John D. Rockefeller built the great Standard Oil empire. He was rich and successful, and not surprisingly, demanded high performance from his company executives.

One day, one of these executives made a two million dollar mistake—a small little error that cost the company two million dollars.

News of this man’s error spread rapidly throughout the executive offices, and they all were scared of Rockefeller’s reaction, and so every executive made himself scarce. They didn’t want to be the one who received the brunt of Rockefeller’s wrath.

But one executive had an appointment already scheduled. He couldn’t cancel it. He couldn’t back out. So when the time came, he squared his shoulders, tightened his belt, took a deep breath, and walked into Rockefeller’s office.

As he approached the oil monarch’s desk, Rockefeller looked up from the piece of paper he was writing on. “I guess you’ve heard about the two million dollar mistake our friend made,” he said abruptly.

“Yes,” said the executive, expecting Rockefeller to explode.

“Well, I’ve been sitting here listing all of our friend’s good qualities on this sheet of paper, and I’ve discovered that in the past, he has made this company many more times the amount of money he lost today in his mistake. His good points far outweigh this one human error. So I think we ought to forgive him, don’t you?”[1]

And that is what happened, the man who made the mistake was forgiven two million dollars.

Now that’s a true story. But let’s go a bit further. Let us imagine that this man who made the mistake went home that day, and discovered while going through his paperwork that a neighbor friend of his had forgotten to pay him one thousand dollars.

So he calls the friend and demands the thousand dollars immediately. Well, the neighbor had just had some medical problems, and lost his job, and didn’t have the money. This enraged the executive, so he decided to sue the man for the money, and that is what he did.

Now let’s say that Rockefeller heard what his executive had done. What do you think Rockefeller would do?

We can be certain that he would call this executive into his office, and say something to him along the lines of, “You wicked man! I forgave you the two million dollar mistake that you made, and yet you would not forgive a man one thousand dollars who wasn’t able to pay it back to you. For that, I will now force you to pay back to me the two million dollars which you owe me.”

Does this story sound familiar to you? It should. It comes straight out of Matthew 18 and Jesus’ instruction regarding forgiveness. And Jesus says there that if we do not forgive others when they sin against us, we will not be forgiven when we sin against God.

In the past couple of weeks, we have been looking at the final section of Ephesians 4, and we have seen four sins which are particularly deadly in the life of the Christian.

We looked at lying, anger, stealing and corrupt speech. All of these hinder our love, our fellowship, and our relationships. But Paul is not done. He has one more issue to deal with in Ephesians 4:31-32. And it is a wonderful item to end this list with.

In Ephesians 4:29-30, Paul wrote against the sin of speaking evil. Ephesians 4:31 is still about the sin of speaking evil, but Paul transitions to a different topic. So Ephesians 4:31 a hinge verse. Though Paul is still warning against the sins of the tongue, he has specific types of evil speaking in mind, namely, malice and bitterness toward others. He is going to show that instead of speaking with bitterness, it is better to forgive others.

As with the previous four sins, this fifth prohibition against sin follows the same pattern. There is first a negative command to not sin. This is found in Ephesians 4:31, where we are told to not speak with bitterness and malice. Then there is a positive command in Ephesians 4:32a, which is to be forgiving instead. Then Paul provides the motivation in Ephesians 4:32b, which is that we should forgive because we have been forgiven by God in Jesus Christ.

Let us begin with the negative command in Ephesians 4:31.

Ephesians 4:31. Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice.

Paul lists several aspects of bitterness here. First, he lists bitterness itself. Bitterness is spite that keeps a record of wrongs and develops a general attitude of resentment. Bitterness is revealed in jealous anger, and sarcastic, biting remarks about other people. Do you have lists of wrong things people have done to you or said to you? If so, you are bitter and need to confess this before God.

Then he mentions wrath. The word here is thumon. It’s a stirring of the emotions which ultimately results in a verbal explosion. Wrath is sort of the inward feeling of wanting revenge on someone.

Anger is similar, but tends to be more active and outward. We saw the dangerous results of anger previously when we looked at Ephesians 4:26-27. James also talks about the disastrous results of anger in James 4:1-2, saying that it results in murder.

Then clamor. This is just pure noise. Some people talk, not because they have anything to say, but because they simply like to talk. This is meaningless talk. These people would do well to remember an old proverb that says, “It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to open one’s mouth and remove all doubt.” It has also been said that “There are two kinds of people who don’t say much: Those who are quiet … and those who talk a lot.” That’s clamor.

Clamor also refers to people who resort to raising their voices and shouting and screaming at each other when in a disagreement. Raising your voice always causes more problems in an argument.

Next, evil speaking. The Greek word used here is blasphamia. It is where we get our word blasphemy. Did you know that you could blaspheme another person? We often think that we can only blaspheme God, but we blaspheme others whenever we talk negatively about them, or say evil things about them. This word can also be translated as slander, and we maybe could include all forms of gossip here. Gossip is when you say something about another person—even if it’s true—with the end result that it tears them down in the eyes and minds of other people.

We often hide gossip under a mask by saying things like, “I think we should pray for so and so, because he did this or she said that.” Or, we might call someone and say, “I need to ask your advice about how to handle this certain person who did this or said that.”

Gossip and slander tear down unity and love faster than anything else, and they must be rooted out of our lives. Paul says here that such things are evil speaking, blasphemous.

Finally, in verse 31, Paul mentions malice. The Greek word is kakia, and means hateful feelings, trouble, worry. You will notice that Paul puts malice in a special position, and connects it with the rest of the words by using the preposition with. What he is saying is that malice is the source from which those other kinds of negative talk flow.

Malice is the fountain head from which evil speaking flows. When you speak with bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor or slander about another person, it is because of malice within your heart. Not love.

Now those are the ones Paul lists here, and all of them are serious roadblocks to fellowship, unity and love within the church.

All of these are indications of bitterness, malice, and hatred toward others. All of these types of attitudes toward others fail to edify and encourage others, and therefore tear down the body of Christ rather than build it up. All of these, according to Ephesians 4:31 need to be put away from you. This is an imperative in the Greek. It’s not optional, it’s a command.

So that’s the negative command. The positive command is found in the first part of Ephesians 4:32. Rather than be full of bitterness and malice toward others, we must forgive them instead.

Ephesians 4:32a. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another …

In this verse, Paul uses three phrases to describe forgiveness.

He first says be kind to one another.

The word Paul uses here is chre­stos, and because the Greek word for Christ is Christos, Christians from the very beginning saw its appropriateness.[2] To be kind, chrestos, to others is to treat others as Christ would treat them.

This word is also used in 1 Corinthians 13:4 as one of the ways love revels itself. Love is kind.

It is a word in Romans 2:4 concerning the patience, goodness and kindness God has toward us so that we will turn to Him.

Kindness is one of the fruits of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22.

And kindness is what God will show to us for an eternity in heaven. We saw this back in Ephesians 2:7.

Sometimes, we only want to be kind toward those who are kind to us. But again, this same exact word is the word Jesus uses in Luke 6:35 for how God treats the ungrateful and the wicked. He is kind toward them, even though they are in rebellion against Him and are therefore His enemies.

We are not simply to be kind toward those we like, but even kind toward our enemies. Even toward those we don’t like.

The second phrase is tenderhearted. This word is used only here and in 1 Peter 3:8. The word comes from two Greek words, eu, which means good, and splagchnos, which means affection—or bowels, intestines.

Greek people thought that the bowels were the seat of emotions. We talk about emotions like love coming from the heart, but the Greeks said they came from the stomach—or the splagchnos—the bowels. The prophet Jeremiah cries out in Jeremiah 4:19, “My bowels, my bowels!” Today, we would say, “Oh my aching heart!”

So although our version here reads, tenderhearted, they would have understood it to be tenderboweled.

Now personally, I would rather be tenderhearted, than tenderboweled. The thought of being tenderboweled raises the image of spending a lot of time in the bathroom … but that’s what the word really means. However, since we today think about emotions coming from the heart, it is fine for our Bibles to use the word tenderhearted instead.

Regardless, the point is clear. Paul wants his readers to have concern and consideration for others. To care about the needs and desires of others, more than they care for themselves.[3] Those who are tenderhearted look out for the needs of others.

And one of those needs, according to the next phrase in Ephesians 4:32 is forgiveness.

As I have frequently mentioned before, there are two words in the Bible for forgiveness. The first is aphiemi. It is a conditional type of forgiveness, which requires various steps and actions. It might be better translated as “release.”

The second type of forgiveness is charizomai. It comes from the root word charis, which is the word for grace, and so charizomai means to deal graciously with someone, to give freely. This type of forgiveness if freely offered by God to all people for all their sins, past, present, and future. There are no conditions of any kind for this type of forgiveness. This kind of forgiveness could be defined as graciously overlooking or letting go of an offense.

What type of forgiveness is Paul referring to here? It is the second type, charizomai forgiveness.

And this type of forgiveness doesn’t just come from God. As Paul indicates here, we are to extend this free, unconditional forgiveness toward others as well. Why? Because it is important for unity and love in the family of God. We are told in 2 Corinthians 2:10-11 that a lack of forgiveness allows the devil a foothold in our relationships.

If we fail to forgive someone, or refuse to forgive them, it becomes a wedge in the relationship which just serves to drive you further apart. Where there is no forgiveness there is resentment and animosity.

When there is disagreement, the ball is in your court. True forgiveness is not saying, “Well, I’ll forgive them if they say they’re sorry first.” No, charizomai is freely given forgiveness. You take the first step as God did for us. There are no strings attached, no conditions, no requirements. We are to forgive the other person even if they never ask for it, even if they keep sinning against us, and even if they never change their behavior or recognize that what they are doing is wrong.

Paul commands us here to completely and freely forgive one another. Rather than have malice, anger, and bitterness toward others, we are to freely forgive them.

So that’s the command. Now we come to the motivation. You should forgive, because God forgave you.

Ephesians 4:32b. … even as God in Christ forgave you.

There are generally two types of people in the world when it comes to being forgiven. First are those who don’t think they need to be forgiven.

This first type, when they read this verse, see the word “you” but immediately think of other people. When they first read this verse, the idea that immediately pops into their mind is, “Wow. God’s grace is so great, it could have covered over the vast multitude of sins of a man like my neighbor.”

Do you see how easy and subtle that is? The text says, even as God in Christ forgave you, and some people read, even as God in Christ forgave everybody else.

No, the point is YOU. ME. I. You see, some of us think that everybody else is a pretty bad person and needs forgiveness, but not me. Yeah, sure, we’ve done a few things bad, but what about that man down the street. Watch out for him! Forgiving him would really crack the bank.

We are all experts at judging others, but blind when it comes to judging ourselves.

We see people live so foolishly, we wonder if they have any brains. We see all the faults of other people. All of their sins. All of their shortcomings. All of their failures. All of their bad attitudes and improper motives.

And God sees all of this as well. But He sees something more. He sees a person we never see.

And that person is ourselves.

Most people think they know themselves pretty well, but the truth is that we are mostly blind to our own faults and shortcomings. Most of us are mostly ignorant of our true nature and character. We are blind to our pride and our arrogance.

In the TV Series, “The Crown,” which is based on the early years of Queen Elizabeth’s reign, there is an episode (Season 1 Episode 9, “Assassins”) where Winston Churchill is having his portrait painted by Graham Sutherland. They have a discussion about whether the portrait will be true to life or hide some of the details of Churchill’s age and weight. After Sutherland begins painting, they have this exchange:

Churchill: Am I to be allowed a peek?

Sutherland: No.

Churchill: Well, why not? I could give you advice. After all, I know this face better than you do. If you’ve made the neck too thick or the arms too long, I can tell you.

Sutherland: I find in general people have very little understanding of who they are. One has to turn a blind eye to so much of oneself in order to get through life.

Sutherland is exactly right. We think we know ourselves, but we are actually the one person we are most ignorant about. The psychologist Carl Jung said that the most important purpose we have in life is to get to know ourselves. And most people know far less about themselves than they think.

Jung pointed out that all of us have a shadow side that we hide and ignore. We don’t want others to see and we refuse to look at it ourselves. Jung taught that we cannot become a complete person, we cannot become who we are meant to be, unless we see our shadow, understand it, and integrate it into our life.

He said that all the negative traits that appear in our life are indications of where our shadow is controlling us without our knowledge. Anger, jealousy, bitterness, wrath, malice, all the things that Pual mentions here in Ephesians 4:31-32, are part of our hidden interior that need to be recognized and dealt with.

The problem, said Jung, is that most of us try to deal with these negative traits by shoving them down deeper. By trying to control them and hide them. But that never works. He said that we need to bring these things to the surface, bring them up to our attention, and then integrate them in our life by redirecting the negative traits toward something positive.

Jealousy can lead us to a greater drive to work hard.

Anger and wrath can be channeled into passion for a cause or to change something wrong with the world.

Fear can lead us to prudence and making wise choices.

We should stop trying to eliminate our flaws, and instead work to transform, redirect, and integrate them into who God made us to be.

Now, regardless of what you think about Carl Jung, he was simply saying what Paul is already teaching here. All of us have negative traits, and we need to recognize those traits and … forgive them! Accept them as part of us! Only in this way can we redirect those negative traits toward something positive.

It’s not good enough to say, in some general, vague sort of way, “Oh, I know I have my faults too.” We all are fatally flawed and have traits that destroy our fellowship with God and are foolishness in the eyes of men. We are most often ignorant about them.

“But,” you say, “If that’s true, how come nobody has ever told me?” Believe me, they have tried. They have tried over and over again, but you just couldn’t take it. Perhaps a great deal of what you call “nagging” or “bad temper” is really their efforts to make you see the truth.

So we must learn to see ourselves as God sees us … but before we can do that, we must first come to recognize that even though God sees our true selves, He continues to forgive us for all our faults. Only when we come to understand that we are fully and completely forgiven will we have the courage to allow God to reveal our true selves to us.

And then once we allow Him to reveal ourselves to ourselves, and we see how much He has forgiven us for, it is then that we find the freedom to forgive others also, as we have been forgiven.

So God sees everything negative we see in other people, and He sees everything negative in us which we do not see. Yet He loves us still. He goes on loving. He goes on forgiving.[4] We will not personally realize this forgiveness until we see that we too are sinners and in need of the forgiveness of God.

Now, there are some people who do recognize how much they need to be forgiven. Not all people are completely blind to their own faults and failures. Some realize how truly sinful and wretched they are. But the danger here is that these people often think that they are so bad, nobody—let alone God—could ever forgive them. When they hear this verse, and it says, even as God in Christ forgave you, they think, “No, you don’t know what I’ve done. God could never forgive me.”

These types of people try to live a good life so they can “work off” their guilt. I don’t know if you’ve seen the movie called “The Mission” but the main character is of this sort. He is involved in the South American slaving business, but after a while realizes the wretchedness of such a trade, and so he becomes a priest and tries to work off his guilt.

Now in one sense, such work does make you feel better, but in all honesty, most of these kinds of people can never shake the guilt. Sometimes the guilt gets so bad, it causes severe depression and mental anguish so that the people get put into psychiatric wards.

Karl Menninger, the famous psychiatrist, says that if he could convince the patients in his psychiatric hospitals that their sins are forgiven, 75 percent of them could walk out the next day.[5]

Some people, although forgiven, cannot forgive themselves or believe that they have been forgiven.

They need to be shown the vast and eternal forgiveness and grace of God as presented in God’s Word. They need to be shown that although they have sinned, the penalty has already been paid for them on the cross of Christ.

God has forgiven you. If you don’t think you are a sinner, or have done anything really bad, ask God to show you how sinful you really are. It will send you to your knees. Or, on the other hand, if you know how sinful you are, but don’t believe God could ever forgive you, ask God to reveal to you the depth and length of His love and mercy toward you. God has forgiven you.

That is what the text says. Even as God in Christ forgave you.

Notice that it doesn’t simply say “God forgave you” but rather, God in Christ forgave you.

Some people think this means that God could not have forgiven us unless Jesus died on the cross. In other words, some people teach that God wanted to forgive us, but He first needed to be paid for the sins of the world, which is what Jesus accomplished through His death on the cross, so that now God can forgive us.

But think about what this view is saying. It is saying that God doesn’t actually forgive at all … instead, He gets paid off.

If you have a car loan or a house mortgage, and you send in your final payment to the bank, are they then going to send you a letter which says, “Congratulations! We have just forgiven your loan!” No. They did not forgive your loan; they got paid. Once the debt is paid off, forgiveness is no longer an option.

So you see, forgiveness and the payment of a debt are mutually exclusive. One can either forgive a debt or be paid for a debt, but you cannot do both. It’s the same with God. God can either forgive us for our sins, or He can be paid off for our debt of sins. But He cannot do both.

Scripture reveals that He did the former. He freely forgives us for our sins. He does not get paid off by the death of Jesus. The blood of Jesus does not buy forgiveness of sins from God, because forgiveness of a debt, by definition, cannot be bought.

So when Paul writes that God forgave us in Christ, what does He mean? He means that in Jesus Christ, we were shown how God freely forgives us for all our sins. How do we see this?

Jesus came as the incarnate son of God. He was God in the flesh. And He did no wrong. He committed no sins. He lived a perfect life, and did not thing that deserved punishment or death. But we took Him, condemned Him, and killed Him anyway. We murdered God.

But on the cross, what did Jesus say? He said, “Father, forgiven them, for they know not what they do.”

In this way, Jesus revealed what God has always been doing. Just as Jesus freely forgave us from the cross, so also, God has always been freely forgiving us from heaven. Since Jesus perfectly reveals God to us, and since Jesus freely forgives us when we are committing the worst sin possible, we know that God freely forgives us of all our sins as well.

God forgives all the sins of all people. That’s how great and vast the forgiveness of God is. (Yes, I am aware of the unpardonable sin in Matthew 12:31-32, and have written a book on the topic. What is most important about that text, however, is that the forgiveness in view in Matthew 12 is the aphesis forgiveness; not charizomai. My book explains why this is significant.)

But if God freely forgives all the sins of all people, does that mean that everybody has eternal life?

No. Why not? Because eternal life is not given simply because someone has been forgiven for all their sins. Eternal life is not received when a person has their sins forgiven. Eternal life is received when a person gain the righteousness of God. There is a difference between having your sins wiped away and gaining the positive righteousness of God. To gain eternal life, we need more than just forgiveness; we need the life of God in us.[6]

But how do we get that?

By faith in Jesus Christ. When we believe in Jesus for eternal life, we are justified. That is, we are “declared righteous” by God. Before, we were only forgiven. Through faith, we are declared righteous and fit for entrance into heaven.

Have you believed in Jesus Christ for eternal life? Nothing you can do can get God to bring you to heaven. You cannot work hard enough. You cannot do enough good.

It is simply faith alone that will give the necessary righteousness for eternal life and entrance into heaven.

But that is not where we should stop, as we are seeing today in Ephesians 4:32. There is more to life than getting to heaven. There are relationships. Relationships with God and with one another.

And Paul is telling us today that a lack of forgiveness in the life of the Christian will damage those relationships.

Look at it this way. We are all sinners. Each one of us struggles in different ways with different things. One person may struggle with anger. Another with stealing. Another with lying. Another with controlling their tongue.

One person may have difficulty with lust – their thought life. That’s not a problem for someone else, but maybe they are tempted by drunkenness.

All of us need to realize that we all struggle with different things, and what I struggle with may not be the least bit tempting for you and vice-versa. Therefore, we need to show a little grace and kindness and forgiveness toward one another.

God did not wait until we had our act cleaned up before He forgave us and decided to love us. He loved us while we were still sinners. While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. And He continues to forgive us, because none of us are without sin.

This is our example to follow. We have been forgiven much by God. Therefore, when someone sins against us, it is a small matter for us to forgive them.

Now let me say three things in closing about forgiveness.

Sometimes, forgiveness comes around to haunt us. It seems like those we forgive just keep taking advantage of us. The person keeps failing, and we keep forgiving. So some people have a forgiveness limit. They say things like, “Well, OK, I’ll forgive you this once, but don’t do that again.”

Two little boys named Charles and James got into a fight. Charles ended up hitting James on the head with a stick, and when their mom came to sort it all out, she told Charles to apologize to James and told James to forgive Charles.

Charles apologized and asked for forgiveness, but James said, “Oh alright. I’ll forgive you tonight, but you’d better watch out in the morning!”[7]

That’s not true forgiveness. But that is the kind of forgiveness some people have. I’ll forgive you this once, but you better watch out.

Some people have a “three strikes and you’re out” mentality. The Pharisees in Jesus day were of this sort. They taught that if a person kept sinning against you, or failing you, you only had to forgive them three times.

But then the apostle Peter came along. And he wanted to be super spiritual, so he took those three times that the Pharisees taught, multiplied it by two, and then added one more for good measure. He went to Christ and said, “How many times should I forgive my neighbor, seven times?”

But Jesus said, “No. Not seven, but seventy times seven.” Now, some people multiply that out, and so “Oh, ok, so I only have to forgive them 490 times” but that’s not the point Jesus was making. He was saying, let your forgiveness be unlimited. Counting how many times you forgive someone is not genuine forgiveness.

But there’s balance here. While your forgiveness can be unlimited, God did give us wisdom and common sense. Which brings us to the second miscellaneous point about forgiveness.

Some try to include the idea of forgetting with forgiveness. They says, “Forgive and forget.” I used to do that as well. I used to look at verses like Psalm 103:12 which says he has removed our sin as far from us as the east is from the west and Hebrews 10:17 where it says God remembers our sins no more, and say, “See? True forgiveness forgets.”

