Call Me Cleve

Straight talking, straight forward and straight to video, all with good reason! This is the closest we think our girl will ever get to a Lifetime movie, but it's got the casting, outfits and even a few performances to exceed our expectations.

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Experience Sean Penn's pretentiously vile, depressing and utterly vacuous depiction of conflict in Africa, inexcusably told through the lens of an unconvincing love story between two white saviors. A movie so unentertaining that it seems deliberate, we're not quite sure what to make of it!

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Michael Richards, what was ever the appeal of you? This week we see a comedy, in very significant inverted commas, in which the heroes commit a litany of offenses including sexual assault. But you know it's awkward, wacky and charming because one of them is clumsy!

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We finally have an episode with the soothing presence of Justin Tunney, and the giant gorilla of incompetence has stopped playing hide and seek with the mic input!

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This week we flutter about, frustratingly thin and carefree in the face of fascism and the plagiarism of better movies.

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Just shoot Kevin Bacon.

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The Creator of our AMAZING theme tune, Alex Reed brings some uncharacteristic professionalism to our analysis this week! Charlize fights ninjas to the sound of big poppy earnestness!

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This week we accidentally challenged our beliefs in the right to free assembly and the effectiveness of protest with the help of Charlize's cliched and melodramatic character arc. This should be good, we should support it! What happened, Stuart Townsend?

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Slow down and catch your breath, then have it taken away again by some of our favorite action movies with ladies in the lead. This week we take a quick break from Charlize to drink in some other badass women. We've got spies in the city and the forest, MMA fighters in the present and racist cyborgs in the future!

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Smash the system! Break the rules! Just don't watch the trailers! We're so excited that Sean Collier got us into an early screening of Charlize's new punk spy movie. She kicks so much ass you can practically feel the bruises!

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