Spilled Milk Bonus Content

Happy summer, LILYs!

It’s Host Molly here, reporting for duty!

Now, what kind of duty should I do? KP duty? Jury duty? Wait, no: LIFEGUARD duty. I’ll admit I don’t look (much) like Pamela Anderson in Baywatch, but I have a red bathing suit. And I am something of a celebrity: a couple of weeks ago, a stranger in Billings, Montana, looked at me, did a double-take, and said, “Hey, aren’t you the lady who was in jail last night?” What I’m saying is, maybe don’t let your kids in the ocean this summer.

What have we been up to?

I can’t believe we haven’t told you yet: Matthew, Abby, and I have a new(ish) joint hobby, and it’s called Reading in Bars (RIB). It works like this: we pick a date and a bar, and then we meet there and read our books together. It began on our 2025 corporate retreat in Whitehorse, where, on our final night, we commandeered a table at the ‘98 Hotel – #1 of 2 in the “Nightlife in Whitehorse” category on Tripadvisor – to relax, drink whiskey, and read. Across the room, a guy was playing Grateful Dead covers on an acoustic guitar, and when he played “Ripple,” I couldn’t help singing along while I read. I sneaked a glance at Matthew, and he was singing too! Cute! It was a truly famous night.

I should clarify that RIB sometimes involves no reading. At our most recent one, we’d all just returned from travel, so we had a lot of catching up to do. We drank our drinks and talked, then went for ramen and kept talking, and then got ice cream and talked even more. Some people call this ‘hanging out.’ We call it Reading in Bars.

What’ll they do next?

I guess this is a good time to wish the United States a happy 250th anniversary. We’re (coincidentally) celebrating with an episode about Buffalo Sauce! As everyone knows, E pluribus unum means, “out of vinegar, hot sauce, and butter, wings.” See for yourself on July 9.

On July 16, we’re learning a lot, maybe too much, about Dried Oregano – both Mexican and Mediterranean. Wow! I don’t remember anything else about the episode, but Producer Abby’s show description says we made a “Nut Stop at Pound Town”??? Summer road trip!

On July 23, we’re marking high summer with, oops, piping-hot French Onion Soup. Don’t forget the gratinated cheese. Wondering if ‘gratinated’ is a real word? We did too.

And maybe don’t miss August 13, when we taste and talk about Canned Cocktails, a category of beverage made for enjoying on a beach or a boat or, à la producer Abby, in a climate-controlled movie theater. In fact, it was this topic that led us to . . .

Producer Abby’s Guide to Life, A Bonus Episode

Matthew and I may be the hosts of Spilled Milk, but we all know who wears the pants around here. Producer Abby not only keeps us organized, edits our audio to make us sound less dumb, and writes our snappy show descriptions; she’s also always up to something interesting, whether it’s living solo in Lisbon for three weeks, attending a silent reading party on the lawn at Seattle Center, or sneaking canned cocktails into the movie theaters. Producer Abby knows how to LIVE. For this bonus episode, we asked her to join us for a strangely earnest conversation about everything from marriage to reading habits, minimalism to maximalism, and how to avoid emotions, animals, automobiles, and babies.

As usual, you can get this and all other bonus episodes at magnumbonus.com (password: magnumbonum) or subscribe to the RSS feed at https://www.magnumbonus.com/feed/podcast/.

What we’re into

Producer Abby:

I just read O Caledonia, a dark beauty of a tale about a brainy, prickly, petty teenager who dies in her Scottish castle on page one, and loved it completely. I’m listening to One Bad Mother currently and learning so much about the term ‘MILF’. For more book recs visit the rolling ladder.

I lived in Widow’s Bay for two days and adored its tonal balancing act and especially loved Patricia. This show is “What if Stephen King wrote Parks & Rec?”. I also re-watched all of the Toy Story movies to prepare for the newest installment and my ranking is: 2,3,5,1,4.

Basic but true: I can’t stop listening to the new Olivia Rodrigo, which surprised me because I didn’t care for her earlier stuff. u+me=\<3 is my current fav. I’ve just started When We All Get to Heaven, an incredible podcast series about a gay church in SF during the AIDS crisis created with audio from cassette tapes found under the floorboards. It’s been confusing, moving and enriching to hear ‘christianese’ spoken by the people ‘christians’ so often oppress and exclude. I’ve been listening to it on Sundays while watercolor painting on my porch.

And, because I like spying on other people’s favorite products – and because the bonus episode was ‘All About Abby’ – here are links to some of my go-to items. Not sponsored obv.

Host Matthew:

Books: New book from Sujin Witherspoon! Seyoon and Dean, Unscripted, is about two rival contestants on a Hunger Games-y reality show set in the Pacific Northwest, who may or may not be in looooove. There’s just so much goofy fun in Witherspoon’s books, and I hear she has a YA thriller coming up next. Plus she went to University of Washington, just like me and Molly. We’re all class of 2025.

Music: Kiwi Jr has a couple of singles from their new album Blowin’ Up, which will be out on July 14. One thing I love about Kiwi Jr, aside from the fact that they’re Canadian, is that their lyrics hit you on multiple levels. At first, you’re like, this is just some random stream of consciousness “Loser” shit, and then later you start crying. So kind of like Spilled Milk.

Shows: Taskmaster, Series 21. This is known as the one with Kumail Nanjiani, and he is very funny, but the real stars are the usual roster of British goofballs like Amy Gledhill and Joel Dommett. And I’ve been wandering around repeating “Find a weeeeurm” like Joanna Page for weeks.

Host Molly:

Books: The Turn of the Screw, my first time reading Henry James! Never Let Me Go, by Kazuo Ishiguro. Also enjoying Anne Fadiman’s latest essay collection, Frog.

