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Building Confidence and Connection: Lori Sugarman Lee’s Journey of Family, Fair Play, and Fatherhood
Building Stronger Bonds: Insights from Lori Sugarman Li on The Dad & Daughter Connection Podcast
If you're a dad striving to nurture a lasting, meaningful relationship with your daughter—or any parent eager to foster confidence and independence in your kids—this week’s episode of The Dad and Daughter Connection is a must-listen. Dr. Christopher Lewis is joined by Lori Sugarman Li, author of Our Home: The Love, Work, and Heart of Family as well as a community activist, author, coach, and mom, whose work centers on the power and value of care within families. Through her personal stories and professional insights, Lori Sugarman Li offers a fresh, empowering perspective for families looking to grow closer and thrive together.
The Legacy of Everyday Care
Lori’s reflections on her relationship with her own father are both touching and instructive. She describes her dad as an active, hands-on parent who chose to include her in all sorts of household maintenance tasks—traditionally seen as “dad things”—from working with tools to maintaining the car. What made these moments powerful were not the chores themselves, but the partnership and trust her father demonstrated by teaching her, empowering her, and viewing her as an equal. Lori’s story challenges fathers to break away from gendered expectations and instead welcome their daughters into all aspects of family life, helping girls see themselves as competent, valued, and independent.
Rethinking Roles and Responsibilities
A major theme Lori champions—both in her book Our Home: The Love, Work, and Heart of Family and this conversation—is reframing household responsibilities as acts of love, not burdens or obligations. By inviting daughters (and sons!) to participate in shared tasks and explaining the “why” behind them, chores become chances for learning, teamwork, and connection. For dads, it’s an opportunity to show up not just as helpers, but as owners of the emotional, physical, and mental labor that keeps a family thriving.
Modeling Healthy Partnership and Vulnerability
Lori makes a strong case for vulnerability: dads who embrace imperfection, share their struggles, and show genuine care set the stage for deeper connection. By actively engaging in the less visible aspects of home life, from scheduling appointments to planning family routines, fathers can teach daughters the true meaning of partnership, self-worth, and emotional presence.
Listen In and Level Up Your Connection
This episode is packed with actionable insights and heartfelt advice—perfect inspiration for any parent hoping to spark richer conversations, instill independence, and create joyful shared traditions at home. Ready to take that next step in your parenting journey? Listen to the episode and discover how simple, everyday moments can become the foundation for confidence, resilience, and lifelong connection.
Tune in to The Dad and Daughter Connection for more inspiring stories and expert advice to help you be the best parent you can be!
If you enjoyed this episode we ask you to take a moment to take our Dad and Daughter Connection Survey to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our newsletter to stay connected to our community and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: Facebook, Facebook Group, Instagram, LinkedIn, X.
TRANSCRIPT
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]: Welcome to the dad and daughter connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident independent daughters.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]: If you're looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you're in the right place. I'm doctor Christopher Lewis, and the dad and daughter connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we'll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let's get started because being a great dad isn't just about being there, it's about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and daughter connection, where every week we have an opportunity. You and I have an opportunity to be able to work with one another, to walk with one another as we work to build these strong connections that we want to have with our own daughters. And every day that is something that we have to challenge ourself on because we have to continue to engage, to build, and to work, to create that relationship that we want to have with our daughters. That's why this podcast exists every week.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:24]: I love being able to be on this journey with you because it is a journey. Every day is gonna look a little bit different and we have to work to be able to engage with our daughters and do those things to be able to create the pathways for them to be able to be the strong independent women that we hope that they will become as they do grow into adulthood. That's why every week I love being able to bring you different guests, different people with different experiences. I bring on dads, I bring on moms, I bring on individuals with other resources that will help you to be able to do just that. There's no one right way to father. There's no one right way to build these connections. But there are things that we can do every day to do things just a little bit better, to be able to help ourselves to be able to create even stronger bonds. This week, we got another great guest.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:19]: Lori Sugarman Li is with us today. And Lori is a mom, a coach, an author, a marketing strategist, a community activist, and a mother of two. And we're gonna be talking to her about her own journey as a daughter, but also we're going to talk about her brand new book called Our Home, The Love, Work, and Heart of Family. This is a lovely book and a book that definitely has some strong messages in it. And it really allows for you as a father, as a parent, to look at how you're engaging with your kids in everyday tasks that foster connection, responsibility, and joy. So, I'm really excited to have Laurie here today to talk about her own journey with her dad and about the book and to introduce her to you. Laurie, thanks so much for being here today.
Lori Sugarman Li [00:03:07]: I am so thrilled to be welcomed by you. Thank you, Doctor.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:10]: Lewis. It is my pleasure having you here today. And as I said, one of the things that I love doing is first talking about the relationship that you have with your father. And I guess first and foremost, why don't you tell me more about your dad? Dad?
Lori Sugarman Li [00:03:23]: Oh, I'd love to. His name was Norm. Sadly, he's been gone for over a decade now. And when I think about my relationship with my dad, which, of course, I do often, but especially through the context of the work that I'm doing now, which is really around the wellness of families and the power of care, I recognize that the majority of what I remember about my dad is obviously his contributions and and how he flowed through our home and my partnership with him in that. And he took this role really seriously and, you know, not to age myself, but this was in the eighties. And I have so many really sharp and vivid memories of him with his Black and Decker tools and, you know, running the air filters through the dishwasher and caring for the yard and looking after cars, and doing errands. And and I was always his partner in that, I think because a few reasons. He trusted me and wanted to empower me with the skills and the capabilities of of all of these tasks.
Lori Sugarman Li [00:04:34]: But also something I came to realize a little bit later was that I think my dad really benefited from having me as a bit of a sort of a shadow or, like, someone to keep him on track. I think he probably had some sort of beautiful
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:52]: neurodivergence that maybe kept him from staying sometimes focused on completion
Lori Sugarman Li [00:04:58]: of a task, and that was a skill of mine in which he recognized. And so he brought me in as a partner, and we spent so much time together in the home, in the community. He was very involved in charitable organizations and, you know, men's groups and whatnot, similar to a lot of your listeners. And I learned a tremendous amount from him. And it really has informed the work that I'm doing now.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:21]: And talking about what he did for you, what's one thing that your father did that made you truly feel seen, heard, and valued as a daughter?
