You live in illusion and the appearance of things. There is reality, but you do not know this. When you understand this, you will see that you are nothing and being nothing, and you are everything.

Welcome back to the imperfect Buddhist. My name's Matt. This is a show where we discuss mindfulness and incorporating Buddhism and meditation into modern life. I want to apologize that it's been a while since I've done an episode, my wife and I bought a house here in Jacksonville, Florida. As everything that goes along with that, moving in stuff moving in all of our furniture.

Little projects that come up with electrical work and plumbing and all of that. Plus, I got a new job working from home, and I've just been really focused on learning that and then resting on the weekends. To top it off, I've spoken about this before, meditation, Zen is one of those things.

It's hard to speak about.

Bill who leads a Soto Zen meditation group here in Jacksonville, Florida. He said his teacher says that talking about these things or trying to say, you figured out what Zen meditation is or mindfulness is, is like squeezing a bar. So the harder you grip it, the more likely it is, it's going to shoot out of here.

The purpose of this podcast is to just be a place where people can come to lightly grasp that bar of soap, to talk about these ideas, listen to these ideas, just make an attempt, be a finger pointing to the moon, as they say in Zen. We talk about these concepts; it's a finger pointing to the moon.

What that means is you don't mistake the finger for the moon. So us talking about this is not the actual thing itself, and that's what's important to keep in mind. Many books talk about these concepts, and they're healing and powerful in their own way. But I don't think.

That these concepts mean anything without practice. If you get anything out of this podcast, I hope that it encourages you to find that mindfulness and meditation practice in your own life.

Today we're going to be talking about the purpose for some people; this may be a familiar topic for others. It may be something you don't think about. My. For me lately and through most of my life, it's kind of been a theme, thinking about what am I supposed to be doing with my time, what really matters. At times had been something that I really thought about. And then times I was really intentional about with common tiger, my music.

Pretty much told everybody I'm committing, you know, the next five years of my life to music, which I did. I said this is what I'm going to do. This is all I'm going to do, success or failure. This is just what I'm going to do. It felt excellent to have a purpose, right. To define something that meant something to me, I could see a deeper meaning in and go after it.

But that meaning kind of started to fade a little bit. I began to become a bit disenfranchised with the idea that being more successful in music would make me happy or getting more plays on Spotify. It was going to make me happy and don't get me wrong. I didn't start this project or goal for those things, but eventually, that's kind of what it turned into because I did find success. It stopped being about my connection with the music and making something that I really enjoyed. Fast forward from that to living in Florida, Jacksonville, lived here for a couple of years.

My music, it's still something I'd worked on. I'd done voice lessons and tried a little singer songwriter stuff that I put out under the name, Matt sun. Things just kind of started to fade a little bit. It wasn't, it's not, didn't feel as important to me. 

My personal experience with purpose. I'm well acquainted with the question for a while. I wasn't very acquainted with the answer as I do with most things, most questions that I just don't have a clear answer to, or have a gut answer to. I sat with it would bring myself back to the moment that I was in.

I'd bring myself back to sensations. Sounds, colors, site. I would just bring myself back to the moment and continued my sitting practice and let this question, not as much, turnover in my mind, but more rest in my mind and my body having that question. And I'm sure, meditators out there, people that are experienced with this stuff will know what I'm talking about, and you have the question, it kind of sits there, some traditions of Zen meditation. I'm not very well acquainted. This style of practice, but they use koans. There are these questions, right? The teacher will give a question to a student and they'll say, what is the sound of one hand clapping? There's not really a clear answer to that. And the more you try to think about it, the more you try to conceptualize and to give some clear answers. You get further away from the truth. And I think when it comes to purpose and finding purpose in your life, the more you try to analyze and overthink it, you get further away from the truth.

Over a couple months, I started this new job and I'm working from home I'm not really doing as much music. I haven't done the podcast as you know, kind of thinking, like what does this all mean? And I did, I did come to some conclusions and conclusions are so slippery, just like that bar of soap of Zen.

You come to a conclusion and it will change, but I'll come back to that in a moment. Let's talk a little bit about your experience or maybe what I would perceive the general experience of most people in our society is. And that is one of lack of purpose we are facing. Commercials for clothing products and food.

