I believe I read in the book interpersonal neurobiology that we have an inner sense of interoception and I think in the book it was talking about how we can sort of feel our internal organs and stuff if we if we really tune into sensing that but there's I believe he also talked about just an inner sense in terms of sensing our thoughts and our feelings and our emotions and if you think about the sense organs like the ears or the eyes those structures can actually be diseased like you can get an eye disease or an ear disease of some sort and it'll affect your sense of hearing and so with the interoception or the inner sense perhaps that can get a dis ease as well and it changes the way we sense our inner experiences actually feel that we have a certain aperture of the amount of information that we're aware of inwardly and I think that's controlled by the reticular activating system so perhaps it's the reticular activating system that gets messed up and allows way too much information to come through at the same time or for us to be aware of at the same time the subconscious mind processes you know millions of bits of information each second and I believe the reticular activating system allows us to process like 12 bits per second so it's very minute so if you can imagine that something causes that to allow way too much information through and I actually did read somewhere that if we're stressed that more bits of information are coming through so there's something to do with stress and having this happen as well so it could be that with too much stress for too long then we're having too much information and eventually you know we try to make meaning out of that information and we start to make errors in the meaning that we're trying to make and just as I say that I'm wondering because we go about our daily life and we have a certain meaning that we have in daily life and everybody is around a very similar level of meaning of just feeling I'm trying to be happy looking for happiness striving and so if mania and psychosis is almost an error in the meaning making system or the amount of information that processing and making meaning out of or noticing and all of a sudden we notice more things synchronistically because we're noticing more information to make those associations and then we start thinking wow life's magical I'm wondering if that's like a necessary evil of the brain and of the world because otherwise would we ever really adjust our level of meaning making that we make were you know even how a lot of people become really altruistic or concerned about certain causes if that person say for example was able to make a huge change in the way everybody saw a certain issue it could be an issue that we already know about but basically that would change the meaning a person seeing that maybe can change the meaning and if they're able to change the meaning and people see that whole issue differently then that changes the collective conscious and a change is sort of the level of consciousness of society because more people are consciously aware of that issue so because a person just pretend had an error in their meaning-making system and they all sudden solve all this meaning somewhere and decided to act and change the meaning for the whole or at least for part that changes the collective consciousness and if that never happened to the person they never saw that and they never saw that as meaningful then they wouldn't have gone about working to change that issue and if that never happened they never did that that never changed it just goes along in the same monotonous way for that person and it continues the stream of monotony as a whole so in a way mania and psychosis are actually very important to make different ripples to make different waves to cause a ripple effect and the ripple effect it often causes is those person mentally ill and now we have to take care of them but imagine we actually were able to help people harvest their visions that they're having and harvest their passions and you know harvest some of the energy that they are having and instead of it just arising through an individual and then feeling all passionate and wanting to change certain things and help certain things and then it it's like a dying seedling it doesn't point make it and if there's one little seedling nobody's really going to water it and pay attention to it but often if there's a thousand seedlings somebody's going to come along and say hey I'm better cultivate this little garden that's happening here and and nourish it and I feel like if the person was able to harvest some of that even if they did die back into their regular self or even you know worse in a way because there is a certain grief and hangover after experiencing that magnificence to go back to normal feels even worse than normal because of the contrast I feel though that a person at least personally maybe needs to harvest the things and try to remember and recall what they were passionate about because even though that energy is gone it doesn't mean that those ideas and visions and concerns aren't still kind of there and that might be the way actually to to recover in a way and it's almost like our little seeds are popping up in different places but there's not enough of us to really bring momentum I imagine if you were in mania and you were with somebody else in mania you would probably get into a lot more trouble than if you're just by yourself because you would really seed each other's passions and ideas and I feel like if we can have conversations with each other even if we're not in those hyper-energetic States and it's probably better to not if we're in a hyper energetic state unless it's you know one person's actually you know keeping the other person safe while having these conversations and they're not in that high energy or even if two people are they probably need a babysitter because so it's better to talk about it after the fact and actually take those energetic seeds that have lost their energy and and and create something with them in in daily existence because maybe that's the fun part it's wonderful to have that lovely energy but it's possible that some of us with visions can create a vision and it could be quite inspiring possibly and then people that aren't necessarily people that have gone into manic states and