Lori Sugarman Li [00:05:31]: Well, something really interesting about my dad, he was the dad of two girls, two daughters, and he really never gendered our upbringing. He took me to hockey games. He bought me my first toolbox and taught me how to use all the tools. I mean, aside from one really beautiful thing that he did that brings me to tears, which is whenever my sister and I had the opportunity to get dressed up for anything, he used to stand at the bottom of the stairs and sort of, like, whistle as we walked down in our fancy outfits. Other than that, he really raised us as as people, as humans. And there wasn't anything that he did as a man or a dad that we weren't welcomed into, to learn from, to participate in, and that was incredibly meaningful.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:19]: Now as you look back, you talk about the moment of dressing up and you walking down the stairs. But was there a moment where your dad's support or guidance had a significant impact on your growth or confidence? Doctor.
Lori Sugarman Li [00:06:32]: It's interesting. Of course, I'm sure there were many, but there was a period in my life where my dad was inextricably linked to my success, which was actually the launching of my career. My dad had an MBA and worked in business his whole life. And I think for a while, I thought I was going to be a doctor. I thought I was going to be a lawyer. But then when I decided to pursue an MBA and I ended up working in consumer packaged goods marketing as a marketing strategist, He was so excited by this, and wanted to know everything about it, and was super involved in my, you know, preparing me for my interview process, and supporting me throughout my business education. And we were It's interesting, you know, I was in my early twenties, late teens, early twenties when that education was taking place. But our communication and his impact on my daily life, I think, was probably more than ever.
Lori Sugarman Li [00:07:27]: Again, I'm sure there was so much when I was little, but in terms of a direct impact to my life then and now, it had to be that.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:34]: Is there anything that, as you look back on your relationship with your father, that you wish he had done differently when it came to building your relationship?
Lori Sugarman Li [00:07:43]: So you had me at the first part of that question. I knew exactly what I was gonna say, and then so I'll say it anyhow, and then maybe I'll connect it to our relationship. The one thing that I so wish my dad had prioritized was his health and wellness. And the way that that did impact our relationship is that he did not live as long of a life as maybe he could have, as healthy of a life as maybe he could have. I desperately wish he had gotten to know my Oh, I'm going to get emotional. My two sons. I mean, he would have been crazy about them, but I think I don't know if it was the generation, if it was the decade. He just didn't he worked so many hours, and his performance at work was such a focus for him that he didn't have anything left in the tank after his contributions to the family to really look after himself in a meaningful way.
Lori Sugarman Li [00:08:38]: And in the work that I do in support of families now in the, in this sort of pathway toward gender equity and domestic labor of the home and the wellness of the family, I actually encourage families to start at a point of, do we have equal rest? Do we have equal joy? Do we have equal time for creative and wellness pursuits? And what is the division of labor that falls from there? And it's just not a perspective that my parents were fortunate enough to have at the time.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:08]: Now I know you said your father has been gone now for about ten years. And if you had the opportunity and you could go back in time or have the opportunity to spend an entire day still with your dad doing anything? What would it look like?
Musical Outro Performer [00:09:24]: Oh.
Lori Sugarman Li [00:09:27]: I think, first of all, I was tough on my dad because I so wanted him to thrive. I spoke a lot to him about things he could do better, healthier foods he could eat, more movement, medications, whatever. I wouldn't do any of that on this day. I'd do anything other than just connect. I would probably have him come and watch my kids play soccer. I would have him teach me to grill, which is the one thing I wasn't able He was a magical barbecue. That was his jam. And I loved to watch him, but I never fully grasped the skill set.
Lori Sugarman Li [00:10:11]: And I think I would really tell him all about the work that I'm doing now and how it was inspired by him.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:16]: Now, as you think about your dad and how he helped you to become who you are today, How did he encourage you to be confident and independent in your life?
Lori Sugarman Li [00:10:26]: That's a beautiful question. It's so funny. I never really felt otherwise. I think he was a really empowering person. He always instilled in me that I could do and and be anything, for sure. The one thing that I recognized about that time in life is that that is when society in general, and certainly parents, were starting to tell girls that they could be anything. You could do anything, you could be anything. President, in my case, prime minister growing up in Canada, you know, fly to the moon, whatever.
Lori Sugarman Li [00:11:01]: But what wasn't being done in society at that point was anything to reduce the expectations on girls that they would grow into in the work of home and care. And so we know that women carry still 75% of the bulk of the tasks of home and care, and that's only the work that we see. It doesn't include the mental and the emotional load. And, also, women have five fewer hours of leisure time per week. And I say women, but we see this trending in girls as young as eight. And what I would love to tell the dads in your community is it's not enough to tell your daughter that she can be anything. We have to give her space for that by removing some of the expectations that she inevitably will grow into that say that she has to show up for her family as a labor of love from dawn till dusk. And so the more that dads can be involved in demonstrating that men are also powerful and meaningful and impactful in the work of care, this is what gives girls the confidence to know they can do anything.
Lori Sugarman Li [00:12:15]: There's research to show it actually that when fathers are more involved in the work of care, daughters are more ambitious to seek work outside the home. I'm sure you've heard that stat before.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:25]: I have. And it is such an important thing. And that's really one of the founding blocks of this podcast is the fact that we need to be more engaged, we need to be more present. And because the research does show that. Now I mentioned the fact that you have a new book called Our Home, The Love, Work and Heart of Family.
Lori Sugarman Li [00:12:42]: I do.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:43]: And I guess first and foremost, I want you to tell me the origin story because I love doing that when I have authors on, because being an author myself, I know the amount of blood, sweat, tears, and more that go into trying to put something out into the world and letting it fly. So give me the origin story and why this was such an important story for you to share with the world.
Lori Sugarman Li [00:13:04]: So it's all thanks to a disability insurance salesman who told me I had no value. At the time, I was a stay at home mom, quote unquote, which is a title that is really ready for some rebranding. But because the thousands of hours of community work and care work in my household that I devoted in this task were unpaid. When we moved to The US, my husband said to me, Look, we're living in Chicago now. We have no family here. We have no safety net. Let's get you disability insurance. Because if God forbid something happens to you, he said, I will take a leave and, and head up the family and care for the kids.
Lori Sugarman Li [00:13:39]: We don't have any other option. However, this disability insurance salesman didn't see value in this work that I was doing because it was unpaid. And he rejected me telling me that they don't value housewives that much, and that I didn't fall on his algorithm. And I had Doctor. Lewis one of those moments, those cartoon moments when the smoke comes out of your nose and the flames come out of your ears. And I recognized that beyond this bubble that I'd been living in, that the work of care is broadly not valued. It's not counted in the economic indicators of our society, like a GDP. And it certainly wasn't, going to get me the disability insurance that I needed.
