In this highly practical bonus episode, hosts Andy and Kelly bring back John Cunnings (Boys' Program Director) to finish unpacking the five-step process behind the Choice & Consequence model. This is the bedrock of the structured side of the Nurture & Structure approach, designed to replace a parental posture of control with one of loving training.

John reviews the initial steps and then dives deep into the most challenging parts: allowing the child's choice and consistently giving the consequence. He also provides indispensable language tools to help parents shift away from controlling phrases and offers encouragement that plodding with consistency—even if you're only "batting .400"—will yield deep, lasting character change in your children.

Episode Highlights

• [01:10] A reminder of the foundational concept: Nurture and Structure work in concert to train children, not control them.
• [06:00] Reviewing Steps 1-3: Identify your conviction, identify related behaviors, and set up choices and consequences that are simple, reasonable, and enforceable.
• [07:42] Step 4: Allow the Choice. Why giving your child permission to make the wrong choice is the hardest, yet most necessary, part of training.
• [08:20] A practical example of the process: addressing yelling with a consequence like "porch time."
• [11:30] Step 5: Give the Consequence. Why consistent follow-through is the "icing on the cake" that builds security and trust in your relationship.
• [14:00] How many convictions should you focus on at once? The wisdom of plodding and starting small.
• [21:10] Critical Language Tools: John provides examples of controlling language (words to avoid) and choosing statements to fill in the blanks.
• [23:40] Applying the model to different ages: using simple language like "fun vs. not fun" for younger kids and setting clear, time-based boundaries for older kids who crave autonomy.

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Resources Mentioned

• Book: Choosing to Train by Greg Smith and Candice Couch
• Book: Setting loving limits and boundaries. Boundaries with Kids by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend
• Book: Love and logic – Parenting with Love and Logic by Foster Cline M.D. and Ph.D. Charles Fay
• Book: Connecting and Correcting – The Connected Parent by Karyn Purvis PhD and Lisa Qualls
• Related Episode: Nurture & Structure Part 1
• Downloadable: please email us at [email protected]