In this Real Life, Real Work episode, we explore what happens when someone else’s anger or distress activates our own nervous system.

Why do some of us rush to reassure, reframe, fix, or smooth things over the moment emotions get intense? Why can another person’s frustration feel so uncomfortable in our own body?

This episode dives into the connection between nervous system activation, people pleasing, conflict avoidance, and emotional safety. We talk about how early experiences can shape the way we respond to anger, why many of us confuse anger with danger, and how those protective patterns may now interfere with the way we want to show up in our relationships, parenting, leadership, and work.

We also explore:

• the difference between anger and aggression
• co-regulation and how nervous systems affect one another
• why trying to “fix” someone’s emotions can leave them feeling dismissed
• practical ways to stay grounded during difficult conversations
• how to build more tolerance for emotional discomfort
• the role of centering practices, boundaries, and nervous system healing

If you have ever felt responsible for making everyone else okay, this conversation may help you understand why and offer a more grounded way forward.

Because real growth is not learning how to control every emotional moment around you.
It is learning how to stay present without losing yourself inside of it.

This is Real Life, Real Work.

So many of us build lives that look right on paper before we stop and ask ourselves:

But does this actually feel like me?

In this episode, my friend Sarah shares the winding path that took her from psychology student to lawyer to stay-at-home mom to therapist in her 40s.

What I love most about Sarah’s story is that she kept listening to the quiet voice inside her that said:
there is something more true for me than this.

We talk about:
• chasing approval
• success that does not feel aligned
• motherhood and identity
• starting over later in life
• marriage and support
• and the courage it takes to keep becoming yourself

One of my favorite lines from the conversation:

“I wanted to show up in my life as the best version of myself, so I kept digging until I found the thing that felt like... this is the thing.”

I think this episode will resonate deeply with anyone who has ever felt pulled toward a different version of their life.

Listen wherever you get your podcasts.

I went for an early morning walk in Napa and ended up at a literal dead end.

Standing there, I realized something that completely reframed how I think about change, failure, uncertainty, and identity:

I am not the dead end.
The road is.

In this episode, I talk about the years I spent as a supporting character in my own life, what my divorce taught me about agency, grief, and healing, and why I now believe one of the most important skills we can build is the ability to choose again.

I also share honestly about this current season of building my coaching business. The slow burn of it. The doubt. The fear that maybe it will not work. And why I am learning that many things that eventually succeed look flat for a very long time before the curve changes.

This episode is about:

• perceived agency and why it matters for well-being
• learning to trust yourself inside uncertainty
• grief, growth, and rebuilding
• role modeling “main character energy” for our children
• and letting go of the idea that we need to have the next five years figured out

Maybe we only need to decide who we want to be this week.

Content Note

This conversation includes discussion of addiction, alcoholism, recovery, and emotional struggle. Please listen with care if these topics are sensitive for you.Chris made one choice at 22 that changed the trajectory of his life.

What started as a reluctant step into sobriety, without much intention beyond getting help in the moment, became 25 years of choosing differently. Choosing connection. Choosing growth. Choosing to show up.

In this conversation, I sit down with Chris to talk about what it really looks like to build a life one day at a time.

We talk about addiction and recovery, and also what comes after. Fatherhood. Friendship. The humility to keep learning. The discipline of staying grounded in relationships that matter.

Chris is someone who has been all in on his sobriety, his kids, and the people in his life for decades. And he’s also honest about where he’s still growing, especially when it comes to fully showing up in romantic relationships and letting himself be seen.

This is a conversation about the long game. About becoming. About the quiet, daily decisions that shape a life.

And about what’s possible when one choice actually holds.

She built her career by being the one who said yes.

Yes to more responsibility.
Yes to filling gaps.
Yes to doing whatever it took to make things work.

And it worked… until it didn’t.

In this episode, I walk through the moment so many high performers hit but don’t always talk about. When the very traits that made you successful start to burn you out. When caring deeply about quality collides with a system that can’t support it. When you realize you can’t keep doing everything at the level you know it deserves.

This is a conversation about more than workload.

It’s about what happens when success turns into overreliance.
When you become the person who absorbs chaos.
When burnout starts to disconnect you from your why.

And most importantly, it’s about the pivot.

We talk about:

• Why boundaries are professionalism, not rebellion
• How to stop making dysfunction look manageable
• The power of small, in-the-moment resets to calm your nervous system
• How to approach the stay vs leave decision without treating it as permanent
• Why putting timelines on change gives you back control
• And why wanting more money is not greed, it’s clarity

At the center of it all is a deeper truth:

You are not just choosing between jobs.
You are choosing who you are becoming.

This episode explores the idea of possible selves. The versions of you that different environments will shape, support, or slowly drain. And how to decide what will actually feed your energy, your standards, and your future.

If you’ve ever felt like the role that once proved your capability is now costing you something, this episode will meet you there.

Because sometimes growth is not about doing more.

It’s about choosing better.

This episode includes discussion of trauma, sexual assault, self-harm, suicide attempts, and serious illness. Please listen with care.

In this episode, I sit down with Katy to talk about motherhood, family, and the unexpected ways our lives unfold.

What begins as a conversation about her son, Julius, and the way she approaches parenting quickly becomes something much deeper.

Katy shares her story. Growing up feeling like she didn’t belong. Navigating loss, trauma, and carrying more than anyone should have to carry alone at such a young age. And what it has looked like to find her way back to herself, again and again.

We talk about the relationship she has built with her parents over time, the role her friendships have played in her healing, and how becoming a mother has shifted everything.

She shares what it means to listen to her son, to trust him, and to let that relationship guide her in a way that feels both instinctive and intentional.

