But Not All At Once

Shakespeare wrote that "the course of true love never did run smooth." While they could apply to any facet of life, these words may encapsulate best the exhaustion and adventure of parenting.

That's certainly the case for Tinsley Maness and her son, Hart. What started smoothly when her second child was born soon changed course, planting a desire to advocate not only for him, but also for others outside the "typical."

You'll hear Tinsley speak of Hart's school, the Meyer Center, and Greenville's newest non-profit, Kind of the Upstate. Both organizations are worth your time and support.

To support the stories and work of But Not All At Once, hear bonus episodes, and watch our first video chats, visit Patreon.com/ButNotAllAtOnce.

If you too have been influenced by friends, targeted ads or professional influencers to make all manner of purchases, you'll find good company, reviews and regrets here.

Stay tuned to the end, where I absolutely mean what I say - I'm here. Tell me what you'd like to hear: uplifting or heavy, relatable or aspirational, real-world or nostalgic. You're not in the trenches, whatever your trench may be, by yourself.

Thanks for being here, y'all! I'd love to hear from you at @ButNotAllAtOnce on social media or via ButNotAllAtOnce.com.

Sarah Shell spent three years in law school, passed the bar and began a promising legal career in a Savannah office with a river view. Something was missing, though...

Today Sarah and I walk through her "non-linear" path to owning a floral design studio whose first dedicated space opened just before Covid hit. We talk about finding your path, starting over, and letting others take a chance on you.

You can find Sarah at Fern Studio in Columbia, South Carolina, where she brightens locals' days with porch drop deliveries, flash floral installations, and gorgeous events.

If you stay to hear my "outro" chat, tell me! I don't often touch on day-to-day events, and I'm wondering if your brain needs a break by the end of a chatty hour?

To support But Not All at Once and see its first-ever video episode this weekend, join our Patreon community. Former surrogate Brittney Bolt, now carrying her fourth child after delivering twins for strangers, will dish with me on the good, the bad and the ridiculous of baby names!

P.S. Thank you for a QUARTER OF A MILLION listens! Having your ear for an hour a week is a privilege that isn't lost on me, and it's a gift to share women's stories with the world. xoxo

Thanks for being here, y'all! I'd love to hear from you at @ButNotAllAtOnce on social media or via ButNotAllAtOnce.com.

When I came across Laura's TikTok content earlier this month, I knew she'd make the perfect podcast guest. As @thatdarnchat on social media, she puts words to the epidemic of exhaustion I've seen in friends and strangers alike over the years. You see it too: wives, mothers, and working women crumbling under the weight of invisible labor, unrealistic expectations, and unspoken hopes for parenthood and marriage.

In today's episode, you'll hear us praise the men in our lives, break down the patterns that don't serve us or our marriages, and unpack how we (the collective we) can add more rest, joy and life into the years ahead.

A few resources we mention:
Fair Play by Eve Rodsky

How We Show Up by Mia Birdsong

Parenting Beyond Pink and Blue by Christia Spears Brown

But Not All At Once, Episode 48: The Invisible List Clogging Up Your Brain

Find us on Instagram, Patreon, or at the podcast's website to continue the discussion!

Thanks for being here, y'all! I'd love to hear from you at @ButNotAllAtOnce on social media or via ButNotAllAtOnce.com.

Suzy Dover spends her days guiding elementary schoolers through the ins and outs of technology, then comes home to do the same with her own children.

One question the instructional technology coach answers more than any other is, "How do I keep my kids safe online?" In today's episode, we answer just that - and it starts at a far more foundational level than parental controls or security apps.

Suzy explains her philosophy of technology as communication; how children are the same online and off; in what ways to give them boundaries and control over their digital lives; and how adults can model what we want to see in our children when it comes to social media.

So much of parenting we're prepared to do from conception: buy car seats, prepare nutritious meals, keep them warm and safe and fed. Feeling the urge to swaddle them in bubble wrap when it comes to technology makes sense - but it isn't practical.

This is the world we live in; so how do we make it safe, healthy and kind? I loved thinking through this with Suzy, not to mention chatting about Little House on the Prairie, Hocus Pocus, and how our children will spill every last detail of our home lives to any teacher who will listen.

