The Ned & Josh Podcast

A couple of weeks away from the show somehow produces a Spanish correspondent alter ego, while old fashion trends raise the question of whether terrible people can permanently destroy otherwise normal looks. Jeffrey Dahmer glasses are put on trial, Michael Jordan enters the evidence, and Ned’s Opa contributes a deeply confusing family photograph.

Elsewhere, Ned gets a stack of stickers and questionable ideas about where to put them in Spain, James Bond locations enter the itinerary, fictional dogs battle for adoption supremacy, The Simpsons and Rugrats make compelling cases, a vocabulary lesson goes unexpectedly badly, movie theatre etiquette turns into a pepper spray incident, Josh remembers fleeing a chaotic house party through a window, ageing is described as a second puberty, and Lenny’s jowls spark questions about dog plastic surgery.

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Ned is somewhere in Europe trying not to get pickpocketed and yet has also developed an irrational rivalry with an extremely attractive office gardener. Car rotting might finally have a name. There’s also the childhood toilet accident that required a hospital visit, the argument for bringing back a little shame, annoying wannabe Twitch streamers, and the strange disappearance of celebrity embarrassment around doing commercials.

Then there’s gambling advertising, Kevin Hart’s endless endorsement money, Formula 1 envy, the unfair economics of natural talent, Gordon Ramsay making cooking look significantly more profitable than an air fryer deserves, Daniel Ricciardo’s dream existence, International Batman Day, a missing Dark Knight Rises collectible, and the difficult task of assigning Batman characters to your own friendship group.

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Ned is heading back to Spain after 16 years, his dad is treating Barcelona pickpockets like an international emergency, the family is wondering whether this is their last big holiday together, and apparently Ned has the face of a very obvious tourist. The missing Tuesday episode gets explained, Raygun’s Netflix documentary puts her back in the spotlight, Jimmy Fallon attempts Vegemite, and school drop-off traffic introduces Josh to a neon green Porsche with some extremely specific styling choices.

From old money versus new money to the HYROX athlete incident, Josh’s desperate bathroom close call in traffic, Pokémon cards becoming apocalypse currency and Canberra claiming the world’s best quality of life, there is plenty to work through.

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Dropping an episode has done exactly what basic maths suggested it would do to the podcast downloads, so Ned and Josh consider making one perfectly respectable episode people can safely recommend to friends. Josh finally discovers what The Mighty Mighty Bosstones meant by “knock on wood”, his wildly inconsistent intelligence gets examined, a business turns manual labour into adult PE, and Aaron Pierre’s physique in Lanterns provides some fairly compelling workout motivation.

There’s charging-port lint to excavate, pimple-popping videos to banish, a 100-year-old World War II veteran receiving 4,000 birthday cards, and a search for the perfect person to congratulate every American centenarian. School brings Pythagoras theorem, homemade paper, stolen office supplies, one former radio worker becoming an AI success story, a maths teacher crushing some rare enthusiasm and an osmosis shortcut that immediately falls apart.

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A pre-show joke gets sent straight to the cutting-room floor, then Ned and Josh ask why Americans saying Melbourne correctly can somehow sound worse, whether Brisbane secretly needs a D, how four-year-olds turned “shut up” into top-tier profanity, why “crap” once became the terrifying C-word, and how Andy Griffiths introduced “rack off” to a childhood vocabulary.

The NFL’s Melbourne visit brings the 49ers and Rams into the mix, Disney x NFL merch gets judged, and Piper’s 4.2kg arrival leads into the first time holding a newborn, paid baby photos and the claim that all newborns look alike. Then an MMA fighter insists he could beat a chimpanzee, Planet of the Apes gets rewritten for COVID, dogs catching COVID becomes a full argument, and “buoyed” returns as a disputed term.

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Aldi condoms, bargain snow boots and the eternal Aldi-versus-Costco argument all find their place alongside Ned completely failing to acknowledge Josh’s exciting American listener statistics. “Buoyed” becomes a surprisingly heated vocabulary dispute, Evelyn Montclair arrives via scam text with immaculate fake-business energy, a discussion to create her ideal counterpart follows, and a stock-market phone conversation in a work toilet meets an aggressively biological interruption.