Lori Sugarman Li [00:14:18]: And so I started to read and write and study about this really endemic issue. And the first thing that I did as someone who wasn't, quote, unquote, working, was to create myself a LinkedIn profile in an environment that really was all about work. And I started posting articles on LinkedIn talking about the value of unpaid labor. And I sort of, I got things rolling in a really meaningful way and people were feeding back to me, yes, we want to hear more about this. We want to talk more about this. And I ended up, taking a course at Stanford called Motherhood and Work and finding Eve Rodsky, who's the author of a book called Fair Play, which is all about the gender division of labor and the impact of family wellness. And I ended up studying with Eve to become a family coach trained in the systems of fair play. And I really so badly wanted to have a greater impact in the societal conversation of these definitions of gender around care and the unpaid work of home.
Lori Sugarman Li [00:15:20]: But I didn't have a platform at that time to lobby government or lobby c suites at a corporate level. And I thought, what can I do? And at the time, I had two young children. I was very involved in their schools and children's charities. And I thought to myself, I can speak to children. And I was sort of fleshing this out, and I came upon this quote that said, if we seek to change adult behavior, let us show our children a better way. And I knew that my opportunity when so many people were trying to speak to grownups about the need for societal change, that if I could just break the cycle by talking to young children about how care is beautiful and valuable and founded in gratitude and not work for women and girls, but work for all of us and how powerful and beautiful it is to care for our family and the space that we share. I was really hopeful that I could have that impact, and so Our Home is that book.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:21]: Your book beautifully highlights how caring for a home is an act of love. What are some ways fathers can actively participate in creating that warm, supportive environment that strengthens their connection with their daughters?
Lori Sugarman Li [00:16:35]: Yeah. So the participation of dads in the physical work is so important, but also the ownership by men of the mental and the emotional labor that goes into caring for one another and the space that we share is really the stuff that is gonna change the game for all of us. Men are beautiful caregivers. You know, society tells us, especially when when babies come into the picture, that mothers have an instinct that men don't have. Mothers have capabilities that men don't have to provide care. Women are wired differently. Women are better multitaskers. There's no scientific foundation in any of that.
Lori Sugarman Li [00:17:20]: It's a bit of a scam to keep women in this place of serving their families sort of for free. But not only that, these definitions and these things that we believe are alienating to men. None of them are true. Men are extraordinarily beautiful care providers. And in order to have wellness in a family, they are needed and wanted and have to know that they belong in in every stage of this work. And it's okay to not to not do it perfectly. It's it's not about showing up like that. It's about noticing things and caring about things and finding a place for yourself, you know, no matter what's going on, especially with daughters.
Lori Sugarman Li [00:18:04]: It goes beyond taking your daughter's arm for the father daughter dance. You have to plan the dance. You have to join the PTA. Do the behind the scenes stuff that is really gonna show your daughter that she's not alone in the work of care.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:21]: Now your book also reframes chores as acts of love rather than obligations.
Lori Sugarman Li [00:18:28]: Yes. And gratitude.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:29]: And how can fathers encourage their daughters to take ownership of household responsibilities in a way that fosters independence and confidence rather than feeling like a burden?
Lori Sugarman Li [00:18:40]: Yeah. I love that question. What I encourage families to do together is really get centered in their values. And this is such an important conversation. And believe it or not, even the littlest of children can participate, you know, if the language is right. Just an understanding as a family, like, what's important to us as a whole? When and how do we thrive, either as a team or in tandem, kind of going through every day? And letting the standards that you all set for how your family tackles the tasks of home and care, those all flowing from these values. Casting aside the expectations that society lays out, casting aside potential judgment from others who may be doing it differently. But dad's really taking a role in the conversation of, like, we maybe never talked about this before, but, guys, what's important to us? And by the way, what are we doing that actually isn't? And then also taking the opportunity to share vulnerably and candidly how we might be wired differently even in our little unit.
Lori Sugarman Li [00:19:52]: We thrive differently as the example that I gave of my dad. Like, I I it would have been so powerful to have had him articulate to me. I just want you to know, Laurie, I kind of struggle with x y z, and having you with me when I'm running around town doing errands or whatever is so helpful because I really can count on you for ABC or whatever it is. And having these vulnerable conversations about how we want to thrive together, what we struggle with, and how we can set standards for our own family that will lead to that. The work of home and care actually taking less of our time because we're all in it together.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:33]: Now you mentioned simple activities, and I loved this, of making pancakes together or searching for cloud shapes in your book. What are some small but impactful traditions or habits that dads can adapt to deepen their relationships with their daughters?
Lori Sugarman Li [00:20:50]: So one thing that is really, really powerful is not just creating a list of chores or a to do, but helping your kids, and certainly your daughters, if I'm talking about the work that my dad used to do, like on his car or on the radiator or whatever it was, but really bringing them into the why of this work. Everything that we do around the house has purpose and meaning. We don't just create these lists out of nowhere. It goes into protecting our investments, like our home and our car, and adhering to community and municipal standards. And I think the more that my dad explained to me about why we have to do all of these things, and by the way that there was a benefit that came back directly to me and to our family, the more that I wanted to be a part of it, the more I understood, oh, I have a stake in this. So it's not just, like, the work that we have to do, the dreaded work that we have to do to get to the stuff that we want to do, but this becomes part of what we want. And also because we get to do it together. It becomes time for bonding.
Lori Sugarman Li [00:21:59]: It becomes time for learning, and I feel trusted and I feel empowered. So the more we know about the purpose and the why behind all of this work that we may do to support one another and care for our space is really important. I mean, my dad taught me about the value of cars, and the difference between leasing and owning, and resale value, and how to maintain a car such that it does have optimal resale value. And just knowing that made me understand, oh, yeah, we have to keep our car clean. I'm not going to leave my granola bar wrapper on the floor. I'm not going to leave this banana peel wrapper. So it's really just about having these conversations, sharing knowledge, and what that does is it sort of adds that patina of value onto the work that makes it so much meaningful for us to be a part of.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:49]: Now your book also emphasizes that a home is maintained through teamwork. How can fathers model healthy partnerships at home, whether with their spouse, as a co parent, or with their children, to help their daughters understand the value of collaboration and relationships?