I’m knitting my second Pineapple Tee, an easy but tedious pattern from We Are Knitters.

Music: my older kid Silas is obsessed with ‘80s music, and you know how proud this makes me. The Cure, The Smiths, Soft Cell, Talking Heads, Siouxsie and the Banshees – but can you believe I’d never heard “Cities in Dust” until a few weeks ago? I’ve rectified that now, many times over. What a killer song.

Part of the Rhythm Grati-nation,
Host Molly

This was an issue of Spilled Milk subscribers. You can unsubscribe.

Powered by Buttondown, the easiest way to start and grow your newsletter.​

In the beginning, there was an egg.

The shell was made of a chocolaty substance, filled with disturbing goo. And it was good. Or at least it was goo. Have you noticed how you can’t spell “good” without “goo”? Have you ever wondered if these words are related?

It’s me! Come in!

This issue of the Spilled Milk subscriber newsletter is being taken over by everybody’s favorite döppelganger, Mr. Etymology. This is definitely going to clear everything up!

This is Ulysses S. Etymology. People have been saying a lot of things about me lately, and I want to clear the air by answering some of your questions.

Is your name really Ulysses?

No, but my middle name does start with S.

What’s the relationship between you and Host Matthew?

It’s complicated.

Why does it seem like you don’t know that much about, like, etymology?

I have a friend whose surname is Forester. You want me to ask him why he doesn’t know much about trees?

What’s your favorite word in the English language?

Picking a favorite word would be like picking a favorite child. Which is easy. My favorite child is that kid in The Sixth Sense who sees Bruce Willis, and my favorite English word is “steeplejack.”

What’s the origin of the word “steeplejack”? There must be an interesting story there.

There was a guy named Jack who climbed steeples. And you just used up one of your three wishes.

Do you know anything about upcoming Spilled Milk episodes?

Do I ever! You’ve got a new bonus episode available right now, and it’s called Nature’s Amazing Gloops. As usual, get your bonus episodes at:

https://magnumbonus.com/
password: magnumbonum

Or tap this RSS feed to add to your podcast player: https://www.magnumbonus.com/feed/podcast/

Producer Abby describes it as follows:

Today we’re celebrating Nature’s Amazing Gloops! by visiting BBC Wildlife and immediately getting trapped in mucus and tears. Looking for ooze turns up sleepy sticks, eye goblins, slime molds and garden snails and “probably the most incredible living organisms other than Megan Thee Stallion” so we advise you to stuff your sores in a sack and crack the lacquer shell because it turns out that gloop begets gloop.

Water, Wood, and Wild Things: Learning Craft and Cultivation in a Japanese Mountain Town by Hannah Kirshner

You may be pleased to know that one definition of “gloop” on Wiktionary.org is “To cover someone in gloop or goo.” Sorry, now you can’t un-know this.

Is “un-know” a word?

One thing you learn when you’ve been in the etymology game as long as I have is that everything is a word as long as you believe from the gloopy depths of your heart.

You were saying something about upcoming episodes?

That’s right! On April 9 Molly and Matthew are talking vinaigrette, a real classic “Didn’t we already do this years ago? Welp, Abby says we didn’t.”

And if you’re a fan of pastrami, absinthe, or knife sharpening, you’re in luck, because those are on the calendar, too.

I may show up on any of these episodes to tell you that a vinaigrette is a dainty little vinegar or something.

Mr. Etymology, what have you been into lately?

Thanks for asking. I’ve been sitting by the sea reading the OED.

Also, I’ve been enjoying Colin Gorrie’s newsletter Dead Language Society, which I heard about on a great podcast episode Molly told Matthew about.

Wait, if Molly told Matthew about it, how did you hear about it?

No comment.

What have Molly, Abby, and Matthew been into lately?

Producer Abby feels fancy when wearing her Machete French Hair Pin and continues to have fun with her book recommendation newsletter, the rolling ladder. She has been enjoying the moody Lucy Dacus album Forever is a Feeling as the winter wanes (hopefully? someday?). She’s been binging The Swiftie and The Scholar podcast where a Millennial woman teams up with her uncle, a retired literature professor, to break down Taylor Swift songs. Their adorable banter and educational insights as they treat a secular work as sacred reeled her in and taught her all sorts of literary terms, references and resources. She especially loves the more gothic, narrative songs so she’s been looking for a copy of The Madwoman in the Attic in every bookstore she passes, with no luck yet.

Matthew is still thinking about C. Thi Nguyen’s amazing book The Score and is obsessed with Castle Rat’s epic Live on KEXP performance.

Molly has been off the grid (really!), but if you want to get picks from her frequently, subscribe to her newsletter, I’ve Got a Feeling. Even the free version is loaded with gloopness—er, goodness.

Until next time, keep your knives sharp, your intellect sharper, and your compassionate vibes sharperer.

Tip top,
Mr. Etymology

Oh come, all ye LILYs! 

‘Tis the season for a newsletter, this time from Host Molly. Host Matthew says ho ho ho, but his attention right now is mostly occupied by holiday romance movies. I texted him just now to ask if it was accurate to describe them as “Hallmark Christmas movies,” and with no delay, he replied:

“I mostly watch the Netflix ones, although sometimes they have good Lifetime ones on Hulu, and occasionally I will spring for a Hallmark subscription.” Well then! He also reports that he and WOTSL recently watched one called A Sprinkle of Christmas, about “a woman who opens a bakery but never seems to go to work.” They rated it “okay.” I am shocked.

