Intelligent Intoxication

Boundaries Are Not A Bitchslap

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Tonight we’re diving into all things boundaries - specifically:

  • what boundaries are NOT
  • what boundaries ARE
  • the emotion that lets you  know that you need to create or communicate a boundary. 

    • Boundaries are NOT:

    • using words or actions to control, manipulate, threaten or punish others. 
  • righteous rules
  • rigid standards

    • Boundaries ARE a combination of:

    • REQUESTS: based on your values, you need something. 
      • (I value emotionally mature conversations.) 
        • “I’d appreciate it if we can discuss this calmly and respectfully.”
  • RESPONSES: what you will do/not do if the other person is unwilling (they won’t) or incapable of (they can’t) meet your request. 
    • “If you continue to yell and raise your voice, I’ll leave the conversation and remove myself from the room.”

    • RESENTMENT will alert you to the fact that you need to create and communicate a boundary. Resentment pops up when one of our core values is not being honored. 

    If you’re feeling resentful in a relationship, you may be believing something along the lines of:

    • “I’m being mistreated.”
  • “I’ve been taken advantage of.”
  • “They’ve wronged me.”
  • “He/she puts me down.”
  • “They should or shouldn’t… “
  • “I didn’t get what I wanted.”
  • “I got what I didn’t want.”

    • RESENTMENT may show up as:

    • anger
  • disappointment
  • bitterness
  • rejection
  • frustration
  • uneasiness
  • regret
  • remorse
  • righteousness
  • Inadequacy

    • Your RESENTMENT may fuel actions like:

    • unwillingness to forgive
  • blaming and complaining
  • spinning in negative thoughts
  • avoiding situations or people
  • passive-aggressive behavior
  • lashing out or reacting

    • Eventually, these resentment-driven actions may result in:

    • broken relationships
  • self-blame or shame
  • grudges
  • bottled anger
  • poor mental health
  • emotional reactivity
  • revenge

    • Key Takeways:

    • Boundaries aren’t aggressive attacks.
  • Boundaries are respectful, clear requests.
  • Boundaries allow you to have 100% control over your response.
  • Resentment may alert you to the need to create/communicate a boundary. 

    • If you need help creating and communicating boundaries, please email or DM me. . 

     

    Thank you for investing your valuable time and energy into listening to the podcast. I’m so very grateful for you. 

     

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    My new book Intentional Intoxication: How To Deliberately Distill The Different Life You Desire, is available on Amazon. You can imbibe on the entire book in one, short, intentionally happier hour:

    Intentional Intoxication Book

     

    If you’re interested to know about how I can support you in overcoming the habit of escaping or chasing, I invite you to reach out to me by using the email below and we find a time to chat:

    [email protected]

     

    For a quick shot of your life’s current level of intoxication, I invite you to complete the 10 Questions on my Intoxication Inventory:

    Intoxication Inventory

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    Intelligent IntoxicationBy Terri Bradway
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