In a town with one hospital and two doctors, Amy Woods describes her labor and subsequent surgery without pain medication. She also talks about the effects on her and her family afterwards and the hospital's response to the incident.

"The doctor said I had to have a c-section because I wasn't progressing. They were kind of, a little messy with the reasons for the c-section.

As they were taking my husband to get him all dressed for the c-section, I just remember having the most distinct feeling that I needed to tell him how much I loved him. And that--I was going to die.

I thought the safer option for [my baby] was the c-section.

Then the OB came in and she did her poke test on my stomach and I told her that I could still feel all of it, that I had feelings in my legs. I could feel everything. And she just started cutting. And she just started going on with the surgery.

I feel like at the beginning, I went into a little bit of shock. And then immediately after, I just started screaming."

Alabama doula Kirsten Clark talks about an intense experience watching obstetric violence happen right in front of her, and how her practice has evolved as a result.

* TRIGGER WARNING FOR SEXUAL ASSAULT AND OBSTETRIC VIOLENCE *

The doctor walked in, put on gloves, and stuck both hands into the laboring mom’s vagina. There was no consent. He didn’t tell her was going to do that or ask if she was okay with it. Moments later, he announced, “Oh, she is tearing already.”

I had to look away because I could not physically handle what I was seeing. My body began shaking. I felt lightheaded; I felt frozen in place. [I felt] complete helplessness and fear and anger and grief.

I walked away from that feeling responsible in a way for what had happened, and knowing that this mom had just experienced something that shouldn’t have happened, that something was really wrong. And that there was this visceral response in my body to what I was seeing.

I just kind of remember being back in that place and feeling like there was nothing that I could do to change what was happening to this mom in that moment.

[I knew] my body was responding to something… even though I wasn’t the person that it was happening to, I was still having this response and I needed to do something to work through it. I knew I didn’t want to be in that position again, feeling so helpless and frozen.

In this emotional episode, Jennifer Smith describes having a Cesarean without consent after medical staff ignored her decision to have a vaginal birth rather than repeat surgery, and her trauma afterwards.

"I'm numb from the waist down and I have no idea what they're doing to my lower body. I'm just this object lying on a table for them to cut up. And they don't care. And I can't scream out. Because I don't think anybody's going to listen to me. And I'm scared... I'm trying to stay awake.

And I remember it was awful because the whole time in my head--and I can't scream out and I was so frustrated because I can't scream out--I'm sitting there going, 'I don't want to do this I don't want to do this I don't want to do this, it's gonna be okay it's gonna be okay it's gonna be okay...'

And I remember as this doctor's cutting me up, Dr. R, he's having a personal conversation with Dr. P about the Olympic male gymnast who broke his tibia.

And I'm sitting there thinking, I'm not even here. Like I'm not even here. It doesn't even matter.

I remember just trying to stay awake enough to hear my baby cry because I wanted to make sure he was okay."

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WARNING: This story includes graphic detail and may be difficult to listen to.

Part 2 of 2:

In this stomach-churning episode, nurse "Britany" describes witnessing what she describes as a violation and assault on a laboring woman: a so-called "manual episiotomy" by the doctor--a move she discovered was routine for him.

Find out what happened when she tried to report the incident up the chain of command. This is Part 2 of Britany's story. (See Episode 24 for Part 1.)

WARNING: This story includes graphic detail and may be difficult to listen to.

Part 1 of 2:

In this stomach-churning episode, nurse "Britany" describes witnessing what she describes as a violation and assault on a laboring woman: a so-called "manual episiotomy" by the doctor--a move she discovered was routine for him.

Find out what happened when she tried to report the incident up the chain of command. This is Part 1 of Britany's story. (See Episode 25 for Part 2.)

Sara Conrad worked in the marketing department at the hospital where she gave birth in Northern California. The last thing she expected was to have a life-changing trauma there.

“I love doing C-sections, but that doesn’t mean you’re going to get one.”

Sara immediately felt unsupported when a doctor she’d never met responded to her birth plan by telling her she loved performing Cesareans, and the nurse seemed terrified that Sara was laboring on her hands and knees.

Things got worse from there.

“Don’t you care about your baby?”

Unable to speak while on heavy medication and ignored by her care team, Sara was rolled back for a Cesarean without her consent and without knowing why she was having surgery.

Afterwards, she felt disconnected from her baby and, on top of that, guilty about not feeling more joy about her birth.

