, the questions begin to change.

Schedule a free consultation with Monica: https://monicahumpal.com/appointments/

Join Monica's community for betrayed women on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/wiveswhostay

How do you know if an unfaithful partner has truly changed?

In this episode, we explore what genuine reconciliation after infidelity actually requires from the unfaithful partner. We discuss the difference between remorse and real transformation, why consistency matters more than grand gestures, how transparency rebuilds trust, and what it takes to create lasting safety after betrayal.

Whether you're the betrayed partner wondering if your spouse is making real progress or the unfaithful partner committed to rebuilding trust, this episode offers practical, honest insights into what healthy reconciliation really looks like.

In this episode:

• Transparency without resentment
• Consistency over intensity
• Emotional stamina during healing
• Understanding betrayal trauma and triggers
• Remorse vs. real transformation
• What lasting change actually looks like after infidelity

Healing after betrayal isn't about becoming perfect. It's about becoming safe, trustworthy, and committed to rebuilding trust one day at a time. Book a free consultation with me

Join my private Facebook group for betrayed women