But You Can't Stay Here

When Ines Bellina moved back to Peru after living 18 years in the United States, she moved in with her parents expecting to be spoiled. And she has been! But she’s also noticed that her parents are no spring chickens. In fact, they are now well into their retirement age and it’s showing in so many ways. In this episode, Ines describes the changes she’s seen in her parents, the concerns she has about their future, and all the ways she feels like a horrible daughter for keeping her return to the United States on the table. She talks to her friend Claire Zulkey about the challenges of taking care of elderly parents in the States to see if it’s any easier than in Peru. Then, she decides to face her fears and ask her parents the hard-hitting questions: What’s it like having her back? What’s it like being old(er)? And do they think she should stay in Peru forever?

Do you have a complicated relationship with home? I want to hear it! Email me at [email protected]. Join our Patreon for free and support the show starting at $3/month: https://www.patreon.com/cw/butyoucantstayherepod

Guests

Claire Zulkey runs Evil Witches, a newsletter for “people who happen to be mothers”, edits the community family newsletter Raising Evanston and serves as managing editor at Inbox Collective. She is also a longtime freelance writer, editor and consultant and has authored and ghostwritten several published books. You can find many of her clips here.

Rosa Luz García Rosell is from Peru but has lived all over the world. She’s a mother of four, a trained translator, and the kind of person who once yelled at a drunk, 6-foot 5 man for trying to make a pass at her teenage daughter in a Carlos Vives concert (true story).

José Antonio Bellina is a former Peruvian diplomat and Vice-Minister of Defense. He’s served his country in Bern, the UN, Washington DC, and Buenos Aires, and was the ambassador of Peru in Panama, Canada, and Sweden. A loving husband and father of four, he counts Alianza Lima as the third great love of his life.

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- Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/cw/butyoucantstayherepod

- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/butyoucantstayherepod

Credits

- Creator & Host: Ines Bellina. Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ines.bellina/ Newsletter: https://crankyguide.substack.com/

- Cover Art: Jimena Bellina. Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bellinartstudio/

About But You Can’t Stay Here

After 18 years in the United States, writer Ines Bellina moved back to her home country, Peru, swearing it was temporary. But she’s been in Lima for two years now and she needs to figure out whether she should stay for good or go back to the life she left behind. Follow Ines as she weighs that decision in real time. Support your local immigrant rights group!

When Ines Bellina moved out of the United States, she kept hearing the same joke. “You sure got out just in time!” But Ines wasn't heading to a stable, peaceful democracy. She was headed to her home country of Peru, which has seen non-stop political turbulence—and which was about to elect a new president in 2026. With the help of two experts, Ines explains how politics make Peru a difficult place to live, how the current U.S. government has changed the way she moves through the States, and how there is no real escape from the White House, anywhere in the world.

Do you have a complicated relationship with home? I want to hear it! Email me at [email protected]

Join our Patreon for free and support the show starting at $3/month: https://www.patreon.com/cw/butyoucantstayherepod

Guests

Carlos Santibáñez is a graduate in Political Science and Government from the Pontifical Catholic University of Peru with a master’s in development studies from the same university. He is a university professor, political consultant, and enthusiastic promoter of urban cycling.

Juan Escalante is a nationally recognized digital strategist and a leading voice in immigrant rights. Follow him on Bluesky, Instagram and TikTok or visit his website: www.juanescalante.com. You can also subscribe to his newsletter: https://doubleclick.blog/

Find But You Can’t Stay Here Online

- Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/cw/butyoucantstayherepod

- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/butyoucantstayherepod

- Website: [mypodcastname.com]

Credits

- Creator & Host: Ines Bellina. Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ines.bellina/ Newsletter: https://crankyguide.substack.com/ Website: [podcasthostwebsite.com]

- Cover Art: Jimena Bellina. Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bellinartstudio/

About But You Can’t Stay Here

After 18 years in the United States, writer Ines Bellina moved back to her home country, Peru, swearing it was temporary. But she’s been in Lima for two years now and she needs to figure out whether she should stay for good or go back to the life she left behind. Follow Ines as she weighs that decision in real time by talking to experts, discussing with friends and family, and processing out loud with brutal honesty and a dash of humor what it would mean for her to really make a life in Peru. Support your local immigrant rights group!

When Ines Bellina decided to move back to Peru after living in the United States for 18 years, she could just pack up her bags and leave—because she didn’t have kids or a spouse to consider. But that doesn’t mean children don’t weigh on her or haven’t weighed on her throughout her adult life, especially now that she’s a cool aunt to two rambunctious nephews. In this episode, Ines explains how she realized she didn’t want kids, but also wonders if living in the United States had an outsize influence on her rejection of motherhood. On the flip side, she also wonders whether NOT having kids is having an outsize influence on her life in Lima. To gain some clarity, she chats with her friend Lizzette Soria who actually has experience raising her child in both countries, to get a glimpse into what could have been. Will Ines stay in Peru for her nephews? Or leave again to be the mysterious cool wine aunt the internet keeps celebrating?