But I don’t think my understanding of these verse was correct, and so neither was my application. Psalm 103:12 says nothing more than that he removes our sin from us. It doesn’t say anything about Him forgetting our sin.

And Hebrews 10:17, in context, is saying that in regard to our salvation, our sins are no longer an issue with God. Though we may forgive others and be forgiven, there are still consequences and results of sin.[8]

If someone borrows some money from you, and they squander it, and then are not able to pay you back, that may be an opportunity to forgive them. But forgiveness does not mean that you must give them money the next time they ask for some.

Sin has consequences even though it has been forgiven. Forgiveness does not include enabling the sin to continue. People have character flaws and the purpose of forgiveness is to help them work to improve their character in an atmosphere of love and kindness, not to enable them to continue in their sinful habits.

A Christian man I know owned a business, and he discovered that one of his employees was embezzling thousands of dollars. Did he forgive the man? Yes. But he didn’t forget and he didn’t keep the man as an employee. That would have been foolish.

You see, there are consequences to sin, and forgiveness does not always mean the removal of consequences. Let me give you some other examples.

It is unwise to have a child molester work with children, even though you forgive him. Parents, if your children have a habit of lying to you, you may continue to forgive them, but you will withhold privileges until they show themselves to be trustworthy.

Forgiveness does not always include forgetting. The balance in this is that true forgiveness does forget in the sense that it does not always drag up the past to throw it in someone’s face.

This is key to being a forgiving person.

A man was complaining to his friend that whenever he gets into an argument with his wife, she gets historical.

His fried tried to correct him, “You mean hysterical, don’t you?”

“No,” he said, “I mean historical. She always brings up my past mistakes.”

That is not forgiveness. Forgiveness does not throw the past in people’s faces. It means letting go of the offense, not carrying around a grudge, but also learning from those mistakes so that you do not enable a person to sin further in the future.

So, while there is a sense in which we should forgive and forget, we must not allow our forgetting to cause us to make foolish decisions in the future.

Finally, something should be said about the various texts in Scripture which indicate that we will not be forgiven by God if we don’t forgive others. Matthew 18:35 is one such text. Jesus tells a parable about a man who was forgiven much, and when he did not forgive someone else, the forgiveness that had been offered to him was taken back. Some say that if you don’t forgive, this proves you never had eternal life to begin with.[9]

The key to these sorts of texts is to recognize that they refer to aphesis forgiveness. The conditional forgiveness which gives us release from our addiction and bondage to sin. We can be freely forgiven by God, but still struggle with sin in our lives.

Passages like Matthew 18 (cf. also Matt. 6:12), are not about whether or not we have eternal life and go to heaven when die. Instead, they are about how to have good relationships with people here and now, while on this earth. If you want to have good relationships with other people, you need to own up to your mistakes and ask for forgiveness, while also forgiving others when they ask it of you.

As long as we harbor unforgiveness in our hearts toward others, we will live in bitterness and malice toward others, which hurts and harms us more than it hurts and harms them.

So this brings us full circle back to what Paul is writing here in Ephesians 4. It’s all about love and unity in the church, and if we live with anger, wrath, malice, and bitterness toward others, the church will never be a safe place of harmony and love.

To create the freedom and unity that Jesus wants and desires for us, we must first of all freely forgive others, and this will allow us to break free from the chains of bitterness that hold us back and keep us separated and divided from others.

Don’t let a lack of forgiveness get in the way of all that God wants you to know and experience. Forgive one another, just as God in Christ forgave you.

Do you want to be a forgiving person? If so, remember how much Jesus Christ has forgiven you. And then, stop focusing on the faults of others. Whenever thoughts about the sins of others come into your mind, simply push them away, and think on one’s own faults instead.

For it is there alone that you can make a difference. Of all the sinful people you interact with on a daily basis, there is only one whom you can improve very much.[10] Do you want to be forgiven? Then forgive as God has forgiven you. It is then that we will become like God. As someone once said, “We are most like beasts when we kill. We are most like men when we judge. We are most like God when we forgive.”[11]

In this section of Ephesians, Paul has listed five specific issues and sins that destroy our fellowship with God and with other people. Paul did not list these so that we can point the finger at other people and judge or condemn them for their faults and failures. No, Paul wrote these so that each of us can take a good look into our own hearts to see where we fall short and where we have these problems in our own life.

Where and how do you lie?

What are ways that anger gets the best of you?

How do you steal from others and take what doesn’t belong to you?

Who do you talk negatively about?

What are you bitter about?

Don’t try to hide these failings from yourself. Don’t try to ignore them or push them down. Bring them to the surface. Recognize that you have them. Own up to the. Admit, agree, confess that you have them.

And then forgive yourself. Learning to forgive, just as God in Christ has forgiven you, is the only way to liberate and free yourself from these damaging and destructive behaviors that control you. Acceptance and forgiveness will also help you redirect these behaviors into healthy and beneficial ways.

Elara had always been a people-pleaser, eager to fit into her family’s expectations and societal norms. She pursued a career path chosen more for its security than her passion, and her social life revolved around maintaining harmony, often at the expense of her own desires.

She read her Bible. She prayed. She tried to follow God and do what was right.

However, a nagging feeling of dissatisfaction began to grow within her. She had a longing for something more, a sense of purpose and meaning. She started to feel jealous that even though she worked so hard, other people seemed to get what she wanted and worked for, but they did it with far less work and effort.

She found that often, when she was stressed or tired, she would have outbursts of anger and frustration and her family or coworkers.

Occasionally, she found that she was binge-eating as a way to feel better about life and the hand she had been dealt. But as she gained weight, she started to criticize those who were heavier than her for having less self-control than her, but she also criticized those who were more fit than her because they were not really enjoying the good things in life and wasted all their time in the gym.

She also found herself buying more clothing and jewelry than she needed. And she started to feel dissatisfied with her car, and her house, and the fact that she couldn’t go on very many vacations. It was frustrating that she worked so hard but couldn’t buy everything she wanted.

Sometimes she would recognize that these traits were hurtful. Her greed and jealousy and anger caused life to lose some joy and damaged some of her relationships. So she tried to stifle the emotions and feelings and push them down deeper inside her and not let them out.

But the more she did this, the worse they became.

One day, Elara decided to try something different. She realized she was not becoming a better person, but bitter. The more she tried to control her negative traits, the more they controlled her. So she stopped fighting them. She embraced them. She recognized them for what they were.

Elara began journaling, reflecting on her thoughts and feelings. She started to uncover hidden aspects of herself, including creative passions she had suppressed and a desire to challenge beliefs she had previously accepted without question, including several beliefs about God and the Bible.

She gradually learned to embrace parts of herself she had previously deemed “bad” or “unworthy.” She forgave herself and accepted herself for who she was. Through this challenging but transformative process, she integrated these aspects into herself. And slowly, life began to regain its color, joy, and peacefulness. The negative traits that used to pull her down were transformed and redeemed into traits that spurred her on, inspired her, lifted her up, and encouraged and supported others.

She began making choices that aligned with her values and interests, rather than seeking external validation. She explored new hobbies, pursued a different career path that resonated with her, and nurtured authentic connections with others.

Through this process, Elara didn’t become a different person, but rather, she uncovered her true essence and learned to live authentically. She found a deeper sense of self-acceptance and purpose, living a life that was true to her core essence.

And it all began with self-knowledge and forgiveness. Know yourself and forgive yourself, just as you are fully known and fully forgiven by God. Only then will you enter into the life God has for you.

[1] Dale Galloway, You Can Win With Love.

[2] Stott, 190.

[3] Remember, hard-heartedness is the way we once were – in the old self, being past feeling (4:19).

[4] C.S. Lewis, 142-154.

[5] Michael Green, Illustrations for Biblical Preaching, #524.

[6] Zane Hodges, Harmony With God, (Dallas: Redencion Viva, 2001), 67-69.

[7] 1001 Humorous Illustrations, #385.

[8] Bob Wilkin, “An Enormous Debt Forgiven: Parts 1 and 2” Grace In Focus Newsletter, Jan/Feb, May/June 2002 newsletters. See also, Robertson McQuilkin, Two Sides of Forgiveness, in Nelson’s book of Illustrations, p. 317. See also Snodgrass, 264-265.

[9] cf. Robert H. Mounce, Matthew, NIBC (Peabody, MA: Hendrickson, 1991), 178.

[10] C.S. Lewis, 154.

[11] William Arthur Ward, Thoughts of a Christian Optimist.

How do people who ride horses control such a huge, strong animal? That’s right—with a bit.

How does a single man in the bridge of a boat control the boat and where it goes? That’s right—with a rudder. Though the ship is large and though there are fierce winds, ships are turned by a very small rudder to go wherever the captain desires.

How does a huge forest fire get started? That’s right, with one careless spark. One careless match, and thousands of acres go up in smoke.

Humanity has accomplished some great and wondrous things. We have tamed some of the fiercest and terrifying animals on the face of the earth.

We have understood and controlled the qualities of metal and rock in order to build huge skyscrapers and span large rivers with bridges.

We have even learned how to defy the laws of gravity so that we can fly by controlling the laws of aerodynamics and combustion.

Man had achieved some amazing things. There are many animals and natural laws and elements of the earth that we have learned to control.

But there is one thing which very few learn to control. In fact, some have even gone so far as to say that if you can control this item, you are perfect. If you can tame this object, you have done more than any man or woman before you.

What is this object? Well, some of you know. Everything I have just said today comes straight out of James 3. The object in question is the tongue.

There we are told, along with what I have already said, that the tongue is a world of evil among the parts of the body. It sets the whole body on fire and is itself set on fire by hell. Only a man who is perfect is able to completely control his tongue. In other words, only Jesus has been able to completely control His tongue.

But this does not mean we should not try. In Matthew 7:15-20, Jesus says that the fruit of Christ-like living is Christ-like words. As Christians, we are to be like Christ. That is what our name means. And since Jesus was able to control His tongue, and control what He said, we must try to do the same.

In the passage before us today, Ephesians 4:29-30, Paul tells us to do just that. He tells us to watch what we say. To control our tongue. To keep from speaking evil.

As we work our way through the book of Ephesians, we are in a paragraph where Paul deals with five deadly sins for the life and health of any church. We have already learned about the dangers of lying, anger, and stealing, today we look at the fourth sin—speaking evil words.

The Bible frequently talks about the power of our words. This power of speech has the ability to create or destroy. To build up or tear down. Proverbs 18:21 says that the power of life and death are in the tongue. Therefore, we need to be very careful what we say, and how we say it. In Proverbs 13:3, we are told that the one who watches his mouth closely, saves his life, but the one who opens wide his lips goes toward destruction.

That is what Paul tells us today in Ephesians 4:29-30.

Ephesians 4:29-30. Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good, for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.

In Ephesians 4:29-30, just like the other sins, Paul gives a negative command against the sin, a positive command to replace the sin with, and then a reason why we should obey.

So let’s begin with Ephesians 4:29, and the negative command.

Paul begins by giving the negative command: let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth.

A corrupt word is anything that is not glorifying to God. It is in the singular here, so we should not let even one bad word proceed from your mouth. The word used for corrupt is sapros, and means unwholesome, or rotten.

In Matthew 7, it is used of rotten, or bad fruit. Have you ever cut open an apple only to find it full of worms? That is the idea here. When I was younger, my mother bought a few boxes of Macintosh apples from one of the roadside fruit vendors that you see this time of year.

We had ten kids in our family, and she thought we could eat a few boxes of apples. Well, we did alright on one, but then became tired of eating apples, and we forgot about them down in the basement. A few months later, when cleaning the basement, we came across that box of apples, and you guessed it—they were covered in mold, some of the rotting juices and seeped through the bottom of the box and were making a little puddle on the concrete floor. They were rotten—sapros.

This word sapros is also used in Matthew 13:48 for bad fish. Have you ever smelled a rotting fish? I was watching a Discovery channel special this past week about shipwreck salvage crews. One ship, in a storm, had become beached, and sat there for several months before the salvage crew was able to come and get it off the shore.

To aid them in this, they had to make the ship as light as possible. When they opened up the holding tanks of the ship—which happened to be a cod fishing boat—they discovered hundreds of thousands of pounds of stinking, rotting cod. Now smells are not something you can see, but as I was watching the show, the look of pure pain the crossed the salvage crew’s faces, the gagging, the watery eyes, the covering the mouth and nose with shirt sleeves—all showed me how much those fish stank. That is sapros.

Bad language is called foul language for a reason. It stinks up the air. It pollutes the environment. My family and I went camping a while back at a local lake. We were sitting there on the shore, enjoying a sunset in the quiet evening hours, when along comes two teenage boys in a slow moving rubber raft, and every other word out of their mouth was some sort of expletive. It was worse than many R-rated movies. It was terrible. It ruined the whole atmosphere. It was sapros.

I read a story of an old Christian man who went to a barber shop which he had never been to before to get a haircut. You know how barbers are, they talk about everything and anything, and seem to have strong opinions about it all. Well this barber was no different except that he had a foul mouth as well. Finally, about half way through the haircut, this old Christian man turned to the barber, pointed at his own ear, and said, “Does this look like a sewer to you?” The rest of the haircut was done in silence. Sapros.

How many of you like to have bad breath? I hate bad breath. But many people, who also hate bad breath, don’t seem to care how they foul the air with their words. When you allow foul language and cursing to pass through your lips, you are emitting a stench worse than bad breath, because it is foul to the ears and to the mind.

The Bible tells us that our prayers are like sweet smelling incense to God (Rev 5:8), but when we use our mouths poorly, they are foul. Foul language, corrupt speech. Paul says don’t let it proceed from your mouth.

But when it comes to foul speech, what does Paul have in mind? What exactly is sapros speech?

Many Christians are very watchful about not saying any bad words. You know, the four-letter words which are impolite. The coarse words which we often hear on movies and TV shows and in some public conversations. But these are not the only types of sapros speaking. In fact, such coarse language is not even the worst kind of language.

As you read Scripture, the words which are the most evil, the most destructive and damaging, are the words that tear other people down. We Christians are often quite attentive to not saying four-letter bad word words, but then turn around and speak the truly bad words of gossip, slander, blame, accusation, undercutting, spreading rumors, and talking negatively about other people.

Truly corrupt talk is not so much when you “curse like a sailor” but when you talk about other people in a way that tears them down in the minds of those who hear you. I encourage you, when you open your mouth, don’t be as concerned about the four-letter words escaping your lips as you are about the corrupt words that spread slander and gossip about other people.

We know that this is the type of language that Paul is most concerned with, because of the positive command he writes in the second half of Ephesians 4:29.

So the negative command in the first part of Ephesians 4:29 is to stop speaking what is corrupt, to keep ourselves from speaking what is evil. Instead, in the next part of Ephesians 4:29, we need to exchange our corrupt speech with good speech that is edifying.

The positive command in verse 29 is to speak what is good. The word used here for good is agathos. It is used in the accounts of the Rich Young Ruler (Matt 19:17; Mark 10:18; Luke 18:19) to refer to God. Jesus tells the rich young ruler that no one is good, agothos, but God alone.

So how do you know when you are speaking what is good—what is agathos? Well, ask yourself—is what I am saying something Jesus would say? Or, would I say what I am saying if Jesus were present? Would I talk this way to Jesus? If not, then you are not speaking what is good.

So what does speaking what is good look like? What do those who speak what is good talk about? Well, that is what Paul tells us in the last part of Ephesians 4:29. He gives us here the reason we should not speak what is corrupt, but speak only what is good. And that reason is for edification.

We should speak this way, at the end of Ephesians 4:29, for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers

Edification is the key word here. It is used several times throughout Scripture in specific reference to the main activity a church should be doing when they meet together. It is similarly translated “to build up.” We’ve already seen this term twice back in Ephesians 4:11-16 when Paul gave us the blueprints for church growth. (cf. also 1 Cor 14:5, 12, 26; 2 Cor 12:19; Eph 4:12, 16; 1 Thess 5:11).

The Greek is a construction term for raising up a building, strengthening a wall, fortifying a structure. Paul is saying here that the words we say should strengthen, fortify, build up and encourage one another. Negative words tear down. Good words build up.

There are many ways to edify others through our words. One of these, of course, is through providing others with good teaching and training about Scripture. This helps build up people’s minds and spirits.

But this is not the only form of edification. Probably some of the best forms of edification are words of encouragement and praise giving to others. When we tell people how they did a good job, when we talk positively about them to others, we are building them up with edifying words.

Paul says that this way of talking is necessary. Edification is not optional. It is necessary. It is something we must do. Why?

At the end of Ephesians 4:29, because edification will impart grace to the hearers.

Even when we talk positively about someone to others, it is edifying to those who hear, because they see that you are an encourager, and they are presented with a positive example for them to edify.

When you are always gossiping about others, and spreading rumors or lies about them, people come to realize that you cannot be trusted, and that your words are often mean and slanderous. So they won’t share anything with you, and will not want to listen to what you have to say. But when you praise others and build others up with your words, this is edifying to everyone involved.

What is ironic is when some Christian says a bad four-letter word, and other Christians then judge, condemn, and accuse them for this bad word. But which is worse? To say a bad four-letter word, or to tear down and condemn someone who says a bad four-letter word? Paul indicates here that it is the latter. It is corrupt speech to tear down someone else. He says nothing here about saying “bad” words.

In fact, Paul himself said bad words elsewhere. In Philippians 3:8 he says that all the things he has lost are nothing but skubala compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Jesus Christ. This word skubala is usually translated as “dung” or “rubbish” in English translations, but it really means shit.

Yet if a pastor or podcaster were to say “shit” in his sermon or Bible study, Christians would look sideways at him and maybe even start talking negatively about him. Well, which is worse? To say “shit” or to tear down and condemn someone who says “shit”? Paul argues that it is worse to tear someone down.

So Ephesians 4:29 could be translated this way: “Rather than tear someone down with your words, build them up and give them grace!”

In Ephesians 4:30, he provides the motivation. In Ephesians 4:30, we learn that speaking evil grieves the Holy Spirit.

Ephesians 4:30. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.

What is most ironic about this verse is that it is often quoted out of context by Christians as a way of accusing and condemning other Christians who they think are doing things that should not be done. If a person doesn’t like a sermon, or a worship song, or maybe they have a bit of a negative attitude, some Christians will condemn the negative person by quoting Ephesians 4:30 about them. “Oh, they’re grieving the Holy Spirit by the negativity.”

Well, maybe they are a bit, because they are talking negatively also, but the person quoting the verse is also grieving the Holy Spirit because they are tearing down someone else.

What does that mean? Well the key is in the end of the verse. Paul could have mentioned many things about the Holy Spirit, but he mentioned the fact that we were sealed by Him for the day of redemption.

We already talked about the sealing of the Holy Spirit back in Ephesians 1, when Paul gave us the different things that God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit do for us. He told us in Ephesians 1:13-14 that we were sealed by the Holy Spirit as a guarantee of our inheritance in heaven.

We saw there that the idea is like an engagement ring. The Holy Spirit is an engagement ring given to all believers by Jesus Christ. The church is the bride of Christ. At the end of the church age, there is an event in Heaven known as the Marriage of the Lamb. That is when Jesus spiritually marries the church.

The Holy Spirit is given to us as a seal for this day—as an engagement ring. When you believed in Jesus Christ for eternal life, one of the things that happens is that the Holy Spirit immediately entered into your life and began to dwell within you.

His task is to begin to make you into a new person, which is known as the process of sanctification. There are some things He does automatically, but for the most part His influence is not irresistible. The work of the Spirit can be resisted. When the Spirit tries to accomplish something in your life, you have two options. You can either submit to the influence of the Holy Spirit within, and live in obedience to Him, or you can rebel against the influence of the Holy Spirit and live in disobedience to Him.

He wants to guide what we do and what we say, but if we do not let Him guide us, then we will be guided by our flesh instead, and will continue to live in sin. If we do this, we are resisting the Holy Spirit, which grieves Him. It makes Him sad. It is like a slap in His face.

Imagine an engaged couple. They are so very happy. They go everywhere hand in hand. They gaze into each other’s eyes. He has twenty pictures of her in his wallet which he shows to everyone he meets. She has a diamond ring on her finger which she shows to everyone she meets.

One day, he asks to take her out to dinner, and she says she has already made plans. She is going to go out to dinner and a movie with her old boyfriend from high school who was the star of the football team, and is now the youngest CEO ever of a Fortune 500 corporation.

How would that make her fiancé feel? It would grieve him to hear such news, right? Now she might tell him that it means nothing, and that she loves him, but still, he has to wonder why, if she loves him, does she want to spend time with an old boyfriend? In this case, the man would probably feel a bit sad that his future wife has decided to do this.

But if her friendship with this former boyfriend-turned-CEO continued, and it became more serious, eventually, the man would become quite grieved, worried, and distressed.

That is similar to the way it is when Christians, as the future bride of Christ, who have received the engagement ring of the Holy Spirit, decide to go back to our old way of living. It saddens and grieves the Holy Spirit.

This is not a perfect illustration, because the passage says we are grieving the Holy Spirit, which would be like grieving the engagement ring, but still, the picture is clear. Paul is simply telling us here in Ephesians 4:30 that corrupt speech grieves or saddens the Holy Spirit.

Of course, we can safely say that any sin in the life of the believer grieves the Holy Spirit, but Paul is specifically talking about the sins of the mouth. It is tearing another brother or sister down that grieves the Holy Spirit.

It’s like any parent who hears their children talking negatively about each other. As parents, we want our children to defend each other, support each other, love each other, and have each other’s backs. But when they are fighting, and condemning each other, it saddens us. It’s the same with God. When His children fight, He is grieved. The Holy Spirit wants to unify us, and the Spirit is saddened when we fight.