We go on Instagram and Facebook and we see people just living these glamorous wives. I think most people, including myself, had been sold this idea of fame. Your purpose is this fame. Some people do find a more wholesome connection with purpose. Maybe not one that they chose necessarily, maybe it's having a family or having a house.

I begin to question where they came to that conclusion from, was it out of default or was it out of just going with the flow? They went to college, met somebody, got married, had kids, but for most of us, there's this sense of lack of purpose jobs are paying a lot less.

So you don't have this sense of fulfillment or purpose in like bringing home a paycheck and feeling like, Hey, you know, I'm serving a purpose. I, I work at, maybe I work at the, the car manufacturer I work at. , I don't love my job, but you know what my purpose is, I provide for my family, I come home, I have dignity.

That was the reality for our grandparents and even our parents. A lot of people these days, we don't get that satisfaction from our jobs anymore. Even if they're not something that we love. , lower-paying jobs, lack of purpose and work. Most of the work that's available is customer service.

I understand people wanting to veer away from religion. I grew up in a small town and listening to the podcast will know about this. I grew up in a small town rogue river. Grant's pass in Oregon. And it's kind of like the Bible belt of the Pacific Northwest. There's a lot of churches and that's like very strong influence there.

I would go to church. I haven't played in a Christian rock band, so I understand people being wanting to kind of push away religion and even spirituality. We're kind of fed up with these brands of spirituality and religion that were shoved down our throats and didn't feel real, but that's another place that we are lacking.

Meaning is, is some type of connection. To something bigger than ourselves and for many generations, our grandparents and their parents, and even our parents, God or religion, was this connection to something bigger than somehow gave us some meaning in the midst of suffering. We've lost that connection are homogenizing society, machine culture, machine.

When there is something that's beautiful, like mindfulness, you're listening to this podcast and hear the word mindfulness, and you roll your eyes because it's been turned into this thing that it's actually was never meant to be. It's this commercialized thing.

And you've got, people. Women in yoga pants being like, just be mindful of it. And it really ruins the whole thing. There's many instances of this coming up in our society, anything that has this ability to help people breakthrough and find some type of reality past this Dole flat existence, I think our society kind of likes to keep us in that place, but anything that comes up, you know, mindfulness or psychedelic drugs or the hippie movement. Originally, these are all things that actually had a real purpose behind them, but it just got homogenized. Hippies, for instance, you , start seeing Halloween costumes with a girl with her fingers and a peace sign and a bandana, Thai bandana or whatever.

This process of taking. That have meaning, and that can offer value to our society and then homogenizing them into this consumerist machine strips that value. It steals that value away from us, that people that are in this society. These are just a couple of instances of how this machine does this.

We're being not attacked, but we are purpose as being eroded, meaning as being eroded. Many fronts. So it's not really, it's not our fault. It's not your, your fault. If you feel lost, you go to your job and you feel like what's the purpose. I mean, I, I probably more than others, I will admit have those existential crisis is, or did for quite, quite a many years where it's like, it would just hit you.

And I was like, what is the purpose? This is pointless. So we lack inherent meaning. We lack direction, we lack purpose the question is like, okay, well then what is my purpose? How do I find that in my life?  

Back to a revelation I had, I was watching a YouTube video called the Hermes paradox, and it was talking about the idea of, okay, if there's like all these aliens out there, all of these different races of aliens on these different plans where the hell are they? The Hermes paradox. It's kind of a big idea. I'm not going to encapsulate it here, but the general question is, okay. So if the universe is huge, it's likely that there's life out there. Okay. If it's likely that there's all this teeming life out there, where are they? And then further on, it goes to say, well, maybe there has been many other life forms, but there's, this barrier that these societies, these alien societies hit at some point, and maybe these other alien societies develop something like nuclear energy or nuclear warfare like we did. And they just can't get past that barrier. And so there are these other alien societies, but they hit these walls, these extinction walls, and they die out before they ever have the ability to become spacefaring civilizations and go and explore so that we would meet them.

