Blue Balls NYCFC

A brutal return to unfortunate form has Jake and Trey in their cups unpacking what went wrong, what stayed right, and who’s to blame for a lackluster and largely toothless performance against a DC United that should have easily been untied. Plus, to get us out of the doldrums, some USMNT and NWSL chat. And finally, what we can do against Chicago to make use of our sorry six percent. Untie those nooses and drain your bathtubs - you’ve got Blue Balls.

Your blue-balled fellas are back at it again, taking you down the green mile to playoff ignominy. Jake and Trey talk about a trying evening of soccer, from the wizardry of DP Santi Rodriguez to the unfinished business of Mounsef Bakrar, to the head-scratching header that cost NYCFC both the three points it looked on track to earn AND control of its destiny. A frustrating tie if ever there was one. THEN: Stadium chat! Jake and Trey sound off about The Outfield's latest on the newest development developments. PLUS: a DC precap to raise hairs. Don't shave too aggressively in the shower - you've got Blue Balls.

We're not foolin' around. After a brutal summer, NYCFC is officially above the playoff line and your Boys in Blue are here to break down exactly how it happened. Jake and Trey do another three-prong thriller covering an anodyne Hudson River derby, and two shock blitz wins totaling five nasty goals. We hit the new boys, the old boys, and all the blue boys in-between. You won't believe how much we leave out. And then, right around the corner? A little team called Inter Miami. Crack your knuckles and your cold ones -- you've got Blue Balls.

(or: Wake me up, before Chanot Go)

Blue Ballers, we know it can be painful to listen to this podcast when things are going so wrong, but your boys in blue pulled it together to sit down and recap the last three matches and all associated dramas, and so you can do your part and give us the play count. Jake and Trey run through themes and thoughts on the four points we pulled from three matches in our quixotic pursuit of a playoff berth. Despite everything, there's some interesting data to mine here -- particularly at the feet of the newbies. But give way we must, and give way we do to a painful goodbye to an NYCFC all-timer, an untimely injury for a homecoing hero, and a bittersweet departure of a striker that could have been. Plus: the yearning for three in a precap of the Red Bulls Saturday match. Did you leave the cap off your pen? You've got Blue Balls.

This is a temporary episode blurb while jake writes the real one, farts farts farts and such and such but MINNESOTA, WWC, CINCY, MORE

The heat's broken, Blue Ballers, and so has the news: your FO has been busy after all and NYCFC is adding a slate of new talent. Will it be enough to rescue the 2023 season? Only time will tell -- but in the meantime, Jake and Trey break down the Leagues Cup play so far, including a 5-0 defeat of Toronto that made us cry "stop, stop, he's already dead!" -- Plus, taking Talles' temperature, a bevy of depth and a-team signings, and of course a knockout round Hudson River Derby precap. Don't look now, it's the Krustyburglar -- and he's got Blue Balls! 

Blue Ballers, something stinks! And it's not just the stench of the dead mouse Jake stepped on while going to record. No folks, it's the VIBES. They stink to high heaven and Jake and Trey are digging through the odor trying to figure out why. What's happening on and off the bench? Where is the $12 million dollar man? What went so wrong in Philadelphia? How will Nick Coaching be cushing this team through the Leagues Cup? PLUS: a little more WWC preview from Trey and a mini precap of Atlas FC. Don't sweat through your clothes on the subway -- you've got Blue Balls.

Shabbat shalom, Blue Ballers! Two draws and a win to recap is still significantly better than could have been anticipated -- and yet, we're far from out of the Mad Forest of Midseason. Jake and Trey break it all down for you, taking the hot points from Montreal, Charlotte, and Columbus. We talk officiating, brand new signings, Haaktivism, past lives, and sweaty season. Don't get caught in the hot car -- you've got Blue Balls.

It’s more or less the same in Blue Balls land as Jake and Trey recap — what else — another streak of draws. We talk Freese’s pieces, unlikely CB successes, and the various b teams we squeezed points from this week. Plus USMNT and USWNT check-ins, vibe checks on the culture, and the casualest of Montreal precaps. Plug the Vornado in honey — you’ve got Blue Balls.

Folks, we won't lie to you. It's a rough week. Okay show though. Trey and Jake kill some time so that you can kill some time with us and dream of better days on the horizon. We talk what to do with the time we're slowly burning until the transfer window opens, the surprise bright spots of the week, and then a whole bunch of USMNT action that we miss while we're bitchin'. Throw that rock-paper-scissors celebration carefully: you've got Blue Balls.