Where I see a lot of this fighting is on social media. It seems that social media causes Christians to argue and fight and name-call in the most horrendous ways. And the worse part about it is that we are doing it in a public setting for all the world to see! It’s one thing to have a disagreement with another brother or sister behind closed doors, but on social media, we argue and bicker in front of everyone! I am convinced this deeply grieves the Holy Spirit.

On a different note, we must be careful not to confuse grieving the Holy Spirit with some of the other sins against the Holy Spirit. For example, Matthew 12 talks about blasphemy against the Holy Spirit. That is a serious sin, and Jesus calls it the unpardonable sin. This is a sin only unbelievers can commit. It comes from a state of such hardness of heart that such a person will never come to faith in Jesus. If you worry you have committed it, this worry means you haven’t.

There is also the sin of resisting the Holy Spirit (Rom 1:18-20). Anyone can resist the Holy Spirit, whether believers or unbelievers. It is committed by unbelievers who resist the drawing and convicting work and influence of the Holy Spirit in their lives. It is committed by believers who resist the illuminating and sanctifying works of the Holy Spirit in their lives. When believers resist the work of the Holy Spirit, it can also be called quenching the Spirit (1 Thess 5:19).

Now, some teach that if you grieve or quench the Holy Spirit, He leaves you. This teaching comes from a misunderstanding of the different roles the Holy Spirit had between the Old and New Testament.

In the Old Testament, the Holy Spirit only came upon certain individuals for certain tasks, and only for a certain period of time. Sin would cause the Holy Spirit to leave.

For example, after King David committed adultery with Bathsheba and murdered her husband, his sin was pointed out to him, and he prayed a prayer of confession. His prayer is recorded in Psalm 51.

Then, somebody wrote a song based on Psalm 51 called “Create in Me a Clean Heart.” And one of the lines in the song—like one of the lines in the Psalm, says “Take not your Holy Spirit from me.” And so people get the idea that the Holy Spirit comes and goes from the Christian by whether we sin or not.

What they don’t understand is that for the New Testament Christian, things are much different. First, the Holy Spirit indwells every believer, not just some. Second, He indwells permanently. He does not come and go. John 14:16-17, 1 John 2:27 and many other passages make this clear that when He comes, He abides forever.

When He comes to abide within you, He does so permanently. He remains. We will see, when we look at Ephesians 5:18, that sin can cause you to stop being filled or controlled by the Holy Spirit, but that does not mean He leaves you or stops indwelling you. It deeply saddens Him because He is dwelling within you and you are not giving Him control.

Grieving the Holy Spirit is simply making the Holy Spirit sad because we have chosen to sin rather than obey His influence in our lives. Specifically, Paul talks of this here in reference to our words.

Paul draws this idea from Isaiah 63:10, which says the Israelites grieved the Holy Spirit. There, it refers to Israel’s rebellion in the wilderness, which led to their rejection by God. That whole generation died in the wilderness. And if you remember, the primary sign of their rebellion was in their words.

The Israelites were constantly complaining and murmuring against God and His chosen leader, Moses. And as you read the accounts in the Exodus and Numbers, God is saddened over and over by their ungratefulness and their complaining, and over and over again, He comes to the verge of destroying them.

Grieving God means to make Him sad by our words and our actions against Him, and against His leaders.

Again, take Moses as an example. Israel’s rebellion led Moses to sin with his mouth (Ps 106:33, Num 20:10; Deut 3:26), and eventually, to disobey God by striking the rock rather than speaking to it for water. This also grieved God, and as a result, Moses was not allowed to receive the inheritance in the Promised Land.

So grieving the Holy Spirit is caused when we speak against God or against other Christians, and it can bring about serious repercussions to the believer who does it. Physical death, as we see in the case of the Israelites or loss of inheritance—not loss of eternal life, but loss of inheritance and reward in heaven—as was illustrated by the life of Moses.

Do not speak evil words to one another, for it grieves the Holy Spirit.

The Holy Spirit is given by God to the church to help us become like Jesus, and to grow us into unity and love for each other. But when we speak hateful and hurtful words that tear others down, that spread lies about others, and that fail to edify and build up, this grieves the Holy Spirit. Gossip, slander, and accusation are all words, as James says, that are fueled by hell.

So don’t let your words be fueled and inspired by hell. Instead, let your words be fueled and inspired by the Holy Spirit. Speak only what is good and profitable toward others. Use your words to encourage and edify and build others up.

Have you listened to yourself talk recently? Try it for a week. What you say, how you say it and to whom you say it.

Such an exercise will give you your spiritual temperature. It will diagnose your spiritual health.

Do you have a wayward tongue? God wants you to get rid of it. Words are a very powerful thing, and all of us need to have control over our words. The excuse we sometimes use of just “speaking my mind” is generally just an excuse for a lack of control over our tongue. A lack of control over your tongue leads to corrupt communication.

The remedy for such corrupt communication is found in Matthew 12:34. Jesus says there that the mouth speaks out of the overflow of the heart. We have all heard it said that you are what you eat, but Matthew 12:34 tells us that you are what you say. What you say and how you say it reveal what is in your heart.

So if you want to change the way you speak, you need to change what is in your heart. The remedy to corrupt communication is to fill your heart with the knowledge and love of Jesus Christ, so that only truth and beauty can emerge from your lips. Study the life of Jesus. Pray to become more like Jesus. Strive to live like Jesus.

The love of Jesus will fill your heart with love, and out of the overflow of love within your heart, your mouth will begin to speak loving words.

A man applying for a job was asked, “Why were you fired from your last job?”

He answered, “I was overly ambitious. I wanted to take work home with me.”

The manager was a bit surprised. “That doesn’t seem like grounds for firing. Who was your employer?”

The man’s answer: “First National Bank.”

Today, as we continue to work our way through the book of Ephesians, we come to Paul’s instructions regarding the sin of stealing. Paul discusses this in Ephesians 4:28.

This verse comes in a section dealing specifically with five areas which many Christians struggle with and which are particularly harmful to the health and future of any church.

We’ve already looked at lying and anger, today we look at stealing.

Let’s begin to see this by reading Ephesians 4:28: Let him who stole steal no longer, but rather let him labor, working with his hands what is good, that he may have something to give him who has need.

This command by Paul is similar to the ones regarding lying and anger. Paul first states a negative command telling us what not to do, and then he gives a positive command, telling us what to replace that sinful action with, and then he concludes with a motivation for why we should follow his instructions.

Let’s begin with the negative command.

Let him who stole steal no longer,

Paul is speaking specifically to those who have stolen in the past and who are currently stealing. He is speaking to all the former or current thieves within the church.

He says, “Those of you who steal … stop it!” This is, by the way, one of the Ten Commandments. Exodus 20:15 says, “Do not steal.”

Now most of you believe that you do not steal, and so right about now, you are beginning to think of ways to tune today’s message out because it doesn’t apply to you.

But the truth is that all of us are thieves in one way or another.

So when Paul says, Let him who stole, he is talking to all of us. Most of us are thieves, and we don’t even know it.

Now, we all know what stealing is: taking something that doesn’t belong to us.

But there are various forms of stealing, and some of them are more obvious than others. For example, there is bank robbery. This is clearly theft. The most successful bank robbery in United States history resulted in the loss of $18.9 million. That a lot of money.

And then of course there is the simple form of theft from stores, businesses, and homes. This occurs through shop lifting or breaking and entering when a person takes what does not belong to them. This also is an obvious form of stealing.

But there are numerous other ways of stealing that do not involve bank robbery or simple theft from stores and businesses. There are lots of ways of stealing, and probably all of us are guilty in one way or another of stealing.

Our politicians in Washington DC have figured out how to steal billions in tax-payer dollars and launder it through NGOs, Non-Government Organizations, so that the politicians get insanely rich at tax-payer expense.

Bankers and investors and stock traders have found ways to defraud investors and destroy companies by short selling stock so that they can get rich and wealthy while putting others out of work.

On the other side of the spectrum is the entire welfare state. While welfare aid is a good program for some, there are many more who are on welfare who could be working. Those who take welfare and disability payments when they could be working are also stealing from those who do work.

And then even among those who do work, it is a form of theft to be lazy at work, or to spend half your day on social media or surfing the internet, but this is a very common practice with many employees in various businesses.

In Matthew 22:21 Jesus mentions two other forms of stealing. He says, “Give to Ceasar what is Caesar and give to God what is God’s.”

The first part of this statement is in reference to taxes. If we fail to pay our taxes, then we are stealing from the government.

The second part of the verse has to do with giving our time, energy, and money to God. But of course, you can’t really give these things to God Himself, but we give to God by helping people in need. So if we do not support ministries, charitable causes, or help people in need, then we are stealing from them, and therefore, stealing from God.

And the craziest thing about all of these sorts of theft is that the person doing the thieving really doesn’t think they are doing anything wrong. They are just taking what they got coming. They are taking what is owed to them. They’re just protecting their investments, or saving for a rainy day.

There are a million excuses people give for the various forms of theft they commit. And I would say that in various ways, since there are so many forms of stealing, all of us steal in one way or another.

And Paul says here in the first part of Ephesians 4:28 to stop stealing.

Next, he gives us the cure for stealing.

… but rather let him labor, working with his hands what is good

The root attitudes behind stealing is most often selfishness and laziness. It’s selfish, because it is the desire to have, to possess what I want. Stealing is all about “me” and my desires. It shows a complete lack of respect for others and their possessions. The thief says, “I alone matter, nobody else counts.”

Because of this selfishness, the outlook of the thief makes fellowship among Christians impossible.[1]

Stealing also comes from laziness because ultimately, the thief dislikes work. He despises honest labor. His idea is to have the maximum while doing the minimum.[2] I know that robbing banks is a lot of hard work, but for the most part, bank robbers see it as an easier way to get money than through working honestly at a job.

And other forms of stealing are the same. Most often, if you are diligent and disciplined enough, you can work hard enough and long enough in order to buy the things you want. But those who steal, do so because they think it is a shortcut. They want that piece of clothing now—and so they shoplift.

It’s basically the same attitude behind all forms of stealing. We want money, we want possessions, and we want them now. Stealing helps us get what we want now, rather than taking the hard route of working for them.

So Paul, knowing that selfishness and laziness is behind most kinds of stealing, tells those who have stolen to replace stealing with labor, with working with his hands.

The word Paul uses for labor is a very strong word meaning “labor to the point of exhaustion.” It is beyond just getting a job. In today’s society, almost everybody has a job. That is not what Paul has in mind here. He says labor—wear yourself out in your job.

And then, at the end of this phrase, Paul uses that word good in reference to working. Work is not bad. Work is not undignified. Work is good. Yes, rest is important, but we do not work so that we can rest. Some people seem to be at work just so they can have fun on the weekend, or so they can have a good retirement. No, Scripture is very clear, we do not work so we can rest … we rest so we can do better at work.

Some people say that work is a curse. They say that God cursed Adam and Eve in Genesis 3 with work after they ate of the forbidden fruit. But that’s not true. Adam and Eve had work to do before they ate from the tree. The curse afterwards was only that their work would get more difficult.

So work is not a curse. Work is a good blessing from God. Work is one of the purposes and goals of humanity. A person who does not work is a person who is not fulfilling their purpose.

Yet we live in a society that enshrines leisure. We are experts at doing just the bare minimum at our work places. Unions, which originally were for the protection of the employees, now are detrimental to most workplaces, because nobody is allowed to work faster than the slowest employee. We’ve become lazy at work. We live for the weekends. We’ve developed slogans like TGIF (Thank God It’s Friday). We work only so that we can play.

I think that there is a danger in becoming a workaholic, but there is far more danger in becoming lazy at our jobs. We often look upon work as a curse, but when you go back and read Genesis, we discover that work was not part of the curse. It was part of life before Adam and Eve were kicked out of the Garden of Eden. There is dignity and Godliness in a job well done.

Anything short of this is a form of stealing. The moment we begin to regard work as something degrading, as a nuisance in the way of fun, we are on the slippery slope toward stealing.[3] That is what Paul is saying here in Ephesians 4:28. An honest days’ work is a gift to yourself, to your family, and to society. It is a good thing to put in a hard day of work.

The principle Paul gives here is similarly stated over in 2 Thessalonians 3:10 where Paul says, “If anyone will not work, neither shall he eat.”

There is no mooching, there is no freeloading, there is no laziness … there is no stealing for the Christian who wants to please God.

By not working, you are stealing—from others, from God, and from yourself. So to stop stealing, start working. Replace stealing with working.

Finally, in Ephesians 4:28, Paul gives us the reason we should do this. The motivation to stop stealing.

… that he may have something to give him who has need.

This is completely contrary to modern motivations for work. We think hard work should result in a better standard of living: a better house, a better car, nicer vacations.

But Paul says, “Work hard, not so that you can get more, but so that you can give more.”

The antidote to stealing is working to supply—not for our own needs—but for the needs of others. This is one of the main differences between communism and Christianity.

Karl Marx praised the example of the early Christians in Acts 2:44-45 when it says that they had all things in common, and each one sold his property to supply for the needs of others. It is supposedly this principle that communism is built upon.

But as we have seen in the former Soviet Union, living this way breeds laziness in those who have power. Was the Bible wrong? No. Karl Marx and communism misunderstood what was going on.

Communism is built on the principle which says “What is yours is mine. Your work helps me.”

The Christian work ethic, on the other hand, is built around the principle which says, “What is mine is yours. I work to help you.” The two are similar, but very different.

Communism gives people an excuse to steal from others. The Christian work ethic gives people a reason to work for others. One results in stealing, the other results in giving. One comes from the sinful nature, the other can only come from the indwelling power of the Holy Spirit.

So that is what Paul is talking about here. The way to defeat selfishness and greed, the way to defeat stealing, is through generosity. Rather than taking from others, start looking for ways to give to others. That is the way to defeat stealing. Simple, isn’t it?

Some people have tried some not so simple solutions to stealing.

In 1947 a prison inmate by the name of Willard Wright consented to an experimental operation involving the cutting of nerve pathways in the forebrain. It was an attempt to discover a cure for his urge to steal. He behaved so well that he was paroled after two-and-a-half years. He secured a job, got married, and gave every evidence of going straight.

Five years later, in Pittsburgh, Wright was identified as the man who had passed some stolen goods. Police found thousands of dollars’ worth stored in his home. Back in prison, Wright simply said, “With me, it just didn’t work.”

Dr. Edward E. Mayer, Allegheny County court behavior expert, said that in his opinion there never was any reason to believe it would work, because a lobotomy reduces self-control. When detectives asked Wright why he had gone back to crime, he shrugged and said, “You fellows know the questions, so you ought to know the answers.”

In commenting on this story, Time magazine said, “The truth was that neither the detective nor the neurosurgeons were any nearer to knowing what makes an incurable thief, let alone how to cure one.”

But where science has failed, the Bible has the answers.

If you have trouble with stealing—get a job (if you don’t have one)—so that you can buy what you need, and so that you can have something to give away. Maybe it would also be a good idea to go home, and pick out some of your possessions to give away.

If you have been stealing from your place of employment, I would encourage you to not only return what you have stolen, but also to replace it with extra. The thief in the Old Testament had to return five times as much as he stole. If you stole a box of pens, go buy five boxes and put them in the supply room.

If you are stealing from God, if you are always worried about your bills, and your car payment, and the credit card charges—take your paycheck every month, and before you pay any bills, cut out of it a generous portion to make available to others. This might require you to get control of your spending. Giving to others requires you to start controlling your money, rather than having your money control you. You will be forced to budget. You will have to stop buying things on a whim, and will have to watch your spending. And I believe God will see and will bless. Maybe not with financial blessing, but with self-control and eternal reward.

Which brings up an important point.

One of the curious things about stealing is that those Christians who steal are actually losing possessions. By taking from others, they are actually losing out. Paul says in 1 Corinthians 6:9-10, “Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, no sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God.”

Inheriting the kingdom of God is not the same thing as receiving eternal life. Some confuse the two, but they are vastly different. Inheriting the kingdom of God is similar to receiving an inheritance from a rich grandfather, or from some other wealthy relative.

Generally, the largest portion of the inheritance is given to the son/daughter, grandson/granddaughter, nephew/niece, or whomever most pleases the wealthy relative the most. Those who displease the wealthy relative are disinherited.

Paul is telling us in 1 Corinthians 6 that God is our wealthy relative, and among those who displease God are Christians who steal. Therefore, he will disinherit them. They will make it to heaven—Paul cleared that up in 1 Corinthians 3—but when they get there, their stealing will have actually resulted in a loss of inheritance, a loss of possessions, a loss of eternal reward.

When you take from others you are actually stealing from yourself for eternity.

In closing, let me say that in all of this, we don’t want to be legalistic. A man once told me that if he was walking down the street, and he saw a penny lying on the sidewalk, he would pick it up and take it into the closest business because they owned that part of the sidewalk, and so they owned that penny, and he didn’t want to steal it from them.

He also said that he would never even take an extra paperclip home from the place he worked. He said that if he got home from work and found a paperclip in his pocket, he would get back in his car and take it back to the office. This is a little ridiculous. (This man was later convicted of child molestation, which shows that extreme legalism in one area is often just a way of hiding or compensating for extreme sin in other areas.)

The point here is not to be legalistic. That is what the Pharisees did. In Matthew 23, Jesus condemns them for their legalism. He says they would strain out a gnat and swallow a camel, meaning that they tried to follow the law so carefully that they missed the whole point.

Obedience to the law is not an end in itself. Rather, love is the fulfillment of the law (Rom 13:8; Gal 5:14; Matt 22:37; etc.).

These commands which Paul gives here, are not given so that we blindly obey them, but so that we can better love each other and reveal to the world our love for God.

Don’t stop stealing simply because Paul says so here. That will never work. You will never be able to stop. The goal is not simply to stop stealing. The goal is generosity out of love for the brethren. Those who truly love other Christians and who truly love God will give generously and joyfully from what they have worked hard for.

[1] D. Martin Lloyd-Jones, An Exposition of Ephesians 4:17-5:17: Darkness and Light (Grand Rapids: Baker, 1982), 247.

[2]Lloyd-Jones, 246.

[3] Lloyd-Jones, 246.

In The Screwtape Letters, (Amazon ad link) a little book written by C. S. Lewis, a demon by the name of Screwtape writes letters to his nephew, Wormwood, on how to be more successful at tempting human beings.

In one letter, Screwtape advises Wormwood that if he wants to keep his assigned human on the road to hell, the best method is not through tempting him to do the big sins like murder and adultery, but with small little sins or even actions which are not sin themselves, but which are of eternal insignificance. Things that are not sin, in and of themselves, but which simply don’t matter for eternity.

He writes, “It does not matter how small the sins are, provided that their cumulative effect is to edge the man away from the Light. … Murder is no better than cards if cards can do the trick. Indeed the safest road to Hell is the gradual one—the gentle slope, soft underfoot, without sudden turnings, without milestones, without signposts.”[1]

Now I’m not saying that cards are sinful or that hell is a place of eternal torture. I’m just pointing out that C. S. Lewis was right about how the big problem with Christianity is not that we fail to focus on the big sins and issues of our day, but that we fail to focus on the small sins. The little, seemingly insignificant issues in our life that we sort of hold on to and coddle and keep around because “they’re no big deal.”

In our series through the book of Ephesians, we’re in a section which deals with the five deadly sins in the health of any person, and all five of these deadly sins are somewhat small and insignificant. At least, that’s how it seems to us.

None of them are what any of us would call “big” sins. They all seem to be small, unimportant, the “relatively insignificant” type of sins.

But that is exactly where we are deceived—as Screwtape has pointed out. Last week we looked at lying, and we saw that Satan, who is the Father of lies, has deceived us into thinking that little lies don’t matter. A little bending of the truth. A little twisting of the facts. But these little, insignificant “half-truths” lead us deeper into greater and bigger lies, and ultimately, away the God, the Father and source of all truth.

So, yes, even little lies are serious and deadly sins. As we continue to look at the other sins mentioned in Ephesians 4, we will see that all of them appear to be small, insignificant sins, but all of them are deadly, and all for a specific reason.

In this study, we consider anger. But as we will see, anger isn’t a sin. It can lead to sin, but anger itself is not a site.

Ephesians 4:26-27 says this: “Be angry, and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil.

Now, in the past when I have taught this text, I thought that anger itself was the sin that Paul was dealing with.

But I don’t read this text that way any longer.

While it is true that Paul wants us to be careful with anger, Paul is not saying that anger itself is a sin. He literally says it’s okay to be angry.

Notice he says right there in Ephesians 4:26, be angry. If anger was sinful, then when Paul writes “Be angry” Paul would be telling us to commit the sin of anger. This can’t be right!

The only solution is to recognize that anger is not a sin.

In the past when I taught this text, I have tried to make the distinction between righteous anger and sinful anger, but this just muddies the point that Paul is making. Also, if we try to make a distinction between righteous anger and sinful anger, this gives people an excuse to ignore what Paul is going to explain in the rest of this text.

Anger is like a knife. Knives are good, helpful tools. They help us do our work and prepare our food. But knives can be quite harmful. If we are not careful, we can cut a finger, or even cut off a hand. If we foolish, we can stab the knife into our leg. If we are really unsafe, a knife can even take our life.

Anger is the same way. Anger is good. Anger is healthy. Anger is not a sin. But anger is a tool like a knife. And if we are not careful with anger, it can lead to pain and suffering, just like a knife can.

In Ephesians 4:26-27, Paul is saying that it’s okay to be angry, but we need to be careful with it before it causes problems in our life.

