Faced with the crucial question of whether to stay in or leave a relationship? Your body holds wisdom your mind can't access. This episode completes a seven-part journey through conscious relationship decision-making with arguably the most powerful question: What does your nervous system tell you when contemplating staying versus leaving?

Many of us live disconnected from our bodies, missing crucial guidance hidden within our physical responses. Even those drawn to somatic practices may struggle to maintain this connection. Drawing from personal experience, I share how tuning into my body revolutionized my understanding of my relationship needs. When considering staying during conflict periods, the physical sensation of pulling back wasn't necessarily a sign to end the relationship, but crucial information about boundaries needing attention. Similarly, feelings of relief when imagining leaving provided important data without dictating a specific action.

Through two transformative exercises, you'll learn to access your own nervous system wisdom. The first practice helps you identify whether your body moves toward connection, pushes against in resistance, has an urge to get away from or detaches completely when considering each relationship path. The second, "Leaps and Landings," acknowledges that both staying and leaving involve stepping into the unknown, and helps you recognize both fears and hopes associated with each direction.

These exercises aren't designed to deliver a definitive "should you stay or go" answer. Rather, they establish communication with your nervous system, allowing its wisdom to inform your decision-making process. Whether you're new to somatic awareness or an experienced practitioner, these exercises offer valuable insights cognitive approaches alone cannot provide.

Connect with me on Instagram @trish.sanders.lcsw to share your experience with these practices. Remember that meaningful change doesn't require seeing the entire path at once – just take one step, any size, in any direction. Getting to a place that feels better, more joyful, and more connected is possible for everyone, including you, even when depression is in your bed.

If you are interested in checking out the "Leaps and Landings" exercise referenced in this episode and more information about how the nervous system is at the heart of our lived experience, check out Deb Dana's Anchored.

- If you are looking to take the first step towards improving your connection and communication with your partner, check out this FREE monthly webinar on "Becoming a Conscious Couple,".

- If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!

For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.

What happens when your relationship requires so much of you that there's nothing left for yourself? For two decades of my marriage, I poured everything into caring for my depressed partner, losing myself in the process. But a profound shift occurred when I finally asked: "Can I deeply love and care for myself and continue in this relationship?"

This question emerged during a perfect storm in my life—turning 40, my father's illness and death, pandemic isolation, and the mounting responsibilities of motherhood and my therapy practice. I reached a breaking point where I realized that unless I fundamentally changed how I treated myself, I simply wouldn't be able to continue functioning, much less thriving.

My journey toward what I call "deep soul care" wasn't just about occasional self-indulgences but establishing daily practices that honored my needs. Learning about polyvagal theory revolutionized my understanding of my own depression and anxiety, showing me how to recognize when my nervous system was in survival mode and how to return to a grounded state of safety. Prentis Hemphill's boundary wisdom that "boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously" became my guiding light.

This transformation wasn't easy on my relationship. My husband initially felt abandoned as I redirected energy toward myself after two decades of focusing primarily on him. Yet through honest conversations and mutual growth, we discovered something beautiful—as I became more whole, I showed up as a better partner. His willingness to support my journey, even when difficult, revealed that we both wanted a relationship where neither person sacrifices their wellbeing for the other.

Whether you stay or leave a relationship affected by depression, remember this: you deserve to love yourself deeply. Your life shouldn't be spent feeling depleted, disconnected, or diminished. Take one step today—any step—toward honoring yourself. Because caring for yourself isn't selfish; it's the foundation upon which all healthy relationships are built.

- If you are looking to take the first step towards improving your connection and communication with your partner, check out this FREE monthly webinar on "Becoming a Conscious Couple,".

- If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!

For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.

Are you caught in relationship limbo, seeing all the problems but unsure if you really want to leave? The very focus on what's wrong might be precisely what's keeping you stuck. 

When we're in pain, we develop what I call "stubbed toe syndrome" – one part hurts so badly that we forget the rest feels fine. Similarly, in troubled relationships, especially those affected by depression, we become fixated on problems while neglecting the perfectly good connecting parts that still exist.