Lori Sugarman Li [00:23:06]: What a fabulous question. The Fair Play method that I use a lot in my teaching is really founded in that it's about men showing up not as helpers who help women in their work of care, but as owners knowing that they themselves are beautiful and important providers of this care. There's a lot of language that we have the opportunity to shift along with the definitions of of gender roles and whatnot. But I think, really, again, men showing up in the noticing and the remembering, There are a lot of sort of memes and jokes and and comedians now doing bits about how maybe you've seen the one like, how would I know what kid my bus is on? I'm the dad. And sort of moving away from that, like, weaponized incompetence towards the opposite of that, which is really like biting into the details. Right? Like, I wanna know your teacher's name. I wanna know the doctor's name. I wanna take you to your doctor's appointments.
Lori Sugarman Li [00:24:11]: I'm gonna buy you tampons. Like, whatever the things are that a dad can demonstrate. Like, no. I'm in this. I know what you're going through. I know when you have your test. Let me help you study. Show me your dance routine.
Lori Sugarman Li [00:24:26]: I'll hold up the 10 when you do it so beautifully. And so it's really that deeper level of involvement beyond, yeah, of course I'll help. Like, give me the list. I'll get the groceries. You know, tell me what time the the lesson is. I'll I'll drop them off. And really towards, like, an ownership and a leadership in that work of care.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:46]: Household tasks often present an opportunity for conversation and connection. How can dads use everyday moments like cooking dinner or doing chores together as opportunities to have meaningful talks with their daughters about life values and dreams?
Lori Sugarman Li [00:25:02]: I mean, you just said it. You just said it perfectly. That's when the the beautiful conversations happen. When the dad is doing the carpool, when dad's doing the dishes and daughter is drying, or when, you know, they're chopping vegetables together, or even grocery shopping together, just that creating that space is such an opportunity for connection, and it doesn't always have to be a deep and meaningful conversation. It doesn't always have to be a deep and meaningful conversation. You can talk about the weather, the sports scores, how was your day? The connection is inherently valuable. I remember my dad took me. We drove to Florida.
Lori Sugarman Li [00:25:41]: That was a heck of a drive. And there were times when we didn't say a word, and I just felt so special the whole time just to be with him, just to know that he was carving out this time for an experience just for the two of us. And, again, not a word was said. We of course, we did have some great chats as well, but it was just listening to his music and him telling me about his music that he grew up on. I mean, there's endless possibilities for connection in these moments.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:10]: Well, Laurie, I wanna say thank you for sharing all of this today. And if people wanna find out more about you or about the book, where should they go?
Lori Sugarman Li [00:26:19]: So my website is ourhomeourpride.com. My Instagram, where I'm quite active, is at ourhomeourpride. And my book is available anywhere that books are sold. And actually, it would be a fabulous contribution for dads to take the opportunity to order this book and bring it home and say, hey. I thought this might spark a really meaningful conversation for us. What do you think?
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:45]: Very good point. Now I always finish our interviews with our dad connection six, and usually I ask the dads this, but I'm gonna ask you some questions and get some perspectives from you.
Lori Sugarman Li [00:26:55]: Okay. Super.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:55]: What's one word that describes your relationship with your dad?
Lori Sugarman Li [00:26:59]: Devoted.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:00]: What's the best piece of advice your dad ever gave you?
Lori Sugarman Li [00:27:04]: Just because someone asks you a question doesn't mean you have to answer it.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:07]: What's one activity that you and your dad loved to do together?
Lori Sugarman Li [00:27:12]: My dad was from Montreal, and he was a real staunch supporter of the Montreal Canadians. And he used to pick me up from school. We had a old car that barely made it to Montreal and back. And, he would often get tickets through work, and he would pick me up from school. And don't do this today, but I used to take a nap along the back seat of the car. We would drive three hours from my hometown to Montreal. We would go to the game, and then we would go get smoked meat Montreal smoked meat sandwiches, eat them in the car on the way home, and then I would fall asleep in the back seat. We did that about probably 20 times in my childhood.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:46]: Now if you could give a daughter a life lesson that you wish your dad had given you, what would that life lesson be in a single sentence?
Lori Sugarman Li [00:27:55]: So I think my dad did give me this lesson. Know your worth and guard your value.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:00]: Now you are a parent yourself?
Lori Sugarman Li [00:28:02]: I am. I have two boys.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:03]: And being a parent and reflecting back on your own experience as a mother, what's one thing that you've learned about yourself since becoming a mom?
Lori Sugarman Li [00:28:14]: It really has been the greatest honor of my life to getting emotional again. To raise these two boys, and I'm doing it in such a way, I hope, through my work, but just through our own little family unit, that will raise two amazing men who see themselves as valuable contributors in this beautiful work of care that it's not going anywhere. You know, this, this work is how we thrive as families and how we are a part of our community. And for them to see the value in their role and also all that it gives back to them has been something that I'm very proud of and grateful for the opportunity for.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:00]: And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?
Lori Sugarman Li [00:29:07]: I think there is so much magic in vulnerability. And I know that society has not traditionally given men a lot of space and permission to be vulnerable. But inch a little closer to it, dip your toe in it, see how it feels, that is where so many bonds are formed. Fatherhood is a relationship. Caregiving is a role. They are really two different things. You are a perfect father from the start because you love your daughter and because you are committed to your daughter. That's where vulnerability really comes in.
Lori Sugarman Li [00:29:49]: I know it can be a little bit scary, but it will be so impactful to her future, how she may choose a future partner and how she looks at her future career, how she deals with male managers potentially, or even male direct reports, and the way that she is able to forge relationships with them as well. So I think that can be really powerful. I give you permission to be vulnerable.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:13]: Well, Laurie, I just wanna say thank you. Thank you not only for writing this book and putting this out into the world because the lessons inside are definitely ones that can help fathers to be able to build that strong connection, not only with their children, but with their significant others as well. And you're allowing for young children to be able to better understand this concept from a much earlier age, which is wonderful. I I just wanna say thank you for being here, for sharing this, for sharing your journey with your own father, and I wish you all the best.
Lori Sugarman Li [00:30:41]: Thank you. It's been absolutely wonderful to chat with you.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:44]: That's a wrap for this episode of the dad and daughter connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, And don't forget, you can find all our episodes at dadanddaughter And don't forget, you can find all our episodes at dadanddaughterconnection.com. Until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.
Musical Outro Performer [00:31:15]: We're all in the same boat. And it's full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time. We give the lessons. We make the meals. We buy them presents and bring your AK. Because those kids are growing fast. The time goes by just like a dynamite blast.
