Menopause and people pleasing are more connected than you think. Learn how hormonal shifts fuel emotional overload—and how to reclaim your voice, boundaries, and peace.

In this powerful episode of Doing Life Different, host Lesa Koski is joined by therapist Dr. Becky Whetstone for an honest, empowering conversation about the emotional toll of people pleasing—especially during perimenopause and menopause. If you're tired of saying yes when you mean no, exhausted by invisible expectations, and ready to finally feel free in midlife, this episode is for you.

We explore the deep connection between fluctuating hormones and heightened emotional reactivity, where people pleasing comes from, how to identify it in your relationships, and—most importantly—how to stop. Whether you’re navigating aging parents, grown kids, grandkids, a partner, or a career, it’s time to embrace your enoughness and stop living for approval.

(00:00) Welcome and what’s coming up in the episode

(02:31) How menopause messes with your emotions

(06:52) Where people pleasing starts (childhood trauma + core wounds)

(10:04) People pleasing in family, work, and faith

(13:36) How boundaries help you heal

(17:45) Lesa’s breast cancer journey and spiritual growth

(22:10) Saying “no” without guilt

(25:42) Healing your nervous system after people pleasing

(29:50) Faith, value, and who God says you are

(33:15) Coaching your inner child (and your mom!)

(36:21) Practical tools to stop people pleasing today

(41:10) Final thoughts and next steps

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• Hormonal shifts during perimenopause and menopause impact emotional regulation, making people pleasing even harder to resist.
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• People pleasing is a trauma response, not a personality trait—it’s often rooted in childhood fear of rejection.
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• Boundaries are the cure: Learn to say no, feel your feelings, and stop fixing people who didn’t ask for help.
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• Faith meets psychology: God didn’t design you to live for approval. You’re already enough.
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• Healing is possible at any age—whether you're 40, 50, or 81, it's never too late to embrace your authentic self.
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Dr. Becky Whetstone is a licensed marriage and family therapist, writer, and speaker known for her direct, humorous, and faith-anchored approach to emotional healing. A self-proclaimed “recovered people pleaser,” Dr. Becky helps women break free from emotional entanglements, trauma cycles, and perfectionism to rediscover joy and autonomy.

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• 💻 Connect with Dr. Becky: MarriageCrisisManager.com
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• 📥 Join Lesa’s newsletter: lesakoski.com
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