Perplexingly, Producer Abby is also a Netflixmas fan. She and HOTPOTS even made a custom bingo game to play while watching! We played it together once a few years ago, when Matthew hosted a movie night to force me into watching one of these seasonal abominations. The bingo was awesome, but not awesome enough to make me watch another. Also nowhere near as awesome as the Spilled Milk Bingo thread on Reddit. 

Emmet Otter’s Jug Band Bonus Episode

But I’m not a Scrooge about all holiday movies! My favorite of all time is The Muppet Christmas Carol. It wouldn’t be the holidays without Rizzo the Rat in a Dickensian tailcoat. In fact, it’s because of my lifelong love for the Muppets that I suggested we watch Emmet Otter’s Jug Band Christmas and make a bonus episode about it. It has a runtime of 48 minutes, which turns out to be 45 minutes too long. Whoops! Producer Abby describes the episode like so:

As a special Christmas treat for our beloved subscribers, we’re talking about the classic(?) Un-Christmas Special that is Emmet Otter’s Jug Band Christmas. We wonder – who are the heroes? who are the villains? who is a stoat? and who is a dog? – as we wander with these pitiful, gaslit characters of indeterminate age on their quest for a $12 piano. Even with help from hoodlum juice, wash jugs, Christmas branches, and toxic fathers, we unfortunately do not learn the true meaning of snake oil. But we do find a new favorite song. 

As usual, you can get this and all other bonus episodes at magnumbonus.com (password: magnumbonum) or subscribe to the RSS feed at https://www.magnumbonus.com/feed/podcast/.

Matthew made more music

Both of Matthew’s bands have new releases! Early to the Airport released a two-song single about space robots called Operation Meteor. Meanwhile, Twilight Diners released two covers: Richard, the magnificent 1995 ballad by the Geraldine Fibbers, and Chris Isaak’s horny classic Wicked Game. Be sure to watch the latter’s legendary music video on YouTube, in which Matthew and Molly roll around on a beach – and… in the clouds? – looking miserable but so, so sexy.

Where we’ve been

We haven’t only been canoodling in the sand! We’ve also been canoodling in the studio. This week brings you episode 730, Lollipops, which I mostly remember for how disgusting the Blow Pops were. Man, it was embarrassing. On the other hand, if Matthew ever offers you one of his famous Sausage Sandwiches (the topic of episode 729), say yes yes YES.

Where we’re going

Next week, we’re celebrating 2026 with an episode on Flourless Chocolate Cake. You know the opening of “Auld Lang Syne” – the part that goes, “Shall auld acquaintance be forgot / and never brought to mind”? It’s about flourless chocolate cakes! These things haven’t been cool for a couple of decades, but they’re still delicious. Don’t forget about them.

On January 8 we’re talking about Passionfruit, which gives Matthew another opportunity to remind me that last July WOTSL made a delicious passionfruit pie and I didn’t get any.

On January 15, we explore the wide world of Hot Sandwiches, a journey I think was inspired by the aforementioned sausage sandwiches? And then this episode inspired another one – Pork Tenderloin Sandwiches – which you’ll hear in mid-March. Stay tuned!

What we’re into

Producer Abby: I’ve been barely listening to anything else but the new Lily Allen album, West End Girl. But now that it’s Christmas time, I’m enjoying the wintry, moody Andrew Bird album Hark!

A few of my recent favorite reads are I Who Have Never Known Men and Dear Monica Lewinsky (out next April). You can find all my book recs on my newsletter, the rolling ladder and  I’m especially delighted with my version of a gift guide, in which I interview my 9 nieces and nephews to get their book recommendations.

A newsletter that doesn’t release often but never fails to elicit true LOLs is Jess Pan’s It’ll be Fun They Said and I thoroughly enjoyed the Jonas Brothers Christmas movie which completely understood the assignment. Lastly, I go through my favorite body lotion, Cactus Body Cream – Dulce de Cuerpo, too fast and need to restock!

Host Molly: It’s NBA season! I continue to be a Thunder fan, obviously! Ash and I have also been watching Murdaugh: Death in the Family, even though we’ve watched all the Murdaugh documentaries and know the whole story already. It’s so twisted. And Patricia Arquette is typically brilliant. Finally, for real, I adore The Muppet Christmas Carol.

I bought an inexpensive fountain pen, and I’m really enjoying it. I have a white Kaweco Classic Sport with a fine nib, and I particularly like how lightweight it is, with a nicely thick barrel. Love a thick-barreled pen.

Finally, have you listened yet to Jad Abumrad’s new podcast Fela Kuti: Fear No Man? Truly exceptional storytelling.

Host Matthew: 

Music: De La Soul, Cabin in the Sky. A lovely and fun tribute to their beloved third member, Dave.

Book: Alison Cochrun, Every Step She Takes. HOTPOTS would love this book because it’s about walking the Camino de Santiago, and that guy is always walking somewhere.

TV: Taskmaster, the season with Jason Mantzoukas (Series 19). Free on YouTube!

Forever crying when Tiny Tim Crachit comes on screen,
Host Molly

As promised, we brought in WOTSL to give her take on various chocolate milks. Goes with Episode 715 like chocolate milk goes with Cocoa Krispies!

Greetings, faithful Listeners! This time, Host Matthew has taken the reins. Even though Host Molly is the horsewoman in the family, she has entrusted me with the show’s telegraph machine and a sheaf of horsey metaphors. So saddle up, because we’re galloping into the unknown on a horse named Desire. This one comes to you straight from the horse’s mouth!

(Honestly, Desire seems like a good name for a horse. If you have a horse you’d like me to name, just reply to this email.)

