The Ned & Josh Podcast

The Ned & Josh Podcast enters its new Tuesday and Thursday era before Ned wonders whether paternal instinct magically arrives with parenthood, a seven-year-old gets abandoned halfway up Mount Fuji, and an attempted Von Trapp compliment goes spectacularly badly. There’s also a serious examination of whether fur-lined Crocs can legally leave the house, the continuing hatred of Jamiroquai, and a bank that has spent 18 months trying to return a single cent.

Elsewhere, parking inspectors manage to park Ned in, a heart attack victim somehow still ends up with a parking fine, and the boys nominate the glory days of social media, mobile phones, house parties and problematic rappers. Then comes the mystery of starting a budget when you have no money and the financial philosophy of a man capable of finding new income streams only to immediately spend them.

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The Ned & Josh Podcast is moving from three episodes a week to two, Producer Michael discovers he had absolutely no vote, and the Pod Pals are predicted to respond with complaints followed by reluctant support. There's an Eminem snare argument, a last-word rap karaoke app, a hunt for the right beat, the creation of MC Brewza, a disastrous first freestyle, accusations of blaming the tools, another attempt and a final declaration that Ned is ready for 8 Mile. 

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What begins with Ned being caught texting turns into a discussion about knowing your intellectual limits, why conspiracy theories are appealing and the freedom Josh feels when somebody else is responsible for flying the plane. A viral prediction that gravity would stop working brings NASA, floating cars and an argument over anchored houses into the mix, while Josh’s first stretch alone at the office reveals he is considerably less comfortable when responsibility involves answering somebody else’s phone.

Ned is now crafting custom Magic: The Gathering accessories and fears his furry bear deck box may have overshot the acceptable level of enthusiasm. Josh is meanwhile drinking raspberry lemonade with all the elegance of a small child, spaghetti mouth becomes an unexpected relationship test, and old memories surface about cordial, soft drink deliveries and protected supplies of Diet Coke. We finish with 8 Mile, Eminem’s performance anxiety, Josh’s professional wrestling experience, the baffling choice of pre-battle spaghetti and a freestyle rap challenge Ned may soon regret discovering.

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How much credit should two podcasters receive for making it more than 400 episodes before deliberately recording a fart? From there, Christopher Nolan’s The Odyssey gets linked back to Dunkirk, Penelope’s commitment is tested against modern relationship standards and Josh figures his unhinged names for the family dogs would expose any attempt to return home secretly. A bathroom emergency then leaves him literally sitting in darkness at work.

The possibility of flight introduces fleshy bat wings and other anatomical horrors, Ian Thorpe receives a patriotic defence, and Josh prepares for negotiations over the PlayStation when the family changes houses. We discover Mark Zuckerberg is feeding cattle macadamia nuts, debate whether becoming one of those cows would actually be a decent lifestyle and acknowledge how quickly anti-billionaire principles crumble around luxury perks. Then there’s the Tiguan that apparently looks far too much like an undercover police car.

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Should a mate visiting from interstate get your actual bed, or should a grown man be grateful there’s a couch available? That somehow leads into golf, drinking, questionable hosting plans and the broader problem of people having conversations so loudly in public that everyone nearby becomes an unwilling listener. A dog’s mysterious hatred of a baseball cap also threatens Josh’s lifelong belief that every animal should instinctively adore him.

There’s a cottonmouth snake inside a football helmet, the universal terror of feeling something crawling beneath your clothes, and an important investigation into why marbles look more edible than most actual lollies. We revisit childhood soap biting, invent tooth soap, investigate Leonardo da Vinci’s unfinished inventions, develop an irrational fear of saying “six, seven”, struggle with incompatible TV tastes and ask why real-life murder documentaries are apparently easier bedtime viewing than The Sopranos.

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Lenny’s elusive perfect scratch spot is finally discovered, a website full of “funny questions for colleagues” turns into an HR nightmare, and the economics of maintaining a secret second family somehow gets compared with streaming services. A child refusing to sit down brings an entire Canadian flight undone, airports cop some heat, and the Bobby subscription tracker reveals the horrifying reality of a $981 monthly subscription bill.

Winter thongs spark an investigation into terrible feet, mangroves are accused of exposing far too much root, WikiFeet leads to the discovery of WikiHands, and Ned and Josh settle absolutely nothing while arguing over who has the better hands. There’s also survivorship bias confusion, Will Anderson fashion history, whales being much too large and a dog voice nobody should find reassuring.

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Dobby fans have successfully defended a Harry Potter memorial from a major power cable, leaving the question of whether protecting a fictional grave counts as cultural preservation or simply moving infrastructure around some socks. Money-no-object staffing plans follow, with personal hair styling and full-time driving both making strong cases, before the complicated world of weddings enters the conversation.

There’s a Wiggle among the wedding guests, the thankless job of being MC, speech length etiquette and one particularly risky sequence of jokes about marital infidelity. Law & Order supplies the magnificent name Speed Weed, a new kind of unofficial police warning is imagined, and school memories revive rubbish duty alongside “no hat, no play.” A Grim Reaper waving at hospital patients provides the darkest detour, while two golden retrievers finish proceedings by attempting to convince everyone that their perfectly real dinner was a shared hallucination.

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There’s a soon-to-be teenager planning a Spider-Man movie birthday, an Etsy purchase that feels suspiciously like graphic-design cheating and a plan to retaliate by entering the invitation business. Food collaborations are also under scrutiny, especially when KFC meets Oreo, cola-flavoured milk enters the conversation and chicken and waffles reveal a previously unknown fracture in a friendship.

Avoiding a muddy puddle sparks an ageing crisis, Leonard delivers another expensive lesson about playing with dogs, a tailgater appears in the rain and Batman’s stealthy transport suddenly looks wildly irresponsible. Then Wordle, Framed and Wiki Trivia take over as the search for the perfect daily game continues.

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The PlayStation that was brought in to entertain a child becomes a major distraction for one of the boys before a full-speed penny farthing creates what can only be described as a glitch in the matrix. That leads to an argument about recreational activities containing too much whimsy, from kite surfing to mysteriously low hot air balloons.

Elsewhere, an Australian beagle eats an industrial quantity of jelly snakes, Golden Retrievers steal dangerously hot food, and a dead MacBook unexpectedly gives up 13 years of lost audio and video. The first Ned and Josh radio demo may now be released, personal admiration reaches a very low bar, and unfinished yearly goals involving weight loss, dog walks, Europe and skiing are placed under uncomfortable examination.

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The Ned and Josh School of Etiquette returns to investigate the strange logic behind “P’s and Q’s,” dangerous ways to pronounce thank you, and whether anyone has ever benefited from Auntie Cheryl’s manners lesson. Then Barack Obama’s annual music recommendations raise an important question: is he genuinely listening to Charli XCX, or is somebody curating coolness on his behalf?

Elsewhere, a suspiciously long workplace break sparks a dispute over coworkers keeping score, Cosmos gets a surprise reassessment, and the comforting message that we are all connected is rejected for making nobody feel special. A passing police car completes the anxiety spiral and inspires an entirely new warning system.

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