Do you have a complicated relationship with home? I want to hear it! Email me at [email protected]

Join our Patreon for free and support the show starting at $3/month: https://www.patreon.com/cw/butyoucantstayherepod

Guests

Lizzete Soria is a gender expert whose work focuses on building bridges between global normative frameworks, policy and practice through local knowledge and innovation. She has more than ten years of experience developing and implementing gender transformative initiatives with UN Agencies, governments, academia, and women rights organizations. When away from her desk, Lizzette loves exploring cities and diverse neighborhoods on her bike.

Find But You Can’t Stay Here Online

- Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/cw/butyoucantstayherepod

- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/butyoucantstayherepod

Credits

- Creator & Host: Ines Bellina. Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ines.bellina/ Newsletter: https://crankyguide.substack.com/

- Cover Art: Jimena Bellina. Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bellinartstudio/

About But You Can’t Stay Here

After 18 years in the United States, writer Ines Bellina moved back to her home country, Peru, swearing it was temporary. But she’s been in Lima for two years now and she needs to figure out whether she should stay for good or go back to the life she left behind. Follow Ines as she weighs that decision in real time by talking to experts, discussing with friends and family, and processing out loud with brutal honesty and a dash of humor what it would mean for her to really make a life in Peru.

Support your local immigrant rights group!

Ines Bellina wakes up every day with one existential question: Should she stay or should she go? Stay where? Peru, her home country and the place where she feels most out of place. Go where? The US, where she built most of her adult life until it came crashing to the ground. Ines has just as many reasons to be in one place or the other—or to run away screaming from one place or the other. To understand why this isn’t such a clear cut decision, she goes back to examine her childhood in the US, her teen years in Latin America, and every single mistake she made when she tried to make her American Dream into a reality.

Do you have a complicated relationship with home? I want to hear it! Email me at [email protected]

Support the show on Patreon starting at $3/month: https://www.patreon.com/cw/butyoucantstayherepod

Guests

Jimena Bellina is an international working artist with Peruvian roots based in Germany. Her visual language is tied to identity and not trends. She creates hand-drawn illustrations which portray our personal universes, our values and our own interpretation of the world through timeless visuals, craft, and cultural depth. Follow her on Instagram at @bellinartstudio or visit her website at mjbellina.com. For inquiries and commissions, email her at [email protected]

Rocío De la Puente is a Peruvian lawyer and mother of two. She now lives in Switzerland.

Erica Reade is a Brooklyn-based freelance photographer. She is a photo educator at the International Center of Photography, and she is the Founding Director of the NYC photo collective Camera of the Month Club. You can either find her at the beach taking photos, or taking care of her many beloved street cats. Follow her on Instagram at @ericareadeimages or visit her website at www.ericareadeimages.com. Her book Beach Lovers is available for purchase anywhere books are sold - let's support small and independent bookstores.

Find But You Can’t Stay Here Online

Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/cw/butyoucantstayherepod

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/butyoucantstayherepod

Credits

Creator & Host: Ines Bellina. Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ines.bellina/ Newsletter: https://crankyguide.substack.com/

Cover Art: Jimena Bellina. Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bellinartstudio/

About But You Can’t Stay Here

After 18 years in the United States, writer Ines Bellina moved back to her home country, Peru, swearing it was temporary. But she’s been in Lima for two years now and she needs to figure out whether she should stay for good or go back to the life she left behind. Follow Ines as she weighs that decision in real time.

Support your local immigrant rights group!

A podcast about going back to where you came from ... and whether that was the best or worst decision ever, created and hosted by writer Ines Bellina.

After 18 years in the United States, writer Ines Bellina needed a break. She was over its frenetic pace, its fever pitch polarization, its freaking price of eggs. She decided to move back to her home country, Peru, swearing it was a temporary move. But she’s been in Lima for two years now and she needs to figure out whether she should stay for good or go back to the life she left behind. Follow Ines as she weighs that decision in real time by talking to experts, discussing with friends and family, and processing out loud with brutal honesty and a dash of humor what it would mean for her to really make a life in Peru. Hopefully she can come to a resolution before the next anniversary comes around—or the complete downfall of the world order as we know it, whichever comes first.

Season 1 coming soon!

Follow us on Instagram at @butyoucantstayherepod

Join our Patreon for newsletters, food maps, group chats, Q&As and more: https://www.patreon.com/cw/butyoucantstayherepod

Don’t forget to support your local immigrant rights group!

CREDITS:

Host & Show Creator: Ines Bellina

Podcast Art: Jimena Bellina