I want to talk about the word meme and a meme is just an idea or thought or a word its equivalent in biology would be a gene and I've read that there are thoughts that memes replicate just like jeans do so jeans replicate in biological reproduction and memes get passed in the form of thoughts and everything through our brains and our brain cells and lately I've been having more insights about the whole ego me thing the ego is the me and it's interesting that meme is spelled m e m which is me me so it's something in my mind that gets passed from one me to another me so Mimi not only that is once it is in someone's brain in order for it to replicate it has to happen more than once unless somebody I think it does have to happen more than once if somebody has that meme and then wants to pass it on they at least have to process it and think about it and think about it again to pass it on and even if they forget about it after that point it still was a me me in their mind so it goes from me to me from ego to ego and I might have talked before how I'm really seeing that language is really a virus it gets stuck in our brains so memes are kind of like word viruses and i guess some could be more positive than others actually when i first had a scary experience of altered states of consciousness otherwise known as psychosis at one point when I would look at the computer there would be stuff that was probably there or not there I actually might have taken a picture of this one but I'm not I can't remember but it was just a totally benign website i was looking at and in the top margin it said languages of virus so when i was in that scary state of consciousness i was seeing scary messages everywhere so i'm looking at the computer at saying language as a virus i'm looking at language I'm saying Oh what do I do and it freaked me out but I'm seeing now that it's really true that language is a virus we can use language or language can use us and I think most the time it uses us because we're conditioned by thoughts were conditioned by education and J Krishnamurti talks a lot about this and I'm not saying his name in order to say I'm representing him or even know what he was talking about I don't per se I've I've studied his stuff for probably eight years but it's only now that i'm actually really starting to see what he's saying and i know throughout the process of studying his writings and his talks on youtube i always have some level of oh I see what he's saying but with his talks and his writings that I see what he's saying always keeps going it's continuous it's not oh I see what he's saying conceptually and then try to memorize it and or forget about it you actually see what he's saying or you don't see it it's not about actually being like yeah yeah that makes sense it's about actually really seeing it so there's a very subtle line between agreeing with it and conceptualizing it and actually seeing what he's saying and I feel like perhaps I'm getting to the point where I'm actually seeing what he's saying with regards to the language aspect I could be deluding myself I have to just drop it and keep learning but what I'm saying is that some of my insights are similar to stuff that he says he says it in a different way but I've been kind of coming up with it or seeing it it appears on my mind screen as I see this without actually listening to or reading his teachings I'm actually observing it within myself so I'm actually reading that within my off and i'm not sure where else we can really read things from but within ourselves and even if i think about my experiences of so-called psychosis it's always thoughts it's always words it's always language so I've gotten to the point where I've come really close to ending my life because I'm taken over by this language and these images attached to the language and also these felt feeling senses in my body and it's all like an attack of language of memes and I don't know where they come from but Krishnamurti talks about how when you see this ego structure of thought and how dangerous it is you move away from it like you would if you saw a snake you wouldn't think twice you would just move away from it so in that way I'm seeing that if i do have any kind of thought that's anything that resembles something that could become associative and lead to a spiral into being taken over by a thought structure that could lead me into a so-called psychosis I actually kind of jump away from it internally like I just saw a snake like it's not something I want to play with or or entertain in any way shape or form and and to me that process of insight is sort of the protective thing against the thought because if there is some kind of weird thought structure the insight sees that it's a snake instead of identifying with it and sort of taking the snake and wrapping it around once waist or neck it's just like whoa like no that's not something I want to go near at all and I don't know if that's true at all but since my last psych ward experience and how terrible it was I'm really I feel like I'm really more attuned to watching for those snakes whereas before I might I might kind of be like oh whatever and sort of have that energy dwelling a bit versus really seeing whoa that's not something that I want to to even think about it's a very subtle thing and i don't i don't know if it's really working or if i am actually doing something with that i won't know unless I become hospitalized all know that I wasn't able to do