So it is not helpful to try to distinguish between righteous anger and sinful anger. Anger is anger, and, if I may be so bold, all anger begins as righteous anger.

Anger itself is never sinful. Anger is an emotion, and emotions are not sinful. Emotions just are. Emotions are part of what it means to be alive. God has emotions. We have emotions. Even animals have emotions. Having emotions is like having an arm, or a foot. Your arm and your foot are not sinful. They just are. They are part of you.

The same is true with emotions, including emotions like anger. Emotions just are. They are part of you. Now, what matters, as we will see, is what you do with your emotions. Again, just as your arm and your foot are not sinful in themselves, they can be used to perform sinful activities. The same is true with emotions, including anger.

So when Paul writes “Be angry,” he is recognizing that we all get angry at times.

And we do, right? When someone ignores us, insults us, or treats us poorly, we get angry. When we see injustice in the world, we get angry. When someone physically assaults us, we get angry.

Anger is a normal, healthy human emotion. It is often described as a secondary emotion, meaning it’s a response to other emotions like fear, sadness, humiliation, frustration, or perceived wrongs. As such, it can be quite beneficial, in that it helps us determine when actions are wrong, and it can motivate us to address problems, protect ourselves or others, and assert our boundaries.

In this way, our anger is like God’s anger. Scripture speaks of God’s anger in various ways (Gen 30:2; Num 25:4; Deut 6:15; 9:8, 20; Psa 2:12; Jer 4:8; 12:13; Rom 1:18; 12:19). And Jesus got angry when He cleared out the temple. He was furious at what the religious leaders were doing in God’s temple (Matt 21:12-13; Mark 3:5; John 2:13-16). Then in Matthew 23, Jesus gives on long tirade against the numerous sins of the Pharisees.

So it is okay to be angry. Anger is natural. God gets angry. Jesus got angry. We get angry.

But if we are not careful, this anger will quickly turn in to sin, which is why Paul goes on in the rest of Ephesians 4:26 to tell us that when we are angry, we must make sure we do not allow it to turn into sin.

Paul writes, Be angry, and do not sin.

Paul is quoting here from Psalm 4:4. Psalm 3 and 4 were written by David at a time when he had every right to be angry.

His kingdom had been unjustly taken away from him through the treasonous actions of his son Absalom. Absalom had lied and tricked his way into gaining a following and then had led a rebellion against David. When David fled for his life, Absalom set up a tent on the roof of the palace and committed fornication with all of David’s concubines in the sight of all Israel (2 Sam 15–16).

Absalom was a wicked man doing wicked things, and it moved David’s heart to anger. And so he writes, in Psalm 4:4, “Be angry, and do not sin.”

And David did not sin. If you read the account, he acted and behaved kindly and justly and even tried to spare the life of his treasonous and fornicating son. All of his actions were loving. He was angry, yet he acted in love, and so did not sin.

But as events turned out, in the heat of battle, Absalom’s hair got caught in a tree and he was killed by Joab, one of David’s commanders. But David was even upset at this. He did want his son to die. He only loved and forgave his son.

This is a positive example from David, where he was angry, but kept his anger from turning into sin.

But Scripture is full of negative examples where other people allowed their anger to become sinful.[2] Do you remember how Jacob stole Esau’s birthright through lying and deception? Well, Esau became angry about that. Jacob had sinned and Esau’s initial anger was probably anger (Gen 27). He had been tricked. But his anger led him into sin when he promised to kill Jacob.

Take Jonah the prophet. He was indignant about the terrible sins of the people of Nineveh. They were horrible people. But his anger got the upper hand when Jonah failed to preach the Ninevites the whole message God had given for him to preach. And then Jonah, out of spiteful anger, settled down to watch the fireworks show, which never happened. And then Jonah got mad at God too.

So you see? Anger is one of those things that easily burns out of control, and when that happens, we fall into sin.

And it is this sin of giving vent to our anger that we need to avoid. For sin resulting from anger is devastating to the family of God. Anger is so devastating, in fact, that Jesus equates anger with murder in Matthew 5:21-22.

Some of the teachers in Christ’s day were saying that while it was not okay to murder someone, it was okay to be angry at them. Jesus says here, “No, no. God looks at the attitude of the heart. Anger is the attitude behind murder. Anger, when you follow it, leads to murder. When you are angry at someone, in God’s eyes, it’s like murder.”

And that’s true, isn’t it? We all know our own hearts. When we get selfishly angry at someone, we begin to think negative thoughts about them, and at the very least, we wish we wouldn’t have to see them or speak to them anymore. Sometimes we imagine them moving out of town. Or we get back at them by saying negative things about them to our friends, relatives and neighbors. We gossip.

We secretly hope something bad happens to them. And when something bad does happen to them, they get sick, or they get into a car accident, or they lose their job, we smugly think that it is because “God is judging them.”

You see, out of anger, we are wishing harm on another person. And murder is the ultimate form of wishing harm on them. That is what Jesus is saying here, and we all know it to be true, if we’re honest with ourselves.

When someone wrongs you or wrongs someone you love, you get angry, and if your anger gets away from you, and you begin to hate that other person, you develop thoughts of murder.

One pastor illustrated this by sharing a classified ad which he found in the newspaper. It read, “Wedding dress for sale. Never worn. Will trade for .38 caliber pistol.”[3]

Letting go of our self-control when we are angry often leads to disastrous results. Most people don’t seem to understand this.

One man who had a problem with anger told his pastor that he thought it was best when he got angry, to just blow up and be done with it. That way it got over quickly. The pastor reminded him that a shotgun does the same thing. It blows up and gets it over quickly. But a lot of damage is left behind.

In fact, did you know that psychologists are discovering that it is not a good idea to “get it out and get it over with?” In years past, it used to be the advice of counselors and psychologists to just go with your emotions.

But Gary Emery, in his book Rapid Relief from Emotional Distress says, “A great deal of recent research has found the opposite to be the case. Researchers have found that freely venting your anger corrodes relationships and breeds more anger, not less. In one recent study … only one out of three hundred happily married couples reported that they yell at each other.”[4]

I always find it interesting that in general, when these psychologists come up with these break-through discoveries into the human psyche, it is exactly what the Bible has been saying all along. Proverbs 29:11 says: “A fool vents all his feelings, but a wise man holds them back.”

Another study found that when you are in an argument with someone, the tone and anger that normally is generated from an argument can be kept to a minimum if only one of the two people constantly maintains a calm tone of voice. Both people remain calm if only one stays in control. Interesting study, right?

But Proverbs 15:1 says, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” In other words, speak gently, and do not give way to your anger.

I always find it interesting that when psychologists come out with the books that have all these insights into human behavior and relationships, their breakthroughs are always found in Scripture. Psychology often teaches what Scripture has already been teaching for thousands of years.

So how can we keep our anger from becoming sinful? Paul provides two suggestions.

The first suggestion is in the last part of Ephesians 4:26. Paul says that if you want to keep your anger from becoming sinful anger, then … get rid of it! Quickly!

In Ephesians 4:26, Paul gives us a bit of advice on how to keep from sinning when you are angry. He says don’t let the sun go down on your wrath.

Now, on the one hand, Paul is not saying that we have to get rid of our anger by sunset every day.  Around this time of the year, that would mean that by 9:30 p.m., we have to have worked through all of our arguments, but in the winter, we only have until about 5:30 or 6:00.

Of course, if you took this verse completely literally, and if you really disliked trying to work through your arguments, you could always move up to Northern Greenland where every year, the sun doesn’t set for three months![5]

So what is Paul saying here? He’s giving us a principle to live by. And we shouldn’t take it too literally, but we should take it very seriously.

The general principle is that it’s a good idea to try to get rid of your anger as soon as possible. Don’t nurse your anger. Don’t brood over it. Don’t hold a grudge.

Getting rid of it by the time you go to bed is a good general rule of thumb, but in some situations, even an hour is too long. Jesus says in Matthew 5:25 to agree with your adversary quickly. In other cases, though, a few days might be needed to fully work through the disagreement.

Paul is not saying is that we can allow our anger to vent and rage as long as we take care of it before nightfall. A lot of damage can be done in a few minutes or few hours if we allow our anger to explode.

Paul is not giving you a license to vent your rage, or to blow up. Instead, go to the person with whom you are angry and talk it over. Admit where you were wrong. Try to understand the perspective of the other person. Offer forgiveness. Ask for forgiveness.

When you are angry, don’t sin. How? By getting rid of your anger as quickly as you possibly can. Anger is a hot potato game. When anger lands in your hands, toss it away from you as quickly as you can.

I know this is much easier said than done. Sometimes, you just have to fight things through with another person. Sometimes, the best way to get rid of your anger is to talk thing out. So if you decide to do that, let me give you “Ten Rules of Engagement” or “Ten Guidelines on How to Fight Nicely.”

Ed Young recommends using the acrostic CLASP.[6]

So if you want to keep from sinning when you are angry, the first thing to do is not prolong it, but be reconciled to the person with whom you are angry.

Another way is to be the solution to the problem that made you angry.

Often times, when people see some injustice being done, they get angry about it—and rightfully so. This is the type of anger that God has, and which we too can occasionally have. But our anger quickly becomes sin. So when you see some injustice being done, rather than stew in your anger juices, instead decide to do something about the problem you have observed.

There is much to be angry at in this world, but the great problem in our world right now is that people get angry at what they see happening, and then rather than seek to fix the problem, they lash out in anger at others, which then only creates more anger.

Sometimes, anger “merely wastes the energy that ought to go in a different direction…[If you see something that upsets you ]…Well, what are you doing about it? How much of your life have you spent in really combating this? In helping to produce social conditions in which these sort of things will not occur?”[7]

C.S. Lewis said that “Anger is the anesthetic of the mind.”[8] And that’s true. Sometimes, in your anger, your mind is unable to think, and so rather than forming a solution to what made you angry, the only thing you can focus on is the anger.

This should not be. Anger can be good, but only if we get rid of it quickly, and turn our anger into loving action to fix the problem that made us angry. Anger is not an end in itself. If you are angry, you need to either be reconciled to the one with whom you are angry, or you do something about the situation which made you angry. Either way, you are to get rid of the anger quickly.

So, when Paul says in verse 26 to not let the sun go down on your anger, he means two things. First deal with your anger, and second let your anger spur you to action.

If you fail to do this, if you allow anger to go unchecked, then anger can cause you to do something sinful.

One example of letting anger get out of control is seen in the life of Moses. Scripture calls him one of the most righteous and humble men who has ever lived. He led the Israelites out of Egypt, through the Red Sea, and to the foot of Mount Sinai. Then they went up to the Promised Land, and although they could have entered then, they people did not believe that God could provide for them, and so they instead wandered around in the wilderness for 40 years.

Now if I were Moses, who was 80 years old at the time, I would have been so angry at these stubborn, rebellious, distrustful people. After all, I’m 80 years old! I want to rest. I don’t want to march around in the desert for 40 years!

But Moses took it all in stride. And frequently during those 40 years, when the Israelites continued to show a lack of faith, Moses often interceded for the people of Israel.

But then, right near the end of his life, right before they entered the Promised Land, Moses had had enough. In Numbers 20 we find the Israelites complaining and murmuring about the lack of water, and so God told Moses to speak to a rock that was nearby for water to come out of it.

But Moses was angry. And again, there was nothing wrong with his anger. He had every right to be angry. He had done everything for the Israelites, and they had seen God miraculously provide for them over and over again. But they still would not trust God or trust Moses to lead and provide for them. So Moses was angry. No problem. Understandable.

But in this situation, he let his anger get the best of him. He spoke harshly to the Israelites (which they probably deserved) and out of anger, struck the rock with his staff rather than speak to it as God had instructed.

And what was the consequence of letting his anger get the best of him? Moses was not allowed to enter into the Promised Land when they finally arrived.

Anger, when it gets away from you, exacts a terrible price.

And that brings us to verse 27. If we keep anger around and do not get rid of it quickly, then it becomes an opportunity for sin. Look at Ephesians 4:27

Paul says in verse 27. nor give place to the devil.

Paul has said that when we are angry, we must not sin. How can we keep from sinning? We have to get rid of it quickly. If we don’t, then we are giving the devil a foothold in our life, so that our anger will turn to sin.

When anger is not dealt with, it festers. It builds up until it breaks loose. Satan loves to take something that might not initially be sinful—such as anger—and twist it into something that is sinful. For example, he takes love and changes it into lust. He takes a healthy work ethic and transforms it into greed. He takes personal happiness and perverts it into hedonism.

When we do not deal with our anger, it gives him a foothold in our life to make anger become sinful.

When people read the phrase give place to the devil, some get the idea that the devil is coming into their life and taking over.

This is not the case at all. There is a whole world of theology and psychology I could delve into here about the devil, but I will refrain. Just know that you cannot be possessed, you cannot be inhabited, you cannot be controlled by some evil being called the devil.

But you can be influenced. You can be tempted. Devilish thoughts and tendencies can become a motivating force in your life. The dark side of your character residing in your unconscious self, can lead you to certain thoughts, attitudes, and actions that are destructive to yourself and others.

And if you are not careful, these thoughts and tendencies can become habits. They can even become addictions that start to control your life.

That is what Paul is talking about. In fact, the phrase Paul uses here could be translated the way. He is saying “Don’t give a foothold to devilish tendencies.”

The terminology of a foothold implies the hand-to-hand combat of war. And the last thing you want to do in hand-to-hand combat is give your enemy good footing or to surrender ground to him.

But that is what refusing to deal with anger does. It gives our dark tendencies a foothold. It gives the devil the upper hand. Something to grab on to and control you with. It gives the enemy a beachhead from which to organize further attacks.

When the devil gets a foothold and anger becomes a sin, it gains control over the Christian, rather than the Christian maintaining control over it.

So really, the idea behind this last phrase in Ephesians 4:27 is: Don’t even begin to take the road toward addiction. Paul says in the context of anger, but it really applies to anything that can take control in our life.

If life is a river, then all the temptations of life are like eddies that try to pull us in and keep us going round and round so that we never make any further progress.

Anger, like most negative human traits, feeds on itself, and if we give it a foothold, we can become addicted to it. All addictions work the same way.

They keep us in an eddy, going round and round the same issue over and over, restricting our progress in the river of spiritual development.

Anger is dangerous, and it can cause us to sin. This is why James 1:20 says that human anger does not accomplish the righteousness of God, and Paul says in Romans 12:19-21 to give place for God’s wrath. In other words, Scripture teaches that anger is too hot for humans to handle, and so we should leave all anger, vengeance, and retaliation up to God.

Letting your anger build causes more damage in the long run. Unchecked anger and wrath can destroy your life. This is why it is so important to get rid of our anger by forgiving and being forgiven, and by seeking to become a solution to the problem that made us angry in the first place.

Mark Twain, in his humorous fashion, changed this a bit. He said, “When angry, count to four. If very angry, swear.” That’s not good advice. Better advice is from Thomas Jefferson, who said, “When angry, count to ten. If very angry, count to one hundred.”

Maybe even better advice is this: When angry, love someone. When really angry, love them even more.

Indeed, rather than be angry at our enemies, we are told to love our enemies (Luke 6:35). Jesus says in Matthew 5:39 that when someone strikes us on one cheek, rather than strike them back out of anger, we should instead turn the other cheek.

Proverbs 25:21-22 tells us that the best way to defeat our enemies when they wrong us, is not to “Do unto them as they have done unto you” but to love them, and be kind to them.

So when it comes to anger, it is best to leave it up to God. Yes, we will get angry, which is why Paul says “Be angry.” And yes, when the Holy Spirit is in us, we recognize that bad and terrible things happen in this world, and when we see these things, we will get angry.

But rather than let anger spur us on toward sin, we should instead let it spur us on toward righteousness and love.

So the next time you are angry, don’t get upset at yourself for being angry. Instead, recognize it, and then work to get rid of it quickly and let it spur you on toward something righteous and loving.

What should we do with anger according to Ephesians 4:26-27? Paul says it is okay to be angry, but we must get rid of it quickly so that it does not lead to sin. But anger itself is not sinful. So be angry! But use it in the right way.

Here are some practical suggestions for how to deal with anger in your life.

First, admit you have a problem with anger, and to ask God for help in dealing with it. Confessing and prayer are always the first and best steps one can take in dealing with sin.

Second, when anger begins to develop, simply walk away. When you are confronted with a person or situation in which you know you will get angry, simply walk away. Literally. Put one foot in front of the other and leave.

If you do this, you may experience personal loss, you may be criticized for avoiding the problem, but at least you will not have sinned in your anger and given the devil a foothold.

And I believe you will find that blessing will result. Arthur Ashe, that great tennis player from years ago found himself facing Ilie Nastase in the 1975 Master’s Tennis tournament. Nastase had the nickname “Nasty” for his rude on-court antics.

The day he was playing Arthur Ashe, he was at his worst. He was stalling the game, cursing, taunting, and acting like a madman on the court. Finally, Arthur put down his racket and walked off the court, saying, “I’ve had enough. I’m at the point where I’m afraid I’ll lose control.”

The umpire warned Arthur that by doing so he would forfeit the match. He responded, “I don’t care. I’d rather lose the match than my self-respect.”

The next day, the tournament committee came to a surprising decision. Rather than condone Nastase’s bullying tactics, they insisted that he default the match for his unsportsmanlike conduct.

Arthur Ashe, rather than respond in sinful anger, simply walked away, and won both the game of tennis and the game of life.[9]

When you find yourself in a situation where you sense sinful anger crouching at the door, simply get up and walk away.

But sometimes, anger gets the upper hand. We are not perfect humans yet, and so sometimes we lose control and lash out in anger before we know what is going on.

When that happens, you need to follow the example of D.L. Moody. Moody was the Billy Graham of the 19th Century, and one evening he was speaking at back-to-back services.

After the first service, he was at the door greeting those who were coming in for the second service, when a man approached him and delivered a highly offensive insult. Moody never reported what the man had said to him, but it must have been contemptible, for in a sudden fit of rage, Moody shoved the man and sent him tumbling down a short flight of steps.

The man was not harmed, but friends of Moody were thinking that the second service was ruined. The large number of people who had witnessed the whole thing could hardly be in a condition to be influenced by anything Moody would say that night. But when Moody called the meeting to order, he stood and with a trembling voice spoke these words:

“Friends, before beginning tonight I want to confess that I yielded just now to my temper, out in the hall, and have done wrong. Just as I was coming in her tonight, I lost my temper with a man, and I want to confess my wrong before you all, and if that man is present here whom I thrust away in anger, I want to ask his forgiveness and God’s Let us pray.”

It is reported that the second meeting that night seemed unusually touched by God and many people believed in Jesus Christ for eternal life.[10]

If you get caught in a fit of rage before you can walk away, and you lash out in anger…the thing to do is to go the person and confess your sin and ask for their forgiveness, then do the same thing with God.

Finally, the best way to get rid of anger is to simply convert it into love. Note that Paul’s description of the Spirit-filled life in Galatians 5:22-23 does not contain any anger. It only includes love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. All of these things are the opposite of actions that come from anger.

This final truth is brought out in an excellent article by Bruxy Cavey called “5 Responses to Justifications for Anger.”

In this article, he presented the five ways people attempt to justify their anger, and refutes each one. It provides a fitting conclusion to this study of Ephesians 4:26-27.

Here is an extended quote:

You might be tempted to do what many Christians try to do at this point in the conversation – make one last maneuver, one last attempt to hold on to a modicum of anger. You might be tempted to think “Okay, good point, anger can be destructive for humans to hold onto, so this is a good warning for us to use it wisely.” Use it wisely? That isn’t what the Bible says to do with anger. But this thinking is widespread. I found this on a popular Christian web site: “Biblically, anger is God-given energy intended to help us solve problems. We can know for sure that our anger or indignation is righteous when it is directed toward what angers God Himself. Righteous anger and indignation are justly expressed when we are confronted with sin.” It sounds so good. It just isn’t biblical. How did we get from “get rid of all anger” (Ephesians 4:31; Colossians 3:8) and “anger is like murder” (Matthew 5:21-22) to “anger is God’s gift to us, as long as we make sure we stay angry at the right kinds of things”?

There simply is zero justification for our Christian excuses to tolerate anger. Anger may rise up within us, just like lust, but that is our cue to lay it aside. If we do, it is merely temptation and not sin. But if we don’t, we invite the devil to manipulate our thinking further. If you notice that your mind is still trying to search for reasons why anger must be okay, stop and ask what is really going on and why you want to hold onto the right to be angry. Then pray that God fills you with his Spirit, and choose to partner with what we know the Spirit wants to do in you: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

[1] C.S. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters (New York: Spire, 1976), 67.

[2] See NIV Topical Bible, Anger: Sinful, exemplified. Kohlenberger, Zondervan.

[3] Tale of Tardy Oxcart, p. 33. Cited from Preaching Today, March-April 1993.

[4] In Nelson’s book of illustrations, 29. Citing USA Today, “Don’t Get Angry”, November, 1987.

[5] Idea from Stott, who got it from Armitage Robinson, who got it from an earlier commentator, 186.

[6] Ed Young. Focus on the Family Cassette Tape. Keep the Home Fires Burning, CS823. 1991.

[7] C.S. Lewis, The Letters of C.S. Lewis to Arthur Greeves (January 17, 1931), taken from The Quotable Lewis, p. 47.

[8] Quotable Lewis, p. 47.

[9] Nelson’s book, p. 30.

[10] Nelsons book, p. 31, citing William R. Moody, The Life of Dwight L. Moody (Murfreesboro, TN: Sword of the Lord Pub, n.d.), 110-111.

