Miles finds out how important his BIL is while Bob catches his BIL in the act.

Random show from the last 25+ years

Bad AI Transcript of the show this week

I’m waiting for the live stream. That’s what I was waiting for. Silly live streaming. Live stream this. Sometimes it’s not on, you know. Sometimes it’s just… Turn it on. Turn it on. Turn it on again. Hey, everybody. Welcome to Static Shows. This is Bob. Thank you, Lizzo. Hey, everyone. This is Miles. Welcome to Static Radio. Thank you, Lizzo. What the hell? What the hell was that? I just like to provoke you a little bit. Thank you, Liz. I was like, what? I like to throw you off a little bit. I do play a mean flute. Remember that time in band camp? Wow. Hey. It’s a brand new year. It is 2025. Believe it or not. 2025. It’s hard to realize that. Yeah. i’ve i’ve thought for sure after i met you and there’s no way in hell he’s making it 2025. i thought when i first met you there’s no way he still has teeth like 2025. thanks i appreciate that because i was right about losing his hair though i was right yeah that’s true it’s unfortunate i still have most of my teeth
Yeah. Yeah. Well, you know, 2025 has brought us some snow. Did you get any snow at all? Not a whole lot. Well, the other day, I guess. It was a Thursday, Friday or something. We got like almost probably 10 inches of snow. No. Nope. Yeah. The first snow was the best snow. It was everywhere. and then we’ve got another another dusting of snow that’s pretty much gone i mean yeah it’s all gone. In the driveway, but the other snow’s still here yeah no considering we don’t normally we get snow and then it goes away right right you know yeah yeah but the interesting thing to me that comes with the snow is we get to see all the little critters skittering about because they’re
exposed. You can see their footprints. You can see them because there’s no camouflage. I recently saw two foxes frolicking in the snow. That was nice. Two of them. Not just one fox. Two foxes chasing each other, having fun. I’m like… hey, I wonder what else… This was during the day. I was like, hey, I wonder what else has been around at night. So I got all these cameras set up, and so I proceeded one evening to kind of… Anytime there’s movement near the camera, it records a little bit. And so I’m like, maybe I’ll find some stuff. It’d be cool. So I’m going through the… The camera, the different cameras and looking at the, you know, it keeps, I have a big memory thing, so it keeps it for weeks. Yeah. It’s not just like a day or something. It’ll just keep it. And then when it gets full, then eventually it’ll delete the old ones. And, but I mean, it’s going to take like a month or something to fill up this, the, you know, memory. Yeah. So I’m buzzing through things real quick. Oh, there’s a rabbit, right? Squirrels. There’s the dog running in front of the camera.
i think we’re working up to a slender man story here. Really? You think that’s where we’re going with this? I’m sure of it so i’m i’m going back through, you know, going through time, backwards in time, looking at all these things and you know let me mute myself. I’m sorry. You don’t need to hear this. I’m sorry. What are you doing? what’s happening over there? I ran out of peanut butter and the dog’s upset. I’m sorry. This dog is slender. I’m like, maybe you had a slender man thing going on there for some reason continue i’m gonna just mute this till this dog is done. Okay. Well, what is he doing? I don’t know. The dog heard something and now the dog’s upset. No, don’t worry about it. It’ll add some flavor to the story. Okay.
my sister is taking care of it. Okay. Choosy mothers choose Jeff. The, um, so, you know, I’m, I’m kind of buzzing through sitting in my, in my usual spot, you know, I think we’re kind of half-assed watching the show or something. And I get back to around christmas time and i’m clicking through, you know, Oh, you know, people coming and going in the front, you know, cars going yeah in the front and everything. And then, i’m I click and then there’s one of the back patio. And I’m like, wait, wait a minute. That’s, uh, my brother-in-law what he’s on the back patio at christmas time. Okay. And then the next thing i know, he’s taking a whiz. Oh, no, he’s not. He is not. Yeah. Oh, my God. So I start cracking up. I’m like laughing. Everybody’s like, what’s wrong? What is wrong with you? What is wrong? I’m like, I passed the iPad over to my wife, and I’m like, look at this. Your brother’s hanging dong. Your brother’s taking a whiz out on the patio.
and so then we’re all laughing he’s not there this is weeks you know it’s yeah recently it’s like the time has gone he’s gone and yeah and everything and i’m like oh my gosh i’m like oh my god you didn’t actually see you know his junk and stuff this was the even funnier part is is his back was to the camera yeah now my neighbors aren’t very close But he was pointed toward the neighbors. Oh, Jesus. He was, yeah, full frontal towards the neighbors. Oh, God, no. Yeah. But, I mean, they’re not close or anything. That’s hilarious. Oh, my God. And then I go, I’m like, did you know your brother was pissing outside on the patio? So everybody’s laughing and everything. There’s so many questions with this. Was this the first time? I’m assuming not, because here’s the kicker, right? Because everybody was at our house, right? My wife asked her mother, she’s like, did you know your son was out peeing on the patio? I’m like, oh yeah, he told me. My God, the kid’s like 50 for Christ’s sake. Jesus Christ. Oh my gosh.