Mentioned in today's discussion:
Common Sense Media
Episode with parenting coach Mary Van Geffen
Episode with intuitive eating counselor Kate Morris

Thanks for being here, y'all! I'd love to hear from you at @ButNotAllAtOnce on social media or via ButNotAllAtOnce.com.

One night can change everything. Abby Banks, this week's guest, put her healthy infant son to sleep, but the next morning, he was paralyzed. Without warning, a rare autoimmune disease attacked his spinal cord; there was no cure or road map for healing from his diagnosis, transverse myelitis, short of a miracle.

Abby walks us through the life she envisioned for Wyatt, and the one her son has today. Rather than facing the unknown full of fear, the Banks family finds joy in every gift - including the freedom and possibilities Wyatt's wheelchair provides.

Whether you are waiting for a miracle, frustrated and facing challenges, or ready to celebrate every good thing in your life, this conversation will move you. Follow But Not All At Once on Instagram for a giveaway of Abby's book, Love Him Anyway, later this week.

"I could drown myself in a sea of anger because life hasn't turned out the way I planned, but I know that life is a gift, and I want to fight to make ours amazing, no matter what it looks like..."
-from Love Him Anyway

Thanks for being here, y'all! I'd love to hear from you at @ButNotAllAtOnce on social media or via ButNotAllAtOnce.com.

When I recall the beauty standards of my formative years, I think of two Kates, one Fiona, and my beloved (but sometimes side-eyed) Friends. 

Kate Moss, the queen of heroin chic;  headlines decrying "overweight" Kate Winslet; Fiona Apple, unshowered, underfed, and undressed on a dirty carpet in her "Criminal" video; and Friends' lazy punchlines about Monica in a fat suit.

Not to mention Bridget Jones' topping out at 140lbs in her panicked diet diary entries or Renee Zellwegger's "brave" weight gain to portray her. Nor the worrisomely slim women of Ally McBeal. Or Regina George's puffer coat masquerading as an upsetting weight gain plot point in Mean Girls.

Today Kristen Watson and I tackle pop culture and marketing; body image, positivity and diversity; whether we've left '90s beauty standards behind us; and the upside of social media's portrayal of everyday women and the many kinds of beauty they hold.

Get ready for a ride that touches on:
1. Britney's nude-and-crystal body stocking, J Lo's green Versace dress, and why 2000s fashion made a woman's body the ultimate accessory. 
2. What is normal versus what's normalized. (Do you hear Oprah saying that in her "silent or silencedddd" voice?)
3. The puzzle of compliments - how to use our words to build up the people we find beautiful.
4. The pressure of being perceived. We know when we're being sized up, measured, and found lacking/worthwhile. What do we do about it?
5. Supergoop's Handscreen SPF and what kind of dunce falls for it.
6. Why middle school boys called me Tic-Tac Girl, and how I feel about it today.
7. Whether the "COVID 15" jokes can go away now.
8. The "we don't care what you look like or what you're wearing - just come!" disclaimer every post-pandemic invite needs.
9. Why lacking visible ribs and tan lines was once considered a status symbol - but also why archaic beauty standards are still everywhere.
10. Our moms could just toss the VS catalogs if they didn't want us to see them. What does that look like in a modern world?
JUICY BONUS: Kristen's teen heartthrob boyfriend who shared a set with Jessica Biel while they dated, and whose face makes me cringe now.

Though we touch on the Victoria's Secret/VS Collective rebrand here, the remaining hour (yes, we have thoughts) is live on Patreon now. It'll take me a minute to come down from visiting the high of visiting the touring Friends set today; I'm basically Penny Lane-level groupie for that traveling orange Central Perk couch.

So many future chats may have been born in this hour: A Notebook/Mean Girls breakdown. The history and frustrating glory of Sports Illustrated's swimsuit cover. (Yay, someone who looks less emaciated is on the cover, but is this our ultimate goal?) What Jessica Simpson, Britney Spears, and Christina Aguilera could have accomplished if the media hadn't positioned them as enemy rivals. The list goes on - and I can't wait to hear your thoughts!

Find us on Instagram, Patreon, or at the podcast's website to continue the discussion!