After President Calvin Coolidge returned home from attending church early one Sunday afternoon, his wife had been unable to attend, but she was interested in what the pastor spoke on in the service, so she asked her husband what the sermon was about.

“Sin,” he responded. She pressed him for a few words of explanation, and, being a man of few words, he elaborated by saying, “I think he was against it.”[1]

This is funny because it seems that so many sermons are nothing more than tirades against sin.

And maybe it’s true that the church often has a preoccupation with sin, so much so, that we sometimes forget to focus on all the positive, uplifting, and encouraging truths of Scripture. But at the same time, the Bible does frequently warn us against the dangers of sin.

As we’ve been working our way through Paul’s letter to the Ephesians, we are in a section where he is encouraging his readers to walk in Purity (Ephesians 4:17-32).

The first half of this section revealed the truth that the real problem with the world is not the sinners “out there,” but the one in here. Me. Or in your case, you. If we want the world to change, I must begin by changing me, and you begin by changing you. And we do this by letting Jesus, through the Holy Spirit, point out to us in your lives what needs to be changed. Jesus comes in and says, “Get rid of this, and this instead.” Jesus will help us, as Paul states in Ephesians 4:20-24, put off the old and put on the new.

Now, in Ephesians 4:25-32, Paul provides five examples of the types of things Jesus will change in our lives. In each case, Paul repeats the “put off … put on” terminology. In each of these five examples, Paul provides a negative command of something to stop, and then also a positive command of something to start.

Again, as stated previously, this is the only way to make changes in your life. If you want to get rid of bad habits, you have to replace them with something new. And that is what Paul describes in Ephesians 4:25-32.

Now, I’ll be honest, most of the items in this list are fairly standard. If you go look moral instructions from any world religion, or even from any non-religious person, the moral instruction that Paul provides in Ephesians 4:25-32 will be found in nearly all of them. Pretty much everyone has the same morals, whether they are Christian or not.

Lots of Christians seem to think that Christians have a monopoly on morality. But we don’t. The instructions Paul provides in Ephesians 4:25-32 are quite ordinary. Nearly everyone has almost identical moral beliefs.

So why does Paul even bother? Or, maybe a better question is, why doesn’t Paul raise the level of Christian morality to something better or superior to that which is found among almost everyone else?

He definitely could have done this, if he wanted. After all, Jesus did. In the Sermon on the Mount, in Matthew 5-7, Jesus raises the standards of morality to an almost impossible degree. Almost no moral teachers of other religious try to teach what Jesus teaches in that Sermon.

Why didn’t Paul do the same? Why are his moral exhortations here so mundane?

I think the reason is quite simple.

While it is true that Jesus calls us to a superior morality, to a level of morality that is nearly impossible to maintain, we certainly don’t start there in the task of cleaning up our lives. We start where everyone starts: with the basics. Ephesians 4:25-32 covers the basics of morality.

And the sad reality is that while Christians are definitely supposed to live morally superior lives to everyone else, the truth is that many Christians are morally inferior.

Since many Christians know that eternal life is not based on works, but solely on faith in Jesus, and because many Christians understand the biblical teaching on God’s love, grace, mercy, and forgiveness, and because many Christians feel somewhat intellectually superior to others because “We have the truth,” such beliefs often cause Christians to live in less moral ways than non-Christians.

Yes, I am making broad, sweeping generalizations, but if you completely disagree, and think that in general Christians behave better than non-Christians, I would say that you don’t know many non-Christians in a very personal way. I spent the first twenty five years of my life among mostly Christians, and the next twenty-five years among mostly non-Christians, and I can say that, in general, non-Christians behave just as well, if not better, than Christians.

And so this is why Paul begins with the basics in Ephesians 4:25-32. Yes, we are supposed to live better lives than non-Christians, but we certainly shouldn’t be living worse lives! And so he begins with the basics to make sure that we have these nailed down before he moves on to something more advanced. … Which he does in Ephesians 5.

This also, by the way, is how Jesus Christ works in your life when you first become a Christian. When Jesus enters the house of your life and begins to look for rooms to clean up and closets to clear out, Jesus always starts with the basics. If you have piles of rotting garbage in your living room, Jesus will help you clear out that stinking garbage before He asks you to remove dust from the bookshelves.

And the truth of the matter is that attending church, reading your Bible, and praying does not make you a better person than everyone else. These are good practices, but they don’t automatically help us develop morality. For that, we need to follow Jesus on the path of discipleship, and Jesus always start us out where everyone starts out: at the very beginning.

Jesus always works on the biggest problems first, and the basic problems. Only once we have mastered those does He move on to other matters.

And that is exactly what Paul is doing here in Ephesians 4:25-32.

Now, the first sin Paul deals with, which also happens to often be the first Jesus works on with us, is the sin of lying. Paul discusses this in Ephesians 4:25.

Paul puts this sin first, because as we have seen time and time again in Paul’s letter to the Ephesians, telling the truth, speaking the truth, and focusing on the truth is of primary importance.

In fact, in the previous three verses where Paul talks about putting off the old self and putting on the new, Paul emphasizes the importance of truth. Therefore, it is fitting that Paul begins the specific exhortations with an instruction against lying. It could be said that lying and deceitfulness are at the root of all other sins, for we only commit sin because we are lying to ourselves about what God says or what we know the Bible teaches.

All sin begins with self-deception. Therefore, it is crucial, when we are putting of the old self, to get rid of deception and focus on the truth.

Let me share with you some statistics about lying.

Lying in America is at epidemic proportions. According to a 1992 survey in USA Today,

91% of Americans lie regularly in one way or another. (Maybe the other 9% were lying).

36% tell big, important lies

86% regularly lie to their parents

75% lie to friends

73% lie to siblings

69% lie to their spouses

81% lie about their feelings

43% lie about income[2]

According to a Psychology Today, a survey of juniors and seniors from colleges around the country discovered that 70% confessed to cheating while in high-school and about 50% regularly cheated while in college.[3]

Just ask yourself. Have you lied this week? To your boss, to your parents, to your wife, to your husband … to yourself.

What would you do if you were on your way home today and you were not paying attention, and you slightly scraped the side of Porsche that was parked on the shoulder? Would you leave your name and number … or would you look around to see if there were witnesses … and if not, drive off?

I came across a story of one man who did scrape a Porsche, except it was in a busy parking lot, and so there were many witnesses. So he got out of his car, wrote a note, put it on the windshield, and then drove off. Later, when the owner returned and saw the scrape and found the note – this is what it said.

“I am sorry I hit your car. A number of people around me think I’m leaving you a note that includes my name, address, and phone number, but I’m not.”

When lying is so prevalent, as Christians, we need to, more than ever, make sure we are known as people of truth and honesty.

Paul instructs us about this today in Ephesians 4:25.

Ephesians 4:25. Therefore, putting away lying, “Let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor,” for we are members of one body.

Nothing too complex here, right? Paul says, “Don’t lie to one another; instead, speak the truth.”

The reason we shouldn’t lie, but speak the truth, as found at the end of the verse, is because we are all members of one another.

And that all seems easy enough, but let’s look deeper. We begin by defining what a lie is.

The Greek word used for lying here is pseudos. It means false, or that which is other than the truth. We all have heard of a pseudonym, which means a name other than your real one – or a false name.

Here, the word pseudos is translated as lying. Now we all think we know what a lie is, but we need to be careful.

We all believe that a lie is simply when you don’t tell the truth. This definition though, is not very precise.

I testified in court several years back, and before I took the stand, I agreed to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me God.

The first question I was asked was to state my name, my vocation, and where I lived.

So I told them my first and last name, what I did for a living, and the name of the town in which I lived. They accepted my answer and moved on.

But if lying is defined as telling the whole truth, I had just lied.

The whole truth, would have not only included my first and last name, but also my middle name, and maybe even my birth name, which (most people do not know this) is not my current legal name. And when I described my vocation, maybe rather than just give my title, I should have also provided the name of the place I worked and where it was located. Then when I told them where I lived, rather than just state the city, I should have provided the exact street address. All of this information is much closer to the whole truth.

But I didn’t say all of this. Does that mean I lied when I didn’t tell them the whole truth? No, I don’t think it does. I understood when they asked me where I lived that they didn’t need all that information, and that, by withholding it, I was not lying. And any judge, I believe, would agree with me.

Let me provide another example.

I traveled to India several years ago. I went with two purposes in mind. I went to India as a short-term missionary, but I also went as a tourist and to learn of the Indian culture.

Now on my Visa application, I was asked what my purpose was in going to India. And our mission’s leader told me that if I put down “Mission trip” as my purpose, most likely, my Visa application would get rejected. So instead, I put down “Tourist.”

Both answers would have been 100% truthful, but neither answer, by itself, was the whole truth. If I had simply put “Mission trip” that would have been leaving out the tourist aspect, and if I had put “tourist” that would have left out the Mission aspect.

Did I lie? Did I tell a half-truth? Did I tell a white-lie? Or was I fine? These are issues that could be debated.

And those are decisions that must be answered when you talk about the definition of a lie.

But whatever you believe regarding this, you must remember a few things. First, God does not lie (1 Sam 15:29; 1 John 2:21) and does not command anybody to lie. Yet frequently in Scripture, we see God purposefully withholding truth, or not telling the whole truth.

For example, in 1 Samuel 16 God commands Samuel to go and anoint David as King when King Saul was still alive. Understandably, this could be interpreted as treason against Saul, so Samuel was afraid for his life.

Samuel says, “How can I go? If Saul hears it, he will kill me” (1 Sam 16:2).

The Lord responds, “Take a heifer with you, and say, ‘I have come to sacrifice to the Lord.’”

And that is what Samuel did. So did God lie or command Samuel to lie? No!

God does not lie. But is He telling the whole truth here? No, it doesn’t appear so. And in fact, God does this over and over again in Scripture. This is one of the elements of progressive revelation. He progressively reveals more of Himself and His plan as history unfolds – but always – there is untold truth – always He has not told the whole truth.

In attempting to define what a lie is, I think we could say that a lie is when you speak something that is not true in order to deceive. In some cases, not all cases – but in some cases it is not a lie to withhold truth. The determinative factor is whether or not you are trying to deceive.

A deceitful lie is not even acceptable when it accomplishes some sort of good – like the preservation of life. Some Christians during World War II tried this sort of approach when they lied to soldiers in order to protect the lives of Jews. A lie is a lie is a lie. The end does not justify the means.

“The lie to preserve life [excuse] is a slippery slope which soon permits lying [in order] to preserve my life as I want it … [I do not believe that there is such a thing as] the well-intentioned lie.”[4]

But one little girl in Germany did the right thing and illustrates this well.

This German family during the Nazi Regime hid Jews in a secret compartment under a trap door, which was covered by a throw rug, on top of which they put their dining room table.

One day, the family had gone out to do some shopping, and left only their young daughter at home. The soldiers came knocking on the door, and when the little girl answered the door, they asked her if she was hiding any Jews in their home. She said, “Yes, we are.”

So they asked her where the Jews were, and she said, “Under the table.” So they tromp in and lifted up the floor-length tablecloth – but there were no Jews to be seen! So they laughed at the little girl, thinking she was either mentally ill or trying to be funny, and left.

Did she lie? No, she did not say anything that was incorrect. The Jews were hiding under the table. They were also under the rug and under the trap door, but I do not think she lied, because she did not say anything that was untrue.

Now, this sort of situation is always brought up in discussions of lying. Would you lie to hide Jews from the Nazis? Look, if you ever find yourself in a situation like that, you do whatever you think is best. A lie to save a life is not going to send you to hell. Nor will any lie, for that matter. God’s grace and forgiveness covers all deceit. But at the same time, as with that illustration with the young girls, remember that it is possible for God to intervene when we choose to speak the truth in trying situations.

But the reality is that most of us will never find ourselves in situations like that. Most lies occur in everyday, mundane situations at work and with our friends and family. And in these cases, we must also endeavor to speak the truth.

We must avoid speaking falsely with the intent to deceive.

Now sometimes, we speak falsely, but we do so out of ignorance. This is not a lie.

For example, if you ask me what time it is, and my watch battery has died, but I did not know it, and so I told you it was 11:00 when in fact it was 12:00, that would not be a lie, because I was ignorant of the truth.

But if my watch is working fine, and I intentionally tell you it is 11:00 when in fact I know it is 12:00, that is a lie.

Nor is it a lie if you fail to tell the whole truth – as long as you have no intent to deceive.

In other words, “we do not have to tell all the truth to everyone we meet. Privacy is a legitimate, necessary [and Biblical] part of life. People do not have the right to know everything. We are required not to lie; we are not required to tell all we know.”[5]

Like I did in court. Like the little girl protecting the Jews. Like God and Samuel in 1 Samuel 16.

Like all of us do every day. Almost every time someone asks us a question, we fail to tell the whole truth. As long as what we are not saying is not deceptive, then we are not lying.

For example, if I ask you what you did this week, it would not be a lie if you just gave me the highlights of your week. You don’t have to, in the name of honesty, give me a full account of everything you did during every second of every day for that week!

But balance is needed, and every situation is different. Sometimes withholding truth can be deceitful, even though it is not a lie, but that would have to be determined on a case-by-case basis.

Sometimes a failure to tell the whole truth is deceptive. Like obstruction of justice or lying under oath. It is also a prisonable offense to have information about a crime and not go to the authorities about it.

Let me summarize: A lie is to speak falsely with the intent to deceive. To speak that which is not true, OR to not speak that which is true, for the purpose of deception.

Deception is therefore the indicator. If you say something or refuse to say something so that you can deceive others, you are lying. A lie, therefore, is any attempt to deceive.

Now that we know what lie is, we can look in more detail at Ephesians 4:25. Paul gives us two commands regarding lying. The first is simply to refrain from lying. He instructs us to put away lying. In other words, don’t lie.

The word Paul uses here in Ephesians 4:25 for putting away is the same word he used up in Ephesians 4:22 for putting off the old man. Remember it refers to stripping off filthy, stained, stinking clothes.

Lying, then is one of the stains of the old man, on our old clothes, from the old way of living. As Christians, we should no longer lie.

There are many Biblical reasons why not. Paul gives us one here. Let’s look at that one, and then we’ll look at a few others as well.

The reason Paul gives for not lying is found at the end of Ephesians 4:25. It causes disunity.

Paul says that we are members of one another. When you lie to another Christian, you are actually lying to yourself, because we are all part of the Body of Christ. Lying hurts other people.

The truth behind Paul’s statement here is greater than we first imagine.

Back in Ephesians 4:15, Paul exhorted his readers to “speak the truth in love.” We now see, here in Ephesians 4:25, that love for others is the primary reason we should speak the truth.

But love doesn’t just lead us toward truth. Love is the guiding ethic behind all Christian morality.

Earlier I stated that Christians often behave in ways that are less moral than non-Christians.

The reason this occurs, I am convinced, is because we lack love for others.

What happens is that we become so focused on being right, living right, behaving right, and believing right, that we become proud, arrogant, and self-righteous, which then leads to all sort of hateful behavior toward others. But we don’t see it as hateful. We see it as “Standing up for the truth” and “Standing up for what is right.”

The strenuous effort to live in correct Christian morality often leads to a rigidity, insensitivity, and pride and militate against our ability to practice love toward ourselves and other people. Ironically, the more moral we become, the less moral we become. We get so focused on living right, that we end up loving wrong, and therefore, completely fail to live right.

In fact, there is a part of me that would prefer to completely skip over everything Paul writes in the rest of chapter 4, and just point people to the instructions of Jesus to love your neighbor as yourself. For love, when rightly lived, is mostly oblivious to issues of morality.

Love does not make lists of demands or commands. Love does not keep records of wrongs. Love does not grade people based on morality. Loved does not inventory what we or other people do in comparison to some sort of personal standard of behavior.

Love is of utmost importance for ethics, but we must remember, that love in itself is the guiding ethic for Christian behavior. If we love God and love others, then we don’t need to know any of the other commands, for when we love, we automatically fulfill the entire law.

And that is what Paul is talking about here. The reason we should not lie is because we are all members of one body. When you lie to others, you are lying to yourself.

Now think about it. What would happen if certain parts of your body started lying to the rest of the parts of your body? Chaos would result, right?

The hand can’t do anything without the eyes and the nerves. But what if the eyes and the nerves decided to tell the hand that there was a big juicy hamburger in it – when there really wasn’t?

The hand would try to bring the hamburger to the mouth, but the mouth would refuse to open, because maybe it wasn’t being lied to. But if the mouth was being lied to as well, then it would try to eat a hamburger that wasn’t there, and the end result would be starvation …or the eating of the hand. Self-cannibalism. (That often describes the church, doesn’t it?)

Now if the foot was in pain, but it lied to the eyes and hands about it, the foot would get infected and eventually get gangrene and fall off – after the rest of the body had been infected.

You know, there are real, live, physical bodies that lie among the various parts today. Do you know where these people are? They are in mental institutions and hospitals because they cannot take care of themselves.

We, as Christians, as members of the body of Christ, if we lie to one another, we will become the spiritually insane.

So that’s the reason Paul gives, and considering the topic of his letter to the Ephesians –what the church is, and what the church is supposed to be and do, it makes sense that he provides this reason.

But Scripture provides us with many other reasons not to lie. Let’s look at a few of them. One we see in Genesis 3, where Adam and Eve disobey God and eat the forbidden fruit.

It was through lying Adam and Eve sinned in the first place. They were told just one little lie. In Genesis 3:1, the first thing the serpent does is implant a little doubt in their minds.

And after Eve answered in Genesis 3:2-3, the serpent told the first lie in Scripture. The first lie from a human.

But the serpent tells the first lie in Scripture when he says in Ephesians 4:4-5.

Now, was this a lie? Well, yes and no. They didn’t really die, did they? At least not physically, at least not right away. And they did gain a sort of knowledge about good and evil, didn’t they?

So in that sense, it was truth. But it was a lie in the sense that they did die spiritually – which is the more important and serious kind of death. Satan knew this, and so he lied and introduced spiritual and physical death to the world.

So how serious is lying? Every sin and evil and catastrophe and death in the world is a result of that first lie. You think one little lie is no big deal? The whole mess this world is in began with one little tiny lie. One little tiny falsehood from Satan started it all.

Parents, root out lying from your children when they are young – no matter how silly or insignificant the lie may seem. Lying leads to some disastrous results. Here we see spiritual death.

But lying also results in physical death.

Not only did a lie begin human history as we know it, but it also began church history. Now, when Adam and Eve lied way back at the beginning, they, and all who followed after them died spiritually.

But when church members in the early church lied, they were put to death by God. Do you remember the story of Ananias and Sapphira in Acts 5? They sold a certain piece of property and got more for it than what they had anticipated, so they kept the extra and gave the rest to the church. Now up to this point, you must understand, that they really had not done anything wrong.

But when Peter questioned them about it in verse 3, they lied and said that they were giving the full amount to the church. The result of this lie is that both of them were struck down.

For them, the lie resulted in physical death.

This is partly because lying is associated with the most serious of sins. We’ve looked at the lie that began it all in Genesis. A lie near the middle of world history in Acts 5, and now, here near the end of the Bible, we see another aspect to lying.

Satan tells us that a lie is no big deal in comparison to murder and adultery.

If we lie, we often say, “Well, at least I’m not a murderer or an adulterer.” But you want to know what? If you think this, you are believing a lie. In Revelation 22:15, God is talking about some of the gravest of sins, those with the worst consequences, and He lists sorcery, sexual immorality, murder, adultery and…lying.

Lying is right up there with murder and adultery, both of which, God also hates.

This is because these sins are completely contrary to God.

Proverbs 6:17 lists a lying tongue as one of the six things God abhors.

Why is this? Because God is truth and light (Psalm 31:5; John 14:6; 1 John 1:5), lying is completely contrary to God. In Him there is no darkness, there is no falsehood. Lying is the exact opposite of what God is.

Who is the greatest evil being in the universe? Obviously it is Satan, or the Devil. Lucifer. And what is the devil’s primary activity?

Well, according to verses like John 8:44 the most evil being in the universe spends most of his time lying. He knows that one of the best ways to pursue his plans is through lying.

He is the greatest of all counterfeiter. According to Revelation 16:13, he has his own trinity. Revelation 2:9 tells us he has his own church, and his own ministers are mentioned in 2 Corinthians 11:4-5. He has developed his own system of theology as Paul tells us in 1 Timothy 4:1, and his own sacrificial system – 1 Corinthians 10:20, and his own communion service – 1 Corinthians 10:21. He has his own gospel – Galatians 1:7-8 and his own throne – Revelation 13:2 – and worshippers – Revelation 13:4.

Everything Satan does and says is a lie.

And did you know that lying is the main weapon of the devil? We’ve already seen how he used it at the beginning to instigate the fall of mankind into sin, but he uses it still to darken the eyes and hearts and minds of all people. Lying is the main weapon of the enemy in his fight against God.

Therefore, when we lie, we are joining with Satan in fighting against God. Speaking the truth is joining with God in fighting against the devil. We will talk more about this when we look at the spiritual armor in Chapter 6 – and specifically the belt of truth, and the Sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God.

Lying is completely contrary to God and his purposes, who is the God of truth and light.

But another reason not to lie, is because liars are often self-deceived.

Satan is so good at what he does, he has even lied to himself. He has deceived himself into thinking he can defeat God. This again shows the seriousness of lying. Those who lie are often self-deceived.

They can often tell when others are lying to them, but they are never able to tell when they are lying to themselves. A liar has often pulled the hood over his own eyes. They often think that lying is not so bad, or that God doesn’t care too much about it.

