Hello, beloved Listeners! Host Matthew here.

Recently I was reading one of my favorite newsletters, and it had a simple phrase in it that made me look up from my computer with an inquisitive Scooby-Doo noise: “if you like something and want more of it, give it money, and you’ll get more of it.”

Is this the way things should work? Probably not. Is it the way things do work? Sure is! And everyone reading this already knows that. If not for our subscribers, there’s just no way we would still be doing this show. What would we be doing instead? Well, I’ve been obsessed with the show Suits on Netflix lately (WOTSL and I are halfway through season 4, and there are so many more seasons), so I guess I’d try my hand at… investment banking.

If you haven’t seen Suits (it ran from 2011–19), this is a minor spoiler, but at the end of season 3 our young hero Mike leaves his job at the law firm and becomes an investment banker. He then discovers, TO HIS SURPRISE, that the world of investment banking is no less shady than law, and he realizes that despite his best efforts, WORKING AT A HEDGE FUND may not be the best way to make the world a better place. Poor Mike! Suits is very silly and features that actress who left the show to become a duchess.

Anyway, I would be the funny guy at the investment bank/hedge fund (the show doesn’t know or care whether these are the same thing). I’d have stuffed animals on my desk and catchphrases like “I sure love money!” and “Who’s the duchess now?” A colleague would have to take me aside and explain to me that no matter how much I love Wesley Snipes, it is not appropriate for me to use “Always bet on Black” as a catchphrase.

I would get fired in three days, which is also what happened to Mike, but I wouldn’t be so bummed out about it, because I’m a middle-aged white guy and will probably get a job the next day as an astronaut.

The February bonus episode…

It’s the season of lurrrrrve, and our bonus episode is about French Kissing! As I recall, this topic happened when we were at the retreat and Abby was like, “What should we do for February’s bonus episode,” and I said, “I dunno, French Kissing or something?” I was not serious! So of course Molly said, “We are definitely doing French Kissing.”

I’m sure this is one of those episodes where I get all flustered, but I’m too embarrassed to listen back to it and find out.

Keep the cold side cold

My refrigerator died. The freezer is still working fine, so it’s like living in an alternate reality where you can have French bread pizzas but not milk. We threw out some floppy bacon. We’re storing some Tillamook extra sharp white cheddar in our apartment manager’s fridge. After work WOTSL and I are going to walk over to Trader Joe’s to get something to throw into the oven for dinner.

It’s not like I’m recommending the experience, but it is a manageable level of shared adversity. In the words of Dominic Torretto, this was the week we truly became a family, by which I mean me, WOTSL, and our building manager.

I still have no idea when the appliance people are going to show up, so if it gets to a point where you look at the last forty-seven Spilled Milk episodes and you’re like, “Why don’t they ever talk about anything refrigerated anymore?” you’ll know that I never got the fridge repaired and now I’m a guy who goes around saying, “I don’t even have a refrigerator. Modern times have made us soft and helpless. I’m going to forage up some wild greens to put on my Celeste for One pizza.”

Upcoming episodes

First, a quick word about last week’s episode on corn muffins. I am so proud of this one, because it inspired Molly to start making homemade corn muffins regularly! I kept getting corn muffin texts, and I hope they never stop. Apparently corn muffins with lentil soup is an excellent combination.

Tomorrow (February 15), peek behind a cardboard door and find an episode about Advent calendars. What? In February? Abby, why did you let us do this? (Abby replied: “Uh, it’s Producer Abby, and I thought about registering a complaint and realized it was a waste of time since you both are rebels without causes.”)

On February 22, in an effort to maintain our perfect record of being a decade late to a trend, we’re talking hot honey. And we’re doing it while participating in other trends of 2013, which Google tells me include twerking, Vine, and the word “swag.”

Just today we taped a surprisingly wild episode about carrot cake, which will air on March 14. If you think there couldn’t be anything exciting about the history of carrot cake, we have two words for you: strong greavy.

We plug like Glade Plug-Ins

You already know that Producer Abby is the best podcast editor, but she is so much more. Are you writing a novel? She can take your manuscript or story idea from blah to bombshell. More of a reader? Abby’s newsletter, the rolling ladder, is all about losing yourself in great books, plus she reveals how she participated in The Purge. Find all this at abigailcerquitella.com.

Host Molly has a newsletter called I’ve Got a Feeling, and it’s a must-read. Molly has a way of looking at the world that is wise without any of the baggage that comes with the word “wise.” Here’s my favorite recent installment. You’ll have to pay to read it. Throw money at the good stuff!

And Host Matthew is working on new music. The new EP from Early to the Airport is going to feature the loudest, fastest songs we’ve ever done, plus a couple of big 80s-style power ballads and a song about rabbits. It’s a metaphor, but it’s also about actual bunnies.

Love,
Host Matthew