it but um I feel I feel like I said more attuned to it my mom actually told me an interesting story she said when she was young she had these sort of seizure like freezing experiences where she wouldn't be able to speak for I don't know how long and her aunt once told her if you keep that up you're going to end up at the the psych whatever the facility was called that it was for long-term people that were chronic and this was say 50 years ago when people just went into institutions and didn't come out and she my mom told me that after her aunt said that it never happened again and maybe it was some kind of coping strategy my mom developed and I don't know how many times it happened she didn't say but she basically said that when her aunt said keep that up and you're going to end up institutionalized something changed within my mom and it never happened again and I thought that was really interesting because she shared that with me sometime after my most recent hospitalization and I feel like since my recent hospitalization not that it was good before going to the hospital but I was maybe a little bit more careless because I knew oh if I go there no big deal like it wasn't that bad but now I see what could happen so it's almost like that fear of going back and and so the fear of going back leads me to be more insightful about the things that could bring me fear and lead me to going back so it's a little bit of a subtle difference because if I'm just afraid of going back that's going to cause more fear and if I have a fearful thought that's kind of like something I might think in psychosis it'll actually feed into that fear and make it worse so my fear of going back is actually not being afraid of going back which I wasn't before but the subtle difference is now I have to really exercise my mind to not tap into that fear that sometimes allows the fear to accumulate to the point where i eventually get to a space where i'm thinking in terrifying ways that would actually lead me to go back to the psych ward so my fear of the psych ward is making me more watchful of my fear not that i'm actually physically being afraid of the psych ward so in my mom's case that extreme fear of going back or going to be institutionalized kind of snapped her into a place where she didn't allow herself to go there to produce that reaction of being somewhat catatonic that might lead her to go there so in the same way I'm more watchful and perhaps snap doon snapped into a place where I may be internally won't allow myself to go there and that's just a theory because anything could happen really but I liken it to the same sort of thing and I guess it's just really being a little bit more responsible for my inner self and it's it's all nice in theory I feel like I'm practicing that because I haven't I haven't had those sort of thoughts that might get me to end up back in the psych ward so that's a good thing Plus also knowing that if I end up back there it'll probably make it worse and not better because that's what happened last time so knowing that I don't really have a safe place to go and the safe place I went before might make me worse then I'm even more watchful of myself because I feel a little bit like I'm on my own with it and the thing with the meme to the me me that's that's what our brains are doing all the time as me me me me me me me me me me me me me and I talked before in a video about how those things classified as thought disorders and I don't know anything about that I'm not a doctor or anything but Krishnamurti would say that thought is disorder so this ego thought this meanie me me me is actually disorder because it's not actually real it's an abstraction its conceptualization and it's not actually representing what's going on right now and it's conditioning and programming and when we think about the moments in life when we really feel alive it's actually when we are not thinking about ourselves so if we see a really beautiful baby or beautiful sunset and we're awestruck and in those moments our ego is rendered silent and we feel this sort of bliss and peace well the opposite of that is the ego chattering on about stuff and then there's a lot of people that want to do extreme sports in order to get the ego to be quiet and when people get really good at that they call it flow they're just like in the zone there in the flow and Steven Kotler and Jamie will are doing a lot of research around this and in my mind we shouldn't necessarily need to get to the point where we're extreme athletes or jumping out of a plane every day to get our ego to be quiet there's likely an easier way and in my mind if the ego is quiet then we're actually in flow in daily life nearly all of the time and it's not that mysterious actually and I talked in another video about when a person first experiences say a mania it feels so ecstatic and wonderful and I really am beginning to think it's because it's just something we're not used to so a beautiful sunset might remove the ego mostly for a minute or two but now imagine it's rendered silent for a month and really really silent and doesn't mean there's not any thoughts going on but it's something new and creative and wondrous and that would feel really good by virtue of it just being something completely different the ego doesn't feel good and it takes a lot to actually make it feel good and usually that's just a pleasure response so thinking something pleasurable makes us feel some pleasure and that makes it