Natty babbles on a bit about having an inspection done on some plumbing, or some such, in Headquarters. It’s quite the listen. Really!

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Natty recounts his adventures in home improvement and the joys of municipal inspections. From building a magical pocket door in headquarters’ new bathroom to dealing with failed sump pump inspections, it’s all part of being a responsible adult.

“It was like I found a treasure map in a cave and it was written in glyphs, like little pictures.”

“There’s an orange sticker in my house. It says failed, failed. I don’t need signs in my house that say failed.”

“All my kid’s friends, fiends, that’s what I almost said, and I think it’s probably more applicable.”

Natty Bumpercar: Hey, Bumper Podcast, it's me, Natty Bumper Car, and today I'm going to tell you a funny story. I hope. I don't know if it's really funny, but I found it to be amusing. We built a bathroom here at headquarters. Maybe I talked about it. I don't know. I think I did, probably. I tend to talk about things. And it was a little powder room, little sink, little toilet, you know, kind of put it in the toy room. So like, oh, look, there's an extra bathroom. Go use it. I built it. I built the walls. I built the pocket door. A pocket door is a door that doesn't open and close out like a normal door. It slides into the wall like it's magic. Where'd the door go? It's inside the wall. What? How is that possible? There's a wall there, and now you're saying that there's a door inside the wall? That's right. It's a pocket door. And when I was doing the pocket door, the instructions, it was this giant fold out thing. It like covered the entire table. And it wasn't like step one, step two. It was just this kind of, it was like I found a treasure map in a cave and it was written in glyphs, like little pictures. And you know, it was like, it would have a little circle and it would kind of make the little piece bigger. And you'd be like, is that this piece? Is that that piece? And I never knew entirely. So the whole time I was putting it together, I was like, this is not going to work. No part of this door is going to work. And then the wall was so short, long, short, not tall, short, but like not wide, not super wide. So I ended up, I actually had to cut the door down a little bit with the, with the saw. So then you had to change the directions a little bit and do calculations off of these, you know, picture glyphs. And so I was, I just, I had no confidence that it was going to work. And I finally got it in. I put all the track in. Then I realized that I had put it in backwards, so I took it all out. And then I did it again with full confidence at this point that it was still not going to work. And, and then it went in and it, and it did, it worked. And it's, it's one of my crowning achievements. Problem though, was the kit that I bought didn't have any kind of locking system. And I do have kids. And so there's, this is not like a, oh, the door is shut. We should leave the door shut because you know, someone's using the restroom, they would like some privacy. No, no. When you have children, my children, especially it's why is this door shut? Who's in there? Let's see. Open. Scream. Ah! Double scream. So I had to then figure out how to put a lock in. And that was also a, a bit of a challenge we'll say, but anyway, this isn't about me putting in a pocket door. This episode is not called pocket door. This, this episode is about inspections, ladies and gentlemen, because today, probably over a year late to be inspected, I finally had the town inspector come to my house and he had to, he looked at a sump pump that we had put in. Sump pump. What's that? Well, there's, there's a hole in my basement where water comes in. So then you have a pump which pumps the water out. Well, maybe you remember that we flooded a little while ago, September, I think it was, was August. It was actually August and a lot of water in the basement, bad, bad scene. And so we decided to put in two, we put in two new sump pumps. One large one with a, with a big, big, big hose coming out of it to suck all the water out of the basement. And then another one that's there entirely for if we are flooding and we run out of power. It's a backup sump pump. Houses are expensive people. That's what I'm telling you. You have to buy ridiculous things that you have no interest in whatsoever, but it's all preservation of the basement. So I'll take it. So the inspector had to come for that. And he said, I said, well, while you're here, why don't you to inspect this bathroom too? So he, uh, here's, he walked into the bathroom, he, he, uh, he flushed the toilet, he looked at it and then he looked over at the sink and he turned it on and then he turned it off and then he walked out of the room and he said, uh, Hey, just make sure you keep that vent open. And I was like, I don't, okay. I don't know how to close it. So, okay. That was it. Powder room passed the plumbing inspection. The final plumbing inspection. Yes. Oh, but