Musical Outro Performer [00:31:49]: Calling astronauts and firemen, carpenters, and muscle men. Get out and be the world to them. Be the best dad you can be. Be the best dad you can be.
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Building Stronger Bonds: Insights from Lori Sugarman Li on The Dad & Daughter Connection Podcast
If you're a dad striving to nurture a lasting, meaningful relationship with your daughter—or any parent eager to foster confidence and independence in your kids—this week’s episode of The Dad and Daughter Connection is a must-listen. Dr. Christopher Lewis is joined by Lori Sugarman Li, author of Our Home: The Love, Work, and Heart of Family as well as a community activist, author, coach, and mom, whose work centers on the power and value of care within families. Through her personal stories and professional insights, Lori Sugarman Li offers a fresh, empowering perspective for families looking to grow closer and thrive together.
The Legacy of Everyday Care
Lori’s reflections on her relationship with her own father are both touching and instructive. She describes her dad as an active, hands-on parent who chose to include her in all sorts of household maintenance tasks—traditionally seen as “dad things”—from working with tools to maintaining the car. What made these moments powerful were not the chores themselves, but the partnership and trust her father demonstrated by teaching her, empowering her, and viewing her as an equal. Lori’s story challenges fathers to break away from gendered expectations and instead welcome their daughters into all aspects of family life, helping girls see themselves as competent, valued, and independent.
Rethinking Roles and Responsibilities
A major theme Lori champions—both in her book Our Home: The Love, Work, and Heart of Family and this conversation—is reframing household responsibilities as acts of love, not burdens or obligations. By inviting daughters (and sons!) to participate in shared tasks and explaining the “why” behind them, chores become chances for learning, teamwork, and connection. For dads, it’s an opportunity to show up not just as helpers, but as owners of the emotional, physical, and mental labor that keeps a family thriving.
Modeling Healthy Partnership and Vulnerability
Lori makes a strong case for vulnerability: dads who embrace imperfection, share their struggles, and show genuine care set the stage for deeper connection. By actively engaging in the less visible aspects of home life, from scheduling appointments to planning family routines, fathers can teach daughters the true meaning of partnership, self-worth, and emotional presence.
Listen In and Level Up Your Connection
This episode is packed with actionable insights and heartfelt advice—perfect inspiration for any parent hoping to spark richer conversations, instill independence, and create joyful shared traditions at home. Ready to take that next step in your parenting journey? Listen to the episode and discover how simple, everyday moments can become the foundation for confidence, resilience, and lifelong connection.
Tune in to The Dad and Daughter Connection for more inspiring stories and expert advice to help you be the best parent you can be!
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TRANSCRIPT
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]: Welcome to the dad and daughter connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident independent daughters.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]: If you're looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you're in the right place. I'm doctor Christopher Lewis, and the dad and daughter connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we'll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let's get started because being a great dad isn't just about being there, it's about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and daughter connection, where every week we have an opportunity. You and I have an opportunity to be able to work with one another, to walk with one another as we work to build these strong connections that we want to have with our own daughters. And every day that is something that we have to challenge ourself on because we have to continue to engage, to build, and to work, to create that relationship that we want to have with our daughters. That's why this podcast exists every week.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:24]: I love being able to be on this journey with you because it is a journey. Every day is gonna look a little bit different and we have to work to be able to engage with our daughters and do those things to be able to create the pathways for them to be able to be the strong independent women that we hope that they will become as they do grow into adulthood. That's why every week I love being able to bring you different guests, different people with different experiences. I bring on dads, I bring on moms, I bring on individuals with other resources that will help you to be able to do just that. There's no one right way to father. There's no one right way to build these connections. But there are things that we can do every day to do things just a little bit better, to be able to help ourselves to be able to create even stronger bonds. This week, we got another great guest.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:19]: Lori Sugarman Li is with us today. And Lori is a mom, a coach, an author, a marketing strategist, a community activist, and a mother of two. And we're gonna be talking to her about her own journey as a daughter, but also we're going to talk about her brand new book called Our Home, The Love, Work, and Heart of Family. This is a lovely book and a book that definitely has some strong messages in it. And it really allows for you as a father, as a parent, to look at how you're engaging with your kids in everyday tasks that foster connection, responsibility, and joy. So, I'm really excited to have Laurie here today to talk about her own journey with her dad and about the book and to introduce her to you. Laurie, thanks so much for being here today.
Lori Sugarman Li [00:03:07]: I am so thrilled to be welcomed by you. Thank you, Doctor.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:10]: Lewis. It is my pleasure having you here today. And as I said, one of the things that I love doing is first talking about the relationship that you have with your father. And I guess first and foremost, why don't you tell me more about your dad? Dad?
Lori Sugarman Li [00:03:23]: Oh, I'd love to. His name was Norm. Sadly, he's been gone for over a decade now. And when I think about my relationship with my dad, which, of course, I do often, but especially through the context of the work that I'm doing now, which is really around the wellness of families and the power of care, I recognize that the majority of what I remember about my dad is obviously his contributions and and how he flowed through our home and my partnership with him in that. And he took this role really seriously and, you know, not to age myself, but this was in the eighties. And I have so many really sharp and vivid memories of him with his Black and Decker tools and, you know, running the air filters through the dishwasher and caring for the yard and looking after cars, and doing errands. And and I was always his partner in that, I think because a few reasons. He trusted me and wanted to empower me with the skills and the capabilities of of all of these tasks.
Lori Sugarman Li [00:04:34]: But also something I came to realize a little bit later was that I think my dad really benefited from having me as a bit of a sort of a shadow or, like, someone to keep him on track. I think he probably had some sort of beautiful
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:52]: neurodivergence that maybe kept him from staying sometimes focused on completion
Lori Sugarman Li [00:04:58]: of a task, and that was a skill of mine in which he recognized. And so he brought me in as a partner, and we spent so much time together in the home, in the community. He was very involved in charitable organizations and, you know, men's groups and whatnot, similar to a lot of your listeners. And I learned a tremendous amount from him. And it really has informed the work that I'm doing now.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:21]: And talking about what he did for you, what's one thing that your father did that made you truly feel seen, heard, and valued as a daughter?
