This episode is also available as a blog post: http://fureverbeach.com/2021/08/27/beyond-lady-pandora-episode-8-ending-the-cycle-of-abuse/

In this episode, I cover other occurrences during my first marriage, how important my children were to me, and how I made the mistake of trusting my Mother again. There are certain things that you must understand in order to understand my story. First, that I was raised to hate myself and those I came from, to feel inferior, to fear. Secondly, you must understand that the others in my head feel as if they have always been there and are therefore completely natural to me. Thirdly, I have trouble communicating. I studied communication, I understand it, I speak well and write well yet it as if I speak another language. For example, if I am asked if a pain is shooting or aching, I might not understand. Shooting to me means starting and stopping quickly like shooting a gun, sharp and fast. I may describe a shooting pain as a twinging feeling, like a plucked violin string. Some things I feel are described better by colors, like my pain is bright pink or I am overwhelmed by whooshing. I'm not hearing wind, I mean that is how it feels. The fact that I see and understand things differently than many means that it makes communication difficult and others get frustrated with me. It's just part of who I am.