Well, let me just say, unlike, you know, probably both of us, he is much more comfortable with himself. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. I would have to be like deep in the tree line. Oh, no, no. This literally took about five steps out from the patio peeing in the grass. No, there’s no way I would have the confidence to do that. I’m like, I’m so P shy. I’d be like, no, I’m trying to, he may have been on his phone. I don’t even remember. Oh my God. He’s whizzing and on his phone. He’s like doing that. So isn’t he like some like backroom bookie guy or something? Yeah. Right. Yeah. He does some gambling. Yes. Well, yeah. What do you, how do you, how do you like the saints this year? Let me see. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The Clippers. I’ll put 10 bucks on the Clippers. Who played on Netflix this year? That’s probably what he was talking about. Oh my God.
That is hilarious. It was really funny, and so we’re all laughing. Why didn’t he just go and use your bathroom? You guys got, like, nice, clean bathrooms. Well, this was also during, you know, the mini-pandemic that was happening, so there may have been no room at the inn during that time period. I don’t know. There was a lot of full bathrooms. That is weird. I mean, it’s fun. Actually, it’s more funny than weird, actually. It is funny. I asked Greg, can I tell a story about your brother whizzing off our patio? I hope I meet this guy someday. I’ll pretend like I know him. Hey, my grandparents live next door and I think they saw your dick or something. Hanging hog out in the back. Yeah, you were hanging dong, I think they said outside. Yeah.
my grandpa said more than two shakes and, uh, you know, there’s no, at this time of year, there’s no cover. Yeah. All the trees are empty. So no, there’s no way i would do that in broad daylight Like, well, it wasn’t well it wasn’t it was i guess it was like six o’clock. So it wasn’t daylight. So, yeah, but still, I, yeah, I don’t, I have a lot of weird stuff. I just can’t be like, it was, he was illuminated by the house i mean yeah there wasn’t an outside light on, but it was well okay all right well maybe that’s not as bad. I don’t know. Well, yeah. I’d still You would never do it. I know that. I wouldn’t do it. Hell. I would have to have several different views of me blocked before i did it. Yeah, there’s nothing outside here several times, but not like that. Yeah. Over by the shed.
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. That is… That is weird. It’s just not what I was expecting. I found rabbits and squirrels and a dog and all this other stuff. Yeah, you’re just going through all this, and then you’re like, what? And then I see him out there. Honey, what’s Fred doing out there writing his name? Yeah. Jesus. It was no snow though. It was all, it was no snow at that time. Oh, okay. Yeah. It was all still old uncle Fred out there taking care of business. Yeah. I asked the same question. I’m like, wasn’t there a bathroom? I mean, we saw, has he been a question since this has been discovered or is this like, you’re just waiting like for the day. Like, Hey, um, I, yeah. Yeah.
That day is coming, isn’t it? I’m sure my wife will say something to him, but I won’t. Hey, remember that time that you whipped out your hog? You want to go whizzing at Christmas time. Maybe make it inside or something. I don’t know. I’m whizzing in a Christmas. There’s nobody around here. He’s whizzing in a Christmas wonderland. Gonna piss like the new year. I hope the neighbors don’t have binoculars. They’re taking pictures. Of me tonight. Bigfoot was pissing on your patio. That is hilarious. Oh my God. Oh my God. But the thing was they, you know, I was just looking through stuff, and I was commenting on it, and then I get to this, and I’m just dying laughing. They’re like, what’s wrong with you? Ah, foxes and cardinals. Yeah, exactly. Birds, everything. Skinks. Birds and snakes and airplanes. Yeah, no, but I’m like, hmm, yeah. I’m glad that he’s a very confident man. Was there audio?
