Intelligent Intoxication

What if you’re waiting to feel confident or motivated before you’re willing to take the next step—but confidence and momentum actually come after you begin?

In this episode, I’m talking about what it really means to start something before you feel ready.

We often think confidence is something we need to have before we put ourselves out there. But confidence requires evidence. If I want to believe that I’m someone who is willing to try something new, take a risk, or put myself out there, I have to create that evidence through my actions.

The same is true for momentum.

We wait for motivation to arrive. We wait until we feel excited, energized, or ready to begin a new chapter. But momentum doesn’t usually come first. Momentum comes from being in motion.

In this episode, I connect these ideas to my upcoming group coaching program and speak directly to the woman who may be considering joining but is telling herself:

“I’m not confident enough.”

What if you don't need to feel ready before you begin?

What if taking the first step is how you begin to become the woman who does these things?

If you’re standing at the edge of something new and telling yourself you need to feel more confident, motivated, or ready first, this episode is for you.

You may not need more confidence.

You may simply need a first step.

And that first step can become the evidence that creates the confidence you were waiting for.

My Kids Are Grown - Now What? Group Coaching Program

Want a simple way to know when to step in—and when to allow the struggle?

Download my free guide:

Download the free Window of Tolerance Quick Shot and take a little sip at a time:

Window of Tolerance Quick Shot

If you’re the midlife mom of adult children who can use support as you navigate a midlife unraveling, I can help.  I invite you to schedule a complimentary coaching call with me. Here’s the link:

Coaching Call with Terri

Thank you for investing your valuable time and energy into listening to the podcast. I’m so very grateful for you. 

If you enjoyed this episode, you can “tip the bartender” by rating and reviewing the podcast. Your review makes it easier for others to find the podcast. 

Don’t forget to hit the SUBSCRIBE button to be notified any time I pour out a new episode. 

My book Intentional Intoxication: How To Deliberately Distill The Different Life You Desire, is available on Amazon. You can imbibe on the entire book in one, short, intentionally happier hour:

Intentional Intoxication Book

If you’re interested to know about how I can support you in overcoming the habit of escaping or chasing, I invite you to reach out to me by using the email below and we find a time to chat:

[email protected]

The Drama Triangle is a model of relational dynamics created by psychiatrist Stephen Karpman in 1968. It was developed to help us recognize three recurring roles people can fall into during stressful or conflict-filled interactions: Victim, Rescuer, and Persecutor. 

The Empowerment Dynamic (TED*) was developed by David Emerald as an alternative to the Drama Triangle. It offers three more empowering roles—Creator, Coach, and Challenger—designed to shift relationships away from helplessness, rescuing, and blame and toward agency, ownership, and personal responsibility. 

Drama Triangle:

Empowerment Dynamic:

One of the most important distinctions in supporting adult children is not simply how much we help, but the role we're stepping into when we help.

The Drama Triangle can pull us into three roles:

The Empowerment Dynamic offers a different way of responding:

The difference isn't helping vs. not helping.

It's taking over vs. helping your adult child remain in ownership of their life.

When you're tempted to jump in, ask yourself:

About responsibility

About my motivation

About capacity

About the nature of the help

And perhaps the hardest question:

Am I preventing a genuinely harmful consequence—or am I preventing my child from experiencing discomfort because I can't tolerate watching them struggle?

How can I love my adult child in a way that leaves them more capable, not less?

That, ultimately, is the shift from rescuing to empowering.

When you're deciding whether to step in:

Before you jump in, ask:

How can I love my adult child in a way that leaves them more capable, not less?

Want a simple way to know when to step in—and when to allow the struggle?

Download my free guide:

Download the free Window of Tolerance Quick Shot and take a little sip at a time:

Window of Tolerance Quick Shot

If you’re the midlife mom of adult children who can use support as you navigate a midlife unraveling, I can help.  I invite you to schedule a complimentary coaching call with me. Here’s the link:

Coaching Call with Terri

Thank you for investing your valuable time and energy into listening to the podcast. I’m so very grateful for you. 