Our July bonus episode is called “The One Where Matthew Takes a Hike and Drinks a Cocktail.” I think that probably pretty much sums it up. I think I talked about… nope, I don’t remember. But we made margaritas. Featuring an emergency appearance by Producer Abby! Okay, it wasn’t an emergency, but as I remember it, she ran over to the microphone like a wild mustang to share something really important about… oh, right! We talked about what’s on our summer bucket lists, and I totally misinterpreted the term “summer bucket list.” Enjoy! Abby described the episode thusly:

NOTE: This episode is best when paired with your favorite beverage. Today we bring our beloved subscribers a wish fulfillment of an episode and a glimpse into Matthew’s psyche with sporadic appearances by Producer Abby. Though Molly forgets her children and Matthew did not understand the assignment, we still rank the seasons, plan summertime adventures and home re-organization tasks, and ask “when do you funnel?”

As usual, you can get this and all other bonus episodes at magnumbonus.com (password: magnumbonum) or subscribe to the RSS feed at https://www.magnumbonus.com/feed/podcast/.

If you’ve heard me mention for the last year or more that this was coming soon, you probably think I’m beating a dead horse, my band Early to the Airport is hot out of the gate with our first album, Arrivals, which is available everywhere you listen to music.

My favorite review of the album so far is from Producer Abby, who said: “You sound so friendly on the show, but when you sing you sound so angsty.” Honestly, I was just glad she thought I sounded friendly some of the time. Which one is the real me? Spoiler: They’re both me! I was the good clone and the evil clone all along. Hmm, this sounds like a good song for the next album.

Making an album has been a weird experience. This is a cliched observation, but it seems like everything important in life is just about who you collaborate with. I always wanted to make an album, in a very vague “I always wanted to live in Paris but never took any concrete steps that would lead there” sort of way. And then my bandmate Matt was like, “Let’s make an album. I’ll write some great songs and do all the stuff you’re was too scared or lazy to do. All you need to do is write the lyrics and sing them.” That was still scary, but not so scary that I couldn’t do it. So I guess figuring out the right level of scary is also useful. Is anyone ready to preorder my self-help book yet?

I feel the same way about working with Molly and Abby, of course. Whether you’re making an album or starting a podcast, it’s all about betting on the right co-horse.

Anyway, I’m really proud of this album and hope you’ll give it a listen. So far no one has said, “Does 29 minutes of music constitute an album?” But when they do, I’ll tell them to get off their high horse, because my album is twice as long as Joyce Manor’s 40 Oz to Fresno, and that album rules.

Not to change horses midstream, but we need to talk about some recent episodes. Episodes 703 (Yukon Gold potatoes) and 704 (Peanut Nougat Bars) were both born during our corporate retreat in Whitehorse. In these essential episodes, we learn that Yukon Gold potatoes are not from the Yukon, and that it takes us until halfway through the Peanut Nougat Bars to pause and look up what nougat is. And now I’ve again forgotten what nougat is, except that it would be a great name for a horse.

We also talked Tap Water on episode 702, and wow did the hydrologists and water quality engineers emerge from their aquifers! Look for some delightfully technical Spilled Mail coming up, including the part where a Listener explains that I don’t know what a spring is.

Next week, it’s my favorite non-chocolate dessert and a real “I can’t believe we haven’t done this yet”: Key Lime Pie. An addendum to this episode, just for you: WOTSL made passion fruit pie by substituting frozen unsweetened passion fruit puree for the lime juice, and it was incredible. Do it.

On July 17 we’re talking white pepper, and Molly learns something important about herself. You can probably guess what it is.

Ooh, and on July 31 we’re crunching into the juicy Japanese fried chicken known as karaage, and I have a great recipe to share.

Why did I skip July 24? Because according to the schedule we’re talking about “American Cadbury,” and I don’t remember what that means, so we can be excited for it together.

What we’re into

Producer Abby
Water coloring postcards for my niblings, peonies from the farmers market, tarot card spreads for self reflection and progressive overload weight training. I couldn’t believe how exceptional Andor season 2 was (as well as depressingly prescient) and am currently sucked into The Pitt. I’m always reading and you can get my book recs from the rolling ladder on Substack.

Host Molly
Books: I mostly read fiction, but I’ve had a run of great nonfiction reads lately: Boom Town, by Sam Anderson (about my hometown of Oklahoma City and much much more, highly recommend the audiobook); Travels in Siberia, by Ian Frazier (haven’t finished it yet — doing the audio version of this one too — but it’s fascinating and makes me LOL; and I’m halfway through Claire Cameron’s researched memoir How to Survive a Bear Attack (beautifully crafted, total page-turner).
TV: America’s Sweethearts, season 2. It’s awful and I love it.

Host Matthew
TV: The Bear, Season 4. Yeah, I know, you’re already watching it.
Book: Time Loops and Meet Cutes, Jackie Lau. My favorite romance author! This is one is her reimagining of Groundhog Day, something every author should do once.
Music: Turnstile, Never Enough. The fact that everyone seems to love Turnstile makes me weirdly happy.

Rode hard and put up wet,
Host Matthew

Hello, beloved listeners! It’s Host Molly. If you are reading this, you made it through January of 2025, which is no small feat. Welcome to the rest of your life! And happy Valentine’s Day, lovers.

What’s new?

Matthew and I are still not lovers, but we do text every day. Sometimes a couple of times, even. Often it’s about the show: what topics to do next, who should research which topic, or what to do on our forthcoming Corporate Retreat (see below OMG). More often, though, Matthew has bird news to share (“Today on 12th between Thomas and John there was a tree full of pine siskin and another tree full of cedar waxwings. Dozens of each”), or I need him to know, for reasons I cannot recall as of this writing, that I’m listening to Sade’s Diamond Life while cooking dinner. (A fine soundtrack for Valentine’s Day, come to think of it.)

