I have officially being driven crazy by where I live so I'm sitting in my car in the rain out of quiet park last night I had a bit of a meltdown just all the noise was really getting to me I figure that with the job I have right now I just need less noise when maybe usually I could be okay with it one thing I didn't account for on my little jaunt to set it apart was the fact that eventually I'm going to have to pee I have a speaking engagement in a couple hours and it's about sharing my recovery story and I'm going to see if I can switch it up a little bit and share a bit more about the transformative nature of the experience and how it's like being transformed into someone with more empathy which makes it more difficult to go through society as it's designed even just saying the word difficult I don't want to need to say the word difficult I feel like I'm making my life difficult by staying in a paradigm that use people as difficult and having difficulties and having difficult lives so I've been feeling rather grumpy the last few days and I don't know if that's a sign to myself that this isn't the right paradigm maybe it's because I've been talking to myself so much about the other paradigm that this is feeling less congruent for me and I think about the last two years working in the mental health paradigm and trying to remember the number of times that I've really enjoyed myself and there's got to be some times but not a ton not like when I was working in a medical office and just having fun and it wasn't about the fact that I have a mental illness it was a very joyful and joyous place and I think about my newest job and the people I'll be relating to I can't imagine that it'll be like a joyous way of relating tired of convincing people of the value of pure support and like I said I don't even know how valuable it is within the system because the system turns it into something that it's not supposed to be because it doesn't understand the way that it helps people without setting goals and working towards goals and things like that it doesn't realize that when you really form a relationship with someone a person will just naturally start flower because we're designed to be related and through the process of having a diagnosis people often feel isolated and self stigmatized and all those things so the relationship helps to heal that which is impeding the person from naturally moving forward in their life so to go about it in a systematic way misses the point and then I'm thinking low B grade of people who are peer support workers could give feedback to the system to inform the system to support the system to change but I don't even know if they'll listen they're probably afraid that people would live experience will come in and take over their jobs and I was thinking about how before I talked about how recovery for what I don't like the term recovery anyway because I think it's a transformation it's recreation and rediscovery of oneself and it's developing new lines of intelligence that aren't valued by society so then they get sort of missed and lost and then gets funneled into this non-functional mentally ill person when they're supposed to flower into a different function so again recovery for what if you want to use the term recovery well right now I'm recovering in order to function in the mental health system and not necessarily function as the function that is innate within the transformative process itself so again and I'm the square peg trying to fit myself into a round hole maybe what I'm seeing with all this talking to myself with all the self dialogue is that not really moving into the context through which I'm speaking to myself about and it was interesting because I open this book that I have by Timothy Leary called your brain is God and I turned exactly to the page that talks about how Gaia uses the word gaya has divisions of labor for humans sort of like social insects and certain humans are supposed to do certain functions and uses an example where if everybody was scholarly or and read and was a writer well then who would run the shops and who so who and who would farm and things like that so there has to be people with different capacities and intelligences and I I feel like what's happened with with this transformative experience as it's a different line of intelligence developing and it's developing in people in their in their late teens early 20s and throughout their life because that is actually what's needed by Gaia and that's again related to everything I talked about both the shutting down of the prefrontal cortex and and it's not necessarily that the prefrontal cortex is bad and I've talked a lot about how it's kind of bad it might just be that there is enough of that already it would be like every tree in the world being a maple tree well you need to have more than one variety of tree so since there's so much emphasis on the prefrontal cortex and that's how we're certain people are able to maintain their lines of development and go into sports or go into art and other things that aren't necessarily valued by society and a certain number of you go into what is valued by society and they become the professionals looking down at the people that aren't able to achieve that line of intelligence to the same extent and that's silly because the other lines aren't valued and so people since it's not valued people may class in different things and also it could be that certain lines of intelligence aren't being valued and developed and then people end up self-medicating and doing all these things because they're not allowed to flower as the capacity that they came here to become because we're so one-dimensional and what we see as valuable in society and I think part of this transformative process of map consciousness is to help realign us with this other line of intelligence and it could be more than one line of intelligence it could be quite a number and a lot of people that go through this do connect with different gifts that they realize that they have maybe for a short period of time or a long period of time so these gifts are some of the gifts that are needed right now but instead of allowing that to flower because we don't know even how to do that we funneled people back into being non-functional cogs in the current functional machine because that's better to maintain the status quo than to allow people to develop in these other ways and it's like it's changing our inner compass from our linear ego thinking and associating to something else and when that transformation process is happening it is quite disruptive it's almost like a second birth in a way it's being birthed into a completely different