Lori Sugarman Li [00:05:31]: Well, something really interesting about my dad, he was the dad of two girls, two daughters, and he really never gendered our upbringing. He took me to hockey games. He bought me my first toolbox and taught me how to use all the tools. I mean, aside from one really beautiful thing that he did that brings me to tears, which is whenever my sister and I had the opportunity to get dressed up for anything, he used to stand at the bottom of the stairs and sort of, like, whistle as we walked down in our fancy outfits. Other than that, he really raised us as as people, as humans. And there wasn't anything that he did as a man or a dad that we weren't welcomed into, to learn from, to participate in, and that was incredibly meaningful.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:19]: Now as you look back, you talk about the moment of dressing up and you walking down the stairs. But was there a moment where your dad's support or guidance had a significant impact on your growth or confidence? Doctor.
Lori Sugarman Li [00:06:32]: It's interesting. Of course, I'm sure there were many, but there was a period in my life where my dad was inextricably linked to my success, which was actually the launching of my career. My dad had an MBA and worked in business his whole life. And I think for a while, I thought I was going to be a doctor. I thought I was going to be a lawyer. But then when I decided to pursue an MBA and I ended up working in consumer packaged goods marketing as a marketing strategist, He was so excited by this, and wanted to know everything about it, and was super involved in my, you know, preparing me for my interview process, and supporting me throughout my business education. And we were It's interesting, you know, I was in my early twenties, late teens, early twenties when that education was taking place. But our communication and his impact on my daily life, I think, was probably more than ever.
Lori Sugarman Li [00:07:27]: Again, I'm sure there was so much when I was little, but in terms of a direct impact to my life then and now, it had to be that.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:34]: Is there anything that, as you look back on your relationship with your father, that you wish he had done differently when it came to building your relationship?
Lori Sugarman Li [00:07:43]: So you had me at the first part of that question. I knew exactly what I was gonna say, and then so I'll say it anyhow, and then maybe I'll connect it to our relationship. The one thing that I so wish my dad had prioritized was his health and wellness. And the way that that did impact our relationship is that he did not live as long of a life as maybe he could have, as healthy of a life as maybe he could have. I desperately wish he had gotten to know my Oh, I'm going to get emotional. My two sons. I mean, he would have been crazy about them, but I think I don't know if it was the generation, if it was the decade. He just didn't he worked so many hours, and his performance at work was such a focus for him that he didn't have anything left in the tank after his contributions to the family to really look after himself in a meaningful way.
Lori Sugarman Li [00:08:38]: And in the work that I do in support of families now in the, in this sort of pathway toward gender equity and domestic labor of the home and the wellness of the family, I actually encourage families to start at a point of, do we have equal rest? Do we have equal joy? Do we have equal time for creative and wellness pursuits? And what is the division of labor that falls from there? And it's just not a perspective that my parents were fortunate enough to have at the time.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:08]: Now I know you said your father has been gone now for about ten years. And if you had the opportunity and you could go back in time or have the opportunity to spend an entire day still with your dad doing anything? What would it look like?
Musical Outro Performer [00:09:24]: Oh.
Lori Sugarman Li [00:09:27]: I think, first of all, I was tough on my dad because I so wanted him to thrive. I spoke a lot to him about things he could do better, healthier foods he could eat, more movement, medications, whatever. I wouldn't do any of that on this day. I'd do anything other than just connect. I would probably have him come and watch my kids play soccer. I would have him teach me to grill, which is the one thing I wasn't able He was a magical barbecue. That was his jam. And I loved to watch him, but I never fully grasped the skill set.
Lori Sugarman Li [00:10:11]: And I think I would really tell him all about the work that I'm doing now and how it was inspired by him.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:16]: Now, as you think about your dad and how he helped you to become who you are today, How did he encourage you to be confident and independent in your life?
Lori Sugarman Li [00:10:26]: That's a beautiful question. It's so funny. I never really felt otherwise. I think he was a really empowering person. He always instilled in me that I could do and and be anything, for sure. The one thing that I recognized about that time in life is that that is when society in general, and certainly parents, were starting to tell girls that they could be anything. You could do anything, you could be anything. President, in my case, prime minister growing up in Canada, you know, fly to the moon, whatever.
Lori Sugarman Li [00:11:01]: But what wasn't being done in society at that point was anything to reduce the expectations on girls that they would grow into in the work of home and care. And so we know that women carry still 75% of the bulk of the tasks of home and care, and that's only the work that we see. It doesn't include the mental and the emotional load. And, also, women have five fewer hours of leisure time per week. And I say women, but we see this trending in girls as young as eight. And what I would love to tell the dads in your community is it's not enough to tell your daughter that she can be anything. We have to give her space for that by removing some of the expectations that she inevitably will grow into that say that she has to show up for her family as a labor of love from dawn till dusk. And so the more that dads can be involved in demonstrating that men are also powerful and meaningful and impactful in the work of care, this is what gives girls the confidence to know they can do anything.
Lori Sugarman Li [00:12:15]: There's research to show it actually that when fathers are more involved in the work of care, daughters are more ambitious to seek work outside the home. I'm sure you've heard that stat before.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:25]: I have. And it is such an important thing. And that's really one of the founding blocks of this podcast is the fact that we need to be more engaged, we need to be more present. And because the research does show that. Now I mentioned the fact that you have a new book called Our Home, The Love, Work and Heart of Family.
Lori Sugarman Li [00:12:42]: I do.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:43]: And I guess first and foremost, I want you to tell me the origin story because I love doing that when I have authors on, because being an author myself, I know the amount of blood, sweat, tears, and more that go into trying to put something out into the world and letting it fly. So give me the origin story and why this was such an important story for you to share with the world.
Lori Sugarman Li [00:13:04]: So it's all thanks to a disability insurance salesman who told me I had no value. At the time, I was a stay at home mom, quote unquote, which is a title that is really ready for some rebranding. But because the thousands of hours of community work and care work in my household that I devoted in this task were unpaid. When we moved to The US, my husband said to me, Look, we're living in Chicago now. We have no family here. We have no safety net. Let's get you disability insurance. Because if God forbid something happens to you, he said, I will take a leave and, and head up the family and care for the kids.
Lori Sugarman Li [00:13:39]: We don't have any other option. However, this disability insurance salesman didn't see value in this work that I was doing because it was unpaid. And he rejected me telling me that they don't value housewives that much, and that I didn't fall on his algorithm. And I had Doctor. Lewis one of those moments, those cartoon moments when the smoke comes out of your nose and the flames come out of your ears. And I recognized that beyond this bubble that I'd been living in, that the work of care is broadly not valued. It's not counted in the economic indicators of our society, like a GDP. And it certainly wasn't, going to get me the disability insurance that I needed.
