Last week, we brought you part one of the harrowing true story of clock.com. This week, Tapan accidentally harrows a stranger at Target. We've been doing a lot of harrowing lately. Also this week is the harrowing real-life conclusion to the true story of clock.com, featuring a voicemail from the consiglieri of the Timex mafia family. If you've got the time, Tapan's mom could use it this week, when she wrongcoasts the right way. Later on, Mike helps Josh have fun with drugs, Tapan mentors a cat, and we kayak off into the great blue yonder, where the tide meets the stream.

Pairings: pronounced parentheses; a friends-only cuddle puddle; a three-strings-attached ticket to Mike Birbiglia

*Last week's answer: B., A "memorabilia guy"