Show Notes – Di Riddell

It was the death of her husband 15 years ago that sent her back to face her past.  She had a violent alcoholic father.   She had no self-esteem, no self-confidence or self-worth.  At the age of 15 she was the victim of a pack rape.  A pregnancy and adoption came out of that.  She was told she was a disgrace and that she should go nursing and get out of societies way.  So she did.  She did eventually marry and ha 31 amazing years together.

In dealing with the grief at the death of husband it brought up her past.  She burned out 12 months later.

She joined Al-Anon which is for the family and friends on alcoholics.  It is an amazing self-development tool.  Learned to take responsibility for herself.  Started journaling.  As a member of Toast Masters she was used to speaking but as she started telling her story it developed to the point where she became an "accidental author."  Original book in 2006 was her story and the second book which has just be released tells her story and the stories of other women and men.

Abuse is a subject that well and truly needs airing and discussing.  She is hoping that her book will give hope and inspiration to someone who may be going through some type of life challenge.  That is her absolute wish.

Moving beyond victimhood.  That is an ongoing journey.  It is not a one-off choice. 

Her doctor asked her "don't you matter?  Because you're not acting like it."

Developed strategies with the help of a psychologist that helped her to move forward.

Opened the doors to something deeper and she has never shied away from it.  There was an amazing amount of help which she grabbed with both hands.

Journaling allows you to explore your feelings, where you are at, your relationships and the things you can do.

Forgiveness is a choice not a feeling.  It is a repeated action.  There are many layers of forgiveness. 

"I don't know what went on my father's young life to want to inflict some hurt on his family.  It must have been very rough.  We can only deal with life with the skills that we have at the time.  As we know better we can do better."

Forgiveness is not about condoning with what they did.  But it is about releasing yourself so you can find peace and move on with your life.

EFT Tapping – used this technique to release negative emotions.  Link available on Inside Knowledge Facebook Page and Group – and website.

When it comes to anger be kind to yourself.  "That is the old me speaking.  The new me is making new decisions"

"They took one night of my life but I gave them the next 43 years."

When you are prepared to let go that starts that freedom process – the softening of your heart so that you can react differently.  When you are carrying anger and unforgiveness in you, it weights you down.  When you release it you start to feel and express light, love and laughter. 

"The sharing of vulnerable moments develops trust which is the cement of all relationship building."  Pat Armitage.

Confidence is a by product of stepping out and doing.  It is not about saying "I am the greatest."  Talking about inner quiet confidence which is projected outward.

Confidence is fluid.  It ebbs and flows throughout your life. 

The Confidence Tree – if you have a hiccup you are only slipping down a branch or two.  You are not at the base of the tree.  Now you have to use your skills to climb back to the top of the tree. 

The loss of identity that can occur as you grow older.  The death of a partner or the break down of your relationship – lose identity as a wife or husband.  Loss of parents – lose identity as a daughter or a son.  Retirement – loss of identity of your job title.  Who am I now?

All of the bad things happened to "Diana".  After I was married and joined Toastmasters I was "Diane".  Now I am the somewhat cheeky "Di".

The difference between the sense of identity that you choose and the identities that are put on us from outside.

Forgiveness and gratitude go hand in hand.  Gratitude journal – five good things.  "What have I got to be grateful for – a roof over my head, a motor car to get me around, food in the cupboard."  Then began to widen out and began to see things that her mind had been closed to before.  It puts your mind in a restful happy place before you go to sleep which is very effective.

Dual action of releasing the negative emotions and filling yourself up with the positive emotions.

Her book has hit number 1 on Amazon Australia for self help books.  That only happened because she was willing to put herself out there.  There is always someone ready to give you a hand if you are willing to have a go.  We need strategies to help us to cope with the challenges that will always keep coming up.