We have one of the all-time horrible – yet typical – wine descriptions, plus listeners ask about restaurant pricing and why critics never bother to describe less expensive wines. And our history moment looks back at ancient consumer guidance by Greek and Roman writers.

We’re asked if wineries are full of hooey when they brag about their vineyard, other listeners ask why wines with the same scores are priced so differently, why the Sierra Foothills seem to get no respect, and what barrel fermented means. Plus, we’re headed for the Vancouver International Wine Festival, where Paul is speaking and Rick will harass him at every turn.

A restaurant friend asks how to describe the difference between common varietals like Cab, Merlot or Pinot Noir. We try to help. Also, listeners ask why some wine writers who give scores seem to hate scores, and if big bargain wine sales are really sales. Plus, our horrible wine writing is from the Department of Redundancy Department.

Researchers say a man’s scent affects how much a woman drinks, and the sweatier he is, the more she drinks. We say, who wouldn’t? Plus, listeners ask how to evaluate online wine offers and how to handle pressure from servers and somms, and we have some limited-production, small-release, hard-to-get horrible wine writing.

We give some Rick & Paul handy-dandy tips on dining out and ordering wine on Valentine’s Day. Also, we start a new feature called Stuff We Love about, uh, stuff we love. Plus we answer relationship questions from listeners who should know better than to ask us, and our horrible wine writing shatters with allusions of love.

Rick got a press release saying, “Meet America’s New Water Sommelier.” We react as you’d expect. Plus listeners ask a few Super Bowl-related questions and about tasting room “help” – that’s with air quotes. Also, our horrible wine writing shows the “uniqueness” of handcrafted, artisan wine, also with air quotes.

A Master of Wine said wine writing loses more and more people everyday with all kinds of snobby moves. We happen to agree. Also, we’ve got some historic history about corks, some listeners who have been paying attention – always a risk with us – ask about wine glasses, research on screwtops and about cork bits floating in wine.

We answer questions about Chardonnay – was, is, and will remain cool – and explain why the Chard haters are maladjusted, control-freak, insecure snobs – but we say it nicely. Plus, listeners ask whether big bottles make wine taste different and whether it matters which you drink first, beer or wine.

We talk about how great corks are as wine closures. We also talk about how great screwcaps are. They both work fine. Also today, listeners ask about whether there’s a definition of Rosé, if all wines get better with age, and about how to open an old bottle. Plus, our Truly Horrible wine writing is dense, thick and concentrated.

We start a shiny new year with a less-than-scientific study about what drinks make you feel confident, exhausted and, of course, sexy. Listeners ask if it’s OK to drink whites in winter and we think a new year calls for stepping up our campaign to make fun of wine snobs.