“This is my friend, and she doesn't believe me.”

Her trauma carried through to postpartum, and she eventually left her job--angry and feeling betrayed about how she’d been treated and the lack of empathy and accountability from her co-workers.

"I have a lot of rage and I want to use that to propel me forward and try to prevent it from happening to other people."

Today, Sara is still seeking answers and healing--following up to take the hospital to task and to advocate for other birthing women by working on the documentary film about obstetric violence and birth trauma, Mother May I.

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Kimberly Turbin made headlines and history when she sued her doctor for assault when he gave her a medically unnecessary and botched episiotomy during the birth of her child. The case was resolved in 2017, but Kimberly is still dealing with the effects of the assault. In this episode, Kimberly recounts not only her experience, but the aftermath of the trauma she experienced in 2013.

“I posted the video just to see if I was crazy or not.”

The video of the birth, posted to YouTube, ended up connecting Kimberly to a community of people who have supported her, and who she has supported, with the continuing process of her trauma. Her medical diagnoses, which included vulvar spasms, dyspareunia, vulvodynia and Post-traumatic Stress Disorder, still cause considerable pain. Unfortunately, the drugs that help the condition are both expensive and make it hard to parent or work.

“My injury is forever and a lifetime.”

In the medical community and beyond, there’s a tendency to disbelieve women’s pain. When Kimberly tries to warn medical professionals that she has been through both sexual assault and birth assault, they tend to feel attacked instead of sympathetic.

It has changed the way she interacts with the medical community – even eye doctors - and it has also affected the way she parents.

But Kimberly doesn’t want anyone else to feel pressure to respond to birth trauma the way she did. The process was and is challenging; the fact that the law suit was resolved does not mean the trauma is resolved.

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Trying to find support for a vaginal birth after a c-section (VBAC) can be a struggle; when you are black, overweight, on Medicaid, and in Alabama, it can be almost impossible. Our guest Sabrina Azemar recounts her difficulties convincing her maternal care providers to "let" her do what pregnant bodies have been doing for centuries.

Sabrina is the mom of 3 children, and a breastfeeding and cloth diaper advocate who loves to teach women of color in her community sustainable and alternative ways to care for their families.

“Your baby will drown in a uterus of your blood”

Sabrina's doctor told her she was putting her baby at serious risk by considering a vaginal birth. She was told that women of color have low success rates with VBACs and she could potentially kill her child, just by doing what the body is designed to do.

From Sabrina:

“Giving birth is not a disease.” Giving birth is something your body already knows how to do, so it’s strange when they treat you like you have a diagnosis. “Birds born in a cage think flying is an illness.” Alejandro Jodorowsky

“On Medicaid, you have a government birth.” You are supposed to listen to your doctor and shut up. They say every birth is different, but they treat every pregnancy the same.

So what is Sabrina’s advice to other mothers in her situation?

• Be confident when you go to your appointment and save your tears for the car.

• Sit the regular chair in the exam room, fully dressed, until you understand and agree to the tests they want to perform. You are treated as though you are inferior when you are in the exam chair.

• Have someone that can go with you to advocate for you.

• Write down your questions on a physical sheet of paper; don’t let the appointment end until they have been answered. Practice saying your questions out loud.

• Don’t be afraid to change doctors.

• You have to be present in your pregnancy and birth. It has everything to do with your body. Own the experience.

All people want is a conversation with their health care provider. There are good doctors out there, and it is important that you find one that wants you to have a successful birth. You deserve a good birth story.

Alabama moms of color can join Sabrina's breastfeeding group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/1802852900033745/

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We would love to thank attorney Susan Jenkins for her support. Susan is a national advocate for midwives and birth activists; she can be reached at (866) 686-1348.

Normal, healthy births happen every day, and for women of every size. And yet birth care professionals often alienate plus-size moms-to-be with shaming, inadequate equipment, and mistreatment. In this episode of Birth Allowed Radio, we talk about plus size birth and how to find a practitioner who will treat you like a person, not a risk factor. My special guest is Jen McLellan, of www.plussizebirth.com.

“My midwife was the first health care provider to ever touch my body with compassion.”

Plus size pregnant women are often treated differently during the pregnancy and birthing process, even though 60% of the population in child-bearing years are considered overweight or obese. But our bodies are designed for this, and we can have healthy outcomes. And if we do develop complications, it isn’t because we are bad people. We should be fully supported along our journey to motherhood, and not to be made to feel ashamed.

