Everyone experiences disappointment. Some more than others.
The reason we are disappointed is because our expectations are not fulfilled.
The higher our expectations, the greater the possibility of disappointment. Some try to avoid disappointment by lowering expectations. This is not necessarily a good idea. A better way to deal with disappointment is to submit our expectations to God. If instead we become bitter and hardened on the inside, disappointment becomes toxic and will likely destroy us, something we must guard against.
The life of Joseph provides us with one of the best biblical examples of properly handling disappointment. He began life with many advantages. His father loved and God favored him. He received a couple of amazing dreams that fueled his expectation of coming greatness. His brothers’ jealous hatred caused his life to take a sharp turn into disappointment. He was betrayed, sold as a slave, falsely accused, imprisoned, and forgotten for years. In the midst of those disappointments he kept his faith in God and refused to succumb to self-pity or bitterness. Eventually he was elevated to a very high position in Egypt’s government and was restored to his family.
The Psalms provide an interesting insight into his experience.
Until the time came to fulfill his dreams, the LORD tested Joseph’s character. Psalm 105:19 (NLT)
God allows us to encounter disappointments in life to test and develop our character.
We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. 4 And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. 5 And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love. Romans 5:3-5 (NLT)
If we rely on God during difficulties, the Bible says we will not be disappointed. That is good news.
Toxic Disappointment
Plenty of people allow disappointments to morph into bitterness. This happens because we cannot let go of what we expected and wanted and allow it to eat away at our souls.
We think we deserve better and resent those who block our getting what we want. Ultimately, our resentment is against God himself, who is the Over Ruler through whom all circumstances in life must be okayed. Bitterness destroys people. There are several biblical examples to which we are wise to take heed.
The first is Korah. He was disappointed in Moses’ leadership and decided Israel would do better under his guidance. He was able to persuade several other key leaders to participate in his rebellion. Many unwitting non-leaders were also swept up in this display of bitterness against God’s delegated authority. Here is what God had to say about it.
The LORD is the one you and your followers are really revolting against!... Numbers 16:11 (NLT)
When our disappointment produces bitterness and rebellion, ultimately our problem and rebellion is against God. He is sovereign.
When we complain about our life and circumstances, we complain against God’s rule. We accuse him of injustice and a lack of compassion. It is a serious thing to accuse God.
Rebelling against God’s delegated authority cost Korah and his followers their lives. Caving to bitterness and rebellion against God will cost us big time, too.
Absalom is another prime example of improperly responding to disappointment. His half-brother Amnon raped his full sister, Tamar, and David, their common father, did nothing about it. This greatly disappointed and offended Absalom, propelling him to become embittered to the point of taking things into his own hands by murdering Amnon. He eventually organized a coup against his father, tearing the entire nation apart. This reminds me of the verse in Hebrews that warns against the contagiousness of bitterness.
Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out th