psychotic states they are on board to like wow I want to participate in that and even though as a vision that came out of say ten people's manias it actually is not exclusive to everyone because perhaps the vision is a gift for the whole world not just the people that go into those states individually or collectively and if we were able to do that it's possible that people that typically might be a little bit afraid of people that have mental health challenges might start to see people with mental mental health challenges as visionaries so perhaps they won't see them as mentally ill and perhaps some of this working towards it would heal some of the stuff that is seen as mental illness or you know if a person for example is thinking I'm not mentally oh I'm a visionary but yet is seemingly quite mentally ill in that heart of function on meds having side effects you know typical mental illness case working towards the vision together might help heal some of that in that the purpose another purpose but you know one of the reasons why the state happened maybe is to get some kind of seed of meaning or vision yet if it's not utilized the person who is the seed is just going to be like dormant in you know in a drawer of somebody's seed collection I really feel like having conversations and seeing what we can harvest out of it could go a long way to to change the whole issue of stigma I feel that stigma is there's a lot of self stigma and stigma goes with the story that were given about mental illness about mental health diagnosis and we spend a lot of time or there's a lot of time being spent fighting stigma and I feel like while that's very it's a good thing to do if we have conversation about you know a thousand different ways a thousand different words to describe this from mental illness to visionary to genius to profit to whatever and it doesn't mean that I think I'm a prophet maybe I had a prophetic thought doesn't necessarily make me a prophet but maybe there was something that seemed like prophecy in a way or vision or dream or there's so many different you know as there's so many different things along the spectrum of it and I feel like sometimes I could be just a person with a mental illness and other times I'm quite a visionary and other times I'm really quite idiotic sometimes I can't think and or really process I'm very slow sometimes I'm quicker now which one is the real me I don't really know what I'm saying is I'm all those things and but I'm not all those things at the same time some of them are mutually exclusive whereas other times I can be mentally ill and be a visionary it's actually quite disorienting to be a visionary or to have extreme states of consciousness come out of nowhere and it makes me at times quite non-functional makes me quite terrified when there's no real reason in reality in my general vicinity to be that terrified and that can be called illness and that can be called brain disease I've been to the psych ward five times and I often while I always learn a lot on there so even though I'm experiencing really terrible things I'm quite engaged and I'm always learning and I write a lot and there could be a lot of you know there could be a lot of illness within me or part of me feels like I process a lot of the collective unconscious for everybody so if a lot of people are able to ignore these inner elements and inner realities that we all share our collective past that the collective past has seeded this present moment and each one of us were seeded or born on this earth at a certain point and that implies the collective past so that sort of implicit within all of us and sometimes we can slip into knowledge of things that have happened in the past that we couldn't otherwise know and it seems to be to me holographically imprinted we can access almost anything and again it's like too much information it's disorienting imagine if you didn't just have your own personal thoughts but you had thoughts of a war 200 years ago etc etc it becomes draining it's it and it's almost it's it almost feels like I'm processing my own inner stuff there's a lot of it and it gets mixed in with some collective stuff as well and perhaps that's what makes me ill is that a lot of people most people can deal with a lot of their own stuff unless a person is like traumatized extra but if it's somehow if that aperture of awareness opens up too much beyond one's own personal consciousness it is difficult to it's difficult to deal with it's difficult to process in it it makes one need to rest and need to be protected from the outside because there's way too much inner information going on that it's difficult to just relate normally it's difficult to do anything um I don't know why I brought that up the trouble with that too is that when all that extra stuff is coming from beyond one's personal self it feels like it is one's personal self still so then it feels like oh that's my fault it was something bad that happened 100 years ago a physical my gosh that's my fault it could even be like elements from one's past life I've had senses of that too whether or not past lives are true I don't know if that can ever really be proven but we can have that experience subjectively and it's it's a common experience like a lot of people have that and a person wouldn't necessarily believe it if somebody else said they had that experience but that's the thing if you have never experienced mania or psychosis a lot of what I'm saying you would say wow that's not true I don't believe that but you know if you have a brain you're not immune to this and one day you might know you might know what I'm talking about and I really hope you don't because most of it is not fun I think what I was talking about was related to again not alienating the system but just expanding our own vocabulary first and then from there seeing how it goes and I did talk about in another video how making some of these monologue stories of our own inner visions or experiences or subjectivity and making them dialogues could keep us from going off into that visionary land and there's definitely something about possibilities in mania it feels like infinite possibilities and with that infinite possibilities comes infinite energy or what feels like infinite energy so infinite possibilities

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