Elsewhere, Ned decides “my Instagram” might age a person instantly, bathroom calls with Dads are rejected on principle, The Dark Knight resurfaces at exactly the wrong moment, the hypothetical return of Jesus creates immediate panic, AI complicates the miracle business, a gastroenterologist proves harder to pronounce than expected, a Virginia woman wakes to a bat near her mouth, Lenny solves his own missing-dog crisis, and a childhood cockroach chooses the worst possible sleeping spot.

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What does an old-school Aussie pub bloke sound like while discussing mortgage stress over a morning coffee? That sits alongside the case for a married couple's house signature, Josh meeting his new niece Piper, Ned's disastrous receipt joke, a Roomba that becomes evidence of infidelity, the mystery of modern-day Palm Pilots and a Watergate discussion that eventually reaches Edward Snowden.

Zambrero guac brings better luck on the joke front, letting someone with two groceries skip the queue becomes a moral issue, Whose Line Is It Anyway? and Thank God You're Here spark improv memories, being proven right gets its own philosophical moment, checkout waiting times become absurd, famous Neds are assigned official responsibilities, brushing your teeth in the car remains deeply questionable, and Josh reveals the grim logic behind booking flights as Joshua.

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An innocent workplace whistle sends Ned into dangerous musical territory before attention turns to the cracked toilet seat he ignored for months, the astonishing price of premium replacements and the decidedly Frisbee-like model he eventually buys. McDonald’s then introduces its Australian McGold Card, but “McDonald’s for life” apparently means $30 a week for 40 years, which raises some questions about why companies keep using the words “for life” and then getting annoyed when customers interpret them literally.

There is also the recently defeated proposal for Ned to give a houseguest his own bed, an unexpected Tasmanian interpretation of Southern hospitality and a new party greeting involving a fistful of famous people who share your first name. Instagram etiquette reminds Josh of teaching his Dad that everyone could see what he was liking, Ted Cruz manages another spectacular social-media mistake, and public figures are asked why they keep voluntarily wandering into this minefield. Dolly Parton then emerges as perhaps the rare famous person everybody can agree on.

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Apparently $100 still buys far more enthusiasm from a nine-year-old than it does from an exhausted adult asked to move boxes. Carrie’s lifting ability comes under scrutiny, Ned admits part of his workday was spent asleep in his car, Lenny takes immediate offence to Josh’s energy, and a near-collision involving a burrito opens the door to some questionable pedestrian etiquette. A tray of pub drinks then inspires a proposed rule for deciding who actually owes whom an apology.

Elsewhere, the Empire State Building couple return with serious Batman and Catwoman energy, Usain Bolt becomes the benchmark for exposing The Flash, and Superman’s secret identity raises some dark questions about road rage. GTA 6 brings a Netflix trailer, pricing complaints, missing physical discs, a refusal to pre-order, major leaks and Ned’s baffling theory of how hacking works. Then one Google search destroys a childhood assumption: Mavis Beacon was never real.

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An $80 Ned & Josh shirt may or may not be coming, tomato sauce faces an attempted ban, unnecessary dog breeds are placed on notice and hat ownership could soon be capped at two. Then comes an airport lounge loophole so effective one man apparently ate first-class food 300 times without ever taking the flight, followed by the Washington DC bomb scare that turned out to involve a piece of adult equipment with an alarming amount of machinery.

PBR sparks a debate about what beer actually needs to taste like, complicated craft brews get questioned and the idea of finding a job you genuinely love takes a reality check. There’s also the legitimacy of Twitch as a career, helping a child launch a family-only YouTube channel, what OnlyFans might have meant at 18, the emotional decline from 32 to 35, the dopamine hit of fresh socks and undies, Justin Bieber’s disposable underwear habit and why not every pair of Calvin Kleins is apparently created equal.

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