SOTSA (Spouse of the Show Ash) can always tell when I’m texting with Matthew because there’s apparently a particular closed-mouth chuckle that I do. I’m told it’s kind of smug-sounding, like a movie villain. Anyway, one evening about a month ago, I had a good long closed-mouth chuckle at the following, which I now share with permission:

Matthew: WOTSL and I were out for a walk and and she accidentally said the phrase “Jeff Beyoncé,” and now I can’t stop laughing at the idea of a mediocre white guy named Jeff Beyoncé who disappoints people whenever he shows up.

Matthew: She was trying to say, “If Jeff Bezos hired Beyoncé to perform at his birthday party,” but she said, “If Jeff Beyoncé—shit”

WOTSL! Yet ANOTHER reason why she’s Matthew’s forever Valentine!

Then, the following day, another reason to do my creepy little chortle:

Matthew: Important update about Jeff Beyoncé: He used to be in a band called Jefftiny’s Child.

If you have any updates about Jeff, you know what to do: https://www.reddit.com/r/EverythingSpilledMilk/

What’s new, episode-wise?

Yesterday, on February 13th, we took an all-too-brief vacation to the island of Mypos to visit our old friend Balki and share a platter of Greek Salad. If you’re under forty, that joke will make no sense, but don’t worry: the episode will delight taste buds and earbuds of all ages.

Next week, on February 20th, we’re talking Marmalade, but somehow quince joins the conversation quite a bit? Mr. Etymology’s got the whole story.

And let’s see, I’m pretty excited that we’ve got Sun-Dried Tomatoes on the docket for March 13. Talk about a blast from the past! Nobody has eaten these babies since Perfect Strangers was on TV. Speaking of which, do you ever confuse the names Bronson Pinchot and Pierce Brosnan? Wouldn’t it be fun, from now on, whenever someone mentions Pierce Brosnan, to insist that he was the actor who played Balki? Let’s get this party started.

What’s new, bonus-episode-wise?

This month’s bonus episode smells like Matthew’s grandfather. Yep, we’re talking about Drugstore Fragrances. For a good time, search YouTube for “designer imposters body spray commercial.” But whatever you do, do NOT buy these products.

As usual, you can get this and all other bonus episodes at magnumbonus.com (password: magnumbonum) or subscribe to the RSS feed at https://www.magnumbonus.com/feed/podcast/.

What about that Corporate Retreat?

A few years ago, Matthew started saying that we should do our annual retreat in Whitehorse, Yukon (Canada). Abby and I ignored him, figuring this was a bit. (Also, I had never heard of Whitehorse.) But when he brought it up for, like, the sixth time, I began to understand that he was serious. And the more I thought about it, the more I found myself… excited! We’ll be there for three nights in early March. It’ll be the furthest north that any of us has been in North America. We’re all hoping to see the Aurora Borealis. I’m hoping to learn a lot about the Yukon horse. Abby is hoping to not lose any digits to frostbite.

What we’re into

Producer Abby: 

Molly: 

Matthew: 

Still waiting for the new Jefftiny’s Child to drop,
Host Molly

Hello, beloved listeners! Host Matthew here. It’s spooky season, and some of my neighbors take this time of year VERY seriously. In the past week, just walking around my neighborhood, I’ve seen:

By the way, you may not know this about me, but I’m also a talking skull. I mean, I have some other baggage surrounding the skull, but basically, talking skull. Boo!

It’s also pie season. Well, in my house it’s always pie season, because a couple of years ago WOTSL signed us up for a monthly pie club via Pie Bird Bakeshop, and now my life pretty much revolves around pie delivery day. The most recent delivery was Black Bottom Pumpkin Pie, with a layer of ganache. I don’t even like pumpkin pie, but I loved this one. And yes, I know that telling people you receive a monthly pie delivery is somehow more decadent than admitting you own a yacht. Well, call me Boaty McPieface.

(You may not know this about me, but I’m a pie-eating skull.)

This year we’re upping the pie quotient because WOTSL stopped in at Producer Abby’s alma mater, Book Larder, and brought home the new cookbook River Cottage Great Pies by Gelf Alderson, and I went ahead and made a squash and red onion galette with Stilton and fresh herbs. And not without some drama: I cut up and roasted a Delicata squash like I’ve done countless times before, and luckily I tasted it before I put it into the pie, because it was some tasteless, stringy garbage! I blame Bunnicula.

As I was sinking into despair, WOTSL said, “Hey, don’t they sell that precut butternut squash at the supermarket?” They do, and it really saved the day. This pie was fragrant, deeply savory, and… I’m just so glad summer is over.

By the way, these local businesses didn’t pay to get into our newsletter—that would be weird, right? I just like them. (Bunnicula slipped me fifty bucks.)

Upcoming episodes

This very day, Halloween, it’s Black Licorice, one of the only candies that has killed a man.

Next week, cherry tomatoes, because… hey, wait a minute, I said summer was over! And you’re giving me cherry tomatoes?

On November 14, we’re talking Spindrift, that sparkling water with a little sprinkle of juice in it. Also not sponsored. Hey, can we get some sponsors up in here or what?

October bonus episode

We’re doing a classic lightning round episode, one of our favorite things to do, and Producer Abby is once again in charge of the hat full of topics. I asked her if she was bringing a real hat and she said, “Do we need a literal hat? I shall bring my own vessel.” That’s ominous, right? She did promise some spooooooky topics.

Producer Abby’s description: Happy Halloween!! Anything goes at bonus time so we asked Producer Abby to produce topics at a semi-rapid pace. Listen as we shrug in the face of Disney, confess our fears, explain the unexplained, and share ghost stories before meeting The Yanker and The Stair Phantom. Molly is inexperienced while Matthew is flat and hot, but we’re all obsessed with protein.