Sometimes liars become so good at lying that they don’t even think they are lying. They can twist words, and twist the meaning of words so that they can say one thing but mean another, and all the while, they are thinking to themselves that they are not lying.

Some politicians and lawyers are experts at this – but we all do it at times. That’s because lying is so easy to do.

The difficult part about lying is that it is so easy to do. A young boy was once asked by his mother what a lie is, and he said, “A lie is an abomination to the Lord, but a very present help in time of need.”

That’s the way it seems sometimes, doesn’t it? Sometimes the lie just pops out. We’ve all had it happen.

Maybe we’re just trying to protect someone’s feelings and so we lie to them. Or maybe we are trying to protect ourselves from having to explain our actions or our choices. Little lies pop out all the time. It is often easy to lie, so we need to keep on our guard against lying.

Part of the reason to avoid lying is that lying is hard to maintain.

The person who lies needs to have an incredible memory, because they have to remember what their lies were and who they told them to. This is known as a web of lies.

And often, in a web of lies, the spider who spun the web gets tangled in it himself.

In fact, one lie generally leads to another and another. In order to keep the truth from being found out, you usually have to tell more lies.

It’s like that Veggie Tale Video called “Larry Boy and the Fib from Outer Space.” The Fib in the video is a lie told by Junior Asparagus which just keeps growing because he has to keep telling lies to protect the first lie he told.

And finally, by the end of the half hour video, the Fib has grown so huge that nobody can stop it – not even Larry Boy. And the Fib threatens to destroy the whole town.

And although the first lie seemed so easy, Junior Asparagus finds out that keeping a lie going is more difficult than if he had just told the truth in the first place, because he has to remember what lies he has told to whom, and the lie gets more and more complex and more and more strong.

But near the end of the story, the Fib is defeated because Junior Asparagus, who told the first lie, discovered the cure for lying.

And the cure is simply the second command in Ephesians 4:25. To give it, Paul quotes from Zechariah 8:16 and it’s simply this: speak truth.

So command number one: Don’t lie. The replacement for lying, of course, is to tell the truth.

Jesus said in John 8:32 that the truth will set you free. And it will. Telling the truth is much more enjoyable and causes many less problems than trying to protect yourself by lying. If you’ve been caught in a web of lies, the solution is to speak the truth.

Now, if you’re a liar, which we all are, this is much easier said than done. But there are some steps which can be taken.

The first step to defeating lying is to admit that you are a liar.

In fact, it has been my observation that one of the tell-tale signs of a chronic liar is the absolute refusal to admit that they lie. They are, first and foremost, lying to themselves!

So the first thing to do is to admit that you lie. We all lie at times don’t we? King David says in Psalm 116:11: “All men are liars.” So if you say you are not a liar, you are lying, which makes you a liar.

Once you have seen the truth that you often fail to speak the truth, you then need to ask God to forgive you for the lying you have done, and for the strength and ability to speak only the truth. Make this prayer the constant prayer of your heart.

And then, the only thing left to do is to commit yourself to speaking the truth. It will take an act of the will, and constant watchfulness and discipline, but there really is no other way to stop lying.

Learning to always speak the truth is one of the first steps in the life of discipleship with Jesus. As Christians, we should always be known for telling the truth.

In fact, truth telling forms the foundation for all other forms of morality, because if we can’t tell the truth to ourselves about ourselves, if we are deceiving ourselves about the faults and sins in our own life, then we will never be able to fix or correct them.

So this week, have a conversation with Jesus about your honesty. Let Him point out areas in your life where maybe you are not telling the truth. Where maybe you are deceiving yourself or others. Commit to telling and living the truth in all areas of your life. This is the only way to move forward and onward as a follower of Jesus. Stop deceiving yourself and others, and follow Jesus into truth!

[1] Paul Lee Tan, Encyclopedia of 7.700 Illustrations

[2] “Numbers tell the Story” USA Today, January 9, 1992, sec. 4D.

[3] Psychology Today, December 1992, 9.

[4] Snodgrass, 256.

[5] Snodgrass, 256.

A few years ago, I watched on television an edited version of a movie called “Trading Places.” It starred Dan Ackroyd and Eddie Murphy. Ackroyd was a rich business executive stockbroker, and Murphy was a recently arrested con-artist. Dan Ackroyd worked for two old men who decided to do a little experiment on the age-old question of nature versus nurture, or genetics versus environment. Is a person they way they are because of their genetic make-up, or because of the environment they live in?

So they decided to trade Ackroyd’s life for Murphy’s without the two of them knowing it. If I remember correctly, Murphy got all of Ackroyd’s money and cars and houses and job while Ackroyd was stripped of everything and put out on the street.

In the movie, it was amazing to watch the change. Ackroyd, not able to access any of his bank accounts or get into his house or go to his job—thought he was going insane and even become somewhat of a criminal. Murphy, on the other hand, became a distinguished gentleman and changed his lifestyle and language and everything about himself.

Now, near the end of the movie, Murphy and Ackroyd discover the bet these two old men had made, and together, conspire to financially ruin the two men—which they are able to do through buying and selling futures in lima beans or something silly like that.

These two men changed their lifestyles because their environment had changed. And among the things that had been changed were their clothes – what they wear. And we’ve all heard the saying that “The clothes make the man.” This was true in the movie, and surprisingly, it is spiritually true for the Christian.

As we work our way through the book of Ephesians, we find ourselves in a section where we are commanded to walk in purity. To be holy. To live a clean life. In Ephesians 4:20-24, Paul tells us to do this simply by changing our clothes. He says in this section that we didn’t learn about Christ by sinning, and so we won’t continue to learn Christ by sinning either. We only learn about Christ as we put off the old way of living, the old clothes of sin and works righteousness, and put on the new clothes of Christ’s righteousness.

Ephesians 4:20. But you have not so learned Christ,

The word But points us back to what we saw previously in Ephesians 4:17-19. In those verses, Paul lays out a picture of how all Gentiles are futile in their thinking and totally separated from the life of God because of how ignorant and sinful they are.

And we saw in our study of those verses, that although we are tempted to nod our heads in agreement at how sinful and evil “those people” are, Paul was actually laying a trap for his readers. The description was not so much about other people, but about you and me.

It is true that having a futile mind is the primary problem with humanity, but as Paul continues to reveal, the problem can only be solved when you and I take responsibility for our own futile ways and start living in godly ways instead. The problem is not with “them” but with you and me, and the sooner each of us takes responsibility for our own mindset, the better off the world will be. The world changes one person at a time, and the only person I can change is me. The only person you can change is you. So start with you.

Paul tells us how in Ephesians 4:20-24.

He says first, of all, in Ephesians 4:20, that you have not so learned Christ. In other words, you do not learn about Christ from the sin which sprouts from a futile mind.

It may seem rather obvious, but we do not learn about Christ by remaining ignorant and foolish in our thinking.

Of course, maybe it’s not as obvious as it seems, because there are many Christians who seem content to remain uneducated about the things of God, the ways of Christ, or the teachings of Scripture. They became a Christian, and that’s good enough for them.

The whole point of Christianity is not just to become a Christian so we can gain eternal life, but so that we can become a disciple and start living the abundant life that God wants for us. And for that to occur, we have to learn. We have to think. We have to take steps to change things in our life.

And that is what Paul is talking about here. He is talking about setting on the path of discipleship. He is talking about learning about Christ in the school of Christ.

There are some who look at this phrase in verse 20 and think it refers to becoming a Christian in the first place. One famous pastor, for example, says, “To learn Christ is to be saved” (MacArthur, Ephesians). But this is not true at all. The Greek word here is the verb emathete, which everywhere in Scripture refers to learning truth so that it can be applied and obeyed. Even the noun form of the word, mathetes, means “disciple” which we all know is someone who learns and obeys. To learn Christ does not refer to becoming a Christian but to developing in your personal relationship with Christ as a Christian (cf. Wiersbe, 40).

You do not gain eternal life by learning about Jesus Christ. You gain eternal life by believing in Jesus for it (John 3:16; 5:24; 6:47). But after you believe, Jesus calls you to follow Him on the path of discipleship. Of mathetes. This is accomplished by learning more about Jesus and discovering ways to change your life so that you can become who He wants you to be.

The rest of this passage explains a bit more on how to do this, on how to learn Christ through discipleship.

Ephesians 4:21. … if indeed you have heard Him and have been taught by Him, as the truth is in Jesus:

The word if here doesn’t mean Paul is questioning whether they had heard Christ and had been taught by Him. It is a first class conditional sentence, which means that Paul is assuming the truth of it. He is saying, Since or Because you have heard Him and have been taught by Him.

But this terminology is quite odd. Paul reminds the Ephesians Christians that they have heard Christ and been taught by Him. This is not physically or literally possible. None of these Ephesians Gentile Christians would have been present in Israel when Jesus lived or taught. None of them would have seen Jesus in person perform His miracles, teach His parables, or listen to His Sermon on the Mount or any of His other teachings.

So how is it that Paul can remind the Ephesians Christians that they heard Him and were taught by Him? These phrases cannot refer to hearing the physical voice of Jesus while he was on this earth, because there is no way that all of these Christians to whom Paul was writing could have heard Jesus speak. They were separated from Jesus by time and geographical distance.

Many Bible scholars agree that what Paul might be saying here is that when they heard the Word of God proclaimed to them, they were hearing Christ. The Bible is the written Word of God. And according to the Gospel of John, Jesus is The Word, the physical manifestation of God and God’s teachings here on earth. So, when you read and study the truth of God’s Word, you are hearing Christ and being taught by Christ. So if this view is correct, then Paul is just using a figure of speech to say that when people read the Bible or hear a sermon, they are sort of hearing Jesus speak through the Bible or through the sermon. As John Stott writes, “When sound Biblical … instruction is being given, it may be said that Christ is teaching about Christ” (Stott, 179).

And while this is true, the terminology Paul uses here seems to be a lot more intimate than that. I feel that there is a vast difference between actually hearing Jesus versus just reading about Him in Scripture. There is something vastly more intimate and personal with being taught by Jesus than with hearing a sermon in which some pastor teaches about Jesus.

I mean, if you could hear Jesus and be taught by Jesus, wouldn’t that be better than hearing me talk about Jesus?

Of course! But it’s not possible, right?

Well, don’t be so sure. The terminology Paul uses here is so strange and odd that almost all studies of Ephesians comment on it, but few really know what Paul is talking about, and go to great lengths to try to explain the phrases away, so that Paul is just talking about reading your Bible and listening to sermons.

But what if Paul is saying exactly what he means? What if there was a way to hear Jesus and be taught by Him? Paul seems to indicate that there is, and that the Ephesian Christians were doing it. In fact, some Bible scholars believe that there may have been a school in Ephesus where Christians practiced the spiritual art of learning to listen to the voice of Jesus and speak with Him.

Wouldn’t it be amazing if you could do that?

What if I told you that you could?

To be completely honest, I have become convinced that you and I can listen to the voice of Jesus and speak with Him. You and I can hear Jesus and be taught by Him.

In John 16, Jesus promises to send the Holy Spirit to His disciples, and He explains some of what the Holy Spirit will do. Among other things, Jesus says, the Holy Spirit enables the disciples of Jesus to hear directly from Jesus. Jesus says in John 16:14, “He will glorify Me, for He will take of what is Mine and declare it to you.” This point is so important, Jesus repeats it in verse 15. It is not wrong, therefore, to think of the Holy Spirit as the inner voice of Jesus.

And I have become convinced over the last couple of years that Jesus wants to speak directly to each one of us through the indwelling Holy Spirit, which is the Spirit of Christ in us.

You and I can literally have a conversation with Jesus.

The way this happens is through literally having a conversation with Jesus in your spirit, in your mind. It feels a little bit like prayer, but rather than just you talking to God, you give space and room for Jesus to talk with you. You hold a conversation in your head with Jesus.

I wish I had included a chapter about this in my book What is Prayer? but I was not aware of this aspect of prayer yet. In that book, however, I did argue that prayer is simply having a conversation with God as though you were talking to a friend. And that is still true. What I failed to say in that book, however, is that a conversation is a two-way street. A conversation is not a monologue to a friend; it is a dialogue with a friend. And that is how prayer should be as well.

I have started to practice this conversational prayer this last year and have found it to be life transforming. I give room for Jesus to talk with me and teach me and I have found prayer to be much more thrilling, engaging, and enjoyable than ever before, because it is not longer just me talking into the void, hoping God in heaven hears and responds. No, now I am having an actual dialogue with Jesus.

I know this may sound a little “woo woo” to you. A little strange. Especially if you come from the same conservative Christian background I come from. If so, I want you to consider what Paul writes here in verse 21, what Jesus says in John 16, and also consider the fact that since Jesus is alive, and since Jesus loves us, and since Jesus sent His Spirit to indwell us, why would Jesus remain silent? He wouldn’t. He doesn’t. He wants to speak to you. He wants to teach you.

I wish I had time to say more about this. But I am still learning about it myself. All I can do is invite you to try it for yourself. Next time you are struggling with something, or have questions about a biblical text, or just want to talk with Jesus about anything, then do it. Just invite Jesus to talk with you and then listen for the inner dialogue. It’s that simple.

I should issue one warning. If you start trying to have a conversation with Jesus this way, your rational, scientific, critical mind will tell you that you are just having a conversation with yourself. That you are just making the whole thing up. I still struggle with these thoughts all the time. But in response to that, I will say this about my own personal experience: Jesus sometimes says things to me in our conversations that could never have come from my own head. Some of the things I have been taught could not have come from my own imagination.

Anyway, that is what I think Paul is referring to here. The Ephesian Christians had gone to school with Jesus. They heard Him. They spoke with Him. They were taught by Him. And Paul is reminding them of this fact.

And then at the end of Ephesians 4:21, Paul writes as the truth is in Jesus. Again, the grammar and terminology here is very strange, and if you look up various translations of Ephesians 4:21, you will see how scholars have struggled to understand what Paul is writing. In this way, the last part of verse 21 is an introductory statement for what follows. Paul is saying, “And here is the truth Jesus taught you.” So all of Ephesians 4:21 could be translated this way: “You heard from Jesus. You were taught by Him. And here is the truth that Jesus taught:”

Then in Ephesians 4:22-24, Paul summarizes that the Ephesians Christians had been taught by Jesus.

So let us look at these final three verses of this passage to see what Jesus taught to the Ephesian Christians.

Ephesians 4:22-24 form a short three-point chiasm. In verse 22, Paul writes that the Ephesians Christians were taught to put off the old man. The parallel statement is in verse 24, where Paul writes that the Ephesian Christians should put on the new man. The central statement of the chiasm is in verse 23, which Paul says that the Ephesians Christians are to be renewed in the spirit of their mind. Since this is the central statement of the chiasm, it helps explain the outer points. How does one put off the old man and put on the new man? Both are accomplished through the renewal of the mind.

Let us consider all three points. I will take the outer points first, and then look at the inner, central point in verse 23.

Ephesians 4:22. … that you put off, concerning your former conduct, the old man which grows corrupt according to the deceitful lusts,

The first thing Jesus teaches us to do is to put off … the old man.

The term used here for put off means to take off, or to strip off. It is frequently used of getting out of filthy clothes.

Imagine yourself working in a manure pit on a hot summer day. It’s slippery so your fall occasionally into the manure, and it’s hot so everything—including yourself—stinks. When you get home, what’s the first thing you do? Do you go sit on the couch and grab a snack? No! You are filthy! The first thing you do is strip off those filthy clothes.

That is what Jesus instructs us to do when we listen to Him. He shows us how to put off the filthy, stinking, rotting, corrupt parts of our old self. In Romans 7:24, Paul calls it the “body of death.” It’s a corpse that is strapped to our back.

The rotting old man is a symbol of spiritual and inner decay. It represents the shadow side of a person, that which is hidden, unrecognized, and undealt with. Jesus wants us to face it, bring it to light, and bring healing, renewal, restoration, and redemption to those areas that are in decline and decay.

When we talk with Jesus, He says, “Why are you carrying around that rotting corpse on your back? Let me help you get rid of it.”

That phrase at the end of Ephesians 4:22, where we read that the old man grows corrupt according to the deceitful lusts, refers to all the traits of ignorance and uncleanness that Paul listed in Ephesians 4:17-19. We talked about those previously, so I don’t need to go over them again.

But as a reminder, those negative traits in verses 17-19 are not about other people. They are about us. About you. About me. And many of us still have many of those traits. That is why Paul is writing this section in Ephesians. He wants to point out to his readers, which now includes you and me, that we still have many sinful habits of behavior and ignorant patterns of thought. And Jesus wants to change you. He wants to change me.

And when Jesus comes to talk with us, this is exactly what He does. When you seek to have a conversation with Jesus, you will know that you are just making it up if what you think is the voice of Jesus starts to condemn and accuse a bunch of other people, and points out all of their sins and faults and failures to you.

Jesus doesn’t do that. He works with you … on you. As you converse with Jesus, He will walk with you through the various rooms of your house and start pointing out the trash hidden in the closet. The cobwebs in the corner. The rooms that have locked doors which no one is allowed to see into. Jesus will work with you on your house. On your life. On your maturity. Not on someone else’s.

Jesus will point out to you where you are holding on the old man, the old self, with its deceitful lusts. And they are deceitful. I have had many arguments with Jesus about this. He points something out to me, and I say, “That’s not sinful. Why do you want me to change that?” And we get into a discussion about it. It can sometimes get heated … on my part anyway. Jesus is always patient.

You see, the old man is deceitful. It lies to us. It tells us certain things are okay to hold on to. But Jesus never lies. Jesus always speaks the truth to our heart, soul, and mind. And Jesus will point out the lies of the old man. Jesus wants to bring us to truth and light. And that is what He does. Step by step. Bit by bit. Piece by piece. Room by room. Out with the old. In with the new.

In fact, in with the new is what the parallel verse talks about in Ephesians 4:24. We still want to deal with the central verse in this chiasm in Ephesians 4:23, but let us first consider verse 24, since it is parallel to verse 22 that we just looked at.

Ephesians 4:24. … and that you put on the new man which was created according to God, in true righteousness and holiness.

Jesus does not just go through our life getting rid of the corrupt old man. He always replaces it with the new man.

When you listen to Jesus, He shows you which parts of your life need to go, but in the process, doesn’t just leave a hole or void there. He replaces it with something new. Old habits get replaced with new habits. Old patterns of thinking get replaced with new patterns.

Indeed, this is what repentance is all about. Lots of people think repentance is just turning from sin. But it isn’t. Repentance is a two-part process. It is a turning from sin and replacing that sin with something righteous.

One of the reasons so many people struggle with patterns and habits of sin in their life is because they fail to replace the sinful patterns and habits with a righteous pattern and habit. It is not enough to just take off the old man. You have to replace the old man with the new man.

If you spend certain time, energy, money, or resources engaging in a certain destructive practice, then when you seek to get rid of it, you should start using that same time, energy, money, or resources for something holy and righteous instead. Otherwise, the old habits see an empty room and just come right back in, usually stronger than ever before.

When we hear from Jesus and learn from Him, He shows us the sinful parts of our life that He wants to get rid of, and He also shows us the new parts He wants to add.

All of us do this every day in our regular lives. At the end of your work day, you don’t take off the dirty clothes, and then shower, and then put the old clothes back on. No. You take off the dirty clothes, take a shower, and then put on new, clean clothes.

And this new man, these new clothes, unlike the corrupt and deceitful old man, is described here in Ephesians 4:24 as being created according to God, in true righteousness and holiness.

Created according to God means that it is a new creation. Paul is not telling us to renovate or remake our old man into new man. He is telling us to put on a completely new and different man. We are not putting on old clothes after they have been washed and mended. We are getting a whole new wardrobe. A whole new set of clothing. A whole new man.

And this new creation is in true righteousness and holiness. Righteousness refers to how we interact in our relationships with other people. Holiness refers to how we interact in our relationship with God. These two words summarize the ten commandments.

When Jesus starts to point out to you the things He wants you to change, it will usually be in some sort of behavior toward God or some sort of behavior toward people.

It is a long process. It is a lifelong process. But Jesus is patient and walks with us through it all. When we enroll in the school of Christ, class is never over the teacher never gives up on us. He helps us get rid of the old and bring in the new.

Ephesians 4:23. … and be renewed in the spirit of your mind,

Now, we still have Ephesians 4:23 to consider. It is the central verse in the chiasm of Ephesians 4:22-24, and is, therefore, the main point.

Paul shows us that when we hear from Jesus and learn from Jesus, He helps us put off the old man and put on the new man by being renewed in the spirit of your mind.

The word spirit is a reference to the inner human spirit of a person. It’s not the Holy Spirit, because the Holy Spirit doesn’t need to be renewed. But our human spirit does. And one thing that Jesus does is renew the spirit of our mind. He does this, of course, through the indwelling Holy Spirit, so that, for the spiritual man, there is almost no difference between the human spirit and the Holy Spirit. The two become one.

Paul writes about something very similar over in Romans 12:1-2 where he says that we are transformed by the renewal of our mind. The concept of transformation there is the same idea found here of putting off the old man and putting on the new. Over there, however, Paul doesn’t mention the spirit of our mind. He just writes about the renewal of the mind.

From this, it seems, we can see that renewing the spirit of the mind is the same thing as renewing the mind.

What this means is that changing the way we live begins with changing the way we think. All change begins in the mind. With patterns of thoughts. With ideas.

What you know and what you think determines who you are and how you behave. Physically, you are what you do, but spiritually, you are what you think (Wiersbe, 40). That’s Biblical truth. Proverbs 23:7 says, “As a man thinks … so is he.” Your mind is not renewed simply by gaining knowledge, but by changing the way you think.

