Today, I am talking with Sheyla (@sheyla_partyofone). We're chatting about intercultural love, working on a Master's degree in Europe, and dreaming about a trip to Puerto Rico. Listen in, and don't forget to subscribe!
TRANSCRIPT:
KC: (00:02)
Welcome to the Borderless Stories podcast. This podcast is a celebration of intercultural relationships as well as a resource for navigating those relationships. Whether it's a marriage, a business partnership, or a close friendship, if you care deeply about someone from another country or culture, then you are in the right place. We celebrate by sharing stories of success and triumph, and we support by sharing practical strategies and interviews with experts. I'm your host, KC McCormick Çiftçi, and I'm so happy that you decided to join us today.
KC: (00:38)
Welcome to episode nine. Today. I'm talking with Sheyla who is an expat in Germany. She is studying and working as an interpreter and living with her German partner. I really loved talking with Sheyla and I think you're going to get a kick out of her story, too.
KC: (00:53)
Thank you for being here. It's really exciting to get you on the podcast and I would just love to start off with, like, who are you and what's a little bit of your background?
Sheyla: (01:03)
Sure, okay! Thank you for having me, first off. This is really exciting. I am Sheyla. I was born in Puerto Rico, raised in Florida, and I have now relocated to Hamburg, Germany. I've been here for the past two years. I'm a Grad student right now working on my European Masters in sign language interpreting. So, I'm a sign language interpreter of nine years, actually. And I work between the languages of American Sign Language and English and American Sign Language and Spanish. And now through the program I'm developing some international sign skills and hoping to add spoken German and German Sign Language to the repertoire eventually.
KC: (01:48)
That's incredible. Wow, I didn't realize that. Wow! So I mean, it sounds like the German is kind of like, oh yeah, that would also be a nice thing to add. But you're in Germany and you're working on ASL and English and Spanish. How does that work? Is your program in English?
Sheyla: (02:06)
Oh yeah, yeah. Really fortunately for me the program is in English because it's an international program, actually between three different universities. They kind of decided to have the English as the Lingua Franca. So, that was lucky enough for me to come over here and as far as work goes, I've been able to fortunately work virtually, so like online and so I can still interpret between the languages that I know back home in Florida between the English and the ASL or the Spanish. And so that's been how I've been able to work over here, still using my languages.
KC: (02:45)
Wow. Well that's incredible. So what is, how has life been for you as an expat in Germany? What's that like?
Sheyla: (02:52)
Oh wow, okay. I think it's been very interesting to say the least. My first year I would say just as anybody's first year, I guess, it's a struggle. It really was for me, the move over here was kind of a complete life change in all aspects. So I went from being financially independent to being financially dependent. I went from living on my own to cohabitating for the first time, you know, with my partner. I went from year round, summer to experiencing winter for the first time, from working to studying full time. It was just really like a drastic change for me and at first it was okay because I do a lot of traveling and to me it was like, it's fine, you know, I'm used to this, I'm used to being in other countries. I'm used to the culture shock and this and that, but I think it's a little bit different when it feels more permanent.
KC: (03:52)
Yes! Can you talk about that a little bit? So, were you and your partner already together before you moved to Germany?
Sheyla: (04:00)
Yes. We've been together now for three and a half years and living together for two. We're coming up on two years now.
KC: (04:07)
So how did you meet, and a little background there?
Sheyla: (04:12)
Sure,sure. Yeah, yeah. We met the very conservative, traditional way of swiping right. Actually, um, funny story, really. I had an interpreting gig in Italy for six months back in 2015, and before I came I decided I could, you know, take advantage and travel Europe for a bit. As I said before, like I travel a lot, but I never really had an interest in Europe, to be honest, because cities and this, okay, but I'm more of, like, a mountain girl, you know, and beaches, so it was never really on my to-do list.
Sheyla: (04:47)
But when I got this gig I was like, well let's go ahead and take advantage of that. And I did have like an itinerary and Germany was definitely not on it. It's like on the bottom of my list of places to go, but my itinerary kind of went to shit last minute and I actually have a friend from Florida --we went to college together-- who met her now, German husband and she was living at the time with him in Germany in Hamburg. And she was like, "Hey, if you're stranded, whatever, just come over here and hang out with me." I had never even heard of Hamburg before that. Like, I couldn't pinpoint it on a map, but I ended up going and meeting up with her. And while I was here she was still working. And again, this is like out of my element, not in the mountains, it's not in the beach.