As usual, you can get this and all other bonus episodes at magnumbonus.com (password: magnumbonum) or subscribe to the RSS feed at https://www.magnumbonus.com/feed/podcast/.

Our birthday is coming up

And we’re turning the big one-five! If you have any Spilled Milk memory lane you’d like to share, feel free to reply to this email or post on the Reddit thread. We’re going to read some favorite memories on the show in January.

What we’re into

Abby: Lately, Producer Abby has been embracing her crush on Seth Cohen/Adam Brody and spooky season so she’s been enjoying Nobody Wants This, Agatha All Along, the BBC podcast ‘Witch,’ and going to the pumpkin patch. You can find all her book recommendations on her substack the rolling ladder. Recent spookyish topics include: toil and trouble, houses that haunt and villains 

Molly:  Finally read NORTH WOODS, by Daniel Mason, and it was as clever and absorbing as I’d heard it would be (from many many people)

Recently on a long flight, I watched In the Name of the Father for the first time since the 90s — maybe since it came out, in 1993? — and it was every bit as good as I’d remembered. Daniel Day-Lewis is characteristically brilliant, and Pete Postlethwaite moved me to tears.

Matthew:
The Linda Lindas – No Obligation. You want to hear a perfect song? Put on “Nothing Would Change” from the new Linda Lindas album. Chef’s kiss.

Ranma ½ on Netflix. Disclaimer: I haven’t read the comic or watched any of the previous anime adaptations, so I don’t know if this particular adaptation is considered good or bad or heretical or what, but this is a lot of fun so far. It’s an anime series about a martial artist who frequently and arbitrarily switches genders, and his father, who frequently switches from human to panda form. Whenever I watch a show like this, I like to imagine how it would play out in real life. Like, “That’s Takeshi. Sometimes he turns into a panda. He can’t talk in panda form, but he basically still does human stuff.” How quickly would you get used to this? Probably not as quickly as people do on a TV show, right?

Migratory ducks – ’Tis the season!

Yours spookily,
Host Matthew

Happy summer, fellow baked-bean fans! It’s Host Molly.

How’s the season going so far? 
Have you gone on a vacation? 
Have you gone camping? 

Matthew hasn’t gone camping since I took him into the wilderness for a single night in 2019. But I’m going next week on our fifth annual camping trip with a bunch of families from my daughter June’s school. Last year, there were 29 of us: 14 adults and 15 children. We stay at the same campground every year, in a state park that features both old-growth forest and a beach. We reserve the group camp there, which has a dozen secluded tent sites and a picnic shelter that’s big enough for us all to use as a shared kitchen. Most of us stay for two nights, some for three. It’s the most relaxing camping trip a parent could imagine. There are so many children, and they’ve all known each other for so long, they basically form a self-sustaining ecosystem. Meanwhile, we adults lie on the beach and eat chips. Even Matthew might enjoy it.

Of course, Ash and I have ruined it for ourselves by having a baby, and now we don’t get to lie down at all, not for a few years and maybe not ever.

Last year’s trip was our first time camping with Ames, our then-six-month-old. As the trip approached, an outdoorsy friend of Ash’s told us about this tent thing they’d used when their own child was small, this little baby-tent that you set up inside your own regular-sized tent. It looked like a cheap nylon duffel bag with a doggie-door on one of its long sides. Bedtime arrived on the first night. We studied the little tent. Ames was half-asleep in Ash’s arms: how were we supposed to insert him into the tent/bag without rustling the nylon and/or waking him? Ash lowered themself to a prone position, still holding the baby, and then shimmied/army-crawled forward until they could sort of eject Ames into the darkness of his enclosure. It was just like in Battlestar Galactica, when they’d throw someone out the airlock. 

Unfortunately, while there’s no sound in outer space, Ames’s cries traveled easily through the walls of his special tent – and ours. The second day, we packed up and drove home.

This year, we considered skipping the tent(s) entirely and renting an Airbnb nearby, but would we really be camping with our friends if we only spent daytime at the campground and retired at night to structure with walls and bedrooms? That’s not camping!

So we’re taking a Pack ‘n Play portable crib this time, the ole tried-and-true. And, from a different friend, we’ve borrowed a blackout canopy called the SlumberPod, which fits over the Pack ‘n Play. I feel hopeful, possibly because multiple friends have recommended the SlumberPod, and possibly because I keep mistyping it as SlumberPot or SplumberPot and giggling aloud to myself. Unlike last year’s contraption, this one promises to block “95%+ of light” – only 5% less than a black hole!

Upcoming episodes

Today (July 4), we’re talking about Enameled Cast Iron. This topic idea grew out of our June 20 episode, Cast Iron Skillets with Michele Norris – yes, that Michele Norris(!), formerly of NPR’s All Things Considered and now host of the Audible Original podcast Your Mama’s Kitchen. If you haven’t listened to that episode yet, do. Then come back for the enameled version, where unfortunately our only special guest is the word vitreous.

On July 11, we put on our astronaut suits and blast off for the Nerds Culinary Universe. I’m not sure where we got this title, but I think it’s explained in the episode? Anyway, speaking of space travel, there’s got to be a sci-fi film where the aliens look like Nerds, right? So cute!

On July 18, we talk about Burger Buns. Spoiler alert: not my late father’s backside.

And on August 1, join us for our most perplexing topic yet: Pudding-Like Products. You down with PLP? (Yeah, I’m sor-ry.)

