What happens when your relationship requires so much of you that there's nothing left for yourself? For two decades of my marriage, I poured everything into caring for my depressed partner, losing myself in the process. But a profound shift occurred when I finally asked: "Can I deeply love and care for myself and continue in this relationship?"

This question emerged during a perfect storm in my life—turning 40, my father's illness and death, pandemic isolation, and the mounting responsibilities of motherhood and my therapy practice. I reached a breaking point where I realized that unless I fundamentally changed how I treated myself, I simply wouldn't be able to continue functioning, much less thriving.

My journey toward what I call "deep soul care" wasn't just about occasional self-indulgences but establishing daily practices that honored my needs. Learning about polyvagal theory revolutionized my understanding of my own depression and anxiety, showing me how to recognize when my nervous system was in survival mode and how to return to a grounded state of safety. Prentis Hemphill's boundary wisdom that "boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously" became my guiding light.

This transformation wasn't easy on my relationship. My husband initially felt abandoned as I redirected energy toward myself after two decades of focusing primarily on him. Yet through honest conversations and mutual growth, we discovered something beautiful—as I became more whole, I showed up as a better partner. His willingness to support my journey, even when difficult, revealed that we both wanted a relationship where neither person sacrifices their wellbeing for the other.

Whether you stay or leave a relationship affected by depression, remember this: you deserve to love yourself deeply. Your life shouldn't be spent feeling depleted, disconnected, or diminished. Take one step today—any step—toward honoring yourself. Because caring for yourself isn't selfish; it's the foundation upon which all healthy relationships are built.

- If you are looking to take the first step towards improving your connection and communication with your partner, check out this FREE monthly webinar on "Becoming a Conscious Couple,".

- If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!

For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.