Let’s talk about people as human beings, not just statistics and worst case scenarios.

Instead of focusing on negative possibilities, using shame and scare tactics, it is important to focus on the positive outcomes that we want. Women who are shamed are less likely to receive routine medical care and more likely to gain weight. If we make risks seem like foregone conclusions then what is the incentive to make the pregnancy as healthy as possible?

It is important to connect with size-friendly care providers.

• They have worked through any biases they have around weight and health. http://www.obesity.org/obesity/resources/facts-about-obesity/bias-stigmatization

• They don’t classify pregnant mothers as high risk based solely on BMI.

• They have the proper equipment (i.e. larger blood pressure cuff, larger speculum, scale with higher upper limit, appropriate labour bed). Your first clue about this is whether they have chairs without arms in the waiting room. The message is: “If you fit in here, then you are welcome. If you don’t, you aren’t welcome.”

• They have honest and compassionate conversations about health and weight; this isn’t about avoiding talking about risks.

“Pregnancy is an opportunity to change the relationship that you have with your body.”

Resources mentioned:

Get Jen’s Plus Size Pregnancy Bundle (30% off with code 30off) - https://plussizebirth.com/my-plus-size-pregnancy-bundle/

Become a size friendly professional - https://benourished.org/trainings-post/promoting-body-trust-in-clinical-practice/

Check out Jen’s new website: www.plusmommy.com

WANT TO LEARN MORE?

Go to www.birthmonopoly.com

WANT TO CONNECT?

Email: [email protected]

Facebook: www.facebook.com/birthmonopoly

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WANT TO SUPPORT US?

Review us on iTunes, SoundCloud, or wherever you listen to the podcast.

Businesses and organizations: Underwrite the show! For more information, contact us at [email protected]

Normal, healthy births happen every day, and for women of every size. And yet birth care professionals often alienate plus-size moms-to-be with shaming, inadequate equipment, and mistreatment. In this episode of Birth Allowed Radio, we talk about plus size birth and how to find a practitioner who will treat you like a person, not a risk factor. My special guest is Jen McLellan, of www.plussizebirth.com.

“My midwife was the first health care provider to ever touch my body with compassion.”

Plus size pregnant women are often treated differently during the pregnancy and birthing process, even though 60% of the population in child-bearing years are considered overweight or obese. But our bodies are designed for this, and we can have healthy outcomes. And if we do develop complications, it isn’t because we are bad people. We should be fully supported along our journey to motherhood, and not to be made to feel ashamed.

Let’s talk about people as human beings, not just statistics and worst case scenarios.

Instead of focusing on negative possibilities, using shame and scare tactics, it is important to focus on the positive outcomes that we want. Women who are shamed are less likely to receive routine medical care and more likely to gain weight. If we make risks seem like foregone conclusions then what is the incentive to make the pregnancy as healthy as possible?

It is important to connect with size-friendly care providers.

• They have worked through any biases they have around weight and health. http://www.obesity.org/obesity/resources/facts-about-obesity/bias-stigmatization

• They don’t classify pregnant mothers as high risk based solely on BMI.

• They have the proper equipment (i.e. larger blood pressure cuff, larger speculum, scale with higher upper limit, appropriate labour bed). Your first clue about this is whether they have chairs without arms in the waiting room. The message is: “If you fit in here, then you are welcome. If you don’t, you aren’t welcome.”

• They have honest and compassionate conversations about health and weight; this isn’t about avoiding talking about risks.

“Pregnancy is an opportunity to change the relationship that you have with your body.”

Resources mentioned:

Get Jen’s Plus Size Pregnancy Bundle (30% off with code 30off) - https://plussizebirth.com/my-plus-size-pregnancy-bundle/

Become a size friendly professional - https://benourished.org/trainings-post/promoting-body-trust-in-clinical-practice/

Check out Jen’s new website: www.plusmommy.com

WANT TO LEARN MORE?

Go to www.birthmonopoly.com

WANT TO CONNECT?

Email: [email protected]

Facebook: www.facebook.com/birthmonopoly

Twitter: www.twitter.com/birthmonopoly

Instagram: www.instagram.com/birthmonopoly

WANT TO SUPPORT US?

Review us on iTunes, SoundCloud, or wherever you listen to the podcast.

Businesses and organizations: Underwrite the show! For more information, contact us at [email protected]