July bonus episode

We’re calling this one “Obscure Food Words Balderdash,” a seemingly nonsensical title that sums up the episode quite sensically. Basically, we made Producer Abby play a word game with us! We forgot to keep score, but we’ll never forget what we learned: just say yes to tittynopes. Or as Abby described it:

Today Matthew shares a “beak of the dream” with us and we make Producer Abby play a word game full of LOTR, hoecakes, spurtles and tittynope before we are all diagnosed with classic Jekyll and Hyde Syndrome. Molly gets profound as we think up pinball designs and reminisce about birthdays and spin-offs past.

As usual, you can get this and all other bonus episodes at magnumbonus.com (password: magnumbonum) or subscribe to the RSS feed at https://www.magnumbonus.com/feed/podcast/.

What we’re into

Abby: I quite enjoyed Ripley on Netflix starring Andrew Scott/Hot Priest. Beautiful cinematography and is very slow and lovingly methodical in its murder vibes. This summer I’m drinking gin rickeys and orange wine. I’m having a ball with my book recommendation newsletter and just posted my Most Disappointing Reads of the first half of 2024 which may contain fiery rants. 

Molly:  I cannot wait for the Olympics. In the meantime, OMG, I finally read All Fours, by Miranda July, and OMG OMG. I’m also into cut-up watermelon with a squeeze of lime, wearing Tevas as much as possible (but only the “Original Universal” style), and, like last summer, red wine with a little chill on it.

Matthew: 

TV: We Are Lady Parts, S2. Maybe even better than season 1?
Music: The Lovely Eggs, Eggsistentialism. It’s punk! It’s pop! It’s very, very English.
YouTube: Japan Carefree Solo Travel

As always, thank you so much for being a subscriber. Look for our next newsletter and bonus episode in October. We might even have an update for you about the SlumberPod! Or we might have gotten sucked into the black hole forever, in which case, oops?

So long, earthlings,
Host Molly

Hello, beloved Listeners! Host Matthew here.

Recently I was reading one of my favorite newsletters, and it had a simple phrase in it that made me look up from my computer with an inquisitive Scooby-Doo noise: “if you like something and want more of it, give it money, and you’ll get more of it.”

Is this the way things should work? Probably not. Is it the way things do work? Sure is! And everyone reading this already knows that. If not for our subscribers, there’s just no way we would still be doing this show. What would we be doing instead? Well, I’ve been obsessed with the show Suits on Netflix lately (WOTSL and I are halfway through season 4, and there are so many more seasons), so I guess I’d try my hand at… investment banking.

If you haven’t seen Suits (it ran from 2011–19), this is a minor spoiler, but at the end of season 3 our young hero Mike leaves his job at the law firm and becomes an investment banker. He then discovers, TO HIS SURPRISE, that the world of investment banking is no less shady than law, and he realizes that despite his best efforts, WORKING AT A HEDGE FUND may not be the best way to make the world a better place. Poor Mike! Suits is very silly and features that actress who left the show to become a duchess.

Anyway, I would be the funny guy at the investment bank/hedge fund (the show doesn’t know or care whether these are the same thing). I’d have stuffed animals on my desk and catchphrases like “I sure love money!” and “Who’s the duchess now?” A colleague would have to take me aside and explain to me that no matter how much I love Wesley Snipes, it is not appropriate for me to use “Always bet on Black” as a catchphrase.

I would get fired in three days, which is also what happened to Mike, but I wouldn’t be so bummed out about it, because I’m a middle-aged white guy and will probably get a job the next day as an astronaut.

The February bonus episode…

It’s the season of lurrrrrve, and our bonus episode is about French Kissing! As I recall, this topic happened when we were at the retreat and Abby was like, “What should we do for February’s bonus episode,” and I said, “I dunno, French Kissing or something?” I was not serious! So of course Molly said, “We are definitely doing French Kissing.”

I’m sure this is one of those episodes where I get all flustered, but I’m too embarrassed to listen back to it and find out.

Keep the cold side cold

My refrigerator died. The freezer is still working fine, so it’s like living in an alternate reality where you can have French bread pizzas but not milk. We threw out some floppy bacon. We’re storing some Tillamook extra sharp white cheddar in our apartment manager’s fridge. After work WOTSL and I are going to walk over to Trader Joe’s to get something to throw into the oven for dinner.

It’s not like I’m recommending the experience, but it is a manageable level of shared adversity. In the words of Dominic Torretto, this was the week we truly became a family, by which I mean me, WOTSL, and our building manager.

I still have no idea when the appliance people are going to show up, so if it gets to a point where you look at the last forty-seven Spilled Milk episodes and you’re like, “Why don’t they ever talk about anything refrigerated anymore?” you’ll know that I never got the fridge repaired and now I’m a guy who goes around saying, “I don’t even have a refrigerator. Modern times have made us soft and helpless. I’m going to forage up some wild greens to put on my Celeste for One pizza.”

Upcoming episodes

First, a quick word about last week’s episode on corn muffins. I am so proud of this one, because it inspired Molly to start making homemade corn muffins regularly! I kept getting corn muffin texts, and I hope they never stop. Apparently corn muffins with lentil soup is an excellent combination.

Tomorrow (February 15), peek behind a cardboard door and find an episode about Advent calendars. What? In February? Abby, why did you let us do this? (Abby replied: “Uh, it’s Producer Abby, and I thought about registering a complaint and realized it was a waste of time since you both are rebels without causes.”)

On February 22, in an effort to maintain our perfect record of being a decade late to a trend, we’re talking hot honey. And we’re doing it while participating in other trends of 2013, which Google tells me include twerking, Vine, and the word “swag.”

Just today we taped a surprisingly wild episode about carrot cake, which will air on March 14. If you think there couldn’t be anything exciting about the history of carrot cake, we have two words for you: strong greavy.

