We start with the very serious subject of Ikea’s half metre hot dog and the lingering meatball lore, plus a quick Costco menu appreciation moment. From there, Ned pulls out an “ends or tails” brain glitch and tries to get meaningful about loss, music, and that feeling of suddenly not being alone because a song nailed it first.

Also featured: conjunctivitis tears, “clothes casket” as a concept, swimming for cardio and immediately regretting the change room culture, and a French hospital evacuation that could have been avoided by literally not doing that.