wait, you still have to get an electrical inspection and a building inspection. There's a lot of inspections that are happening. Then we go to the basement where the sump pump is. And uh, he made, he made a noise, he went like that, which isn't a good noise. You don't want to hear the inspector make that noise when they're looking at anything in your house. And I said, uh, what's up? And he goes, Oh, I don't know why you put this thing in. And I was just like, Ooh, what do you mean? And he was just like, you know, you got to get this thing inspected every single year and it's going to cost you a lot of money every single year. And I was like, Oh, well I didn't know that. Why didn't anyone tell me that? You know, it is what it is. That's fine. And then he started explaining to me why it had to be checked every year. And I, it made sense, but it's not what I wanted to hear. But then I started thinking about inspections and um, here's, what's funny, a plumbing inspection. It's essentially, it's this guy was a plumber, like he has a business as a plumber, but he gets to go around and look at other plumbers work and go, Oh, don't know why you did that. You know, it's just like, I was thinking it'd be amazing. What if that happened in other lines of the world? I mean, I guess it happens now in electric and building, uh, but like, what if there was like, if you went to a sandwich shop or something and uh, you know, the guy makes your sandwich and then you're like, hold on, I can't eat that yet. It needs to be inspected. And so the inspector, you know, sandwich inspector comes around and goes, Oh, don't know why you put oil and vinegar on that when it's already got mayonnaise. Hey, take that sandwich back, failed inspection, and then puts a big orange sticker on it. I forgot that point. We didn't pass inspection on the sump pump. So he had to stick a giant orange sticker on, on the thing. Oh, there it is. And I was just like, Oh, look at that there. There's an orange sticker in my house. It says failed, failed. I don't need signs in my house that say failed. That doesn't make me feel good. Fine. And I was thinking like, if a podcast inspector had, you know, if I made a new episode of the bumper podcast and I was like, I'm going to put it out, I'm going to send it out to the world. And before I did, someone was just like, Whoa, Hey champ, you can't just go putting a podcast out in the world. What are you thinking? You got to have this thing inspected. You got to check the levels. You got to check the content. Got to see if it makes any sense at all. Failed inspection. Oh, why did you fail me, sir? Because it don't make no sense. What is the bumper podcast anyway? I don't know. It's me hanging out with my friends here in headquarters, talking about stuff, doing a little jibber jabbering. Failed inspection. We failed a podcast inspection. We failed a sandwich inspection. We failed a sump pump inspection and expection. What? That's not even a word. Exception to your exception and intro exception and interceptional. I am. So, you know, that's fine. You live, you learn, you move on. I had the guy come out and test it today. And so I guess it's got to get re-inspected next week. Being an adult is awesome. Speaking of being an adult, we're having a benefit at my kid's school, right? And it's bingo. The kids get to play bingo. And I'm excited about it. And here's why. I'm actually the bingo caller. And I need to study on how to be a bingo caller. I'm going to be the person at the front of the room, in front of all of my kid's friends, fiends, that's what I almost said, and I think it's probably more applicable. All my kid's fiends and their parents. And I guess I have to roll the basket and be like, B14! B14! Everybody got that? B14. And then I guess you roll for a little bit, and then O27. And I have to figure out how to make it interesting for me and for them without crossing any lines. What kind of lines? I don't know. I'm actually going to look up, I guess I'll watch YouTube videos on how to bingo call? Is that something that you can do? Maybe I'll get a how to bingo book. I don't know. I'm assuming there's going to be a lot of, if somebody yells bingo, then I'll probably yell something to the effect of, and bingo was his name! Oh! Like that. But I can only do that once. Then I gotta move on. Bingo bango bong. That's the name of my song. It's a Doodle Poodle song. But they're not going to know that. They've never heard of Doodle Poodle. So, it's going to be a hoot, is all I'm saying. That's April 5th. So I hope you come out and watch me bingo? No. No. Also, I've been doing a lot of comedy shows. It's very nice. It makes me happy. I had one last night. Have one Saturday. Have one Sunday. Have one Monday. Have one next Friday. I'm going to tell you all about those, but I can't do it right now. I got inspections to get done, alright? I got a shoe inspection. I got a tooth inspection. This is a lot of inspections, alright? You know what, Bumper Podcast? You're my favorite.

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