Sheyla: (05:31)
So city life, I don't know how to explore it. And I was really, like, shy at the beginning. I didn't really go out and do much. So I decided, okay, well let's try this Tinder app. It was the first time I ever got it. It was random. I used it one time, swiped left five times. So essentially I said "no" to everybody and I was done with it. But then that night, I went out to dinner with my friend here and her friends and I got a friend request on Facebook from somebody in Hamburg and I was like, how, why? Like who knows that I'm here? This wasn't the plan, nobody knows I'm here. So I assumed it was a mutual friend of my friend. And he was kind of cute, so I was like, "All right!" So I accept the friend request and in comes the message that wasn't allowed to go through because of the privacy, the way it's set up because we had no connections.
Sheyla: (06:19)
And in that message was like, "Hey, I saw you on Tinder and I figured that our probability of meeting was really small, so I tried to look for you on Facebook, which I know is super creepy. I really enjoy your travel pictures and if you want to have a coffee and like, you know, share travel stories, that'd be great. If not, thank you for reminding me that I should go sandboarding in Peru." And that was it. I thought it was super cute and I was intrigued by the perfect English as like ignorant as that sounds for me. I was like, "Oh, okay, Germans writing perfect English. I don't understand, you know?" So I told him that I don't drink coffee and that I wouldn't meet him because I thought it was really creepy. So instead we just talked for awhile, just online and we just clicked really.
Sheyla: (07:03)
And I was leaving to Copenhagen actually with my friends and the night before we were out at a bar just hanging out and a few drinks in, I send them a message like, "Hey, well if you want to meet me, you have to meet the whole gang and this is where we are. You do what you want with that information." And he came! He came, we had a great time and when he was leaving that night, I told them that I'd have a coffee with him and he's like, "Well, I'm gonna have dinner with you instead."
KC: (07:25)
Aw, that's sweet! That's a sweet story. I like how you handled that whole online thing, like, as the friend who's usually the one that, you know, my friends are like, "Hey, I'm meeting someone that I met on the Internet, so just so you know where I am." It gives me great comfort to hear you had him come meet all of you at at the bar.
Sheyla: (07:48)
Oh, absolutely. My mom would never let me live it down if I didn't do it this way.
KC: (07:57)
No, no, I totally get that. So that was, that was the beginning. And then you must've been having a long distance relationship, right?
Sheyla: (08:08)
Yes. It was sort of like a short long distance relationship since I started working in Italy in comparison to when I moved back to Florida, that was kind of a shorter distance, you know, we had similar time zones. So I started work in Italy and within the first weekend of being in Italy I was already invited over to meet his family. Like that's how quickly things progressed and we basically spent all the weekends during that contract together and the contract was actually for a longer period of time, but I was there on a tourist visa at the time. Like I wasn't aware of, you know, like visa policies as much. It was my first International gig and the company and reassured me that it was fine, they do it all the time.
Sheyla: (08:53)
So I didn't really care, and I also wasn't interested in Europe at the time so I didn't care too much, you know, the implications it would have to overstay the visa until this started progressing more with my partner. And I was like okay, this, we can't do that. So I started trying to apply for a work visa while I was there, but it didn't go through and so I talked to the company and I found a replacement and I ended up leaving the contract early and going back home. I was home by Thanksgiving and I brought him with me and so then he came and met my family. It was funny because my dad, since I left to Europe, he was like, "Don't come back with an Italian boyfriend. That's the number one rule. You can do whatever you want, but don't you bring an Italian boyfriend." And I bring him home, and I'm like, "Hey Dad, he's not Italian." So then once I got back home they met him. It went really well with my family. That was something that was important to me before even really taking it super seriously. And we did the long, long distance for almost a year until I found my program, applied for the program, got into the program, and then was able to move over on a student visa.
KC: (10:02)
Oh, wow. I mean that, a lot of that, okay not "a lot of that," all of that is just kind of incredible to me. It feels like the stars aligning in a lot of ways because even just the fact that you were able to -- because I imagine when you were in Italy, there's a lot of options, like, you know, Ryan Air and Easy Jet and those kinds of cheap cheap flights and stuff, so it's not quite as challenging as then when you're back. But what really, I mean I'd like to talk more about long distance stuff, but first, I mean, it's really impressive to me that you you found a graduate program and you just applied and met all the requirements and made it happen because I have looked into graduate programs in Germany in the past and been kind of like, "Whoa. Maybe someday..." But even just getting in seems like an ordeal sometimes.