He talks about this idea, but then he also talks about the probability that there would be these societies that would pass those barriers. And even, with math that's out there now, it seems like that probability would be really high. And the probability would be that we should have met these aliens before. The Hermie paradox goes on and then it kind of flips it on its head. And it talks about. Well, if there should be all these aliens are not seeing them, then maybe there's something wrong with the way that we are viewing this. And maybe what we are as humans as conscious, technology, developing animals is very rare in the universe.

That idea hit me cause I'd been meditating on this. What's our purpose. If what we are is rare, which is a self-aware animal. I'm sure you've heard the quote or the idea we. You and me, we are the universe becoming aware of itself, and that's not like just some fancy idea or philosophizing, but a through reality, like what are we made out of we're made out of atoms and space dust, right? Dirt, like were, were the science is there we are. You know, maybe some comments splashed into the earth thousands of years ago. You're partially made of that, but the universe is made of all the same building blocks and you are made out of those building blocks, you are aware of the universe of those building blocks of the tree outside with the leaves falling and the wind rushing past your ears and that. Maybe a very special thing. We don't know. We haven't met other self-aware creatures yet. I think we underestimate that. Knowledge of dolphins and elephants and animal knowledge. I actually made the mistake in the past of underestimating, discrediting the knowledge of animals, and not understanding it my wife would get really upset with me and I was like, why are we arguing about this? That aside, to the extent where we can be aware and , look at. The world around us, look at our emotions and see them from this witnessing perspective or just this ability to be aware of the world.

That hit me and, the idea came to me that our primary purpose is to witness the world and the universe that is a special opportunity. For us for you and me, and that purpose can never be taken away. This is this beautiful grand show all around us, everything inside of us.

We have this crazy, rare opportunity, this ticket to an exclusive show. And that is this life, our life. And all of the sensations and experiences the world around us. 

The question might be for you. How do I find my purpose? How do I find the unique gifts and opportunities? I have to contribute to society and to live a fulfilling, meaningful life rather than a life where I just watch TV and play video games.

Mindlessly work at a job. That doesn't mean anything to me. I'm going to introduce some counterintuitive ideas to you. They're going to be counterintuitive, but that may be a good thing because maybe the things you've tried didn't work. That means you might be looking in the wrong place for your purpose.

You will find a lot of your meaning in a place you might not think to look by simply sitting quietly. And actively doing nothing. You might find your purpose. I should. I know you will find it. There is this deep river of peace, meaning and knowledge that exists when we slow down connect to this reality, that's all around us trying to formulate your purpose through thinking about it and writing it down and asking all your friends, it can be helpful, but ultimately, I don't know if you will find what you're looking for through that process, by all means, do it and try it. It's better than doing nothing. I think you will find your deepest purpose and meaning through the process of sitting quietly with yourself, allowing the spinning wheel of your thoughts and habits to slow down a little bit and to take a step back into the seat of awareness inside of yourself. 

There's a lot of reasons why people don't do this. Why this isn't something that is more obvious to the general public. And what I mean when I say this is this process of being with yourself in this moment, sitting quietly and actively doing nothing. That's because when we sit with ourselves without being distracted, we come in contact with our pain. We come in contact with the things that we've been avoiding in those things that we've been avoiding underneath them is our purpose. So invite those things that have troubled you invite the energies that you've avoided. I don't mean that you actively meditate and ask to be in pain and to have a terrible time. But I ask , if these things come up, you notice your shoulders tightening up, you pay attention to that, you see it, you feel it. And as you pay attention to these, pains in your body, And you see them, you're not fighting them you're just simply noticing maybe the tightness in your stomach, your shoulders tightening up or your jaw clenching. Those are all physical manifestations of something that's inside and as you go deeper inside and feel actively what's happening, you're not pushing it away. You're also not questioning it or fighting it, but observing what's going on these energies open up and start to release.

Just simply by watching them and being aware of them. You'll start to see that they'll dissipate. And maybe if you sit long enough, you'll start to encounter this other voice inside of you. It's a knowing, it's not a thinking, it's a knowing. So as the mind and all these balled up emotions inside of yourself and your body start to relax and settle you find this note this purpose and peace that well up from within, and this is available to everybody. 

That is our primary purpose. It's to be in our life and to witness life, to witness our pain and joys. And then anything else we want to add on top of that is just a bonus and the great gift of seeing this as our purpose.