If you enjoyed this episode, you can “tip the bartender” by rating and reviewing the podcast. Your review makes it easier for others to find the podcast. 

Don’t forget to hit the SUBSCRIBE button to be notified any time I pour out a new episode. 

My book Intentional Intoxication: How To Deliberately Distill The Different Life You Desire, is available on Amazon. You can imbibe on the entire book in one, short, intentionally happier hour:

Intentional Intoxication Book

If you’re interested to know about how I can support you in overcoming the habit of escaping or chasing, I invite you to reach out to me by using the email below and we find a time to chat:

[email protected]

When our kids become adults, our job changes—but our love doesn’t. The challenge is learning how to stay supportive and connected without taking over their lives.

In this episode, we talk about:

Here are a list of questions from the episode for your consideration:

When you're deciding whether to step in:

Before you jump in, ask:

How can I love my adult child in a way that leaves them more capable, not less?

Want a simple way to know when to step in—and when to allow the struggle?

Download my free guide HERE- My Adult Child Is Struggling - When Should I Step In?

Download the free Window of Tolerance Quick Shot and take a little sip at a time:

Window of Tolerance Quick Shot

If you’re the midlife mom of adult children who can use support as you navigate a midlife unraveling, I can help.  I invite you to schedule a complimentary coaching call with me. Here’s the link:

Coaching Call with Terri

Thank you for investing your valuable time and energy into listening to the podcast. I’m so very grateful for you. 

If you enjoyed this episode, you can “tip the bartender” by rating and reviewing the podcast. Your review makes it easier for others to find the podcast. 

Don’t forget to hit the SUBSCRIBE button to be notified any time I pour out a new episode. 

My book Intentional Intoxication: How To Deliberately Distill The Different Life You Desire, is available on Amazon. You can imbibe on the entire book in one, short, intentionally happier hour:

Intentional Intoxication Book

If you’re interested to know about how I can support you in overcoming the habit of escaping or chasing, I invite you to reach out to me by using the email below and we find a time to chat:

[email protected]

What if what we call a “midlife crisis” is actually something very different for women?

Brené Brown describes midlife as an unraveling—a gradual realization that the roles, expectations, and coping strategies that once served us may no longer fit the woman we've become.

For women, especially after years of active motherhood, this season can bring some uncomfortable questions:

Who am I now?

In this episode, we explore why feeling restless, unsettled, or uncertain doesn't necessarily mean something is wrong. Maybe you're not having a crisis. Maybe you're simply outgrowing an old version of your life.

And maybe you don't need to blow everything up.

Maybe you just need to get curious.

Because the second season isn't necessarily about becoming someone new. It's about becoming more honest about who you've become—and intentionally deciding what comes next.

In this episode:

The question to take with you:

Who am I when I'm not simply being who everyone else needs me to be?

Ever wonder why you sometimes feel overwhelmed and wired, while other times you feel shut down and exhausted?

The Window of Tolerance can help you understand what’s happening in your nervous system—and what you can do next.

In my new free resource, The Window of Tolerance Quick Shot, I’ll pour you a simple, step-by-step guide designed to help you take little sips of information, notice your personal patterns, and experiment with what helps you regulate.

You’ll learn:

Download the free Window of Tolerance Quick Shot and take a little sip at a time:

Window of Tolerance Quick Shot

If you’re the midlife mom of adult children who can use support as you navigate a midlife unraveling, I can help.  I invite you to schedule a complimentary coaching call with me. Here’s the link:

Coaching Call with Terri

Thank you for investing your valuable time and energy into listening to the podcast. I’m so very grateful for you. 

If you enjoyed this episode, you can “tip the bartender” by rating and reviewing the podcast. Your review makes it easier for others to find the podcast. 