I did not play the audio, but there could have been. It would have been funny if he was singing Grease Lightning or something. Go Grease Lightning. Go Grease Lightning. Go Grease Lightning. Go Grease Lightning. Yeah. Wow. Go figure. Yeah. So are you going to go down to his house now and be like, all right, motherfucker. Uh, probably not drop a deuce right in his backyard. Like he’s, uh, he’s got more neighbors than, than we, yeah, he’s probably, yeah, he’s all, yeah. Well, it’s not that neighbor at that many, but he’s got more than we do. Yeah. Yeah. No, no, it was just, I don’t know. It’s just funny. That’d be funny to catch someone. Yeah. Now I, I swear he knows there’s cameras everywhere. I mean, I think I’ve talked about it. Maybe not. No, I’m pretty sure. I don’t even want to come back to your house now. Now I’m like, no, I’m afraid I’m going to be sleeping. You’re going to show me this video of me sleeping. I’m afraid it’s going to be like Samson Lambs. You can get a hotel like normal people next time. Yeah.
You’re going to have, like, those goggles from, like, Silence of the Lambs, like, you know, watching me as I sleep and touching my hair and be like, no. What size are you? What size are you? Extra large, I can tell. Oh, I think there’s a couple X’s missing. Those are size 44 pants. I can see it. Oh. Oh. Mm-hmm. Oh. Yeah. That’s, yeah, huh, the whizzer. The whizzer. Uh, yeah. The funny thing was, as i was watching it, I’m like, no, he’s not. What’s he doing? No, he’s not. And then he does yeah yeah could you see a shaking motion at any point when he finished or? I don’t, you know, he was facing away yeah remember you know I wasn’t glued to it. As soon as I saw it and knew what was happening, I’m laughing hysterically. I turned it off after the fourth time I watched it because it was so much. I only clipped it and put it on TikTok. Yeah, I’m sure, man. Please let it be on TikTok, please. Brother-in-law whizzes off patio. Hey, the dong man, the donger. Yeah.
So, yeah, that was, you know, holiday, festive holiday joy. That’s good. Yeah, that’s good. Oh, no. Handwashing probably went on after that. I’m guessing. Not on camera. Yeah, not on camera. He did it when he went inside. I have no clue. Yeah, I’m thinking not. He probably would say, what do you say? I got a dirty dick. Of course I don’t. Yeah, I’m sure he does. Oh my goodness. He wiped it on his pants. I have no idea. Yeah. Good for him. I don’t know. Yeah. But you know, what’s going on with you? Are you taking any big whizzes outside or no? Yeah. I was, wasn’t outside this cocktail party. No. Well, since we’re talking about brother-in-laws, I guess we might as well just keep going with the whole aspect of the, uh, and, uh, so we,
were invited to my brother-in-law’s home for, uh, New Year’s Eve. Oh, what? Yeah. I don’t think i’ve ever heard this before. I don’t think you’ve ever been invited over there ever. Um, it’s not that i wouldn’t go. I just, you know, I don’t, we’re such homebodies. Like we never leave for anything you know well you leave constantly you just okay i’m gonna go drive drive you know, Chicago for no reason. Well, there’s nothing like in it for me. No, I don’t go. I mean, there’s gotta be something in it for you. I got something. And, uh, I can barely get you to come down here. I guess there’s not enough in it for you. There’s not. Maybe if you could, i don’t know, arrange something cool. I used to buy you lunch. That’s not enough yeah you know, yeah, but i mean, anyone could buy me lunch i mean you know you gotta wow other people to buy me lunch you gotta wow me, you know, you just can’t be, you know, buy your lunch or something bro yeah okay well wow me you love joy monument every time, just okay yeah thank you, yeah. And, uh, that’s only the second gay date i was on, by the way
Anyway. You got a tally board or something? Yeah, I know I do believe me in my head, I do, because once was once too many yeah that’s a different story. Well, I’ve never heard that you’ve gotten invited over to your brother-in-law’s house. I was invited to my brother-in-law’s house. He invited us over. He’s like, as long as Miles pees outside, you can come on over. Now, I do have a lot of cameras, but I’d love to see you pee outside yeah And, uh, he’s like, uh, we get there and we’re, you know, bullshitting and all this and he’s like hey i’m getting hungry. Who wants to eat i’m gonna get it i’m buying i’m buying oh wow and he’s buying. Well, I would think if he invited you over at the very least, he should feed you yeah right i mean like you you know yeah right okay i’ll have beanie weenie or whatever you have whatever yeah we just go take a
piss off your porch first. And, uh, so the decision is made that he will order, uh, multiple pizzas from a gas station that rhymes with Stacy’s. Oh, you got, oh, your favorite. Yeah. How are we gonna beat meet norma’s pizza wow yes yeah it was all, you know, because every, you know, everyone’s got their own things they like and hate. So you’re trying to, it’s like a mathematical formula like okay i don’t know Well, we’ll just all go in and get slices. I’m surprised we just didn’t all go with, like, five cheeses or something at this point because, like, no one could eat, you know. I can’t have that. I’m lactose intolerant. Yeah, I won’t eat that. So, I mean, he’s going nuts ordering his pizzas, you know. He’s, like, on his phone, you know. He’s, like, ordering on his phone. I didn’t want to bug him because it looked like it was taking a while. I’m like, oh, shit. Oh, my God.