Sheyla: (10:55)
Yeah. I understand that definitely, and that's why I feel so fortunate. I feel like my story is so unique in a sense because it's really because of my profession. I think if it wasn't for being a sign language interpreter, I don't know that I would find a program out here that would allow me to come over here and at least be here for the two years that I've been. The program itself is really new. We're only the third cohort. So yeah, I think it was really just like you said, everything was aligning perfectly.
KC: (11:28)
Yeah. I mean even that. It's like how many other programs like yours are there in the world?
Sheyla: (11:35)
There aren't any, actually, not that I know of. Not for sign language interpreting. This is the only international program that there is.
KC: (11:42)
And it just so happens to be where he lives?
Sheyla: (11:44)
Well, there's an option of three different universities. So one of them happened to be in Germany and the program itself is mostly part time home study, part time in-classroom study. So I could even study remotely from Hamburg, not even having to be in the city where my university is that I'm registered in. We had to meet with each other once every semester. So it was even more convenient for me to be over here because flying from the States every semester to Europe would have been more costly than being here, you know, because of Ryan Air and thanks to all those cheap airlines.
KC: (12:26)
Yeah. Wow, that's...
Sheyla: (12:27)
Really, really fortunate.
KC: (12:29)
It is! Yeah, that's a beautiful, awesome thing. And I like hearing stories like this because they give me hope because I feel like there's a lot of stories in our kind of space, you know, intercultural love stuff, where, you know, separated by all these obstacles and stuff. So, when people overcome obstacles, I'm just like, "Woo hoo!" It's good for all of us because I think it gives that hope.
Sheyla: (12:56)
Yeah, there is hope out there and I guess it's about finding your niche, really. I feel like just my relationship with language in general before this relationship is just really what shaped my entire life. Honestly, everywhere I've been, everything I've done has been shaped by my relationship to language.
KC: (13:15)
Yeah. That's fascinating. Can you talk more about that? So like when did you start, did you grow up speaking both English and Spanish and then when did you learning sign language?
Sheyla: (13:26)
Yes. I started learning sign language in college, actually. My first year in university I was studying architecture -- super random. And during the summer they didn't offer courses for first year students and I, like, had to study. I've never had a summer off even during high school, so I was kinda bored out of my mind. I was like, "Well I'll just see what they have available." And I saw that there was an ASL 1 course. I was like, whatever, why not? I've seen it before, you know, like on TV, that could be cool. So I take the course and after the first day I changed my major. After the class I walked up to the professor, I'm like, "I need to do this. How do I do it?" And I changed my major. I couldn't tell my dad right away. But you know, there's a lot of people don't know much about sign language interpreting either. And, you know, the common misconception is that you can't, you know, form a living off of it. So it was tough at first, but I mean it's gotten me everywhere.
KC: (14:25)
Yeah, really cool. And definitely I agree. It is about finding, finding your niche, finding what you're good at. It's always been language for you. So can you talk more about speaking English and Spanish? Were you raised bilingually, like Spanish at home, English at school?
Sheyla: (14:42)
Well, yeah, so my family moved to Florida when I was really young and so I was exposed to English in school and my parents started noticing that I was losing the Spanish at home and so at home after school everyday they'd sit me and my brother down and we'd have Spanish courses with them, like workbooks, everything, the whole nine, like a true classroom setting of Spanish. And yeah, that's kind of how it developed. And of course my extended family is still on the island and we would go every summer they'd send us off. So I was always still exposed to it. That's funny enough that you asked, though. Just recently in my studies now we're researching a lot about, you know, like mother tongues and things like that, languages and multiple languages and I kind of feel like I don't have a first language.
Sheyla: (15:30)
I feel like I have two second languages, if that makes sense.
KC: (15:35)
Interesting.