Lori Sugarman Li [00:14:18]: And so I started to read and write and study about this really endemic issue. And the first thing that I did as someone who wasn't, quote, unquote, working, was to create myself a LinkedIn profile in an environment that really was all about work. And I started posting articles on LinkedIn talking about the value of unpaid labor. And I sort of, I got things rolling in a really meaningful way and people were feeding back to me, yes, we want to hear more about this. We want to talk more about this. And I ended up, taking a course at Stanford called Motherhood and Work and finding Eve Rodsky, who's the author of a book called Fair Play, which is all about the gender division of labor and the impact of family wellness. And I ended up studying with Eve to become a family coach trained in the systems of fair play. And I really so badly wanted to have a greater impact in the societal conversation of these definitions of gender around care and the unpaid work of home.
Lori Sugarman Li [00:15:20]: But I didn't have a platform at that time to lobby government or lobby c suites at a corporate level. And I thought, what can I do? And at the time, I had two young children. I was very involved in their schools and children's charities. And I thought to myself, I can speak to children. And I was sort of fleshing this out, and I came upon this quote that said, if we seek to change adult behavior, let us show our children a better way. And I knew that my opportunity when so many people were trying to speak to grownups about the need for societal change, that if I could just break the cycle by talking to young children about how care is beautiful and valuable and founded in gratitude and not work for women and girls, but work for all of us and how powerful and beautiful it is to care for our family and the space that we share. I was really hopeful that I could have that impact, and so Our Home is that book.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:21]: Your book beautifully highlights how caring for a home is an act of love. What are some ways fathers can actively participate in creating that warm, supportive environment that strengthens their connection with their daughters?
Lori Sugarman Li [00:16:35]: Yeah. So the participation of dads in the physical work is so important, but also the ownership by men of the mental and the emotional labor that goes into caring for one another and the space that we share is really the stuff that is gonna change the game for all of us. Men are beautiful caregivers. You know, society tells us, especially when when babies come into the picture, that mothers have an instinct that men don't have. Mothers have capabilities that men don't have to provide care. Women are wired differently. Women are better multitaskers. There's no scientific foundation in any of that.
Lori Sugarman Li [00:17:20]: It's a bit of a scam to keep women in this place of serving their families sort of for free. But not only that, these definitions and these things that we believe are alienating to men. None of them are true. Men are extraordinarily beautiful care providers. And in order to have wellness in a family, they are needed and wanted and have to know that they belong in in every stage of this work. And it's okay to not to not do it perfectly. It's it's not about showing up like that. It's about noticing things and caring about things and finding a place for yourself, you know, no matter what's going on, especially with daughters.
Lori Sugarman Li [00:18:04]: It goes beyond taking your daughter's arm for the father daughter dance. You have to plan the dance. You have to join the PTA. Do the behind the scenes stuff that is really gonna show your daughter that she's not alone in the work of care.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:21]: Now your book also reframes chores as acts of love rather than obligations.
Lori Sugarman Li [00:18:28]: Yes. And gratitude.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:29]: And how can fathers encourage their daughters to take ownership of household responsibilities in a way that fosters independence and confidence rather than feeling like a burden?
Lori Sugarman Li [00:18:40]: Yeah. I love that question. What I encourage families to do together is really get centered in their values. And this is such an important conversation. And believe it or not, even the littlest of children can participate, you know, if the language is right. Just an understanding as a family, like, what's important to us as a whole? When and how do we thrive, either as a team or in tandem, kind of going through every day? And letting the standards that you all set for how your family tackles the tasks of home and care, those all flowing from these values. Casting aside the expectations that society lays out, casting aside potential judgment from others who may be doing it differently. But dad's really taking a role in the conversation of, like, we maybe never talked about this before, but, guys, what's important to us? And by the way, what are we doing that actually isn't? And then also taking the opportunity to share vulnerably and candidly how we might be wired differently even in our little unit.
Lori Sugarman Li [00:19:52]: We thrive differently as the example that I gave of my dad. Like, I I it would have been so powerful to have had him articulate to me. I just want you to know, Laurie, I kind of struggle with x y z, and having you with me when I'm running around town doing errands or whatever is so helpful because I really can count on you for ABC or whatever it is. And having these vulnerable conversations about how we want to thrive together, what we struggle with, and how we can set standards for our own family that will lead to that. The work of home and care actually taking less of our time because we're all in it together.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:33]: Now you mentioned simple activities, and I loved this, of making pancakes together or searching for cloud shapes in your book. What are some small but impactful traditions or habits that dads can adapt to deepen their relationships with their daughters?
Lori Sugarman Li [00:20:50]: So one thing that is really, really powerful is not just creating a list of chores or a to do, but helping your kids, and certainly your daughters, if I'm talking about the work that my dad used to do, like on his car or on the radiator or whatever it was, but really bringing them into the why of this work. Everything that we do around the house has purpose and meaning. We don't just create these lists out of nowhere. It goes into protecting our investments, like our home and our car, and adhering to community and municipal standards. And I think the more that my dad explained to me about why we have to do all of these things, and by the way that there was a benefit that came back directly to me and to our family, the more that I wanted to be a part of it, the more I understood, oh, I have a stake in this. So it's not just, like, the work that we have to do, the dreaded work that we have to do to get to the stuff that we want to do, but this becomes part of what we want. And also because we get to do it together. It becomes time for bonding.
Lori Sugarman Li [00:21:59]: It becomes time for learning, and I feel trusted and I feel empowered. So the more we know about the purpose and the why behind all of this work that we may do to support one another and care for our space is really important. I mean, my dad taught me about the value of cars, and the difference between leasing and owning, and resale value, and how to maintain a car such that it does have optimal resale value. And just knowing that made me understand, oh, yeah, we have to keep our car clean. I'm not going to leave my granola bar wrapper on the floor. I'm not going to leave this banana peel wrapper. So it's really just about having these conversations, sharing knowledge, and what that does is it sort of adds that patina of value onto the work that makes it so much meaningful for us to be a part of.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:49]: Now your book also emphasizes that a home is maintained through teamwork. How can fathers model healthy partnerships at home, whether with their spouse, as a co parent, or with their children, to help their daughters understand the value of collaboration and relationships?
