In the empty nest, long-standing explanations for why life can’t change often get louder. These stories once protected us—but now they may be quietly limiting our sense of agency, vitality, and connection.
1. The Pattern: Living in Explanation Mode
Constant reasons why change isn’t possibleWeight, marriage, energy, relationships, timingNot laziness—protectionExplanations reduce risk, disappointment, and grief“If it’s not my fault, I don’t have to risk failing… but I also don’t get to feel my power.”
2. Why This Shows Up in the Empty Nest
Fewer external demandsMore time + space = more self-awarenessOld coping strategies resurfaceIdentity built on caretaking starts to loosen3. The Hidden Cost
Stagnation Quiet resentment or numbnessOthers feel fatigued or disengageConversations circle, but nothing opens4. The Shift: From Explaining to Experimenting
Not “take responsibility”“What’s one thing I could try?”“What feels even slightly enlivening?”“What if curiosity replaced justification?”5. For the Spouse, Friend, or Adult Child
Arguing with the explanationFixing or convincingReflect without rescuing: “That sounds heavy.”Name choice gently: “I wonder what you want.”Set boundaries when needed“Loving someone doesn’t mean living inside their stuckness.”
6. Closing Reframe
Explanations are often fear in disguise“Who am I when I no longer need a reason to stay the same?”
If you’re the mother of adult children who feels stuck in excuses or explanations, I can help you easily get unstuck. I invite you to schedule a complimentary coaching call with me. Here’s the link:
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