Sheyla: (15:36)
Yeah. Really strange and I've always had a strange relationship with my Spanish, my Puerto Rican Spanish as well because where I grew up, Puerto Rican Spanish is kind of negatively looked at it, seen as lesser than. And so because I also work in Spanish, I've always really tried to perfect it, like little nuances that Puerto Ricans have. Like they swallow some letters and I definitely tried to spit them out very clearly to the point where I don't even really sound Puerto Rican. And it was a couple of years ago actually I was traveling South America, Argentina actually. And I met some people there and they were just talking to me, getting to know each other and they asked me where I was from and I told them I'm from Puerto Rico and they couldn't believe.
Sheyla: (16:20)
They're like, "Oh, you don't have that accent, you don't have that singsong or whatever." And I kind of proudly said, you know, like, "Yeah, you know, I worked really hard on perfecting my Spanish." And their reaction was like, "Why? Like why would you want to lose that?" They were so in love with the Spanish from Puerto Rico, the artists, singers and artists and actors, they just, they adored it so much. And I've never gotten that kind of response for that. And for me that really shook me to the core. That was like a wake up call. Like I said, it's just been shaping everything. And even now the thesis that I'm working on is on multilingual sign language interpreters and their experience with their language and how that has shaped their profession. And it's just funny how it's like all one big circle around that's gotten me to Germany here where I am now.
KC: (17:11)
And what's that like with, with German? Are you adding German now into the mix?
Sheyla: (17:17)
So that is the goal, but I must say I've been here two years and I haven't gotten that far. I mean I understand a lot more than I used to and I'm talking, I'm speaking a lot more as well, but I used to take classes before when I would come, when we were that year apart. I would come visit for short periods of time and take little courses while I'm here. But I mean with all the time in between it just kinda doesn't stick. And then since I've gotten here I've been working from home, studying from home, like I barely leave the house, you know. And here everybody speaks English, too. Like, I try to go to the store and I'm just like, "Ich bin...ehh...ich bin..." And they're just like, "Ma'am, can I help you?" They don't have the time to kind of struggle with me. So, so far I haven't been able to, but the goal is once I graduate with my Master is to take intensive German courses. I feel like that's the only way. Not only can I extend my visa for language learning, but it would be the only way that I can, you know, get a job here and permanently stay. So it is in the works, it just hasn't gotten there yet.
KC: (18:37)
That's exciting, though the thought of even taking like the intensive language courses. I relate a lot to what you're saying because I think it's easy to be hard on yourself and be like, I should know it. I've been here x amount of time. But the reality is, and this was, you know, I've been there too where it's like, all my time is consumed with language related tasks. Like I'm teaching vocabulary and listening and speaking skills and then I'm going to go home and do more of that same thing? It's like, NO. I might want to, like, review calculus or something because it was something different besides grammar, vocabulary and listening and speaking.
Sheyla: (19:24)
Absolutely. Yeah. And that's true, I hadn't even really thought of it that way either, in fact, that I'm constantly, you know, intaking all these different languages and switching between them in my brain all day long to then have to go and put effort into learning a whole new one. It's exhausting. It is exhausting.
KC: (19:43)
Yeah. It's like take a break, you know, take up painting. Then, that's when you do the language study. There you go. Can you talk a little bit more about what it was like during the time when you were long, long distance when you were back in the US?
Sheyla: (20:01)
That was a lot of FaceTime. I remember FaceTiming a lot, obviously. And when I would see him again in person, his voice sounded totally different, like almost weird to me. It made me uncomfortable because virtually your voice obviously sounds completely different. And you attach, since that's the only thing you have, you attach so much to that voice and then you hear a different one in person. It really like would shake me every time I'd see him again. But it was a lot of time management trying to figure out, you know, when he's available, when I'm available and everything in between. A lot of frustration too because communicating virtually gets boring. It gets impersonal. So it's kind of difficult to keep the relationship strong. And where I was living the Internet was so weak, so it was like constant call fail, constant freezing, constant, reconnecting and which was really frustrating for him.
Sheyla: (21:04)
I know that. And so it was, it was tough, but it was for us, the wait, we try to keep it. I realized that once I hit the four month mark, I couldn't anymore, like emotionally it was too much for me. So we kind of made it that way every, every quarter of the year, either I'd go or he'd come,
KC: (21:24)
Oh, that's nice. And then at some point you decided, all right, enough's enough. And I'm gotta get myself there.