In this illuminating episode, I continue exploring my seven-question framework for making conscious relationship decisions by delving into Question 3: What are the strengths of your relationship? As a therapist, I've noticed how couples frequently struggle to answer this question during their first session. Some couples have been a place for so long in which they focus on their programs that identifying strengths can feel almost foreign.

Understanding relationship strengths differs significantly from assessing what you're currently getting or whether your needs are being met. Strengths represent the foundation upon which all potential growth can be built – feeling truly seen, sharing values, experiencing honesty, or finding joy in common interests. I share personal examples from my 20-year marriage, including how my husband recognized my desire to be a writer before I'd ever mentioned it.

We also explore Questions 4 and 5: Are you willing to do the relationship work, and is your partner? Through my personal journey with Imago relationship therapy and meditation (my "secret keys to relationship success"), I discovered that sometimes doing the work means stepping back rather than trying to fix everything. My well-intentioned "fix-it" approach was actually a fight response that sent an unintended message: "you're not capable."

Most of us never learned proper relationship skills growing up. Our parents didn't have these tools to pass down, and when we're triggered into survival mode, we can't access our best communication abilities. Learn why "conflict is growth trying to happen" and how developing self-regulation and communication skills creates opportunities for healing.

Take a step today toward clarity in your relationship decisions by looking beyond the problems to the foundation that still exists, and determining whether it's worth building upon.

- If you are looking to take the first step towards improving your connection and communication with your partner, check out this FREE monthly webinar on "Becoming a Conscious Couple,".

- If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!

For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.

Why do we stay in relationships that don't fulfill us? What invisible forces bind us to partners even when our conscious mind desires change? The answer lies beneath the surface of awareness, in the powerful realm of unconscious attachment patterns formed decades ago.

This deep-dive exploration uncovers the second question in my seven-question framework for making conscious relationship decisions: understanding the unconscious factors keeping you tethered to your current partnership. Drawing from Imago Relationship Theory, I explain how our earliest experiences with caregivers create an internal "image" of what love should look and feel like—and how this unconscious template drives our adult relationship choices with remarkable precision.

When we're drawn to someone, it's rarely about conscious compatibility. Rather, we're responding to a familiar energetic signature that matches our childhood experiences. The painful truth? Sometimes what feels like "home" isn't healthy or what we consciously desire at all. I share my personal journey with unconscious beliefs about being undeserving of happiness and how these convictions, deeply rooted in my unconscious, contributed to me accepting relationship dynamics that often didn't serve my wellbeing.

Depression adds another complex layer to this dynamic. When our nervous system shifts into a dorsal state of collapse and withdrawal, we develop what I call "depression goggles"—a distorted lens that reinforces negative interpretations about ourselves and our relationships. This can make recognizing unhealthy patterns even more challenging since our negatively charged perspective can feel aligned with a relationship that feels emotionally painful, difficult or unsatisfying.

An unconscious belief, which can be particularly paralyzing, is that leaving a struggling partner makes you selfish or a "bad" person. I invite listeners to question these moral judgments: Where did you learn that your needs matter less than others'? Where did you internalize the idea that self-sacrifice equals love?

Understanding these unconscious factors doesn't necessarily mean ending your relationship—it means gaining clarity about what's really driving your choices. This awareness journey requires gentleness and often professional support, as our minds buried these patterns for a reason. Take just one step today toward greater consciousness, knowing that a more authentic relationship with yourself and others is possible, even when depression shares your bed.

- If you are looking to take the first step towards improving your connection and communication with your partner, check out this FREE monthly webinar on "Becoming a Conscious Couple,".

- If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!

For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.

Have you been thinking about ending your relationship but something keeps holding you back? You're not alone. This raw and thoughtful exploration unpacks the invisible barriers that keep us stuck in relationships we're contemplating leaving.

Drawing from 20 years of personal experience in a relationship complicated by depression, I walk through the first of my seven-question framework designed to clarify relationship decisions. By examining the real obstacles that prevent us from moving forward, we can transform seemingly impenetrable walls into challenges we can address with compassion and strategy.

Financial fears often loom largest when contemplating separation. When I faced this barrier, creating detailed budgets helped me see that while changes would be necessary, survival was possible. For parents, concern about impact on children creates profound hesitation. The truth? Both staying in an unhappy relationship and ending it will affect your children - what matters most is how you support them through either decision.

