Built, Not Born

Season 1, Episode 4: How Did I Get Here?

Why We Don't Notice How Far We've Drifted

How do we end up somewhere we never intended to be, even when we could see it happening?

Whether it's our health, careers, relationships or personal ambitions, change often happens so gradually that we barely notice. We adjust, make excuses and learn to live with things we once wouldn't have accepted. Until one day, we look back and wonder, how did I get here?

In this episode of Built, Not Born, I share two personal experiences that made me confront this question. We explore what behavioural science tells us about adaptation and the normalisation of warning signs, and why it sometimes takes a crisis before we recognise how far we've drifted.

I'll also share One Thing Worth Trying, a simple reflection to help recognise gradual changes before they become problems we can no longer ignore.

15 minutes | One Problem | What science tells us | One thing worth trying.

Follow Built, Not Born for a new episode every week.Chapters

(00:00) How the Hell Did I Get Here?
(02:11) The Things We Learn to Live With
(04:20) What Science Tells Us
(07:56) One Thing Worth Trying
(10:10) The Cost of Waiting

THE SCIENCE BEHIND THIS EPISODE

01 | Hedonic Adaptation | Sonja Lyubomirsky

Research on hedonic adaptation examines how people's emotional responses to changing circumstances can diminish over time. It offers a perspective on how once-unusual circumstances can gradually become familiar.

Research: Hedonic Adaptation to Positive and Negative Experiences

02 | Normalisation of Deviance | Diane Vaughan

Through her analysis of NASA's Challenger disaster, sociologist Diane Vaughan described how organisations can gradually accept warning signs and departures from established standards, particularly when previous decisions have not resulted in catastrophic consequences.

Research: The Challenger Launch Decision

Season 1, Episode 3: Am I Falling Behind?
Why Everyone Else Seems to Be Getting Ahead

Someone raises $20 million for their startup. Someone transforms their body in nine months. Someone lands a promotion you've been working towards for years.

And you begin to wonder, am I falling behind?

We often hear that comparison is the thief of joy. But is comparison really the problem?

I don't think so.

Comparison can help us learn, improve and understand what's possible. The problem begins when we compare our everyday reality with someone else's best moment.

The outcome becomes highly visible. The process becomes almost invisible.

In this episode of Built, Not Born, I draw on my experience building a startup to explore why we compare ourselves with others, how incomplete comparisons can affect our self-worth, and why they can sometimes discourage us from taking action.

We explore three ideas from behavioural science: social comparison theory, self-discrepancy theory and self-efficacy.

One Thing Worth Trying: Three simple questions to help turn comparison from a judgment of ourselves into something we can learn from.

15 minutes | One Problem | What science tells us | One thing worth trying.

Follow Built, Not Born for a new episode every week.

CHAPTERS

(00:00) Comparison Is the Thief of Joy?

(01:59) The Startup Comparison

(04:40) When the Process Becomes Invisible

(06:36) What Science Tells Us

(10:36) One Thing Worth Trying

(12:48) A Highlight or a Lifetime?

THE SCIENCE BEHIND THIS EPISODE

01 | A Theory of Social Comparison ProcessesLeon Festinger
We evaluate our abilities and opinions partly by comparing ourselves with others, particularly when objective measures are unavailable.

• Read original research (PDF)

02 | Self-Discrepancy: A Theory Relating Self and AffectE. Tory Higgins

Differences between who we believe we are and who we ideally want to become can contribute to disappointment, dissatisfaction and sadness.

• Read original research (PDF, Columbia University)

03 | Self-Efficacy: Toward a Unifying Theory of Behavioral Change
Albert Bandura

Our belief in our ability to perform particular actions influences our motivation, effort, persistence and willingness to take on challenges.

• Research record (PubMed)

Season 1 - Episode 2: I Will Get to It
Why We Put Off the Things We Genuinely Want to Do

We all have things we know we should be doing. That difficult conversation. An important decision. Something we've been meaning to start.

We tell ourselves, "I'll get to it."

And often, we genuinely mean it. So why do we keep putting things off, even when we know they matter?

We tend to blame procrastination on a lack of discipline, motivation or willpower. But what if it's something else? What if procrastination is sometimes an automatic response to stress, where avoiding discomfort provides immediate relief?

