I hated my body for a long time and still have my moments of intense body "ugh"! Back in the day I felt disgusting, gross, fat and different, often believing I was inferior to anyone who was thin. This moved into eating disorders, drug abuse, disrespecting my body through sex, zero boundaries and cutting myself off from experiencing orgasms. In a nutshell, I wanted to punish myself for self-destructive beliefs that robbed me from experiencing joy and pleasure.