We plug like Glade Plug-Ins

You already know that Producer Abby is the best podcast editor, but she is so much more. Are you writing a novel? She can take your manuscript or story idea from blah to bombshell. More of a reader? Abby’s newsletter, the rolling ladder, is all about losing yourself in great books, plus she reveals how she participated in The Purge. Find all this at abigailcerquitella.com.

Host Molly has a newsletter called I’ve Got a Feeling, and it’s a must-read. Molly has a way of looking at the world that is wise without any of the baggage that comes with the word “wise.” Here’s my favorite recent installment. You’ll have to pay to read it. Throw money at the good stuff!

And Host Matthew is working on new music. The new EP from Early to the Airport is going to feature the loudest, fastest songs we’ve ever done, plus a couple of big 80s-style power ballads and a song about rabbits. It’s a metaphor, but it’s also about actual bunnies.

Love,
Host Matthew

Happy Halloween, you ghouls! It’s Host Molly.

Like Matthew, whenever it’s my turn to write the newsletter, I look back at past newsletters to remind myself of what to do. Looking at July’s, I noticed that Matthew mentioned being shocked that we hadn’t yet done a spaghetti episode. That might have led you to believe we’d be announcing a spaghetti episode in the near future. Not so! Despite what you’ve always been told, this is the “trick” in trick or treat. Tell your kids: you can either have candy, or you can have a Spilled Milk spaghetti episode we’ll never actually make, wa ha haaaa. Or will we? Stay tuned for an update in February’s newsletter.

In other and newer news, last week I took my daughter June to Champion Party Supply, which bills itself as “Seattle’s premier balloon and party destination!” She’d been begging for weeks to improve our household’s Halloween decorations, which have long consisted of one skeleton’s worth of loose plastic bones (mysteriously sans humeri, tibiae, fibulae, and pelvis). So after school last Wednesday, off to Champion we went. 

I should have turned around and left as soon as we walked in, when, from an alcove beside the door, a nine-foot-tall Grim Reaper let out an electronic whoop and began to cackle ominously at my child. June stopped dead (get it?) and stared at it, cowering a little.

“This place is weird,” she said and grabbed my arm. 

“Mm hmm!” I replied with possibly too much cheer. I mean, Champion Party Supply is weird. It’s fine! I aimed us at the Halloween-decor aisles. 

As one would expect, there were styrofoam tombstones, life-size skeletons for $85.99(?!!) (maybe because all the bones were accounted for?!!), and signs that read “MORGUE →.” I don’t know what I was expecting, actually. In retrospect, I hadn’t thought much about what we’d find. It’s been more than a decade since I attended a Halloween event that was not for children; I think I forgot what Halloween means? I had not considered that there would be a rack of severed body parts, or a large display of old-timey dolls with empty eye sockets riding a carousel swing thing while tinny synth-wind played from an unseen speaker. June held up a plastic foot speared on a meat hook and gave a small moan.

If you doubt my parenting instincts, wait until I tell you that we didn’t leave then, either. When she wasn’t cowering or moaning, June seemed to be having a good time? She kept picking up horrifying things to show me, and we laughed a lot. We selected a skeleton-arm lawn stake that’s giving a thumbs-up and a second that’s offering a peace sign, and we picked out a pack of six very cute ghosts that you’re meant to hang from a tree. We paid, and we left, and I thought we’d done pretty well until we were out the door and on the sidewalk and June burst into sobs of relief. Now that I’ve typed this all out, I, well, what was I saying? Happy Halloween! (Please don’t worry: June is alright.)

Have you and your colleagues ever wasted a workday swapping results from Buzzfeed quizzes? We have, too! For this month’s bonus episode, Matthew and I took a bunch of food-related Buzzfeed quizzes together and learned, among other things, that Virgos like chocolate pudding. Which universally hated ingredient are YOU?

As usual, you can get this and all other bonus episodes at magnumbonus.com (password: magnumbonum) or subscribe to the RSS feed at https://www.magnumbonus.com/feed/podcast/.

Have you listened to Falafel with Yumna Jawad (episode 605)? How about Gumbo with soul singer Durand Jones (607)? Durand’s new album Wait Til I Get Over is out now, available everywhere you get music, and his voice – OMG OMG OMG. And don’t miss last week’s Tamales episode with Marcela Valladolid (617). Marcela’s latest book Familia came out on October 3.

For episode 614, we talked about Condiments on Tables, a topic that took me pretty much the entire episode to actually understand. I hear it’s funny anyway – or so says Listener Erin, whom I happened to meet while buying stamps earlier this month and who had just been listening to that very episode on her headphones. Thanks, Listener Erin! 

In episode 615, Powdered Sugar, Matthew used the phrase “anti-caking agent,” which was pretty cool. And in episode 616, Senbei, we do more on-mic crunching than ever before. Think that’s not possible? You’re probably right.

Abby: “I’ve been into Say More with Dr?Shelia starring Amy Poehler, a parody/improv relationship therapy podcast. I binged all 2 seasons of Girls5Eva in one weekend (the lyrics are clever and hysterical), and I think Renée Elise Goldsberry should be in everything. Also, of course, I am very excited for The Eras Tour Concert Movie once I get back home from traveling around Vietnam with my mom.” 

Molly: I’ve been knitting another sweater (the Sunday Sweater from PetiteKnit – highly recommend), wearing Wrangler jeans, and listening to Sleater-Kinney’s The Hot Rock, which always feels like fall to me.

Matthew: I’ve been listening Metric’s Formentera II nonstop, and watching Reservation Dogs, Season 3. Also Suits on Netflix!

As always, thank you so much for being a subscriber. Look for our next newsletter and bonus episode on February 14, and in the meantime, remember: never take my kid to Champion Party Supply again.

Love,
Host Molly