Oh, like he was doing an online order? Yeah. No, he was using his phone. The online order, gotcha. Yes, online order, yes. And so he does doing that and stuff like that. I hope this goes okay because, I mean, he’s taking quite a while to do this. I didn’t want to bitch about it because, I mean, I’m the guest. It’s taking 20 minutes for you to order on your goddamn phone. Maybe we should just drive down there. Yeah. I could just get a slice very easily if we just kind of like, you know, and, uh, I’ll take a red bull and a meat Norma slice down there. And, uh, he starts, he starts looking through, uh, he gets done. He’s like, all right, well, we’re going to go in a minute. He goes, I got to find something, or I don’t know what he was looking for. And this really has nothing to do with the story, but he opens up this like kitchen drawer and it’s full of like condiments.
you know, like, uh, you might get like mini syrups, you know, from McDonald’s or something, or, you know, hot sauce from it is brimming full brimming full. I’m like, Jesus Christ. Yeah. Smart guy. I like this guy eats up more than I do. Holy crap. This guy’s got a collection. I’m like, Holy crap. Wow. Cool. You know, I thought my grandma had like a collection of like jellies and stuff, man. Shit. This guy had her beat. I’m like, Jesus Christ. Yeah. Okay. That’s nice. I think it’s smart. You don’t have to pay for all that. I always get extra ketchup and put it in the fridge and have it. No, I know. I mean, I’m guilty a little. I have a little bit, but man, I mean, the whole drawer, the whole drawer. Well, the whole drawer. Me and Dr. J, when we started an office, we had a condiment box and it was everything. It was like Chinese condiments and taco sauce. And it was ribbon full.
It was brim and full. But the thing was, we had it for years. I was going to say, you worked for like 20 years with this guy. I know. So we had it for years. And literally some of the soy sauces were evaporated. We had it. Oh, Jesus. It was fun. We call it the condiment box. Yeah. And we had three different types of Taco Bell sauce. Holy crap. Yeah. Three different logos. From the different eras. Yeah, from the different eras of Taco Bell. So I relate, totally relate to this. Everybody would bring in stuff and add to the condiment box. You and him might get together pretty well, then, if I ever meet this guy. He’s kind of a big shot, you know what I’m saying? He’s kind of a big shot. Because he’s saving money on condiments, that’s why. That’s right. No, this guy’s a little bit of a big shot. He’s a player. He’s like, all right. Yeah.
Yeah, Miles, let’s jump into my Cadillac and go get that food. Yeah. All right. Ask for extra condiments. Like move your Dodge Dart, Miles. You got to get some mozzarella. You got to get some Parmesan packets and some red pepper packets. Miles, can you move your Ford Fiesta so we can get the, you know. Yeah. The Escalade out of the garage, please. Okay. All right. The Escalade, yeah. Cool. And, uh, he was in a very good mood and i was like, okay, this guy’s a very good move very easy going guy and very nice guy, generous guy. And he’s like yeah got all ordered. He’s just taking me a tour of the city. Oh, you know, this and that. And, uh, so we have to go across town and, uh, he goes, okay, here it is right here here get on out. Come on. Oh, you had to go with him.
Yeah, I’m like the protege at this point. I’m like, you know. You’re carrying. You’re the carrier. Yeah, I’m like Robin. You know, he’s Batman. I’m Robin. Just, you know, walking in like, hey, Batman. Hey, where’s the pizzas at? Yeah, so. Good enough, Robin. Get your grubby mitts back. Meanwhile, the cases. And we head towards the pizza counter. Mm-hmm. where they make the pizzas and you pick up your pizzas and such. And there’s literally, literally two dozen people waiting. Oh shit. I mean, it’s new year’s Eve. It’s probably six, seven o’clock at night. I mean, there’s like everyone in this town is here going to have this fucking pizza. I’m like, Holy crap. I’m like, this is going to be a while. This is really going to be, this is, this is a bad idea.
