BOWIE VS. DYLAN

Quick multiple choice question for you all:  Which wildly non-sequiturous tangent do Chaz and Jake NOT go on at some point in this podcast which purports to report on the comings and goings of David Bowie and Bob Dylan in the year of all years 1981?

a. Two words: Robert Van Winkle, y'all.

b. The artistic merits of the 4th Batman movie, or was it the 3rd?  The truly sucky one, not the one that just mostly sucks, you know, with Bat Crotches and stuff.

c. Copyright infringement law as explained to middle-schoolers.

d. Whether Dylan fell off and/or boarded his 80's Caribbean yacht and/or schooner.

e. Whether Bowie used makeup to play the Elephant Man or if his face just looked that way.

f. Whether Charlie should seek medical attention for his smell or if he's just as God made him. 

Just remember as you attempt to answer correctly and thereby win this game and thereby the door prize which consists of a number of free podcasts: you must answer in the form of an answer; there's actually more than one made-up choice; some are false based on the question but only because they're technically not non-sequiturs, but only because they technically have something do with anything; and there's no right answer and everyone's a loser on this not-as-bad-as-you-think-early-80's edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.

Jake seems to sound the same while discussing Bob Dylan in the year of all years 1974, but Charlie sounds...different somehow, while discussing David Bowie.  It's not the content necessarily, it's still a buzzsaw of singles, classic 70's records, and questionable (NSFW?) album art.  And it's not his tone, which continues to be cheeky, sarcastic, vaguely mean, and unnecessarily triumphant.  It's more, I don't know, his timbre?  Less scratchy?  Clearer somehow?  More personable?  Still whiny and nasally, sure, but you can hear the words better.  I think.  But I'm not sure why!  Maybe you, dear listeners, can figure it out, as you fire up the old podcast listening machine, share an in-person brotherly or sisterly hug with the ones you love,  hoover up some cocaine and/or infidelity with CBS executives, and try not to cringe during the "members" portion (you'll know it when you hear it) on this very special shuckster/guru-filled episode of Bowie vs. Dylan!

Bowie's not with us anymore, but that doesn't stop him from attempting to stampede a very much alive Dylan (editor's note: "very much" is a little strong here) in the juuuuuust passed year of our Lord 2018.  You see, his record label is deathless and is intent on shoving reissues, 4th remasters of "legendary" concerts from 1978, and "greatest shows on earth in the year 2000 at Glastonbury on the night Bowie played it" at an alarming clip.  And well, Dylan might not be able to keep up because his record label is deathless and is doing the exact same thing even though Bob lives (we're pretty sure he toured 9 months of the year...anyone?), but just to a slightly lesser extent given his afore-mentioned livingness. 

So it's a thinly veiled battle for artistic supremacy that's actually a vehicle for childish emotional outbursts and barely masked sarcastic comments that occasionally hit too close to home.  Happy New Year from Chaz and Jake on a very special episode of Bowie vs. Dylan that's just like all the others!

David Bowie and Bob Dylan duke it out via the preferences and tastes of Chaz and Jake as the artists' "best" "covers" are counted down 10 to 1 in the second battle royale of the life of this podcast.  Let's just say there are some discrepancies, derelictions, depravities, demonizations, despots, dilettantes, Davids, Dylans, and Count Smokulas.  Can the boys actually make it to the end?  Can you?  Will they succumb to mid-pod rule changes and arguments, or soldier on to give the audience what they want and frankly expect, which is the final and decisive objectification of a purely subjective realm.  Celebrate! For Bowie vs. Dylan turns 20 today, lo, the first day of 2019!  Episodes.  Bowie vs. Dylan turns 20 episodes, not years.  Just want to make that clear.  You should still celebrate, though, for sure.  Go crazy.

Take a trip back in time with Chaz and Jake to rehash the beginnings of Bowie and the middles of Dylan as they navigate the mid-late-60's in the aplombic fashion that only they themselves can muster.  Dream, dear listeners, of a simpler time when rock albums came out every 6 months and you were a failure for daring to take a longer break than thus, when wild frizzy hair grew without a thought on the heads of men both Napoleonic and Goliathic, and when cryptic all-telling images helpfully appeared at the tops of trees on comeback folk rock albums.  And of course, dare to inhale the sweetest vapor of them all, the Rosetta stone that defines both Bowie and Dylan and once and for all reveals the reasons for not only their intertwining existence and their apparent counter-magnetic repulsion, but also the lingua franca of the mysteries of the musical univ...you know what, go ahead, go ahead and do it, stop listening and go dial up "The Laughing Gnome", you know you want to.  You just had to hear for yourselves, didn't you?  We'll wait.  There, are you happy now?  Well, are you?  I bet you're not.  It seemed like a fun idea until about halfway through, right?  And now you're strangely soured on both Bowie AND Dylan somehow.  Great, have fun listening to the rest of this 1967 edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.

Setting: a split-screen of two grown men who have way better things to do, recording a podcast that 21 people may or may not listen to at some point, depending on whether the audience thinks the year in question is worth checking out or not.  

