Show Notes – Sam O'Sullivan

Two paths that led him to where he is now.  The personal path – struggling with his own problems with anxiety.  He was bullied a lot in high school and developed social anxiety and panic attacks.  He discovered a huge range to tools through his studies in psychology.  He wanted to go out there and give those tools to others.  He was a psychologist working in an inpatient mental health unit where he was working with mostly men.  The women that were there were the victims of men – usually sexually.  It became apparent that there was something social going on with men in New Zealand.  He worked in private practice and worked with a lot of men.  They often didn't want to talk about their feelings in order to process their trauma.  He didn't choose to work with men but it kind of chose him. 

He felt very limited working in the health system so went out on his own.

Men often want to appear tough – they are also socially taught to.  They don't want to show fear or sadness.  They are okay showing anger and happiness but not much else.  They try and hide the softer person underneath.  Or they drink alcohol and use drugs to avoid experiencing their emotions.

The idea behind Tough Talk is it is tough to talk so talking makes you tough. 

Also the idea that being successful as a man is defined by society.  If a relationship breaks down or they lose a job they can feel like they have failed.

There are also themes that apply for everyone.  A sense of place in community and a sense of purpose within that community.  Also getting out into nature is important for feeling better – either alone or in a group. 

People talk about mindfulness in their own way – swimming, surfing, cutting wood.  Accept what is happening – surfing the waves of life.

Sometimes women struggle when their male partner starts to show their own vulnerability.  They need to find their strength in themselves – to step into their own power.  We don't need the man in our life to be our rock – we become our own rock.

We talk about the need for males and females to have separate spaces to talk about issues but also we need to come back together and share our perspectives.

We also talk about how it can be awkward for men to take up yoga where they might be the only man in the room. 

Changes amongst younger people who are now more aware of tools such as mindfulness.  There are also changes in understand around gender roles.

The affect on males of having fathers who didn't talk deeply to them or show emotion. 

We discuss the very high youth suicide rate in New Zealand and possible causes for this.

We talk about fixed mindset and distraction.

We discuss whether resilience in innate or not and conclude that although the research is not definitive the good news is that we can all build our resilience.

Sam talks about what's coming up with Season 2 of Tough Talk.