Sheyla: (21:31)
He had decided that I should move so early in the relationship, but I was like, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, calm down.I mean, I have a career, I have everything that I need here, like that's kind of insane." But then again I was like, okay, if I really want to see if this is really, really going to work where I feel like it will, I feel like this is it, but you know, can you really tell just with the long distance?
Sheyla: (21:56)
And I was like, a friend of mine actually was like, hey, she told me about the program was like, you should apply for this, this could be an easy way for you to still be progressing your career, you know, not giving everything up but still give it a chance with him. And so that's how the program came about and I applied for it. And so I decided I'd take these two years, two and a half years to really see how we fit together and it's been going great so far, I must say.
KC: (22:23)
Good! That's a relief, right?
Sheyla: (22:26)
I'll keep him, I keep him.
KC: (22:29)
Well tell me about him. What's life like together? How's that going for you?
Sheyla: (22:34)
It's a lot of fun, a lot more fun than I expected. And man, it's easy. It's so easy. All my previous relationships for some reason were just not this easy. With him, it's very, he's just very considerate. We're able to talk. Obviously being over here, we've had our cultural struggles, you know, the clashes of course, like, but it's never something that blows up for us. It's always something that we can sit down and I think we're both very cultural conscious, I guess. And, you know, he's traveled, I've traveled, so we kind of know how to manage differences or at least accept them and sit down and analyze them in a calm, collected manner. But like, for example, I'm the first Puerto Rican he's ever met, and we're polar opposites, really.
Sheyla: (23:28)
So, things like expressing that we care about each other or showing love and affection. I'm sure that's the same for most intercultural relationships, but it was something that I struggled with at the beginning because Germans are kind of more cold and they're like, I love you. They don't say that that's not a thing. Whereas for me, I literally say it to, everyone everyday, all day long. With my family, it's like if I call my mom for two seconds it's like, "Hey Mom, do you want me to pick up eggs? Yeah. Okay. Love you, bye." You know, like everything is an I love you. And to go from that to, you know, like questioning, like, hey, do you love me or what is this? And it's like, yes, of course and it's like, okay, but you don't express that. I need to understand how you express it because I'm missing the point, you know, I'm missing the cues.
Sheyla: (24:19)
And it was a lot of that having to learn how he expresses it, how he needs me to express it and vice versa. And accepting, also, the way I express it regardless if it's how he accepts it or not and vice versa.
KC: (24:33)
So it's like there's so much inner work on yourself, understanding yourself and then how to communicate yourself. So it's like you have two individuals to comprehend their cultural background and stuff too.
Sheyla: (24:51)
Right. It helped me, like, really realize a lot about myself just having to, having to express it to him and show him and help him learn also and vice versa. And then we also have between the two of us a class difference, also. The way he was raised and the way I was raised and that's been really challenging for us. And also just really funny.
KC: (25:16)
Can you talk about that a little bit?
Sheyla: (25:18)
Yeah, yeah. So just basically he's in a higher class than I am, his family comes of more money than my family does. And so I'm an adapter so it's okay with me and I can adapt. I can watch around to see which spoon or which fork somebody is grabbing and kind of copy, you know, and make my way. But I mean everything from how we go on holidays, where I'm ready to go with my backpack and go hiking up the mountains and you know, then go jump in a river. Whereas he loves to just sit and read a book, an entire book by the ocean in the sun, eight hours straight and I cannot. I'm active and he's not. Or just recently actually this January, a couple of weeks ago we spent Christmas in Florida with my family for the first time.
Sheyla: (26:14)
And that was just insane because again, our families are different. This was the first time that he spent so much time with my family and 24/7 with my family. And we took a road trip to Gatlinburg and that was, to be honest, at first it was really, really difficult for me to manage because I had my family, I know how they are and I know how we're on this trip and like we're pinching pennies in every corner and we're checking prices and comparing prices and you know, eating wherever we can eat for the night. Whereas he's used to a healthier diet and is okay with going on a vacation and you know, splurging some more on the local foods or this or that. And so managing them both as the one who's lived both sides and for the longest right now, basically I'm the ambassador for both sides.