Don’t forget to hit the SUBSCRIBE button to be notified any time I pour out a new episode. 

My book Intentional Intoxication: How To Deliberately Distill The Different Life You Desire, is available on Amazon. You can imbibe on the entire book in one, short, intentionally happier hour:

Intentional Intoxication Book

If you’re interested to know about how I can support you in overcoming the habit of escaping or chasing, I invite you to reach out to me by using the email below and we find a time to chat:

[email protected]

Ever wonder why you sometimes feel overwhelmed and wired, while other times you feel shut down and exhausted?

The Window of Tolerance can help you understand what’s happening in your nervous system—and what you can do next.

In this episode, I introduce my new free resource, The Window of Tolerance Quick Shot: a simple, step-by-step guide designed to help you take little sips of information, notice your personal patterns, and experiment with what helps you regulate.

In this episode:

Download the free Window of Tolerance Quick Shot and take a little sip at a time:

Window of Tolerance Quick Shot

If you’re the midlife mom of adult children who can use support as you manage stress in your next chapter, I can help.  I invite you to schedule a complimentary coaching call with me. Here’s the link:

Coaching Call with Terri

Thank you for investing your valuable time and energy into listening to the podcast. I’m so very grateful for you. 

If you enjoyed this episode, you can “tip the bartender” by rating and reviewing the podcast. Your review makes it easier for others to find the podcast. 

Don’t forget to hit the SUBSCRIBE button to be notified any time I pour out a new episode. 

My book Intentional Intoxication: How To Deliberately Distill The Different Life You Desire, is available on Amazon. You can imbibe on the entire book in one, short, intentionally happier hour:

Intentional Intoxication Book

If you’re interested to know about how I can support you in overcoming the habit of escaping or chasing, I invite you to reach out to me by using the email below and we find a time to chat:

[email protected]

For a quick shot of your life’s current level of intoxication, I invite you to complete the 10 Questions on my Intoxication Inventory:

Intoxication Inventory

What if decluttering isn’t really about having a cleaner, more organized home—but about creating space for your next season?

Inspired by Somer Lynn’s The Uncluttered Project, we explore her powerful idea:

“When your home stops overwhelming you, two doors open.”

Door one: the people.

Door two: the life you’re meaning to create.

Because your brain can’t build in a buried house.

In this episode, we’ll look at what your clutter might be taking up besides physical space—and how clearing what no longer belongs can make room for the life you actually want to create.

To find Somer:

I highly recommend her book:

If you’re the midlife mom of adult children who can use support as you intentionally craft a new theme for your next chapter, I can help.  I invite you to schedule a complimentary coaching call with me. Here’s the link:

Coaching Call with Terri

Thank you for investing your valuable time and energy into listening to the podcast. I’m so very grateful for you. 

If you enjoyed this episode, you can “tip the bartender” by rating and reviewing the podcast. Your review makes it easier for others to find the podcast. 

Don’t forget to hit the SUBSCRIBE button to be notified any time I pour out a new episode. 

My book Intentional Intoxication: How To Deliberately Distill The Different Life You Desire, is available on Amazon. You can imbibe on the entire book in one, short, intentionally happier hour:

Intentional Intoxication Book

If you’re interested to know about how I can support you in overcoming the habit of escaping or chasing, I invite you to reach out to me by using the email below and we find a time to chat:

[email protected]

For a quick shot of your life’s current level of intoxication, I invite you to complete the 10 Questions on my Intoxication Inventory:

Intoxication Inventory

When your children are grown, the question isn't necessarily “What should I do now?”

A more interesting question is:

“What do I want this next chapter of my life to be about?”

A life theme isn't a goal, a resolution, or a five-year plan. It's a direction. A quality you want to cultivate. A question you want to explore. A way you want to experience this season of your life.

For women who spent years organizing their lives around their children, this can be an opportunity to consciously decide what comes next.

For years, motherhood may have been the organizing structure of your life.