In this episode of Built, Not Born, I explore how stress influences our behaviour, what System 1 and System 2 tell us about automatic and deliberate thinking, and how repeated practice can help us develop different responses.

I'll also share One Thing Worth Trying, a simple three-step exercise to help you recognise discomfort, interrupt avoidance and take action on what you can control.

15 minutes | One Problem | What science tells us | One thing worth trying.

Follow Built, Not Born for a new episode every week.

Chapters

(00:00) I Will Get to It

(02:00) Two Different Threats. One Familiar Response.

(04:26) When Automatic Thinking Takes Over

(09:07) Can We Train a Different Response?

(11:54) One Thing Worth Trying

(14:11) When Intention Isn't Enough

THE SCIENCE BEHIND THIS EPISODE

Three research references that informed this episode.

01 | PROCRASTINATION & EMOTIONAL REGULATION

Sirois & Pychyl (2013)

Procrastination and the Priority of Short-Term Mood Regulation: Consequences for Future Self

Social and Personality Psychology Compass

Research exploring procrastination as a form of short-term mood regulation, where avoiding an unpleasant task provides immediate emotional relief, often at the expense of longer-term goals.

Read the research

02 | STRESS & COGNITIVE CONTROL

Arnsten (2009)

Stress Signalling Pathways That Impair Prefrontal Cortex Structure and Function

Nature Reviews Neuroscience

Research explaining how stress can impair functions associated with the prefrontal cortex, including working memory, planning and cognitive control.

It helps explain why stress can make deliberate thinking more difficult and increase our reliance on familiar responses.

Read the research

03 | TRAINING OUR RESPONSE TO STRESS

Saunders, Driskell, Johnston & Salas (1996)

The Effect of Stress Inoculation Training on Anxiety and Performance

Journal of Occupational Health Psychology

A meta-analysis of 37 studies involving more than 1,800 participants examining how structured coping strategies and controlled practice under stress can reduce anxiety and improve performance.

The findings support the idea that our responses to stressful situations can be developed through deliberate training and repeated practice.

Read the research

Season 1 - Episode 1: No Finish Line
Why We're Obsessed with Finishing Things That Never End

Open Instagram or LinkedIn, and everyone's promising a better version of you. Thirty days to a better body. Five habits for success. Seven steps to becoming more productive.

We spend enormous amounts of time, effort and money chasing these outcomes. But when exactly do we arrive?

And with AI helping us finish work faster than ever, why does it feel like there's even more to do?

In this first episode of Built, Not Born, I explore our obsession with finish lines, what behavioural science tells us about goals and unfinished tasks, and why I've started thinking about progress in 24-hour cycles.

I'll also share One Thing Worth Trying, a simple five-minute exercise to help you recognise what you've accomplished and mentally put unfinished work aside.

15 minutes | One Problem | What science tells us | One thing worth trying.

Follow Built, Not Born for a new episode every week.

Chapters

(00:00) The Finish Lines We're Promised

(02:50) We are surrounded by goals

(03:52) AI: Faster Work, More Expectations?

(05:32) The Science of Unfinished Goals

(08:50) What If We Had a 24-Hour Finish Line?

(10:50) When Is Enough, Enough?

(15:00) One Thing Worth Trying

THE SCIENCE BEHIND THIS EPISODE

Three research references that informed this episode.

01 | THE GOAL-GRADIENT EFFECT

Kivetz, Urminsky & Zheng (2006)

The Goal-Gradient Hypothesis Resurrected

Journal of Marketing Research

Research examining how people's effort can increase as they approach a reward, including how perceived progress influences behaviour.

Read the research

02 | UNFINISHED GOALS & COGNITIVE INTERFERENCE

Masicampo & Baumeister (2011)

Consider It Done! Plan Making Can Eliminate the Cognitive Effects of Unfulfilled Goals

Journal of Personality and Social Psychology

Research examining how unfinished goals can interfere with thinking and how making specific plans can reduce that interference.

Read the research

03 | THE INFINITE WORKDAY

Microsoft (2025)

Breaking Down the Infinite Workday

Microsoft Work Trend Index

Research exploring how interruptions, meetings and communications fragment the modern workday.

Its findings raise important questions about productivity expectations in an increasingly AI-enabled workplace.

Read the report