Good Evening, Match Scratchers
If you once enjoyed, still enjoy or will enjoy
henceforth, and in perpetuity, Nickelodeon's very own Are You Afraid of
the Dark? broadcast that terrified both
tot and teen alike in the early 90's, then you will feel right at home on the
jagged, cold, forsaken rocks, atop the speaker's stone throne while occupying
temporary, nocturnal space in this chillingly convenient clearing where fellow
match scratchers meet to splash tales of terror upon an open flame. These
terrifying testimonies are far from tame, the most unnerving, unsettling and
upsetting campfire scarytale wins the game and striking matches, along with
striking deeply into your core fear gland, proves their aim. If you're soon too
frightened or anxious to sleep, if you intend to scream but can nary muster a
peep, if your once spry movements retard to a lumbering creep; in becoming a
slave to your fears, you have, but yourself, to blame.
Between midnight and first light we meet, our
appetites wolfish, our thirst parched, our delirium peaked for delicious tales
of fright; in your own unease, crawling skin, tingled spine and sweaty brow we
take delight, it will be hours before you can see anything beyond our proximal
campfire light, our weekly night light. We have cleared, constructed and
consecrated this campsite, in our decorative, secretive, roundtable fireside
Match Scratch Society we revel in delight, it is both our sacred and unholy
duty to, your fears, incite, this dry, cold cord of wood ignite--your amygdala
affright, if, by some miraculous design, you survive our scarytale of the
night, then it is your solemn Campfire Scarytale duty to find your Match
Scratcher ass back to this haunted hollow, with a new recruit, of your own, in
tow, who, your cues, will follow, along with your flashlight, to your own
diabolical, original and nerve-jangling tale recite while you deliver potent
doses of fear while you sit tight, recount your wickedly warming fire side
account with confidence absent any perceptible stage fright and occupy our
society's spotlight until the flames fade, the embers and coals lose the gusto
of their once resplendent glow and recount your abhorrent account until there's
no more fear to stoke, foment or otherwise grow and no other delicious,
devilish details for your Match Scratchers to know.
Collect your new batch of Match Scratcher sheep,
find a cold rock seat to warm, poke, with your makeshift spear, the waning
fire, roast those mellows before they exceed their shelf life and expire,
master your storytelling and your fears upon this pyre and await with
deathless, breathless anticipation your premiere Campfire Scarytale with: Campfire Scarytales: Submission 1: Never Touch
Another Match Scratcher's Matchstick! (Crooked Stick Magic Trick/In Over His
Head Raising the Dead); (Magician's Assistant/Sorcerer's Apprentice)
Your host: That's Falsetto, No Mr. accent on the to
and co-host: Dr. Red Devil with a REH REH REH
Until next time, Match Scratchers!
Remember, only you can prevent forest fires, call
out Campfire Scarytale imposters and disloyal match scratcher liars!
(Procrastinated Statement) *Intro/outro song, Surrender, courtesy of the artist, Asher Fulero, with a medley of sound effects added for, you guessed it, effect.
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