Sheyla: (27:10)
And so I feel like all this pressure to justify everyone's actions to the other person or even shame. I was feeling shame in like how I was raised. I was feeling shame in who I decided to be with that's so different from my family. And it was really difficult for me at the beginning. But luckily we were with my niece, she's eight years old and I would just see her like being her full and complete self regardless. Like she could care less if he was German. She could care less if he's quiet while we're at dinner. Whereas my family, you know, we're the loudest we can be during dinner. She could care less, you know, she's still going to have a conversation with him. She's still gonna be as silly as she is regardless if he's calm and collected. And that really was like the click for me that this is not my responsibility to make anybody feel comfortable here. Like if they're going to feel comfortable with each other, they will and they have to manage that on their own. And by the end of the trip, the bonding was incredible. It really was an incredible trip. Like the German loosened up, my family tightened up, I backed off and my niece was living her best life and we just had such a great time. I think that really solidified the relationship for me.
KC: (28:28)
It's so good to have your, to be able to see that example in your niece and realize like, this is my vacation to, you know, and I spend the whole stressing out about how these people get along with each other, that's not a cool vacation for me.
Sheyla: (28:43)
Absolutely. Yeah. It was really a wake up call.
KC: (28:47)
So she was like, you know, a little ambassador for you kind of. This is like a, just a human ambassador, not necessarily between countries.
Sheyla: (29:00)
Aren't all kids, though? They just know how to live life.
KC: (29:04)
Yeah, definitely. Definitely. Before they get all messed up by the world, you know?
Sheyla: (29:09)
Right. Exactly. That's so true.
KC: (29:11)
That's cool. So how has, how has it been for you, vice versa, when you spend time with his family? Has it gone the same kind of way and there's lots of bonding?
Sheyla: (29:23)
We've fortunately had a lot more time to bond than my family has with him because I'm living over here even though his family does live five hours from where we are. But we visit quite often and the first couple of times it was difficult for me to adjust, especially because the English is more limited with his family, at least with his dad. And my German was so limited at the beginning that it was a lot of quiet dinners. Quiet for me, I mean they were speaking, but for me it was quiet. And it was difficult to, like, understand, for example, Christmas. Christmas was so different. The first Christmas I spent here was a tough one. I've only spent one, but it was really tough. I remember because it was so nice. You know, we went to church that evening and we had dinner together and we opened gifts and, but even the types of gifts that I was receiving in comparison to what I could give and just having dinner in complete silence, whereas in my household during Christmas there's music. You could barely talk to the person next to you and I remember going through like Snapchat and seeing my friends and all the music and this and that and like feeling really uncomfortable and really out of my element as much as they tried to make me comfortable and you know, they were so kind, but it's just hard. It's an adjustment period I think. Definitely a learning curve.
KC: (30:52)
Definitely. And have you, do you feel like as you've learned more German, are you able to be like -- do you know enough German to really be yourself? Because I feel like that can be something that holds back from learning a language. Like you're a different version of yourself because you can't have your same sense of humor or anything.
Sheyla: (31:11)
Absolutely. That was huge for me. Even with the people I met here that spoke English, the humor is still so different and that's a big one for me because I'm a silly person. Like I love joking. I love telling jokes and when I would do that and not get the same response, regardless if they thought it was funny or not, it's just the reactions are different. And so I felt so isolated and so I couldn't be myself. And the same with the family. At first it was hard for me to be myself but it wasn't because I couldn't in the face of them it was more of like I didn't have the means. I didn't have the language to show them how and who I am. But now I mean being, being there more often. For example, me and his dad are best friends. Even if we don't speak each other's languages, like he's the one I get along with the most because you get used to each other and you get comfortable with each other and there's, you know, like body language and you can be silly and we Google Translate things back and forth and I'm a lot more of myself now and that makes me feel a lot better too because I wouldn't want them to not be able to know who I am for as long as I've been here, you know?
KC: (32:19)
Yeah. And it makes it hard for them. If they can't know you, then it's hard to understand, well, why did our son choose you? Like, who are you? They want to understand him too, because this is an important choice for him.
Sheyla: (32:34)
Absolutely.
KC: (32:34)
The two of you, in your relationship, like what are some of the cultural things that come up that you're sort of like, "Oh, I didn't expect that to be an issue" or something? And when it does come up, how do you navigate it? How do you kind of work through it?