Now you may be asking:

Theme: Moving from identity-by-role to identity-by-choice.

One of the gifts of this stage can be realizing how much choice you have.

You don't necessarily have to keep doing things because you've always done them.

You can ask:

Theme: Choosing based on desire rather than obligation.

A new chapter often requires some editing.

That might mean letting go of:

Sometimes the most important question isn't “What should I add?”

It's:

“What am I finished with?”

Theme: Creating space for what's next by releasing what no longer belongs.

You have decades of experience, skills, relationships, perspective, and hard-earned wisdom.

How might you use that now?

Maybe it's:

The question becomes:

“What still has my name on it?”

Theme: Turning experience into meaningful contribution.

This season can change your relationships—not necessarily because something is wrong, but because you are changing.

You might want to:

A particularly important shift:

Moving from being needed to being connected.

Motherhood can make productivity feel like the measure of a good day.

This chapter can invite a different question:

“What do I enjoy?”

Not what is useful.

Not what makes you a good wife, mother, or employee.

What actually feels good?

Think:

Theme: Building a life that contains pleasure—not just responsibility.

This is bigger than what you do.

It's about the experience of your everyday life.

Ask:

Theme: Designing a lifestyle that fits who you are now.

Eventually, the question may move beyond:

“What do I want to do?”

to:

“What do I want my life to mean?”

That could involve:

This isn't necessarily about doing something big.

It may simply be about creating a life that feels satisfying, enjoyable, and meaningful.

There can be a temptation in midlife to make life smaller.

But what if this season is actually an invitation to expand?

Theme: Expansion instead of contraction.

Instead of asking:

“What am I supposed to do now that my kids are grown?”

Try asking:

“What do I want this chapter of my life to be about?”

And you don't have to choose one theme forever.

Your theme might be:

Freedom.

Or Adventure.

Or Friendship.

Or Contribution.

Or Creativity.

Or Simplification.

Or Pleasure.

Or Courage.

Or maybe it's simply:

“I'm figuring out who I am now.”

The goal isn't to create a perfect second act.

It's to become intentional about the life you're creating now.

Your children's lives may no longer need to be the organizing principle of yours.

That doesn't mean motherhood is over.

It means there is room for more.

More choice.

And the question isn't “What should I do next?”

It's:

“What do I want this next chapter to be about?”

If you’re the midlife mom of adult children who can use support as you intentionally craft a new theme for your next chapter, I can help.  I invite you to schedule a complimentary coaching call with me. Here’s the link:

Coaching Call with Terri

Thank you for investing your valuable time and energy into listening to the podcast. I’m so very grateful for you. 

If you enjoyed this episode, you can “tip the bartender” by rating and reviewing the podcast. Your review makes it easier for others to find the podcast. 

Don’t forget to hit the SUBSCRIBE button to be notified any time I pour out a new episode. 

My book Intentional Intoxication: How To Deliberately Distill The Different Life You Desire, is available on Amazon. You can imbibe on the entire book in one, short, intentionally happier hour:

Intentional Intoxication Book

If you’re interested to know about how I can support you in overcoming the habit of escaping or chasing, I invite you to reach out to me by using the email below and we find a time to chat:

[email protected]

For a quick shot of your life’s current level of intoxication, I invite you to complete the 10 Questions on my Intoxication Inventory:

Intoxication Inventory

There’s a particular feeling that happens when your adult child has been home for a while—and suddenly, you realize their time at home is coming to an end.

Maybe they’re heading back to college.

And you can feel it coming.

And there’s this ache.

You start noticing the little things you’re going to miss. And there can be this very real sadness.

And then…

There’s another feeling.

One that we don't always talk about.

Relief.

You might be looking at the calendar and thinking:

Okay… three more days.

And then immediately feeling guilty because you’re thinking:

Wait. Why am I counting down?

Maybe you’re ready to get your routine back.

