Call Me Katie

Beyond Difficult (Part 2): When Pursue Meets Withdraw — Attachment, Boundaries & Repair

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In Part 2 of my conversation with Rachel Samson and Dr. Jessie Stern, we explore how these patterns play out in relationships and what to do about them.

 

Inside this episode:

  • Why schemas and coping modes develop in childhood
  • The classic anxious–avoidant pursue/withdraw loop and why it feels so stuck
  • How to recognize flooding and use structured breaks that protect both partners
  • The difference between boundaries and ultimatums (and why social media gets this wrong)
  • Common attachment myths that keep us feeling broken or stuck
  • Why deep listening may be the single most powerful skill for every human relationship

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    Whether you’re in a romantic partnership, parenting, or navigating workplace dynamics, these tools will help you shift from me vs. you into us vs. the problem.

     

    What you’ll learn

    • How avoidant partners shut down to self-protect (and how to reconnect)
    • Why anxious partners amplify pursuit (and how to soothe instead)
    • How to make breaks work instead of backfiring
    • Why healthy relationships do have conflict — but repair faster

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      Resources & tools

      • Free 7 Steps to Effective Breaks guide: https://www.drkatiestirling.com/download-deescalate-tool
        • Free The 4 Horsemen & Their Antidotes ebook:  https://stan.store/drkatiestirling/p/stop-reactive-communication--free-guide
        • Program: Relationship Reset Bootcamp https://www.drkatiestirling.com/course/relationship-reset

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          🔗 Connect with Rachel & Dr. Jessie

          Rachel Samson: @australianpsychologist

          Dr. Jessie Stern: @drjessiestern 

          📖 Get their book Beyond Difficult: https://www.readings.com.au/product/9781923046597/beyond-difficult--jessie-stern-rachel-samson--2025--9781923046597

           

          👩‍⚕️ Connect with Dr. Katie

          Instagram: @drkatiestirling

          YouTube: Call Me Katie Podcast

          Join Katie’s Online Relationship Reset: https://www.drkatiestirling.com/course/relationship-reset

          Website: www.drkatiestirling.com

           

          👉 This is Part 2 of our conversation. Don’t miss Part 1, where we explore how attachment, temperament and neurobiology shape the way we interact in relationships: https://youtu.be/HyqWEyCDorA

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          Call Me KatieBy Dr Katie Stirling