Sheyla: (32:51)
I do remember this one incident where I was telling him a story about something that happened and I was kind of really gullible in the situation and you know, too trusting and I remember his response being like, "Yeah, you know, because you're quite naive." And my, like total attitude changed. I was like, "Excuse me?" You know, like fighting words. But it was that kind of sense of, okay, the translation of the language, our partner language is English and I have to understand that that's not his first language either. So my getting defensive over this word that kind of has a negative connotation in the English that I know and I'm familiar with. Whereas his direct translation from German is so much lighter. It's more of like, you know, you're very trusting and things like that that I've had to adjust to.
Sheyla: (33:43)
Also things of like showing affection is not something that, whereas I'm extremely affectionate and having to adjust that between the two of us. But I feel like I have a partner that at least meets me halfway, you know, like I tone it down or when I do feel like, oh, I just want to squeeze you, I just want to hug you. I let him know like, "Hey, I am hyper cuddly today and I'm just going to let you know. So bear with me, you know, like tomorrow I'll tone it down, but today I just need to be this way, you know?" And we kind of go back and forth with that as well where, when he needs his time of just silence, he can tell me that today we're going to kind of cut it short, just going to eat dinner in peace. And you know, it's that mutual respect between one another.
Sheyla: (34:31)
Yeah, that's good. That's important. And I like what you said about connotation with words and stuff because it is so deeply ingrained in you that you hear a word and you kind of bristle and go, "Why would you say that?" I was thinking of, my husband used to say the word "whatever," a lot and kind of like to change the subject. He would just say, "Whatever," and usually type it. It was usually like when we were texting about stuff. And every time I would still feel it as like, you know, kind of like Clueless sort of like, "Whatever" kind of tone. And I knew, like, academically, you know, like I knew he meant it like, "Anyway, that's not what we're discussing, this silly thing, let's just talk about something else." But every single time I heard it I would have that reaction. You're like, "Oh just let it go, you know, like, you know he doesn't mean it that way. Come on."
Sheyla: (35:25)
It's funny that you mentioned texting because same thing happened between us where he would sort of correct something like even my German, sometimes we try to text in German and he would correct it and end it a winky face, but to me it's really condescending and we had an issue with the wink face. And I've also heard how in like in the UK like you usually end the messages with, with a kiss like with an x and how a lot of people kind of find that really strange to receive an x from like a business partner. It's interesting, really.
KC: (36:02)
Too much kissing, yeah! Stop sending kisses to all of us. It's inappropriate. You have such a nice -- I get that vibe when you're talking about like, I'm a silly person, I like to laugh, and I'm like, yeah, I like you.
Sheyla: (36:17)
I'm in English. I think my English let's me be me.
KC: (36:21)
Yeah, definitely. I feel that I'm like, I really feel that with Turkish for sure.
Sheyla: (36:29)
Yeah? Cool.
KC: (36:29)
I mean I feel the opposite. I feel like I'm myself in English but in Turkish I'm like, "Hmm..."
Sheyla: (36:35)
So monotone and like, it almost feels like you're fake. Actually, I was telling that to my partner today. He's away on a business trip and he was texting me in German the whole day, you know, to kind of force me because unfortunately I don't speak German with him. We just don't, it's not our relationship language. But we're trying to at least text it. And we'd been texting in German all day and I wrote him at the end. I'm like, "I feel like I'm so fake, like I'm being a fake with my German." He's like, no, no, that sounds really good. But for me it feels like I'm an imposter, you know, like I don't know.
KC: (37:08)
You're putting on a disguise and kind of like trying on being someone else. It's a very interesting thing to even navigate, you know.
Sheyla: (37:20)
Yeah, I wonder if that's something that fades over time as you continue to learn the language.
KC: (37:26)
I would imagine so. I would think that the more comfortable you get and the more accustomed you get to switching back and forth, you know, I mean and you would be the person I would ask about that since it sounds like you are already switching a lot, you know, on a daily or hourly, minute by minute basis.
Sheyla: (37:45)
Yeah...
KC: (37:47)
That's incredible. One thing I wanted to ask you about is just because you mentioned that, you know, you were born in Puerto Rico. You still have family and friends there, right? So what, can you say anything about like -- is their life looking differently at the moment, post the last hurricane?