Lori Sugarman Li [00:23:06]: What a fabulous question. The Fair Play method that I use a lot in my teaching is really founded in that it's about men showing up not as helpers who help women in their work of care, but as owners knowing that they themselves are beautiful and important providers of this care. There's a lot of language that we have the opportunity to shift along with the definitions of of gender roles and whatnot. But I think, really, again, men showing up in the noticing and the remembering, There are a lot of sort of memes and jokes and and comedians now doing bits about how maybe you've seen the one like, how would I know what kid my bus is on? I'm the dad. And sort of moving away from that, like, weaponized incompetence towards the opposite of that, which is really like biting into the details. Right? Like, I wanna know your teacher's name. I wanna know the doctor's name. I wanna take you to your doctor's appointments.
Lori Sugarman Li [00:24:11]: I'm gonna buy you tampons. Like, whatever the things are that a dad can demonstrate. Like, no. I'm in this. I know what you're going through. I know when you have your test. Let me help you study. Show me your dance routine.
Lori Sugarman Li [00:24:26]: I'll hold up the 10 when you do it so beautifully. And so it's really that deeper level of involvement beyond, yeah, of course I'll help. Like, give me the list. I'll get the groceries. You know, tell me what time the the lesson is. I'll I'll drop them off. And really towards, like, an ownership and a leadership in that work of care.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:46]: Household tasks often present an opportunity for conversation and connection. How can dads use everyday moments like cooking dinner or doing chores together as opportunities to have meaningful talks with their daughters about life values and dreams?
Lori Sugarman Li [00:25:02]: I mean, you just said it. You just said it perfectly. That's when the the beautiful conversations happen. When the dad is doing the carpool, when dad's doing the dishes and daughter is drying, or when, you know, they're chopping vegetables together, or even grocery shopping together, just that creating that space is such an opportunity for connection, and it doesn't always have to be a deep and meaningful conversation. It doesn't always have to be a deep and meaningful conversation. You can talk about the weather, the sports scores, how was your day? The connection is inherently valuable. I remember my dad took me. We drove to Florida.
Lori Sugarman Li [00:25:41]: That was a heck of a drive. And there were times when we didn't say a word, and I just felt so special the whole time just to be with him, just to know that he was carving out this time for an experience just for the two of us. And, again, not a word was said. We of course, we did have some great chats as well, but it was just listening to his music and him telling me about his music that he grew up on. I mean, there's endless possibilities for connection in these moments.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:10]: Well, Laurie, I wanna say thank you for sharing all of this today. And if people wanna find out more about you or about the book, where should they go?
Lori Sugarman Li [00:26:19]: So my website is ourhomeourpride.com. My Instagram, where I'm quite active, is at ourhomeourpride. And my book is available anywhere that books are sold. And actually, it would be a fabulous contribution for dads to take the opportunity to order this book and bring it home and say, hey. I thought this might spark a really meaningful conversation for us. What do you think?
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:45]: Very good point. Now I always finish our interviews with our dad connection six, and usually I ask the dads this, but I'm gonna ask you some questions and get some perspectives from you.
Lori Sugarman Li [00:26:55]: Okay. Super.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:26:55]: What's one word that describes your relationship with your dad?
Lori Sugarman Li [00:26:59]: Devoted.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:00]: What's the best piece of advice your dad ever gave you?
Lori Sugarman Li [00:27:04]: Just because someone asks you a question doesn't mean you have to answer it.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:07]: What's one activity that you and your dad loved to do together?
Lori Sugarman Li [00:27:12]: My dad was from Montreal, and he was a real staunch supporter of the Montreal Canadians. And he used to pick me up from school. We had a old car that barely made it to Montreal and back. And, he would often get tickets through work, and he would pick me up from school. And don't do this today, but I used to take a nap along the back seat of the car. We would drive three hours from my hometown to Montreal. We would go to the game, and then we would go get smoked meat Montreal smoked meat sandwiches, eat them in the car on the way home, and then I would fall asleep in the back seat. We did that about probably 20 times in my childhood.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:46]: Now if you could give a daughter a life lesson that you wish your dad had given you, what would that life lesson be in a single sentence?
Lori Sugarman Li [00:27:55]: So I think my dad did give me this lesson. Know your worth and guard your value.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:00]: Now you are a parent yourself?
Lori Sugarman Li [00:28:02]: I am. I have two boys.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:03]: And being a parent and reflecting back on your own experience as a mother, what's one thing that you've learned about yourself since becoming a mom?
Lori Sugarman Li [00:28:14]: It really has been the greatest honor of my life to getting emotional again. To raise these two boys, and I'm doing it in such a way, I hope, through my work, but just through our own little family unit, that will raise two amazing men who see themselves as valuable contributors in this beautiful work of care that it's not going anywhere. You know, this, this work is how we thrive as families and how we are a part of our community. And for them to see the value in their role and also all that it gives back to them has been something that I'm very proud of and grateful for the opportunity for.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:00]: And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?
Lori Sugarman Li [00:29:07]: I think there is so much magic in vulnerability. And I know that society has not traditionally given men a lot of space and permission to be vulnerable. But inch a little closer to it, dip your toe in it, see how it feels, that is where so many bonds are formed. Fatherhood is a relationship. Caregiving is a role. They are really two different things. You are a perfect father from the start because you love your daughter and because you are committed to your daughter. That's where vulnerability really comes in.
Lori Sugarman Li [00:29:49]: I know it can be a little bit scary, but it will be so impactful to her future, how she may choose a future partner and how she looks at her future career, how she deals with male managers potentially, or even male direct reports, and the way that she is able to forge relationships with them as well. So I think that can be really powerful. I give you permission to be vulnerable.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:13]: Well, Laurie, I just wanna say thank you. Thank you not only for writing this book and putting this out into the world because the lessons inside are definitely ones that can help fathers to be able to build that strong connection, not only with their children, but with their significant others as well. And you're allowing for young children to be able to better understand this concept from a much earlier age, which is wonderful. I I just wanna say thank you for being here, for sharing this, for sharing your journey with your own father, and I wish you all the best.
Lori Sugarman Li [00:30:41]: Thank you. It's been absolutely wonderful to chat with you.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:44]: That's a wrap for this episode of the dad and daughter connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, And don't forget, you can find all our episodes at dadanddaughter And don't forget, you can find all our episodes at dadanddaughterconnection.com. Until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.
Musical Outro Performer [00:31:15]: We're all in the same boat. And it's full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time. We give the lessons. We make the meals. We buy them presents and bring your AK. Because those kids are growing fast. The time goes by just like a dynamite blast.
Musical Outro Performer [00:31:49]: Calling astronauts and firemen, carpenters, and muscle men. Get out and be the world to them. Be the best dad you can be. Be the best dad you can be.