Show Notes – Stacy Brookman

When you experience trauma those memories are stored in a different part of the brain from regular memories.  They are very sharp and they can hide from your own self.  They come out when you least expect it.  They can direct how we operate in the world – particularly childhood trauma.  You can't live joyfully because there is this stuff going around in your head.

Writing helps put those memories into the place where regular memories are stored – where they can fade.

There is a large body of research around writing to heal.  Writing as little as two minutes ago has been found to boost your immune system, make you calmer, make you happier.  It is a wonderful tool for anybody to have.

Your Life as a Story by Christine Rainer – recommended book.  Not specifically trauma related but it will lead you through writing and discovering your stories. 

When you find the words to describe what happened to you then the transformation can take place. 

Stacy was married to a sociopath.  She was under chronic stress.  She never knew when the next attack with happen.  And something happened every single week.

She took a memoir class as a release from her situation.  When she shared her stories, their jaws would drop. 

She recommends you do find a writing group or a coach.  Because when she told her story and someone heard that story and just held it and acknowledged the pain – that is an incredible feeling. 

Through writing you find out who you are, where you've been, what's happened to you and where you want to go.  That clarity is invaluable. 

Your story really needs to get out.  There is a mind body connection.  So your body will also tell you that you have a story that needs to get out through signs of stress.

You don't know if your audience will be receptive to your story.  This can be retraumatising.  Make sure you speak to someone who is trauma informed. 

You can't just get over trauma, you need to dig it out and expose it to air in order for it to heal.

When you start writing your stories then you can start finding the words from what happened to you. 

They can help you to discover your life theme.  When she discovered her own life theme – which was not standing up for herself – she didn't like it but she realised she could change it.  Knowledge of where you have been is incredibly important to help your future self become wiser and more resilient.  "I don't choose to be like that anymore."

She has been standing up for herself ever since.

She went through a very long, difficult divorce.  He husband said "I am going to take the house, I am going to take the kids, I am going to take you down!"  She had never experienced this kind of evil before.  She got divorced for her kids so they didn't think this was a normal relationship.

Nobody wants to admit that thy have been abused.  But counselling and writing helped her see what part she played.  Not that she blamed herself but she realised that she didn't stand up for herself.  When she started writing she was so much calmer going through the divorce.

She started researching and discovered the work of Dr James Pennebaker and others.

She started a website and was teaching some classes at the community college.  She wanted to reach a wider audience.  So then she started the Real Life Resilience Podcast – stories of recovery from life's most difficult traumas. 

There are so many ways to overcome trauma and you just ned to find the one that is right for you.  She also interviews resources – people who can help you overcome trauma in all kinds of different ways.

Everybody can become more resilience – no matter what stage you are at, no matter how much you have been beaten down.  You have everything you need inside of you and you can do it.

Things you should write about - here's what I'm thinking about, here's what I felt and this is why.  Explore your mind in your journal.  That is the part that will really help you move forward.

Write three lists.  Milestones in your life, desired you've had in your life, conflicts in your life.  If you can get a list of 10 – 20 in each of those and look across those lists.  Where you see commonality between two or three of those lists then start writing about that moment in time.  Pinpoint that moment – where were you, what was happening, what did I see, what did I smell, what did I hear, what did I taste, and what did I touch.  What did I feel.  Then just start free writing.  Write for 10 minutes without stopping and see what comes out.  Once you start more details will come up. 

This works for happy memories too.

Stacy's personal definition of resilience – the ability to bounce back from adversity and become wiser because of it.  If we com through adversity and we don't do anything about then we are going to repeat it.  Until you really get to know and learn what those mistakes were and why you made them you won't become wiser and more resilient.  You have got to learn those lessons not just experience them.  You've been through it – make it count.