Get ready to turn your holy chuckles into full-blown guffaws as your favorite irreverent duo, Husband and Wife, tackle the biblical behemoth known as Leviticus in the latest episode of "Sacrilegious Discourse." In chapters 23 and 24, we're taking you on a blasphemous journey through God's party planning manual and his not-so-divine justice system. From sacred shindigs that sound about as fun as watching paint dry to a stoning that's anything but groovy, this episode serves up a hefty portion of skepticism with a side of snark.

Join us as we explore the festive flop that is the Lord's list of holy days. Are they timeless traditions or just outdated entries in an ancient rulebook? Spoiler alert: we're leaning towards the latter. But don't worry, we'll give you all the juicy details, from what qualifies as a "magnificent" tree (hint: it's not just one that hasn't been peed on) to the intricacies of unleavened bread and why it might just be the original low-carb diet.

Then, brace yourself for a divine decree that's more eye-roll-inducing than awe-inspiring. We dissect the Lord's laughable laws on blasphemy, where the punishment is stoning, but the logic is as missing as mercy in the Old Testament. Plus, we've got a showbread competition that could rival any modern-day bake-off—if only it weren't for that pesky frankincense requirement.

So, if you've ever wondered how ancient rituals and rules stack up in the modern world, or if you just enjoy a bit of holy humor, this episode is your manna from heaven. Hit play, join the heresy, and remember: it's all in good fun... unless you're the one being stoned.

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Prepare to be anointed with irreverence as we, your heathen hosts, dissect the oh-so-sacred texts of Leviticus chapters 21 and 22 with our godless goggles firmly in place. In this episode of "Bible Study for Atheists," we take a holy romp through the divine demands placed on ancient priests and the hilarious hierarchy of holiness that would make even a stand-up comedian blush. We've got it all: rules about virgin brides, the outright banning of the disabled from the priesthood, and the laughable link between spiritual purity and avoiding dead bodies (unless, of course, they're part of your inner circle). 

Join us as we unpack the Almighty's peculiar playbook for his chosen leaders - where grooming habits and the sanctity of your junk can make or break your divine career. We're raising a skeptical eyebrow at the Bible's mix of discrimination and dress codes, and questioning why the Man Upstairs is so darn concerned with who touches what and when. 

We've also got a side of sacrilegious sex work talk, sprinkled with a bit of comic book confusion for flavor. Plus, we serve up a hot take on the ceremonial cleanliness shenanigans that have us wondering if Leviticus was less inspired by a deity and more by someone's obsessive-compulsive disorder. 

If you thought religious rituals couldn't get more absurd, think again. This is "Bible Study for Atheists," where the only thing we take seriously is our commitment to taking nothing seriously. Tune in, or you'll miss out on our divine revelations that come with a 100% guarantee of no eternal smiting.

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Husband and Wife cover Leviticus chapter 19: Laws of Holiness and Justice; and chapter 20: The Penalties for Acts of Immorality. We learn there are lots of legit gods, witches, ghosts, and vampires in the world. We are encouraged to stone someone to death, but we're lazy so we opt out. Incest is still bad but slavery and rape seem fine.

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Husband and Wife cover Leviticus chapter 17: One Place of Sacrifice / The Eating of Blood Forbidden; and chapter 18: Acts of Immortality Forbidden. This is a good time to scream HAPPY PRIDE MONTH because wow some of these verses were all kinds of anti- which is Very Not Cool. Oh, and btw, wtf is Molech?

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Welcome to yet another episode where we dare to tread where angels fear to go. This week we dive headfirst into Leviticus, navigating the awkwardly hilarious waters of unclean discharges and sacred rituals. Join us as we try to make sense of menstrual impurity, debate the complexities of ancient atonement ceremonies, and ponder the unexpected links between Leviticus and the "no fap" movement. You might wonder why anyone would choose to spend an hour talking about such taboo topics. Well, because we're us, and we're curious as hell. We promise you laughs, learning, and a newfound appreciation for the more bizarre aspects of holy scripture. So grab a drink, sit back, and prepare for an irreverent journey into the heart of Leviticus. Warning: Not for the faint of heart or easily offended.

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Leprosy seems to be an umbrella term for anything from zits, to burns and blisters, to mildew. God literally states that he might, on a whim, contaminate some people's houses. Husband decides he would rather just live in the leper colony than try to figure out which laws apply on any given day. Solid plan!

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Leviticus chapter 11: Clean and Unclean Animals;

and Leviticus chapter 12: The Purification of Women after Childbirth.

Wife screws up and causes a do-over of the first half, then loses her ever-loving mind during the second half of the show. We wonder what is the difference between SOME cud versus THE cud. We want to eat an alligator but definitely not a hyrax, whatever tf that is.

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Aaron Offers Sacrifices; and chapter 10: The Sin of Nadab and Abihu. Folks get killed for -- get this -- "burning the wrong kind of fire" and their siblings are ordered not to grieve on threat of further murder because mental health apparently wasn't a thing back then. We're pretty sure that Moses is a mf psychopath and all this god stuff is merely his way of controlling everyone. Honestly it's all a bit horrifying.

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Husband and Wife cover Leviticus chapter 7: The Law of the Offerings (cont.); And chapter 8: The Consecration of Aaron and his sons. We read about , because obviously there are . Wife wants to know how long it takes a hoof to burn. Husband contemplates pissing on Aaron's tabernacle.

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Husband and Wife cover Leviticus chapter 5: Sin Offerings (cont.) / Trespass Offerings; and chapter 6: The Law of the Offerings. Aaron and Moses were straight-up running a racket, and we are surprised to learn that people way back then were charging interest. Too many boring laws that basically boil down to "Don't steal or whatever." Seriously tho: Who bit Husband and why?

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Leviticus 5-6 is a continuation of the laws given to Moses on Mount Sinai. These chapters focus on various types of sacrifices and offerings.

In Chapter 5, the Israelites are instructed to make sacrifices for various sins, such as perjury, sacrilege, and negligence. The specific sacrifice required depends on the severity of the sin. For example, someone who commits perjury must bring a ram or a ewe as a sacrifice. Someone who is guilty of sacrilege must bring a bull as a sacrifice.

Chapter 6 deals with burnt offerings, grain offerings, and fellowship offerings. Burnt offerings are made to God as a sign of devotion. Grain offerings are made to God to express gratitude for His blessings. Fellowship offerings are shared between the Israelites and God.

As an atheist, I find the laws in Leviticus 5-6 to be quite interesting. They provide a glimpse into the religious beliefs and practices of the ancient Israelites. However, I do not believe that these laws are relevant to modern society. I believe that everyone should be free to practice their religion in whatever way they see fit, as long as it does not harm others.

I also find it interesting that the laws in Leviticus 5-6 focus so much on sacrifices and offerings. This suggests that the ancient Israelites believed that they could appease God by making these offerings. However, I do not believe that God needs to be appeased. I believe that God is a loving and compassionate being who does not require sacrifices or offerings from us.

Overall, I find the laws in Leviticus 5-6 to be interesting, but not relevant to modern society. I believe that everyone should be free to practice their religion in whatever way they see fit, as long as it does not harm others.

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