“Just set better boundaries.”

It’s advice we hear all the time—but what does that actually mean?

In this episode of Filter Optional, Chico and Shannon West break down one of the most misunderstood topics in emotional and relational health: boundaries. Using everyday examples from marriage, parenting, holidays, and extended family dynamics, they explain why so many people feel resentful, exhausted, or disconnected—even when they think they’re “doing boundaries right”.

This conversation goes deeper than buzzwords. Chico and Shannon clearly define the difference between boundaries, rules, standards, and expectations, and why confusing them often leads to control, resentment, and fractured relationships—especially in families and during

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why boundaries are about your behavior, not controlling someone else’s 
• How boundaries create containment and protection, not distance 
• The difference between a boundary (“I won’t respond after 9 p.m.”) and a rule (“Don’t text me after 9 p.m.”) 
• What standards are—and how they guide what you allow in your own life 
• Why expectations are simply what you hope others will do—and how problems arise when they’re unspoken or imposed 
• How generational patterns (especially for Gen X and the “sandwich generation”) complicate boundaries with parents and adult children
  

The episode also invites honest reflection around holidays, family traditions, and parenting adult children—offering a healthier path forward that honors autonomy, reduces resentment, and preserves connection.

Takeaway:Boundaries aren’t walls—and they aren’t weapons. When you understand where you end and others begin, relationships become clearer, healthier, and far less exhausting.