And this is why it is so important to enroll in the school of Jesus. Jesus teaches us a new way to think. Jesus shows us how to look at things differently. Jesus transforms our mind. Jesus helps us integrate things that need to be added to our thinking, and helps us get rid of damaging and destructive patterns of thought. Jesus can help us deal with thoughts about old trauma, and negative thoughts about who we are as a person. Jesus shows us different ways of interacting with temptations and addictions, and new ways of viewing other people.

This is why it is so important to get into conversations with Jesus, because the things that Jesus wants to point out to you is specifically for you alone. He will not say the same things in the same way to anyone else in the entire world.

Yes, it is important to read the Bible and hear other Christians teach about the Bible, as I am doing here. These are important because they show us the types of things that Jesus might say to us individually. But when Jesus really enters into a conversation with you, He will go much deeper and get much more specific than any Bible verse or Bible podcast can do. He will delve into the spirit of your mind in a way that no one else can.

Now, what sorts of things might Jesus say to you? What are some of the possible ways that Jesus would instruct you to put off the old and put on the new?

The rest of Ephesians 4 and 5 are all about some of the things Jesus will change in your life. In every example that follows, Paul tells people “Don’t do this … now instead do this.” These are examples of putting off the old and putting on the new (cf. Ephesians 4:25, 28, 29, 31-32; 5:3-4, 7-10, 11-13, 15-16, 17, 18-21).

And it is worth pointing out that you can’t make all of these changes all at once. These will take a lifetime of discipleship to Jesus. Putting off the old man doesn’t occur one time when you receive eternal life. You still have the old man hanging on in various ways in your life. Our job is to put on the new man by listening to Christ, learning from Christ, and renewing the spirits of our minds.

Do you want to change something in your life? Do you want to get rid of something from your old way of living? The way ahead is quite simple—it’s not easy—but it is simple—learn from Christ, hear Him and be taught by Him. Let Him walk with you through the house of your life to clean it up and turn it into what He wants. Your life will never been the same.

And as we do this, just like with Eddie Murphy and Dan Ackroyd, the clothes will make the man. As we put on the new man, as we renew our minds, we will become new men and women of God.

Imagine that I was a guest speaker at your church. Or maybe at your social club or gathering of friends. Maybe you had heard that I have some insightful ideas and some things that will better help you understand God and yourself, and so you showed up to hear what I had to say.

And imagine that after the introduction, I stood up, and one of the first things I did was spend several minutes insulting you, your friends, and everything you had ever thought, said, or done. Imagine I said something like this:

Thanks for having me to speak, you morons. You’re all a bunch of idiots. You have never had an intelligent thought in your life. Everything you think and say is nothing but stupidity and ignorance. And it’s your own fault, really. You have intentionally turned away from wisdom and knowledge and decided to keep yourselves dumb and oblivious to anything approaching intelligence.

And it’s not just your mind, but your actions and behavior as well. Have you ever done anything loving or kind in your entire life? No. Everything you do is pure stupidity. You are filled with nothing but greed, lust, hate, and violence. Seriously. You may be thinking, “But Jeremy, we do some good things. We’re not all evil all the time.” Well, you’re wrong. Everything good that you think you do is actually just done out of selfishness, ignorance, arrogance, and pride. You’re greedy all the time, and everything you do is just to satisfy your own lusts.

If I was a guest speaker at your gathering, and that is how I started my talk, how would you respond?

Ironically, there are many Christians who would probably shout “Amen!” because, oddly, some Christians like to be regularly whipped with a verbal tongue lashing. Some Christians like to be verbally abused by pastors. They’re Christian masochists. They enjoy being reminded how depraved, immoral, and evil they are.

But the majority of people would be offended. And rightly so. Nobody wants to be insulted. Nobody wants to be told that they are nothing but ignorant sinners and that everything they do is wrong.

I myself would be offended if anyone said such things to me. In fact, if some preacher or teacher said these things, I would want to ignore everything else they taught, because one of my central beliefs is that if a person cannot say something with love, then they are not speaking truth. While it is not kind and loving to speak untruth, it is a fact that genuine, godly truth will always be spoken in love. Paul says in Ephesians 4:15 that we must speak the truth in love. So if someone is not speaking the truth in love, then they don’t need to be listened to.

In fact, I would argue that love is a litmus test for truth. If someone thinks they have the truth, but they cannot say it in love, then they don’t have the truth. True truth, when truly spoken, will be spoken in love. Therefore, if someone is claiming to speak the truth, but they say it with hate and venom, then they are not speaking truth, but lies and deceit.

So, if I came to your gathering and said the things I accused you of being ignorant, perverse, immoral, having no understanding about God, being spiritually empty, hard of heart, callous, full of lust and sensuality, and greedy for all forms of impurity, you would have every right to ignore everything else I said. In fact, even though my words would be accusing you, or others, of being evil and ignorant, it would in fact be me who was evil and ignorant for talking in such a manner. It would not be you who was sinning, but me.

With all of this in mind, it is absolutely shocking to me what Paul seems to say in Ephesians 4:17-19. Here he is, the so-called Apostle to the Gentiles, absolutely blasting all Gentiles for being ignorant, backward sinners. After just saying that the truth should be spoken in love, Paul seems to abandon all pretenses of love to speak some hurtful truth, which indicates a complete lack of truth. Listen to his words in Ephesians 4:17-19:

This I say, therefore, and testify in the Lord, that you should no longer walk as the rest of the Gentiles walk, in the futility of their mind, having their understanding darkened, being alienated from the life of God, because of the ignorance that is in them, because of the blindness of their heart; who, being past feeling, have given themselves over to lewdness, to work all uncleanness with greediness.

Frankly, I don’t much care for what Paul writes here in Ephesians 4:17-19. I don’t like his tone. I don’t like his words. I don’t like his message. From a strictly face-value perspective, I think Paul is flat-out wrong. What he says and how he says it pisses me off.

I know. That is shocking to hear. Paul is an inspired biblical author. He can’t be wrong.

But I’m going to be bold enough to say it. If the traditional understanding of Paul’s words here is correct, then Paul is wrong. His words are harsh, judgmental, and unloving, and aside from that, Paul is flat-out wrong.

Or, at least, the way we read Paul is wrong.

But most of us think Paul is absolutely correct here. And do you know why? Because we see that Paul is condemning “those evil Gentiles.” He’s not condemning me. He’s not condemning you. He’s condemning them. And so we smugly nod our heads in agreement with Paul, because his words are not a description of me. They’re a description of those evil sinners over there.

As we read through this list of sinful attitudes and behaviors, all of us can think of someone we know that they apply to. Maybe it’s a neighbor we despise who has no interest in God and is always getting wasted on the weekends and never has a stable relationship. Maybe it’s a boss or coworkers who is hateful toward us at work, and seems to only care about getting more and more money. Maybe it’s those idiots on the other side of the political aisle who are destroying our country. Maybe it’s the Wall Street executives or the pharmaceutical CEO’s or certain social media influencers or sports stars or Hollywood idols or famous musicians.

That’s who Paul is describing. Not me. Not us. Them.

And that is the way the way the majority of people read this text. It’s the way the majority of pastors preach this text. The usual approach to Ephesians 4:17-19 goes something like this:

Those non-Christians are evil. Paul’s describing them here. And sure, some of us Christians used to be that way, but we’re not that way any longer. We’re the good guys now. Those non-Christians are evil. Our task as Christians is to go save them and make them like us.

And then the teacher will quote Isaiah 64:6, “All their righteous works are filthy rags,” or Romans 3:10-12, “There is none righteous, no, not one; There is none who understands; There is none who seeks after God. They have all turned aside; They have together become unprofitable; There is none who does good, no, not one.”

And that is how this text is usually preached. I used to preach it that way. In fact, my original sermon on Ephesians 4:17-19 is still on my website, and you can find it on there still, if you want. I recently went and looked at it, and it pretty much fits with the summary I provided above.

And I am appalled. I repent of ever teaching this passage that way.

Why am I appalled? Why do I repent?

Because in the last fifteen or twenty years, God has taken me on a journey to show me how wrong I was in my views toward others. I am still on this journey with God, and still have a long way to go, but God is showing me a completely different way to view other people, and at the same time, a completely different way of reading and understanding Scripture.

So today, I can say I was wrong. And I can also say that the common way of reading Paul here in Ephesians 4 is also wrong. I think the majority of Christians have misunderstood what Paul is saying here. It is completely out of character for Paul, the gracious and loving Apostle to the Gentiles to spew such venom toward the Gentiles as he seems to do in Ephesians 4:17-19 (cf. Barth, Anchor Bible Commentary).

And let’s face reality here as well. If Paul’s words in these verses are to be understood at their face value, then Paul is absolutely wrong in what he says. The only people who can agree with what Paul seems to say about non-Christians here, are people who don’t actually know any non-Christians. And again, that was me for most of my life. I didn’t really know any non-Christians and so I just took Paul at his word here, and in other similar passages, and put a blanket condemnation on them all. They’re all ignorant fools. They’re all blind, violent, backward sinners with no redeeming traits at all. And because of this view I had of them, I didn’t really want to get to know any of them either. Why would I want to become friends with such evil people? They’re wickedness would probably rub off on me somehow. I’d be guilty by association.

But then God started to do some crazy things in my life. Things that were very, very painful at the time, and in many ways, are still quite painful. Through these events, I was forced to encounter many non-Christians. And I was absolutely shocked by what I found. In more ways than I could count, I discovered that many of the non-Christians I encountered behaved more like Jesus than did most of the Christians I knew. I encountered more love, grace, forgiveness, acceptance, generosity, and kindness among non-Christians than I ever had in church.

If you have experienced this, then you know what I’m talking about. If you haven’t experienced this, it’s probably because you are still too involved in your local church to have genuine friendships outside of church. I know that may be hard to hear, but I have come to believe in a principle that I have found to be always true among Christians. It is this: Christians who think all non-Christians are always evil, greedy bastards don’t genuinely know any non-Christians.

I said what I said. And I stand by it.

When you genuinely get to know non-Christians, you discover that many of them are wise, kind, loving, generous, patient, joyful, gentle, and loyal. Many of them are more like Jesus than many Christians. Are they perfect? Of course not. Just like Christians aren’t perfect. Do they still have faults and failures? Absolutely. Yes. Just like Christians.

You might say, “But Jeremy! They’re headed for hell! We’re going to heaven.” Well, I’m not talking about that. Except I will say this: That mentality right there is what causes so much arrogance and pride among Christians. Be very careful about thinking that way. I explain more about this in my book What is Hell? and so won’t say anything more about this now.

The issues here in Ephesians 4:17-19 seems to be about intelligence and morality, not eternal destiny, and when it comes to intelligence and morality, there is almost no difference between Christians and non-Christians. If there is a difference in intelligence and morality between the Christians and non-Christians, I would have to say that non-Christians have us beat. If moral development was a race, the church is losing.

And why are we losing? Because we have an ingrained sense of moral superiority which allows us to ignore all evidence to the contrary. We think we have the once-for-all final truth about life and knowledge and morality in the Bible, and so we can ignore any ideas or progress in culture about truth and morality. We hold firmly to truths “once for all delivered to the saints” and think we don’t need anything else. And as we sit there with our Bible on our laps and our hands in the air, culture passes us by. But rather than learn from others, we prefer to use passages like Ephesians 4:17-19 to condemn others so that we can safely and comfortably ignore them.

All of this is wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

So what are we to do with passages like Ephesians 4:17-19? And why did Paul write it?

There are three steps to seeing what Paul meant when he wrote this text, to understanding why Paul wrote it. I am going to walk you through these three steps. The first step will be to simply look at the text itself, to understand the words and phrases of Ephesians 4:17-19. This will be a straightforward and literal reading of the text.

The second step will be to notice something very strange about the text that most people miss. There are numerous contextual clues that most people miss which provides insight on how to properly understand what Paul was saying and why he wrote these verses. So the second step will be to point out these contextual clues.

Thirdly, and finally, then, only after we make this crucial observation, we will be able to see what Paul really meant when he wrote these words.

So that is how we will proceed. First, a straightforward reading and explanation of the text, then a missed observation about the text in its wider context, so that, finally, we can understand what Paul was doing when he wrote the harsh words of Ephesians 4:17-19.

Ephesians 4:17-19. This I say, therefore, and testify in the Lord, that you should no longer walk as the rest of the Gentiles walk, in the futility of their mind. Having their understanding darkened, being alienated from the life of God, because of the ignorance that is in them, because of the blindness of their heart; who, being past feeling, have given themselves over to lewdness, to work all uncleanness with greediness.

With that word, therefore, Paul is providing instructions based on what he just finished writing. Ephesians 4:11-16 contains what I call “God’s Blueprints for Church Growth.” In that passage, Paul explains how we are all to be ministers to each other using the spiritual gifts God has given.

Now Paul is going to build on that by showing that members of God’s church should walk in purity. But Paul does this in a strange way. He does this by condemning the way of life in which the Gentiles walk.

What is interesting about this is that the Ephesian Christians were Gentiles. And in Ephesians 4:18-19, Paul goes on to say some pretty negative things about Gentiles. Isn’t this odd? Paul bashes the character, intelligence, and behavior of the people he is writing to! Why would he do this?

Well, the typical answer in the average commentary is that while the Jews used to divide the world up into two groups of people—Jews and Gentiles—with the birth of the church, which included both Jews and Gentiles, there were now three groups of people: Jews, Gentiles, and Christians. And so, the explanation goes, even though the Ephesian Christians were Gentiles, they were actually now a separate people group. They were, in a sense, a third race (1 Cor 10:32). They were Christians now, and not Gentiles. So when Paul bashes the Gentiles here, he is not bashing the Ephesian Christian Gentiles, but the regular, heathen non-Christian Gentiles.

Frankly, I don’t like this explanation at all. I think it is wrong. I think it completely misunderstands the message and purpose of Paul. After all, back in Ephesians 2:11-22, Paul says that while there used to be two groups of people, Jews and Gentiles, insiders and outsiders with God, Jesus has now broken down the dividing wall of hostility so that now, all are accepted, forgiven, and welcome into the family of God.

But now it seems strange to me that, after tearing down the middle wall of separation, the wall of hostility and enmity, the wall of judgment and condemnation of other people, it seems strange that Paul would now erect a brand new wall, this time, not between Jews and Gentiles, but between Gentiles and other Gentiles. After tearing down the wall of enmity, is Paul really constructing a new wall all over again?

I cannot see Paul doing this. He was the Apostle of grace. He was the Apostle to the Gentiles. Well, we will see later why Paul is wrote what he did here. For now, let us continue looking at the text of Ephesians 4:17.

Also note the verb walk. It is used twice in Ephesians 4:17, and it is a key word for the rest of chapter 4, all of chapter 5, and the first half of chapter 6.  Ephesians can be summarized with three verbs: Sit, Walk, Stand. Chapters 1–3 are about being seated with Christ. Chapters 4–5 and half of chapter 6 is about walking with Christ. And then Ephesians 6:10-20 is about standing our ground with Christ.

So we are in the walk section of Ephesians. The verb walk refers to our manner of life, our conduct, the way we behave, the way we think. And rather than telling his readers right away how they should walk, which he begins to do in Ephesians 4:17, Paul first provides a negative example of how the Gentiles walk.

I also want to point out that the words no longer in verse 17 are a hint at what Paul is doing. This phrase serves as a reminder to his readers that they used to walk in the way he is about to describe, and that there is a distinct possibility that they can still walk in these same wicked ways. Some people say that it is impossible for true Christians to habitually practice, or continually walk, in certain sinful behaviors and attitudes. But Paul’s instruction here that his readers no longer walk in the ways he is about to describe is a clear indication that Paul knows that true Christians can, and do, walk in these ways.

It is a helpful principle of biblical interpretation and biblical theology to remember that every prohibition in Scripture, every command to refrain from a certain behavior, is inherently an admission that true Christian can, and do, live in such sinful ways. Any positive imperative written to the New Testament Christian, presupposes by its very nature, that the opposite of that imperative can take place in that believer’s life. If the Bible tells Christians not to do something, then this is inherently an admission that Christians can do it. When there is an instruction to not do something, as we have here in Ephesians 4:17, it implies that even though a person is a Christian, it is still possible for them to continue to do what the instruction tells us not to do.

This is an important theological point, because there are many people today who preach and teach that true Christians cannot habitually sin or will not live in certain patterns of behavior. But the Bible indicates otherwise by including commands to not live in these ways.

With this in mind, let us look at the rest of this passage to see the ways in which Christians are supposed to no longer walk.

In the rest of the passage, Paul lists several characteristics of these Gentiles. Different Bible translations offer different suggestions for how to translate and punctuate the list of traits, but I’m not going to get into the various options. All that matters for our purposes is that we understand the terms and phrases in Paul’s warning.

The first trait is in the last part of Ephesians 4:17. Paul writes that Christians should not walk as the Gentiles walk, in the futility of their mind.

This statement would have been a bit of a shock to the first century reader in Paul’s day. “The Greco-Roman society considered the mind to be the best, noblest, and most worthwhile part of the human being—they even considered it to be divine. And with geniuses like Socrates, Plato and Aristotle to boast of, they took great pride in their intellectual enlightenment.”[1]

So Paul’s statement in Ephesians 4:17 about the futile mind of the Gentiles would have shocked most people in his day. Saying that we have a worthless mind would get the same reaction today, right? I mean look around! Look how much we’ve accomplished! All the cures for diseases we have. How far we’ve come in our understanding of the human body, and of this world, and of the universe, and the nature of molecular structures! The advances in philosophy, psychology, physics, medicine, biology, and every other field shows that we are not futile in our thinking. Imagine someone showing up today and telling the entire scientific world that their thinking is futile and worthless!

But that is essentially what Paul is doing with this first descriptive phrase. He is telling the Greco-Roman world that they are futile in their thinking, in their patterns of thought. How can Paul say this? How can Paul say that Gentiles have a worthless mind?

Paul doesn’t mean that the mind is unable to accomplish great things and come up with great ideas. What he means is that it is aiming at a meaningless goal with silly methods.[2]

So what if we can send a man to the moon, and find a cure for cancer, and clone a human being? So what? How will any of that help you when you die without God? All of our accomplishments and achievements are worthless then. Pointless. Meaningless. Futile.

Humans have made great academic strides in nearly every possible direction, but our advances have led us only closer to death and destruction. Carl Jung raises the question this way:

How is it that, for all our progress in all the administration of justice, in medicine and in technology, for all our concern for life and health, monstrous engines of destruction have been invented which could easily exterminate the human race?[3]

Jung goes on to say that these devilish engines and destructive ideas were developed by minds of “reasonable, respectable citizens” who are everything we would wish that all great humans could be. Yet it all leads to greater futility, pain, subjection, violence, death, and destruction. “Our rationalistic attitude,” Jungs writes, “leads us to believe that we can work wonders with international organizations, legislation, and other well-meant devices.”[4]

This is what Paul means when he is talking about the futility of the mind. Humanity has the brightest minds working on the hardest problems, but nothing seems to be helping. The same problems keep cropping up over and over and over. We make progress in all sorts of areas, but when it comes to the condition of the human heart, mind, and soul, no real progress is being made at all!

Now, you may be tempted to think that the problem with all these great thinkers, inventors, doctors, scientists, and philosophers is that they were not Christians. It is those “Gentiles,” as Paul indicates, that are the problem. It’s not us. It’s them. If they simply adopted a heavenly perspective, an eternal mindset, then things would turn out better.

If that is what you are thinking that right now, then hold on to that thought. It will be addressed shortly. If you agree with that idea that the whole world would be better if the whole world became Christian, then just hold on to that thought, and we will see how Paul addresses it.

The rest of the descriptive phrases are essentially the same, and will be covered more quickly. Paul is basically condemning all the beliefs and behaviors of the Gentiles, which again, is a very strange thing for the Apostle of the Gentiles to do.

The next trait of the Gentiles is that they have their understanding darkened. Here again, the emphasis is on the lack of knowledge among the Gentiles. Their mind is darkened, meaning there is no inner light in their minds. They have an inner shadow that obscures and hides all the great essential truths from their understanding. Since this trait is so similar to the previous one of Gentiles being futile in their minds, nothing else needs to be said here.

The third characteristic of the Gentiles, according to Paul, is that they alienated from the life of God. This means they don’t know or care about God or what He wants, and so they live as they please. The next part of Ephesians 4:18 tells us why they are this way. They are alienated because of the ignorance that is in them, and because of the blindness of their heart. They are willfully determined to stay in their sin. Again, there is an emphasis here on mental ignorance and blindness, showing that the root problem is a problem in the mind. Paul seems to be implying that the Gentiles having nothing good going on inside their mind.

Next, in the first part of Ephesians 4:19, they are past feeling. They are without feeling. This doesn’t mean that they don’t have physical sensation, feelings, or emotions. They do. The first century Mediterranean world was motivated by honor and shame, and so in that context, this phrase means that they have no sensitivity toward the issues of honor and shame. Today, we might say that their conscience been seared (1 Tim 4:2). They are no longer sensitive to the sensations of a guilty conscience.

Then we read that they have given themselves over to lewdness. Lewdness can also be translated as lasciviousness, debauchery, sexual excess, absence of restraint, or insatiable desire for pleasure. And finally, Paul writes that the Gentiles do all of this uncleanness with greediness. They engage in all of these behaviors that Paul has listed, and they cannot get enough of such things. No matter how much they live in such wicked ways, they are always greedy for more.