It just makes everything our purpose. The job that maybe you don't like that you would rather not go to you start to just witness what's happening. You wake up, you see the disappointment inside of yourself. Doesn't mean you accept it or break down and resign yourself to it. That's not what we're talking about, but you're just witnessing the pain that you have inside that you, you see it, but you also don't take it too seriously.

What happens when you can meditate again, this is me grasping that bar of soap and the harder we try to grip it and explain it the further we'll get from it. But there is a reality in which you can live and be okay with your reality because when you meditate long enough, you sit still enough long.

You come in contact with a deeper reality, which in this universe, which in this life. You see that this job that you may be hate isn't that important and the pain that you're experiencing while it is real. And ultimately isn't that important either. It's just an experience. You start to see your life as everything just being this experience on this planet, in this unit.

That can be hard for a lot of people to let go of this identity, to pain and being wronged. I'm telling you that the victim mentality gets you nowhere, that being a victim of life and pain and circumstances, you may have been victimized, but to create a victim mentality out of that, that is a powerless situation.

So as you start to move into your life into your body is starting to just. Your life is purposeful, that there's meaning, and it exists here in this life, in this moment that it's available to you. Other things might start coming up for you. I think journaling and writing down and brainstorming are powerful. I do those things as well, but when it comes to finding meaning and purpose in your life and the word passion, we've talked about this before with less stress. Former episode, but passion is also just this slippery soap of a thing, you know, to try to grasp it. People say their passion and it can leave many people feeling lost. Like, I don't know what I like. I don't know what I want to do. And it's misleading. The greatest advice I read and actually applied, which I encourage you to try is to explore your curiosities. Just maybe it's some simple idea that popped in your head while you were. Helping the 100th, grocery store person or, loading a box onto a Dolly and maybe it was just like, huh? I know I've always, that'd be cool to do some photography. And it was just this fleeting idea. I encourage you to just go do it, you know, go get a, I don't know, borrow a camera, get your phone on your. You use your phone camera and set aside an hour to just go take some photos and like be, do it with some purpose or good, take a little photography class, take an online class, explore your curiosities.

That's all. There's no guarantee that you're going to end up loving photography after that. You may do it and be like, cool. Like that was nice, but you never know where it could lead. And I just encourage you to explore your curiosities things that you're interested in that have grabbed your attention. Do those things explore those things. Cause that's a beautiful thing in life. We spend a lot of time watching TV.  Maybe instead of watching TV for one night, a week, you go in the evening doing things that you're curious about. Just trying new things. Another good tip is maybe it was something that when you were a kid, when you were young, I don't know, coming of age, early teens, you know, right before you turned 13 or something, you're a kid that just, you were interested in that you really liked for me, it was music. The music is still one of my deepest passions. And when I play music, I feel like I'm in my purpose. I'm in my meaning. That's something to explore , what were you interested in at a young age? What was something that really felt right for you? Explore that a bit, play with that a bit and you'll look into it, take a class on it maybe it was painting or writing or being a vet or. Being a firefighter. I don't know, being a soldier and look into those things explore some of those ideas you had as a kid. 

Coming back to this idea of being in our lives just being with what is there, the pain, the boredom, the frustration, the joy, love, beautiful experiences, terrible experiences. We start to let go of our. Fictional idea of life is fantasized version of life, at some moment, we're going to meet this perfect person and we're going to move into this perfect house, have the nicest car, and there's nothing wrong with dreaming and visualizing that stuff. It's important for us to let go of these fictional ideas about life and to just come into their reality and into the purpose of each.

To wrap up this podcast episode, the main idea is that we live in a society where meaning and purpose feel very far away opportunities for finding purpose, feel like they are eroded religion, spirituality, meaningful work, meaningful relationships, and commuting. Those seem to be eroded, there is a deep well of meaning, purpose and connection that are available to anybody that sits still enough long enough and does nothing purposefully.

So I really enjoyed doing this episode this week. I don't know if you noticed, but I'm not as much reading something that I previously written, but  following some bullet points hopefully this felt natural and was enjoyable for you. Hoping to get back into this as a regular thing, but for now, Have a great time until whenever we talk again.

All right, Bye

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