You’re ready to eat what you want for dinner.

You’re ready to go to bed when you want to go to bed.

You’re ready to have the bathroom to yourself.

You’re ready to put things where you want them.

You’re ready to have your quiet house back.

You’re ready to have your space back.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

You can miss your child and be relieved that they’re leaving.

Those feelings don't cancel each other out.

In fact, I think sometimes we misunderstand relief.

We think relief means, I'm glad you're gone.

But that's not necessarily what relief means.

Sometimes relief simply means:

I love having you here, AND I love having my life back.

Because when our children come home, even when they're adults, we often shift.

We accommodate.

We adjust our schedules.

We think about what they might want to eat.

We listen for the front door.

We make room—literally and emotionally.

And when they leave, there can be this exhale.

Not because we don't love them.

But because we're allowed to love our own lives, too.

And I think that's one of the beautiful challenges of this second season of motherhood.

We're learning that loving our children doesn't require us to abandon ourselves.

We can be deeply connected to them without needing them physically present.

We can miss them without needing them back.

We can be sad when they leave and excited about what we're going to do with the space they've left behind.

And maybe that's the invitation here:

Instead of judging the feeling, let yourself feel the whole thing.

Let yourself be sad.

And, then, ask yourself:

“Now that I have my space back, what do I want to do with it?”

Because maybe this isn't about choosing between missing your child and enjoying your freedom.

Maybe this season is about learning that you get to have both.

You get to love them.

You get to miss them.

And you get to love the life you're building when they're not home.

And none of that makes you a bad mom.

It might actually mean you're becoming a very healthy one.

If you’re the midlife mom of adult children who can use support as you navigate grief and welcome relief, I can help.  I invite you to schedule a complimentary coaching call with me. Here’s the link:

Coaching Call with Terri

Thank you for investing your valuable time and energy into listening to the podcast. I’m so very grateful for you. 

If you enjoyed this episode, you can “tip the bartender” by rating and reviewing the podcast. Your review makes it easier for others to find the podcast. 

Don’t forget to hit the SUBSCRIBE button to be notified any time I pour out a new episode. 

My book Intentional Intoxication: How To Deliberately Distill The Different Life You Desire, is available on Amazon. You can imbibe on the entire book in one, short, intentionally happier hour:

Intentional Intoxication Book

If you’re interested to know about how I can support you in overcoming the habit of escaping or chasing, I invite you to reach out to me by using the email below and we find a time to chat:

[email protected]

For a quick shot of your life’s current level of intoxication, I invite you to complete the 10 Questions on my Intoxication Inventory:

Intoxication Inventory

In our friendships and friend groups, we either show up as a liability or an asset.

“People don’t like you because they immediately sense that you’re a survival liability.”

Donald Miller

When you are coming across as a survival liability when you are engaging in one of these 4 “N’s”:

You have a pattern of being:

In order to be an asset in your friendships, focus on:

If you’re the midlife mom of adult children who can use support as you develop friendship strategies and strenghts, I can help.  I invite you to schedule a complimentary coaching call with me. Here’s the link:

Coaching Call with Terri

Thank you for investing your valuable time and energy into listening to the podcast. I’m so very grateful for you. 

If you enjoyed this episode, you can “tip the bartender” by rating and reviewing the podcast. Your review makes it easier for others to find the podcast. 

Don’t forget to hit the SUBSCRIBE button to be notified any time I pour out a new episode. 

My book Intentional Intoxication: How To Deliberately Distill The Different Life You Desire, is available on Amazon. You can imbibe on the entire book in one, short, intentionally happier hour:

Intentional Intoxication Book

If you’re interested to know about how I can support you in overcoming the habit of escaping or chasing, I invite you to reach out to me by using the email below and we find a time to chat:

[email protected]

For a quick shot of your life’s current level of intoxication, I invite you to complete the 10 Questions on my Intoxication Inventory:

Intoxication Inventory