easier to get through the day and that's what a lot of the self improvement stuff is is on that level and that's an important level as well but it's still the level of the me any kind of thought and thinking is the level of the me when you're awestruck by a beautiful sunset you don't need a thought to make that happen it's just seeing is perception now imagine if that perception could be just a wondrous and blissful when looking at a sunset to just looking around in daily life and I just had deja vu like I said that before and I might have on a different video but I actually don't remember other than deja vu I thought that was like a new thought but maybe not and that's the thing with making these videos I probably repeat myself but I don't I don't remember at all and I think that's okay if I come up with the same thing twice maybe that is a good thing and this again is more collapsing a wave function as a conversation with myself it's not meant to be about right and wrong it's not meant to be uber spiritual or philosophical or scientific it's just it's just whatever and that's that's what the experience of mania is like it's like looking at everything new looking with new eyes looking a fresh not looking through the mine screen of the ego thinking about a thousand yesterday's it's not actually something that mysterious or profound it's just the same as a child would look at the world they don't yet have all these thought structures given to them and they have this energy and joyousness about them who says we can't be like that as adults and what is it that gets in the way of that the ego gets in the way the me the thinking mind and we don't understand we don't know that there's actually something that operates beyond that we're just so used to the ego thinking mind that we think that that is necessary and and it's not and the ego thinking mind reality sucks we already know that that's why so many people are doing meditation and yoga and extreme sports and illicit drugs and eating food that and zoning out with TV it all zones out the ego it all numbs us to that numbs out that thinking process now if you think again about the sunset that sunset blew away the ego thinking process now do we require a sunset to make that go away no it's more looking from that level beyond the ego when we see that sunset and it puts us in awe and makes the ego be quiet for a moment can we look from that place beyond the ego that quiet place that quiet place is always there but we don't know how to look from that place because we're always looking through the ego and so many people are spending a lot of money trying to get to that quiet place by doing mindfulness and all this stuff and it's very it's important for sure but it's actually our natural ability to look from that quiet space so can we look at everything in our daily life like we're looking at the most beautiful sunset we've ever seen for the very first time like we've never seen it before can we look at a human face that way with awe and wonder and curiosity and and just being struck by the beauty of another living human being how is that less beautiful than one's favorite mind-numbing TV show since we're not looking in this way we need so much entertainment and entrainement and we're just numbing out and we're not really even here that much we're not actually in reality we're in this pseudo reality entertainment complex conditioning and and I've been thinking more about teenagers and and children lalian and how a lot of them go through mental health stuff in their teens and now there's things like ADHD and so many different conditions and I went to a lecture and I was listening to this stuff and I'm thinking to myself you have like 30 kids in a classroom and you're getting them to sit in a desk for six hours a day so boring and it's like school is all about conditioning and programming asta to be good and learn a certain thing to participate in this society that is just brutal it's not really a collaborative cooperative society it's competition and all that so we're training kids for that and not only that the world is getting more complex so there's so many more things to explore yet we're getting everyone to sit down at the same time and explore the same boring topic and these kids nowadays they know that there's so much more to explore they could do more learning by themselves than they probably do in a in a classroom like that and then we say these kids have ADHD I don't think so dr. Daniel Siegel talked about that a system it's an mathematical law that a system is designed to move towards maximum complexity and if it stopped from moving towards maximum complexity it goes to either chaos or rigidity and now you think about a child it's designed to go to maximum complexity and in the system of society they're actually being trained into rigidity and then the child reacts sometimes with chaos like not being able to focus or fidgeting or whatever and then they're called 80d or ADHD to me it's actually just part of mathematical law that there's going to be kids that can can't do it they're not really designed to do that and even things like anxiety I feel like it's an oversimplification but children are naturally born with the ability to learn and then they go to school and they're told to memorize and that's not actually learning and I feel like part of anxiety is actually to do with the fact that somewhere deep inside the child they know they are being programmed to stop learning and