0010: Building Healthy Relationships with an Addict – Active or in Recovery

RecoverYES.com/Episodes If you use shame to try to motivate your loved one to make a change, it’s going to backfire. Are you wondering if you are shaming the addict? There’s a good chances you are. It’s difficult not to when faced with the crazy thoughtless behavior that accompanies addiction. Still . . . it isn’t helping. Most of us grew up believing that shame would motivate someone to change. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way. In fact, it just fuels addiction … just the thing you’re hoping to stop. We need to take a different approach. In this episode, you will: Communicate shamelessly with your addicted loved one Learn what to do when you can’t say anything nice Motivate your addicted loved one the RIGHT way Time Stamped Show Notes: 01:50 In this particular story that I’m going to share with you today it was reported in Tennessean which is the newspaper in Tennessee national particularly. 06:39 Aware Appreciation. 08:53 Do you find yourself saying things like, “I can’t believe you’re so selfish.”? Or, “Why are you making such bad choices?” Or, “Are you blind to the damage you’re causing?” 09:27 If you’re living with an addict or in some sort of close relationship with an addict it is nearly impossible to avoid shaming them. 16:31 We need to demonstrate what it looks like to be loved and accepted and to not be codependent. 17:39 Most Recovery Stakeholders are codependent. It comes with the territory. And, one of the main symptoms of codependence is the lack of personal boundaries. 18:49 I feel the need to let her know how she has destroyed her family and children. Should I tell her how I feel?