world view of the universe and so should I go back and work in the world view that suppresses people that go through these processes or or work in something that is beyond that if I'm really honest with myself I haven't I haven't really enjoyed my peer support career so far mainly because I just find it reach Rama tising as it's sad to see people viewed in that way to see when I didn't meet up with somebody I don't see it as their own personal problem I see it as the entire process of the universe and how it's created that situation for somebody and how that is being created because people are being suppressed from flowering into who they really are and maybe if people would have been allowed to flower in this way in the last 30 years to their fullest potential we'd probably be living in a completely different reality right now part of what it does and this is some of my notes now is it it screws up the old motivation programs and we've been motivated by self-interest and most people are motivated in this way and it's like whatever but it makes sense that a certain number should be not motivated by self-interest and there's a different type of interest that people can take and self-interest as got us this far in society and things but it's needed for a different type of perception from personal interest to person all / sun all may be part of a different motivation is being motivated by play and there's got to be some sort of epigenetic effect of being relational and being playful and with the kindness gestures for example if we were motivated by play we'd be playing a different game and that would change the expression of our genetics I think the epigenetics of 741 hurts keeps us perceiving this society of separation I think the difference was 741 and 528 is and 741 were being used by our own voice in the circular loop of our head and in 528 that's when we're using our voice and we're using our voice as a voice of 528 Hertz and I think there's got to be a language of oxytocin and it could be to do with gestures one can really perceive the intentions in gestures and that could be the power of gestures in a way because if I think about somebody doing a kind gesture like going and attempting to reach for a door but turns out you didn't need it they didn't actually do anything they just made a gesture for the door to be like I would open the door for you but all you didn't need it and then kind of a smile and it's almost as if they did it so it's the intention it's not even really the action I think there's a distinction there and a gesture is recognized as a pattern so if somebody puts our handle like this it's different than if somebody goes like this so it's the same gesture really in a way but it's the motion and then the motion is what we perceive on our mind screen and we're an and motion and motion catches our attention so if we look at a car in front of us and they put their blinker on we notice because it's blinking plus we're paying attention because we're driving but we don't really notice as much if the brake lights are just on as the daytime running lights of the car so we notice the motion in the pattern and not just if it's just one thing but what I'm trying to say is the motion plus the actual object like the hand what the hand does and there's a lot of different things or hands can do is what is perceived as a pattern so we could listen to somebody's words and taking that information and we can listen to their words as well as the tone of their voice and different things and if it's mismatched we're actually going to believe their voice tone over what they actually say so it's more convincing in the tone of the voice and so with a gesture it's also a pattern so what I'm trying to say is that a pattern gets the attention of our inner mind screen more so than linear bits of information and what I'm trying to say is that that's what makes gesture even more powerful as that it catches our attention and we can read intention in gesture whereas words anyone could say anything and gesture we can usually tell what the intention of the gesture is and it catches our attention I feel it brings us more into the present moment and it also re patterns a person's mind screen and that's part of the mirror neurons maybe the mirror neurons is the mine screen and it reap a turns them so kind gestures actually read patterns because it really gets somebody's attention versus just saying something I feel there's probably an epigenetic of gestures maybe it's epi gesture etics and maybe endo gesture etics is part of actually perceiving in the moment so if we're really perceiving in the moment will be more apt to actually perform a gesture because our mind screen is more clear and we're actually looking for ways to be helpful and this could be the power of kindness and that's how 528 Hertz is way more powerful than 741 because 741 is just linear logical rational words it appears to rationality whereas 528 it's to do with kindness and gestures and action and listening and actually helping it's really about being there it's really about being present so the 528 is to do with our presence and the 741 is noise the noise of the prefrontal cortex has does Society and it can't keep going like this it needs a different line of intelligence and I wrote that and then I read that Timothy Leary book I skimmed it and it said something along those lines in the book which I'll get to later I feel like in the meantime Gaia is trying to turn off the prefrontal cortex it's almost like the map consciousness comes in and tries to ignite that other intelligence but since it isn't allowed to flower then it just sort of is shutting down the prefrontal cortex in the meantime I feel like if everyone that went through this transformative consciousness process when they were in their late 20s early 20s late teens whatever it is was allowed to flower in the intelligence that would redesign society in such a way that Gaia wouldn't be turning our children into lacking the prefrontal cortex capacity on the autism spectrum if this transformative process isn't allowed to flower in people entering adulthood and to fully mature then there's just going to be more and more autism because Gaia is trying to turn off the prefrontal cortex in the meantime and I also wrote down that there's no meaning in dopamine is just programmed good bad right wrong yes no pleasure pain its binary but there's no meaning to it it's just the meaning of seeking pleasure and avoiding pain and that's very meaningless it just goes from pleasure to pain pleasure to pain and it's pretty much canceling it's pretty much canceling itself out

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