We also talk about her mom. Who she is, what she means to Katy, and how her family is navigating a diagnosis of aggressive breast cancer with honesty, love, and presence.

Katy and her sister are participating in the Susan G. Komen 3-Day, walking 60 miles to raise awareness and honor their mom.

This conversation is not just about what Katy has been through. It is about who she is. The way she shows up. The way she loves. And the way she is choosing to build something different for her son.

If this episode resonates with you, consider sharing it with someone who might need it, or supporting Katy and her family as they prepare for the walk.

https://www.the3day.org/site/TR?px=8418553&fr_id=2362&pg=personal&s_src=nuclavismobile&s_subsrc=Nucl_iosM_FdrInTkTk

http://facebook.com/donate/2051873045684514/?fundraiser_source=external_url

For anyone impacted by sexual violence, you can reach out to RAINN. They offer a confidential 24/7 hotline and online chat at 800-656-HOPE.

If you are struggling with thoughts of self-harm or suicide, you can contact the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988. They are available anytime.

You don’t have to carry things like this on your own.

And if this episode brought something up for you, consider reaching out to someone you trust, a friend, a therapist, or one of these resources.

What happens when you’ve carried too much for too long?

What does it look like to keep showing up on the outside while everything is unraveling on the inside?

In this deeply honest conversation, I sit down with Evan, a first responder who spent years serving others while privately carrying the cumulative weight of trauma, loss, stress, and emotional numbness.

We talk about the culture of strength and silence, the unseen toll that trauma can take on first responders, and what happens when coping stops working.

Joining us is therapist Alice Vandecaveye, who shares how Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) can help the brain process unresolved trauma and reduce the emotional charge of painful experiences.

Evan shares how EMDR became a turning point in his life, his marriage, and his ability to feel, communicate, and lead again.

This episode is about trauma, healing, resilience, and the truth that asking for help can be one of the strongest things a person does.

Topics discussed include trauma, suicide, alcohol misuse, officer-involved shootings, and mental health.

If you or someone you love works in service, caregiving, emergency response, or carries more than anyone can see, this conversation is for you.

Listener Resources

If anything in this conversation brought something up for you, support is available.

You don’t have to be in crisis to reach out. These are resources for stress, trauma, burnout, or just needing someone to talk to.

National Support (U.S. & Canada)

988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (U.S.)
Call or text 988
24/7 support for emotional distress, suicidal thoughts, or crisis support.

Crisis Text Line
Text HOME to 741741
Free, confidential text-based support, 24/7.

Veterans Crisis Line
Call 988 then press 1 or text 838255
Specialized support for veterans, service members, and families.

Safe Call Now (First Responders & Families)
1-206-459-3020
24/7 confidential support for law enforcement, fire, EMS, dispatch, and families.

CopLine (Law Enforcement Peer Support)
1-800-267-5463
Answered by retired officers trained in crisis support.

Frontline Responder Services
1-866-676-7500
Peer-based crisis support and behavioral health resources for first responders.

National Fallen Firefighters Foundation – Behavioral Health Support
firehero.org
Resources focused on firefighter wellness, grief, and trauma recovery.

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA)
1-800-662-HELP (4357)
Treatment referral and information for mental health and substance use.

First Responder Specific Support

Comparison can quietly erode confidence at work. You start second-guessing yourself, staying quiet in meetings, and assuming everyone else has more to offer. In this episode of Real Talk, Real Work, we unpack how comparison becomes the thief of confidence and how to stop letting it run the show.

We talk about recognizing when you’re stacking the deck against yourself, reframing what makes you different as your unique value, and using comparison in a healthy way that helps you grow instead of shrink. We also explore why leadership doesn’t have to look one way and how some of the most impactful leaders lead through steadiness, curiosity, creativity, and quiet confidence.

If you’ve ever wondered whether you measure up in the room, this episode is for you. Your value may be found in the very things that make you different.

When answers don’t come easily, how do you know when to keep pushing?

In this deeply moving episode, Laurie shares the story of knowing something wasn’t right with her son, Grant, even when symptoms were subtle, tests were normal, and reassurance came from every direction. What began as small concerns slowly built into a years-long journey of appointments, second opinions, self-doubt, persistence, and ultimately the diagnosis no parent expects.

Laurie opens up about trusting her instincts, advocating when no one else could fully see what she saw, and navigating the fear, uncertainty, and emotional weight of fighting for your child.

This conversation is about more than one family’s medical journey. It’s about intuition, resilience, motherhood, partnership, and finding the courage to keep asking questions when the answers aren’t there yet.

If you’ve ever wondered whether to trust that quiet inner knowing, this episode is for you.

What if the moments you feel the most emotional are actually the moments where growth is happening?

In this episode, I share what it’s looked like for me to shift from a definition of growth rooted in learning to one rooted in feeling.

When my son comes home to visit, I want it to feel like pure joy. And part of it does. But there’s also fear, pressure, and emotion tied to a past experience that didn’t go the way I hoped.

For a long time, I judged that. Tried to override it. Told myself I should feel differently.

Now I’m learning to see those moments as a yield sign.

Not something to fix.
Not something to push through.
But an invitation to notice.

We talk about:

• Why emotional growth can feel activating in your body
• How shame shows up when your feelings don’t match what you think they should be
• The pattern of self-blame as a form of control
• And what it looks like to shift from being a fixer to a noticer

This episode is personal. It’s about motherhood, pressure, honesty, and what it really means to “do the work.”

Because growth isn’t always about becoming more.

Sometimes it’s about allowing yourself to feel what’s already there.