Thanks for being here, y'all! I'd love to hear from you at @ButNotAllAtOnce on social media or via ButNotAllAtOnce.com.

You can't be an expert on living. Perhaps intuitive eating, child-rearing, business, style, fitness - any number of things that require licenses, credentials or letters after your name. But living? Hmm. Perhaps that's how we got into a "personal development" situation.

After our first Rachel Hollis discussion, there was a clamor to dive in a bit deeper, so here we are. Let's talk masterful word salad, accountability versus cancel culture, platforms versus pedestals, and what it means to be authentic.

Can't wait to hear your thoughts! xoxo

Thanks for being here, y'all! I'd love to hear from you at @ButNotAllAtOnce on social media or via ButNotAllAtOnce.com.

Lilibet Diana Mountbatten-Windsor arrived ten days ago; a press release and a flurry of headlines marked her debut. This week we delve into royal names, royal gossip, my baby-naming preferences and strategy, and more.

Next we'll dive into Rachel Hollis' return to (and quick retreat from) social media on Patreon. Can't wait to hear your thoughts! 

Thanks for being here, y'all! I'd love to hear from you at @ButNotAllAtOnce on social media or via ButNotAllAtOnce.com.

Parenting coach Mary Van Geffen guides folks daily through the process of raising "spicy" kids. Want to really get her going? Talk about the societal pressure to be a "good" mom, and the many meaningless, artificial and external markers that indicate what success looks like for modern parents.

Mary unpacks and refutes every bit of that. I wish I could quote our entire conversation, but you'll just have to listen yourself.

We cover every Southern woman's weakness; the perpetual pleasers who seek her guidance; why the key to a happy home is in us, not our children; and (in an exercise that brings me to tears) how to create a relationship our grown children will rush home to each Thanksgiving.

You'll learn about being the calmest person in the room (yep, it's possible!), running stressful moments through the "babysitter test," and why a selfless martyr of a mom is no good for anyone.

So what DOES success look like in raising children? Mary's perspective may change your whole approach to parenting.

Resources mentioned:
Mary Van Geffen's website and Instagram

The Gottman Institute feeling wheel

Brittney Bolt, our Enneagram 7 guest, on being a surrogate for strangers

Meredith Jaggard, prioritizing herself and her marriage while parenting and kicking MS square in the teeth

Kate Morris, our intuitive eating expert, on bringing peace to the family table

Do Less by Kate Northrup

Try Softer by Aundie Kolber

Erin H. Moon's Instagram

Support But Not All At Once via our Patreon, where you can catch an hour-long update (and a metric ton of inspiration) from Meredith Jaggard, plus videos, giveaways, upcoming guest Q&As, and more.

As always, you can find Anne at  [email protected] and @butnotallatonce across social media platforms.

Thanks for being here, y'all! I'd love to hear from you at @ButNotAllAtOnce on social media or via ButNotAllAtOnce.com.

As Mental Health Awareness Month ends, we talk with Tanya Camunas about how families can break generational cycles; what makes healing from trauma possible; how communities can preserve families and support their children's mental health; and why families of every socioeconomic status struggle.

More than an executive director far removed from her field, Tanya herself is in therapy to heal from childhood trauma. Adopted at two after neglect and abuse from parents with untreated mental illnesses, she is a living example to the families she serves.

Learn more about A Child's Haven and its work at achildshaven.org.

Resources mentioned include:
Ashley Adams: Surviving a Spouse’s Substance Abuse episode

Dr. Nika White: Diversity & Inclusion episode

Catherine Schumacher: Public Education Partners episode

The ACES questionnaire

Right Now, I Am Fine: Tanya’s favorite children’s book for stress, anxiety and struggles

Institute for Child Success

Children’s Trust of South Carolina

ACH's Recommended Resources for Families

Support the work of But Not All At Once with a $3 subscription to Patreon, where you'll find extra episodes and videos. (Psst: Meredith Jaggard’s kicking-MS-in-the-teeth hour of inspiration and updates goes live there this week!)

As always, you can reach Anne at [email protected], find the podcast via @butnotallatonce across social platforms, and learn more at butnotallatonce.com. 

Thanks for being here, y'all! I'd love to hear from you at @ButNotAllAtOnce on social media or via ButNotAllAtOnce.com.