Sheyla: (38:11)
Yeah. It was tough. It was a very, very tough disaster. And life has changed, it has. But I mean fortunately for me and my family, everybody was okay. I do have some family members that have had to leave since then. So we had a cousin and his family who's now living also in Orlando with us and also another cousin that had to leave to Virginia, so some by choice, some by, you know, they have no other choice and the ones that have remained kind of live in the metropolitan area. And so those areas are doing better. It's still a struggle. It's still like, we still share electricity, like some hours you're not going to have it because another city's having it or you know, that type of thing is still a struggle to find all the goods that you're used to. And definitely in the more rural and mountain areas, they're still, I know I have a lot of friends whose family members are still really struggling up there with no water and electricity and, or even access to roads because they're so destroyed. But I mean it's, we've been through disasters like this before and we're a strong little island.
KC: (39:23)
Yeah. I just, I mean, I think it's so important for all of the rest of us to remember that this is still the reality, right? Because it's so easy to be like, well, that's ancient history, you know, there's other things that are, that are happening in the moment, but to not turn a blind eye and be like, "Ah, whatever. They'll figure it out."
Sheyla: (39:45)
Unfortunately it happens I think a lot with any sort of disaster that's not an immediate, you know, in your immediate realm. It kinda, you know, is popular for awhile and then it dies off and it's been several years, but it's still, you're still getting the effects of it now. We're seeing the aftermath of it.
KC: (40:03)
Yeah, definitely. I've heard a lot of people encouraging tourism, kind of saying like spend money in the hotels.
Sheyla: (40:12)
Absolutely. And I would encourage that even pre Maria because I mean one thing, we got down it's tourism and I'm not just being biased. We've got it down and it's still up and running now. And even I would say better now because of the reconstruction and rebuilding that's been going on. So things that were looking a bit rundown are starting to look much nicer and I think it'll be fine as long as we keep people coming, it'll be fine.
KC: (40:43)
We'll just put that as our little plug in this episode. Be like, hey, if you're thinking about where to go on vacation,
Sheyla: (40:50)
Hey! Definitely contact me because I've got you. I've brought plenty of friends to the island. I have itineraries literally on my computer filed depending how long you want to be there. Like I got you.
KC: (41:01)
I will definitely be hitting you up for that at some point. There's nothing better than having someone who actually knows what they're talking about.
Sheyla: (41:11)
Absolutely.
KC: (41:13)
So how can people who want to connect with you and kind of follow along with your journey and just you? How can they do that?
Sheyla: (41:20)
I'm currently just on instagram because I'm writing a thesis and I can't handle much anything else, but I have to be on instagram because my mom insists. So I'm In there quite a bit and that's mostly where I share my travels and my intercultural relationship woes in kind of a humorous approach. So I'm quite active on there and you can find me there.
KC: (41:44)
All right. Yeah, I'll definitely put that in the show notes. Definitely. Well, that's really cool. I would love to hear your research as you progress with that and like, I hope that that's something that you'll share more about because I think it sounds really, really interesting.
Sheyla: (42:01)
Thank you. Thank you. It's still in the research development stages, but I'm really excited about which direction it's going, especially because I feel like it really reflects a lot of my life and how it's turned out. So I'm really excited about it.
KC: (42:16)
Yeah, that's great. It makes it so personal when it's, you know.
Sheyla: (42:19)
Yeah. And I really didn't even expect it. Like I didn't, I didn't want to pursue a Master's ever. I was fine, you know, I basically only did this because I wanted to get over here, but now it's really become an even stronger passion of mine and I'm so grateful to have the opportunity to do it.
KC: (42:37)
That's really beautiful. I love when that happens, you know, and that something you do as a necessity ends up being something that you're like, wow, I can't imagine my life without this in some ways. Well thank you so much Sheyla. It was really, really great getting to chat with you. I loved it.
Sheyla: (42:53)
Thank you for having me. This is awesome.
KC: (42:56)
I wish you the best of luck with all your research and studies.
Sheyla: (43:00)
Thank you. Thank you. Appreciate it.
KC: (43:07)
Thanks so much for joining us today. We put out new episodes every week, so make sure you subscribe using the podcast service of your choice and never miss an episode. If you're feeling really ambitious, screenshot this and share it on instagram. You can find this on there at @borderlessstoriespodcast. I also want to give a shout out to Lindsay and Nuni Müller for our awesome intro music that they wrote and recorded just for us. You can find them on instagram too at @lindsaycmuller. Thanks for listening and until next time, we wish you smooth sailing.
