Caleb kicks things off by claiming he’s being extorted over some 2013 emails that somehow turn into a whole saga about a missing pizza and a very confusing “maid.” Lauren is battling a sinus infection and sounding like Fran Drescher while the two get into into conspiracies, not understanding what bitcoin is, award show rigging, and which celebrities might secretly be aliens.

They talk Bugonia (Jesse Plemons, Emma Stone, Stavvy baby) and also somehow the conversation turns into milf stories from middle school, Rebel Wilson’s teeth, Dave Chappelle Roan, pretending to be special needs to escape awkward situations, and a debate about whether closure even matters.

Next week: Crack Amico pulls up for a Valentine’s special episode ranking the sexiest movie scenes of all time.

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