Now what are we to make of this blanket condemnation by Paul of all things Gentile? Sadly, most Christians seem to rip passages like this out of context so that they can smugly condemn and judge anyone else who is not a Christian. They also use texts like this to ignore any ideas or wisdom that might come from a non-Christian. For example, I purposefully quoted Carl Jung above. Because many people feel that certain elements in his life prove that he was not a Christian, and therefore, they can disregard anything he taught or said. Christians will similarly completely discard ideas from the great philosophers and scientists of history.

I recently heard a famous pastor in California say that the Bible contains all truth, and so if something is not found in the Bible, then it is not true and can be ignored. What a shocking statement! It’s also completely contradictory to any possible way of living. For example, this particular pastor made this statement on social media. Well, the technology behind social media is not in the Bible. The people who created the computer code, and developed the apps certainly were not using biblical truths to do so. And electricity and computers aren’t in the Bible. Nor is the polyblend suit and satin tie this pastor was wearing in the picture on his social media post. Nor the spectacles he had on his face. Nor the pulpit he was standing behind. Nor the microphone he was speaking into.

And yet, according to this pastor, if it’s not in the Bible, it’s not true. It is because of passages like Ephesians 4:17-19 that this pastor feels totally justified in making such a ridiculous claim. He can point to Paul’s description here and say, “See? Non-Christians are futile in their thinking. They are spiritually blind and mentally ignorant. They have no connection with God, and nothing good to say. Everything they do is nothing but sinful sensuality and lust. So we can safely ignore them all.”

What an attitude! In fact, let me go a step further and say, “What an ignorant attitude!” Any Christian who says that non-Christians are ignorant and blind and so can be ignored, is themself ignorant and blind.

But wait! Isn’t that what Paul himself just said? Didn’t Paul just say that non-Christians are ignorant and blind, darkened in their understanding, futile of mind, given to nothing but sensuality, lewdness, and greediness? If I just said that anyone who says such things is ignorant themselves, and Paul just said such things, then am I saying that Paul is ignorant?

No, I am not. Here, as always in Scripture, context is critically important. And people like that famous pastor who think that Paul is issuing a blanket condemnation of all non-Christians here in Ephesians 4:17-19 have missed a very important truth from the context of this passage to show us what Paul was actually saying (Note: all similar passages have similarly contextual clues about what is really going on. Cf. Eph 2:3; 5:3-5; Col 3:5-10; Rom 1:19-24).

Let us briefly look at this overlooked contextual observation to see what Paul was saying, and then, once we have understood the context, we can reconsider Ephesians 4:17-19 again, to see how to properly read this text.

So what is Paul saying in Ephesians 4:17-19? Paul seems to be blasting the Gentiles. He seems to be issuing a blanket condemnation on all Gentiles for everything they think, say, and do. And since Paul is the Apostle to the Gentiles, this seems to be a very strange and unloving approach. Paul has just written in Ephesians 4:15 that we should speak the truth in love, but there seems to be very little love in Ephesians 4:17-19.

First of all, before we look to the wider context, an alert biblical thinker will recognize that Paul is engaging in a classic scapegoating technique. He is portraying a group of outsiders as monsters, so that they can be safely sidelined, ignored, or in some more extreme cases, arrested or even killed. All hatred, war, and violence comes from scapegoating, and one of the primary purposes for the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus was to unveil the scapegoating sin that all humans practice.

Paul knows this. It is quite evident from various other texts that Paul knows that humans love to scapegoat other humans, and that Jesus came to reveal it and put an end to it. But Paul engages in it here. … Or at least, he seems to.

Paul uses a classic scapegoating technique to create a division between two people groups. He is creating an “us vs. them” division. Insiders vs. outsiders. Though Paul earlier said in Ephesians 2, “You were outsiders, but now you are insiders,” Paul now seems to say, “There is a new group of outsiders. It’s those nasty Gentiles.” (cf. Perkins, New Interpreters Bible Commentary, 67).

And this is a very curious thing to do, because previously, when Paul referred to Gentiles, he was referring to the Gentile Christians of Ephesus. In Ephesians 2:11 and 3:1, he doesn’t say, “You Gentile Christians,” but simply “You Gentiles.” But now Paul issues a blanket condemnation on all Gentiles. But his readers knew, as you and I do, that he’s not talking about the Gentile Christians in Ephesus, but all the other Gentiles. Paul is now contrasting the Gentile Christians from the Gentile pagans, even though he has called both groups “Gentiles.” He is creating a division between the two groups. At least, that’s what he seems to be doing.

Which is very strange, because previously when Paul wrote about Gentiles, Paul said that the dividing wall of enmity between them and God had been torn down (Eph 2:14). But now, it appears from a surface reading of the text that the wall was not, in fact, torn down at all; it was only moved. While there used to be a wall between Jew and Gentile, now there was a wall between Christians and everyone else. So there are still two groups, and there is still a wall between them. And just as before, one group should shun and reject the other, just as it has always been.

And many Christians today agree. That famous pastor says, “Ignore everything non-Christians say. Just read your Bible. That’s all you need.” Others say, “Shun non-Christians. Ignore them. Don’t hang out with them. They will drag you down into their sin and shameful ways of living. Don’t read their books. Don’t listen to their music. Don’t fellowship with them in any way. If you must interact with them, do so only to invite them to church or share the gospel with them.”

Is this really what Paul is saying? Did Paul really tear down the dividing wall of separation in Ephesians 2, only to reconstruct it in Ephesians 4?

No.

Quite to the contrary, Paul performs a masterful move here which reveals the truth of what he is actually saying. Though Paul initially seems to be erecting another dividing wall of separation, he then, with just a few words, tears it all down and shows the Ephesians Christians what he really wants them to see.

Let me walk you through it. In Ephesians 4:17-19, Paul writes a disparaging description of Gentiles. He knew, due to the propensity humans have for scapegoating others, that his readers would be nodding their heads in agreement with what he writes. As they read his words, they would be saying, “Yes! Those Gentiles are so evil and depraved! I’m not like that, thank God. But they are. I need to stay away from such sinners! I need to ignore them.” Many Christians today have the same attitude.

But then Paul turns the tables on his readers. He makes a masterful move. It’s a theological checkmate. In the following verses, in Ephesians 4:20-22, Paul turns the tables on his readers and basically says, “Remember how I referred to you as Gentiles before? And I’m writing here about Gentiles also, and you thought I was referring to someone else, those non-Christian Gentiles? Well, I’m not. I’m still writing about you!”

In Ephesians 4:20-22, based on something Paul says, we learn, much to our shock, that in Ephesians 4:17-19, Paul was not writing about unregenerate Gentiles at all, but about the Ephesians Christians themselves! And therefore, Paul is also writing about us!

In Ephesians 4:20-22, Paul says to the Ephesian Christians, “Now that you are a follower of Jesus, you need to put off the old man which grows corrupt according to the deceitful lusts.” In other words, Paul is saying, “That description of Gentiles I provided earlier? That’s a description of the old man that is still living in you! It’s you I was describing! Not them. And you need to get rid of that way of thinking and living!”

Further evidence for this is that Paul goes on in the rest of Ephesians 4 and Ephesians 5 to give some very specific examples of how they should put off the old man and put on the new. He tells them how they should no longer be like the description he provided in Ephesians 4:17-19 and should instead be who Jesus has called them to be.

Do you see what a masterful move this is? It uses the behavior of others to hold a mirror up to our own soul. Paul blasts Gentile thinking and behavior, knowing full well that his reading audience would be nodding their heads in agreement. Some would be shouting “Amen!” Others would be saying, “Preach it!” Then, after they’re all worked up into a lather, Paul says, “Oh, and by the way, I’m talking about you.” Imagine the silence that then settles over the listening audience. And Paul basically goes on to say, “And the simple fact that you thought I was talking about someone else reveals the truth of this description for you. You are futile in your thinking, and darkened in your understanding, and blind in your hearts because, although you are a Christian, you are still carrying around that old man! Get rid of him!”

Talk about a gut punch.

Now this is a very common tactic for Paul. He does something similar in Romans, 1 Corinthians, Galatians, and Colossians. In various places, he talks about various sins that Gentiles commit, and then he turns the table on his reading audience and says, “But I’m not talking about them. I’m talking about you! The things you condemn in others, you are guilty of yourselves! Don’t worry about them! Focus on your own life!”

Essentially, Paul is holding up a mirror to the souls of his readers by getting them to condemn some other group of people, and then he says, “Look! You’re looking into mirror. They are the mirror of you!”

And even though this is a common tactic for Paul, you should know that Paul didn’t come up with it himself. It is a very common literary device found all over the Hebrew Scripture. The prophetical book of Amos is one famous example.

The book of Amos was written to the people of Israel, and it begins by pronouncing judgment upon all the nations that surround Israel. Over and over, Amos lists the sins that these nations committed, and then he condemns them for it. Amos does this with Damascus (Amos 1:3-5), Gaza (Amos 1:4-8), Tyre (Amos 1:9-10), Edom (Amos 1:11-12), Ammon (Amos 1:13-15), Moab (Amos 2:1-3), and Judah (Amos 2:4-5). But then, beginning in Amos 2:6, the prophet turns the tables on his readers and says, “Hey … as I was going through that list of sinful nations and condemning all their sin, and you were nodding your head in agreement about how sinful and wicked those other nations are … Guess what? You are all guilty of exactly the same things!”

You can almost imagine the scene:

Amos: The people of Damascus are evil! God will punish them!

People: Yeah!

Amos: Gaza is so wicked, God will destroy it!

People: Yes! Get rid of them all!

Amos: Tyre is full of sin and rebellion! Destruction is coming!

People: The sooner the better!

Amos: And the same goes for the ignorant, idolatrous, greedy, sinful people of Edom, Ammon, Moab, and Judah!

People: Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!

Amos: And worst of all, the greatest sinners of all … is you!

People: Yea… wait … what?

Amos: Everything those other people have done, you’ve done worse!

People: No. That’s not true.

Amos: It is. Look at yourself. Take a careful look. Judgment is coming. If you want judgment to fall upon your enemies, then be careful, because it will fall on you first. You are just as bad as they are, if not worse.

This is exactly what Paul is doing here in Ephesians 4. He describes the traits of the Gentiles, knowing that his reading audience will be nodding his head in agreement about how wicked and evil “they” are. And then Paul holds up the mirror, and says, “Yes. I’m describing you. So get rid of that old man and put on the new.”

So Paul is not constructing a new dividing wall of hostility. Jesus tore down that wall. Paul is not building a new one. He is not creating a new “us vs. them” division made up of insiders and outsiders.

Paul is setting a trap for his religious readers. He’s pulling the rug out from under his readers. In Ephesians 4:17-19, he paints this vivid picture of the Gentiles—futile minds, darkened understanding, hardened hearts—and it’s easy to nod along, thinking, “Yeah, those outsiders are a mess.” It’s comfortable to point fingers. Then in Ephesians 4:22, he turns it around: “You were taught … to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires.” Suddenly, it’s not about “them”—it’s about “you.”

Paul’s not subtle about this elsewhere either. In Romans 2:1, after slamming idolatry and immorality, he hits the self-righteous with, “You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge another, you are condemning yourself.” It’s a classic move: lure you into agreement, then flip the mirror. Here in Ephesians, the trap’s sneakier—4:17-19 sets up the “Gentile life” as the foil, but 4:22 reveals that “old self” isn’t gone just because you’re a Christian. It’s still lurking, and those traits—insensitivity, lust, impurity—can be yours if you’re not careful. Paul is saying, “Don’t get smug in condemning non-Christians. Their sins are still yours as well. In fact, since you claim to be an enlightened follower of Jesus Christ, your sins are worse!”

But we refuse to see it, because it’s so much easier and more enjoyable to point the finger at someone else. Let me quote Carl Jung again. He once wrote, “People will do anything, no matter how absurd, to avoid facing their own souls.” He also taught that one of the best ways to see our own souls is to see it reflected in the mirror of other people. He said that everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves. One of the best ways that God uses to reveal to us the faults and problems of our own soul is to see it reflected back to us through the lives of other people. Other people are the mirror to our own soul. Carl Jung taught that our relationships with others are the mirrors of ourselves.

And many Christians condemn Carl Jung and ignore his insights in psychology because they claim he wasn’t a Christian. But Jung is teaching the same thing that Paul teaches here. Both are teaching that it is helpful to look at the sins of others, not so that we might condemn them, but so that we might get a glimpse into the problems of our own soul. We look to others as a mirror for the self. That is what Jung taught and that is what Paul teaches here in Ephesians 4:17-19.

Each of us have an inner shadow, a hidden, unrecognized, unacknowledged, messy part of ourselves that we shove down so that we don’t have to deal with it. When we see sin, hypocrisy, or arrogance in other people and it grates on us, maybe it’s not just them. Maybe it’s the mirror flashing something we’re wrestling with too, something we don’t want to deal with.

The world is a mirror that reveals ourself to ourself, as we really are. When we have emotional responses to others, particularly those that cause irritation or discomfort, this response can reveal unresolved or unacknowledged aspects of ourselves. The “irritating” traits we see in others might be connected to our own hidden self, the unconscious part of our personality that we repress or deny. By examining our reactions to others, we can gain insights into our own unconscious patterns and work towards greater self-awareness and personal growth.

But we must be careful. The mirror of others is not an exact mirror. For example, if you find yourself constantly annoyed by someone who is always late, this doesn’t mean that you also are always late. You’re probably not. You are probably very punctual, and so it annoys you when others are late. But that annoyance is an opportunity to learn something about yourself. Maybe you have tendencies towards perfectionism or control, which you are projecting onto the other person.

This is what Paul is doing in Ephesians 4:17-19. He purposefully creates a scapegoat out of the Gentiles, so that he can expose the scapegoat for what it is and hold up to his Gentile Christian audience their own hypocrisy and self-deception. He uses Gentile non-Christians to hold up a mirror to Gentile Christians so that they can get a glimpse into the shadows of their own soul.

This brings us to the third and final point. We looked at the meaning of the text of Ephesians 4:17-19, the overlooked observation that helps us better understand what Paul is doing, and now, with this observation in mind, we want to talk about the proper way of reading this text.

It should be obvious by now that Paul, as the loving and gracious Apostle to the Gentiles, is not blasting non-Christian Gentiles for how sinful and evil they are. This would contradict Paul’s mission and ministry, and pretty much everything he has written in Ephesians up to this point. He is not issuing a blanket condemnation on all Gentiles. He is not condemning them all or judging them all. Rather, he is holding up a mirror to the Ephesian Christians, and thus to us as well, so that we can see that the problem with the world is not “out there” but “in here.” The problem is with me. With you.

Paul is playing on a form of religious bigotry that all religious people have. Though we used to be just like the people we condemn, and though in many ways, we are still just like them, we think that we are now better than them. We look down our spiritual noses at them and say, with the Pharisee, “God, thank you that I am not like this sinner” (Luke 18:11). Paul is doing the same thing Jesus did when He pointed out the hypocrisy and spiritual blindness that exists among the religious people of His own people in His own day when He called the Pharisees “whitewashed tombs” (Matt 23:27-28).

The reality is that we are just like those we condemn. Sure, we’ve been redeemed, but this doesn’t make us perfect. We still have lots of faults in our own lives that requires Spirit-filled work to fix. By holding up the Gentiles in a negative light as he has, Paul is actually holding up a mirror for the Ephesian Christians to look into, so that they can see their own faces (Jas 1:23) and then go away and do something about what they have seen.

Paul’s language is rhetorical and pastoral, aiming to contrast the “old self” with the “new self” in Christ (as the chapter continues). Ephesians 4:17-19 is not a Gentile condemnation, but a call to Christian transformation. If we use this text to condemn and judge non-Christians, then we are guilty of the sins listed in this text. The text is not at all about “them” out there, but about “me” in here, in my heart.

For if we are truly honest with ourselves, we will recognize that genuine Christians can have many of the traits mentioned by Paul in Ephesians 4:17-19. Many Christians are futile in their thinking, insensitive, or indulgent, hard hearted, greedy, and full of sensuality. Many Christians really don’t know the first thing about God, though we certainly talk like we do.

Many of us think that since we have believed in Jesus, we’re good to go. That we are morally and spiritually superior to everyone else. But this is pure self-deception! It is futile thinking! Faith doesn’t automatically erase human flaws. We all can still chase impure desires despite our belief in Jesus. Some of us might lean on ritual or dogma (futile thinking) without genuine transformation or become desensitized to others’ needs while clinging to a moral high ground. The “continual lust for more” (NIV) does not seem to refer to sexual lust itself (which some Christians are guilty of), but could even manifest as an obsession with status, control, or material blessings under the guise of spirituality.

Many Christians struggle with hypocrisy, judgmental attitudes, arrogance, blindness to personal faults, unwillingness to learn or consider different perspectives, a lack of empathy for non-Christians and other similar traits. In fact, all such traits are far worse in the Christian than in the non-Christian, for it is Christians who claim to be different. Yes, such human failings are not exclusive to Christians; they just sting more when wrapped in a faith that’s supposed to counter them. Christians are just as broken as anyone, but the stakes feel higher because of the ideals they claim.

We need to remember that when someone becomes a Christian, human nature doesn’t just vanish. Faith might redirect people, but it doesn’t erase the raw stuff we’re made of—things like pride, fear, and selfishness. Christians are still wrestling with the same impulses everyone else does. Paul’s “old self” (Ephesians 4:22) doesn’t just vanish at conversion; it’s a lifelong fight. Some don’t fight it hard enough. Some retain the old self and simply learn to cover it up with outwardly righteous words and behaviors, but this just makes the problem even worse.

How does it make it worse? Christians become very good at hiding their flaws in church and from one another. But when we hide the flaws instead of deal with them, the flaws only become larger. They are amplified. Certain church environments, those that are insular, dogmatic, or performance-driven, can breed hypocritical judgmental traits. When faith becomes about rules, status, or “us vs. them,” it’s easy to slide into judgment, arrogance, or hypocrisy. Empathy gets sidelined when the focus is on being “right” rather than being loving. When the goal shifts from following Christ to policing others, we lose empathy and become judgmental instead. It’s far easier to spot sin “out there” than deal with it “in here.”

And in the churches where perfectionism is taught and sin is often condemned, some people are afraid to admit their own flaws. Admitting flaws or considering other perspectives takes guts. Some Christians might cling to certainty, using arrogance as a shield, because questioning feels like a threat to their identity or salvation. It hardens them, ironically, against the humility their faith calls for.

Sometimes complacency sets in. For some, faith starts strong but turns into a routine. They lean on the label “Christian” without the ongoing self-reflection or growth Jesus modeled. That blindness to faults or unwillingness to learn might come from resting on past decisions rather than living them out daily.

In Ephesians 4:17-19, Paul is not telling us to point the finger at those evil non-Christians and condemn them for all that is wrong with the world. He is, instead, pointing the finger at himself. And inviting us to point our finger at ourselves. The problem with the world is not someone else. For me, the problem is me. For you, the problem is you.

In Kindergarten we are taught that whenever you point the finger at someone else, there are three fingers pointing back at you. That is how to read this text, and Paul deftly does some finger pointing at others to reveal to the Ephesian Christians that they should stop worrying about what others do, and instead take a look at their own life. Who cares what “they” do? Life isn’t about fixing them or controlling them. Life is about you becoming who God made you to be.

Think of it as sacred selfishness. Before you can even begin thinking about fixing others, you must first work on yourself. You must first know yourself, and then work to accept yourself, love yourself, forgive yourself, and develop yourself into the person God wants you to be. And this is a task that will take your own life.

We object by saying, “But if all I do is focus on conforming myself to who God made me to be, then how will those people over there stop sinning? How will they get fixed?” The truth of the matter is that they are probably saying the same thing about you. So rather than everyone focusing on everyone else, imagine how much better the world would be if everyone just worked on themselves.

Christians often thing, “Well, the whole world would be better if the whole world became Christian.” And while that might be true, it reveals an internal problem for why it will never be true. As long as we are focused on the problems with “them” out there, the world will never improve. Think of the pride and arrogance it takes to say that the whole world would be better if the whole world was like us. And it is this pride and arrogance that leads to all the negative character traits that Paul lists in Ephesians 4:17-19.

The problem, Paul reveals, is not “them” at all. It’s you. It’s me. And we can’t change them. But there is one person in the world I can change, and it’s me. There is one person in the world you can change, and it’s you. The world is changed one person at a time, and the person you can change is not anyone “out there.” The only person you can change, the only person you should try to change, is you.

True and lasting change does not come from trying to get everyone else to behave like you. No, that will never work. It’s also futile, ignorant, and arrogant. But the world can change, and will change, if you seek to change yourself. Again, Carl Jung says it best:

As any change must begin somewhere, it is the single individual who will experience it and carry it through. The change must begin with an individual; it might be any one of us. Nobody can afford to look around and wait for somebody else to do what he is loath to do himself.”[5]

We are, each of us, “that infinitesimal unit on whom the whole world depends, and in whom, if we read the meaning of the Christian message aright, even God seeks his goal.”[6]

When we see someone acting ignorantly or arrogantly, it is not an opportunity to condemn them, but to take a good look into our own soul and see what work needs to be done inside. We must come to terms with our own shadow. We must learn to deal with the parts of ourselves that the mirror of others reveals to us.

[1] Swindoll, 123.

[2] Snodgrass, referencing Barth, 230.

[3] Jung, Collected Works X, (Amazon affiliate link) “The Undiscovered Self,” 276.

[4] Jung,  Collected Works X, (Amazon affiliate link) “After the Catastrophe,” 217.

[5] Jung, Man & His Symbols, (Amazon affiliate link) 101.

[6] Jung,  Collected Works X, (Amazon affiliate link) “The Undiscovered Self,” 305.