to start conforming and these feelings are actually just a warning sign of that and I think it's really sad I it's a lot I have a lot more thoughts on it but it's it's really like humanity is becoming more complex before there's you know there's a certain number of religions or in a certain number of political parties and and social classes and you can kind of divide people up between that and then and then it's all said and done but now it's almost like each person is just a unique thing on their own with no social class no religion that they have to need to they need to come up with that stuff for themselves they need to learn it for themselves so any religion a person might come to the insights of that religion on their own throughout life without having to be told this is what you need to follow if a person is actually really learning they may see those things for themselves there's a difference between being told and seeing it for yourself and seeing it for yourself is learning being told is not learning so kids are being are getting tired of being told and and humanity is moving towards more complexity faster than humanity is able to adapt to not be judgmental and that's unfortunate and sad because really it's designed to move towards complexity so now there's so many more people say changing genders and that wouldn't have existed 200 years ago there wasn't the medical technology there wasn't the the population whatever even though there might have been people feeling that way but now it's come to the point where people can do that what I'm saying is how people choose to express themselves as is infinite and a person should be able to learn that within themselves without fear of judgement and persecution and we we could all approach each other as each person is it just totally unique canvas and they're learning about themselves and we're learning about ourselves and we're learning together and it's not about it's not about seeing differences it's actually seeing sameness and that's why I feel like the whole world centricity idea is very important and that is seeing and learning together which is we so memes or me me me me me and me judges the me looks around and sees differences but the wii and i had this made up a word called the we go instead of the ego which is based on memes and me me me we have the we go which is based on relationships and seeing the common humanity and what two people can learn together when they meet up so it's about learning and this ties into the to what dr. Daniel Siegel talks about with the relational mind the relational mind is is the you in relationships which is actually a we because there's no relationship with nobody it's the relationship with another person so how we make wheeze and dr. Daniel Fisher talks about how psychosis is a monologue and a monologue is one person in their head and not really in conversation with another person there in a conversation in their own mind with themselves and kind of lost in their own world well this is a world of me and a person is lost in the me even worse than a person that has this sort of normal so-called normal me consciousness and that normal me consciousness is able to relate with other people in normal me consciousness but a psychosis me consciousness is a deeper monologue where someone's not actually relating to other people because what they're thinking is hard to relate to other people and so this we aspect is actually the relational mind which is relating to other people so people were there's an open dialogue approach to psychosis to help talk to people to reconnect them to their social fabric to reestablish their wheeze and then in that way a lot of times they're psychosis sort of resolves itself and I feel like those people connect again with sort of the Mimi level but I also feel there's another way is from ego consciousness to we go consciousness which is like we go together and where are we and it's we go we go so it's sort of relating with how we fit together how we make a we what can we bring out in each other that's the best how can we help each other learn about ourselves and one another and the relationship I feel like the protection is actually in the relational mind and I was thinking about how in my first three and a half years of being in the mental health system I didn't have any adverse experiences and I lived in community housing surrounded by I might have interacted with 10 to 30 people a day where I lived and then I moved out of there but and I lived for two years by myself but I was working in a medical office and I probably interacted with you know 30 or 40 people five days a week through that and so there was a lot of we making there was a lot of interaction with people and as soon as I disconnected from that I have since been in the hospital three times and so I'm really seeing the importance of that kind of community and how important community is and making making wees back to kids for a minute we're giving them a shitty reality and reality socks and and they're having a difficult time the only way to really help is to make reality better for them that's not the only way I'm sure there's other ways to the rebelling against what we're trying to give them which is all this conditioning and even if they do get the conditioning it's making them anxious or it's making them all these things that's making them into little egos and and it's it's not really healthy

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