Cool Young White Male #1: Say!  Have you heard about the year 2007?

Cool Young White Male #2: Yes.  YES.  YES!!! No?

Cool Young White Male #1: Society is crumbling brick by brick, and the only form of entertainment in this little dusty old town are quasi-biographical portraits of musicians' lives told by scattered avatars spread across time and space and geographical locations.

Cool Young White Male #2: Of which town do you refer?  Because I'M NOT THERE.

Cool Young White Male #1: Ronson!  Ronson?  RONSON?!

Cool Young White Male #2: Of which Ronno do you refer?  Because MICK.

Cool Young White Male #1: D-A-V-I-D!  D-A-V-I-D!

Cool Young White Male #2: (strange hooting noises at varying volumes and timbres)

Fade to black on this community-theater grade edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.

Sure, the box office volunteer is flickering the lights and asking you to leave, but also check out our custom 2007 Spotify playlist at bit.ly/BvD-EP18.

Hop out of the fire and right into the frying pan to join the meaty goodness of this week's podcasting Bouillabaisse, where the ingredients vary in quality but have all been somehow approved by the FDA for consumption by your ears.  There's potatoes from a 1963 European trip (still fresh!); leftover mash from a second re-heating of Tin Machine (not as fresh!); a bland but nutritious casserole from Dylan (palatable!); and a redeeming, delicious seasoning of Mick Ronson, whose licks are so tasty they overpower the otherwise rotten nature of the stew.  Who's ready for a second alimony tour, huh? Huh? Anyone?  All those in favor: use your wallets, half-heartedly attend your own 30th anniversary tribute show at Madison Square Garden, and adopt your worst best Frank Sinatra accent while you lustily and full-throatedly growl, "OY VEY, BABY!" on this edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.

All aboard the Too-Little-Too-Later-Nadir-O-Rater! The year in question is 1986, and the only question seems to be just how low the boys can sink.  But also just how long the official tour name ends up.  Because presenting one podcast, tonight only, it's live in concert, banging those gated machine gun drums, as well as various shiny synths, it's: Charlie and Jake and David Bowie and Bob Dylan and Tom Petty and Dave Stewart and Iggy Pop and Tina Turner and Some Muppets and Los Lobos and Michael Mann and Annie Lennox and Mick Jagger and The Heartbreakers AND the Queens of Rhythm!  Or CJDBBDTPDSIPTTSMLLMMALMJTHQR for short, boy that really rolls off the tongue, iconic tour name.  There are a full THREE Years in Hair to comb through (get it?), but it's hell time, man, and if I keep on going this way, it'll just sound like Blah, Blah, Blah.

After you're done 86'ing your boredom with this podcast, assault your poor ears with our 1986 Spotify playlist at bit.ly/BvD-EP16!

And..the Grammy Award for...Original Duo Podcast Male Brothers Almost Non-Singing Pun-Filled Segmented Lightly Argumentative Enthusiastic Portrayal of Specific Year (2002) Amateur Until Someone Sponsors It Performance goes to...oh, I can't believe this finally happened for them, this is a real treat...BOWIE VS DYLAN EPISODE 15!!!

Chaz: (panting) First of all, I'd like to thank David Bowie, for making a decent record in 2002 with a sort-of iconic album cover, and for providing a classy Year In Hair, and for losing to Lenny Kravitz all those years so that his unquenchable inferno of desire for victory could be passed on to me, Chaz.  This one's for you, Davey Jones!!

Jake: (with pursed lips) Are you sure you don't want to thank anyone else?  

Jake: (crying) Sometimes the thing you're looking for was right in front of you all along.

Chaz: (getting played off the stage by sudden orchestral music) Mom? Mike? My wife? My kids? Charlie Sexton? Iman? Bowie again? I'm not sure what you're getting at.

Hang backstage at the Grammys with Bowie and Dylan tunes blaring in the background at bit.ly/BvD-EP15

Chaz and Jake embark on an alimony tour while discussing the norm-core Bowie and the vaguely Elvis-esque Dylan in 1978, brought on by their acrimonious divorce over irreconcilable differences caused by their perception of how long the podcast is running.  While they certainly agree that Mick Ronson is a saint who deserves a Mick Renaissance, and that Bowie's ambient live show opener sounds like a good idea, they absolutely cannot reconcile with the scoring of the Nadir-O-Rater, or what media mediums should get points or not, or who or when someone should get "JUDAS!!!" shouted at them for no reason, and let's be honest, Jake's job performance suffers a little as a result.  These situations have a tendency to nibble at your edges, even when you don't intend them to, you know?  Especially when this is your first time hearing his voice since the split, even though the split occurred during this very podcast.  It's one part live concert performance, one part social commentary, and 9 parts semi-fictional dramatic vignettes on this edition of Bowie vs. Dylan.

And when you're done disco dancing, dry clean your schmaltzy white leisure suit and check out an extra 70's Spotify playlist at bit.ly/BvD-EP14!