This album is dedicated to the people that used to love that tried to silence or harm me. The ones that would take their love away from me and bread crumb me when they needed something. the ones that told me I was too old , too fat , disposable and that something was wrong with me.
But these fuckers can live in sunlight.
One of the reasons this project took so long was because I let these vampires into my life, my heart and my bed.
I was also in a brutal 9-month court battle with my ex-partner, and to make it worse I was not prepared to learn more of his lies as the courts unfolded his true colors.
A complete con artist and psychopath.
I’m talking Lifetime may be buying the rights soon.
The most surprising part was learning he had a plan to kill me at the end but did not go through with it. Yet he got the drugs in me then raped me when I was groggy and filmed it for his collection. Which he used to bait guys on Scrif and Grinder.
Imagine having someone inside you and holding you thinking you found your partner , to later on finding out that he wanted you gone band was filing you without your knowledge
And who do you talk to about that ? If I heard someone talking about that I would think they were insane. So I kept it to myself.
And I had to process this while I was working ain a Covid ICU putting people in body bags at the hospital.
I Then I did something stupid. I sent my ex groceries. My thought at the time was I was hoping it could just stop his insanity. It took it to another level. I was not allowed to do that so he filed the complaint and I was put in the general population of the Baltimore State Prison. I was the only white guy in there.
Just when I thought there was no way he could hurt me anymore then he did. It went to a whole new level.
When I finally got out and was able to get home; I bought a bag of blow, a bottle of vodka, and a few razor blades and I sat in the bathtub. I was planning on taking my life.
Until I saw my dogs all sitting in the doorway looking at me. I crawled out of the tub and layer on the floor with them. I cried all night. They never left my side.
It was then that the universe forced me into a fire I did not want to go into. Nor one that I thought I had the strength to endure. Taking a true look at myself and asking why did I let this man do this to me.
It would of been easier to play the victim. But I gave him the scissors multiple times , hoping I would get difficult results.
I died that night , I do not mean physically, I mean spiritually.
I have never been in so much pain , so alone or scared.
I had given all of myself to someone who I just wanted to love me.
Isn’t that what we all want?
And just like my father that rejected me for being who I am.
When I looked in the mirror , I saw a broken 50 year old man but inside was that 4th grader just wanting to be held. To be told it’s going to be ok and mostly that I was loved.
For 50 fucking years that’s al I ever wanted.
And what a cliche it is but quoting the Wizard of Oz when the good witch tells Dorothy. “ you had the power all along “.
Loving yourself , setting boundaries and staying far away from toxic people has to be the hardest lesson we face.
Many choose to numb themselves with sugar , drugs , sex and /or alcohol instead of looking in that mirror.
Fuck, I did for 50 years.
Not anymore.
This album, set or whatever you want to call it is my story. It is my walk through the fire and my rise from the ashes on the other side.
Nobody will ever take away my confidence again.
If this speaks to you.
I'm waiting on the other side.
The cool thing about when you get over here…
you will be "UNFUCKWITHABLE 👆"
🙏🏻
Bill Bennett
