“What should I be looking for?”

Friends ask me. Clients ask me. Even strangers ask—usually after they find out I’m a relational and sex therapist. In a dating culture flooded with advice, checklists, and contradictory “green flags,” it’s easy to lose sight of what actually sustains a relationship beyond the spark.

In this episode of Between Living & Dreaming, Kimmy offers a different way of thinking about compatibility—one rooted not in preferences, but in capacity. Drawing from therapy-room insight and lived experience, she explores why dating feels harder now, and what truly matters if you want something that feels safe, alive, and enduring.

Rather than focusing on surface-level traits, this episode walks through ten relational capacities—from conflict repair and emotional availability to joy, autonomy, and aligned commitment—inviting listeners to reflect on how they show up, not just who they’re drawn to.

Because chemistry may open the door—but capacity is what turns attraction into a home.

This episode is for anyone tired of optimizing for the “right” partner, and ready to build something real, mutual, and sustainable.

Get full access to Between Living & Dreaming at kimmywu.substack.com/subscribe

Get full access to Between Living & Dreaming at kimmywu.substack.com/subscribe