Yeah. Oh, no, no, no. We start elbowing our way to the front. Okay. Excuse me. Excuse me. Pardon. Excuse me. Great Poupon. Yes. Yeah. Sí, habla español. Sí, sí. We’re getting, we’re getting. Where’s my goddamn pizzas? Hey, blood. You know what I mean? Holy cow. This guy’s like, you’re smooching his way up there. Like, hey, how are you doing? All right. your dog still got cancer? Oh, she didn’t make it? Oh, oh, what’s bad? Oh, yeah, he like knows half the people. Hey, you foreclosed on my mom’s house thanks yeah so he’s schmoozing all these people. Like, now we’re like in front. We’ve just cut through 20 people to the front of the line. Yeah. This sounds like your type of guy. He’d love to do this. I know. I was jealous. I’m like, God damn this guy. I can get away with it. I’m taking notes. Yeah, I know. I’m like, okay, first of all, I got to increase my income by about $70,000. Okay, I can see that. You can do it. And he starts trying to schmooze the counter people. Hey, what’s going on, guys? I’m like, okay. Need some help back there making pizzas? Oh, you guys look busy.
I brought this fat homunculus. He can help out. His name is Chaka. Or Chongo. Yeah, he’s Chongo from Danger Island. Oh, Chongo. Only old people will know that. But anyway, yeah. So he’s like, hey, hey, my brother. I think I see my pizza right there. Can you go grab that, please? Oh, so he spied it. Yeah. Cause I mean, he ordered like, you know, four or five of them at least. And, uh, at first they’re kind of, Hey man, we’re kind of busy, you know? And he’s like, Oh no, no, I get it. I get it. But I think those are mine way back there. If you look, if you read it. Yeah. And, uh, yeah, he’s already paid for it and everything. I’m like, Oh, okay. And sure enough, there they are ready to go. Cool. Yeah.
hot, juicy, ready to go, and then we had to do the walk of shame out of there with these pizzas. Head down. He just cut out in front of everybody and went and got his pizza. Yes. I felt like the biggest asshole. That’s why you were there. You were there to draw attention. It’s a diversionary tactic. They’re all like, is that… Is that Bam Majura? Is that Bill Truitt-Vence from… It’s Bam from Jackass, I think. I don’t know who it is. That right there? God. That Otis. Otis, yeah. That Otis was a… Yeah, I just completely… I’m head down, did not make eye contact with him. I’m out of here. I’m out of here. I hate to tell you, I’m going to keep using that actor because…
I think he’s in the new Superman movie as Superman’s dad. Oh, really? Khalil? To the fruit fence. No, no. He’s the human dad. Oh, he’s like the John Ford or the Len Ford. Len Ford. Ford, the platformer. Kevin Costner. Yeah, I played him. Anyway, yeah. Kevin Costner. In the… Anyway. So you were a total dick. on new year’s Eve. I was an accomplice to the deck. Yeah, I wasn’t. Yeah, I wasn’t the main dick Interesting. This whole show is about dicks. Yeah, really. How to act like one, how to whip out one. I mean, it’s all the, no, no, he’s a very nice guy. I’m not putting him down. I just, it’s, I felt so weird. It’s like, excuse us, please, please. Money waiting.
Excuse me. I’m not hanging out in this line of losers. Yes, you unemployed people, please make way, please. I’m like, oh, my God. Oh, my gosh, yeah. Oh, my God. No power to him. This is how you get ahead in life. He’s like Rockefeller throwing dimes at people. Like, here you go. Here you go. Throwing dimes at people. That’s what we did in the Great Depression. Here you go. Here you go. There’s a… Brother, can you spare a dime? Yes, I can. Here’s yours. Brother, can you spare a dime? Yeah. So how was the pizza? It was good. I did enjoy it after my walk of shame. And yes, I did. I don’t know if you want to call it. I don’t know. I was an accomplice to whatever just happened. I’m like, oh, fuck. I hope you choke on that fucking pizza, you guys.
Like, I know someone’s going to beat the shit out of us on this parking lot. I know it. We’re just going to get the shit. We’re going to get our asses kicked real fast out here. No, they were still blinded by your brilliance there. Yeah, I guess. I was the muscle once again. Yeah. Muscle, you know. i was doing my one hand behind my back trick that i like to do to act like i have a weapon. it works so well, yeah. Yeah, that works so well the last time everybody just thinks you’re trying to hold up your pants. Well, that too, yeah. Because I usually am sans belt. Yeah. It’s just saggy drawers look like a full diaper hanging around. Thank you, brother-in-law, for buying pizza. that was very nice. And then any leftovers?
Oh, there was a lot left over. Well, shit, it was like five pizzas. Jesus Christ. Everyone had their own pizza, basically. It was like five people, five. No, there were six people. No drinks and no napkins. That cheap son of a bitch. God damn it.