Many of us also struggle with letting go of the "fairy tale future" we envisioned, feeling trapped by time already invested, or fearing dating again or permanent solitude. Perhaps most heartbreaking is the fear that ending a relationship might trigger a partner's mental health crisis or self-harm - an impossible position that requires tremendous self-compassion.

Whatever obstacles stand between you and relationship clarity, identifying them is your first step toward making an authentic decision aligned with your values, whether that means staying or leaving. Join me in this vulnerable conversation about finding your way forward when depression complicates your relationship choices.

Take a step today - whether toward action, rest, connection or self-care. Getting to a more joyful, connected place is possible for everyone, even when depression is in your bed.

- If you are looking to take the first step towards improving your connection and communication with your partner, check out this FREE monthly webinar on "Becoming a Conscious Couple,".

- If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!

For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.

What if those recurring thoughts about leaving your relationship aren't actually telling you to leave, but instead signaling something deeper happening in your nervous system?

In this vulnerable exploration of relationship indecision, I share my own experience of contemplating divorce "more times than I could count" over twenty years of being in a relationship affected by depression. Through this journey, I've discovered that thoughts of leaving often serve as safety signals when we're feeling trapped or powerless—not necessarily indicators that ending the relationship is what we truly want or need.

Drawing on polyvagal theory and my therapeutic experience, I unpack how our nervous system state fundamentally impacts our relationship interpretation. When we're in fight-or-flight mode or collapsed in hopelessness, connection isn't biologically possible—we're simply trying to survive. This explains why even loving partners can perceive each other as threats and why making truly conscious decisions requires learning to regulate ourselves first.

I explore the complicated role of hope in relationships where depression is present, distinguishing between wishful thinking and grounded hope based on evidence of growth. Depression's emotional withdrawal makes relationship work tremendously difficult, not from unwillingness but from a genuine inability to access connection. The path forward involves learning to recognize "microscopic progress"—those tiny shifts that accumulate toward healing but often remain invisible until they've collected momentum.

Whether you're questioning your relationship's future or supporting someone who is, this episode offers compassionate insight into making decisions that truly align with who you are and what you want. Take a step today toward greater clarity and connection—movement toward joy is possible for everyone, even when depression is in your bed.

- If you are looking to take the first step towards improving your connection and communication with your partner, check out this FREE monthly webinar on "Becoming a Conscious Couple,".

- If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!

For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.

Caught in the mental tug-of-war between staying in your relationship or finally walking away? When depression complicates an already difficult decision, finding clarity can feel impossible. Drawing from both professional expertise as an Imago Relationship Therapist and deeply personal experience navigating a 20-year relationship affected by depression, Trish Sanders offers a transformative framework for making conscious relationship choices.

This episode introduces seven powerful questions designed to help you move beyond indecision and into clarity. You'll discover how to identify the obstacles keeping you stuck, recognize unconscious patterns from your past that might be influencing your choices, and assess both your willingness and your partner's willingness to do the necessary relationship work. Trish compassionately guides you to examine relationship strengths that might still exist beneath the struggle, while also honoring what your body and nervous system are telling you about what path forward feels right.

The framework isn't about finding an easy answer or placing blame. Instead, it's about developing the awareness needed to make decisions that honor both yourself and your relationship's reality. Whether depression is affecting you, your partner, or your relationship dynamic as a whole, these questions provide a roadmap for navigating one of life's most challenging crossroads with intention and self-compassion.

No matter where you are in your decision-making process—just beginning to question or already leaning toward a choice—this episode offers valuable perspective on how to approach relationship decisions with greater consciousness. Subscribe to the podcast for weekly insights on navigating relationships when depression is in your bed.

- If you are looking to take the first step towards improving your connection and communication with your partner, check out this FREE monthly webinar on "Becoming a Conscious Couple,".

- If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!

For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.

When I met Ben on Match.com, it was the early 2000s and online dating still carried warnings about meeting axe murderers. Both lonely in New York City, we connected over coffee that turned into a nine-hour adventure across the city. That meeting launched what I fondly call our "Summer of Love" – those magical first months where we experienced what Imago Relationship Therapists call "joyful aliveness."  The phase of Romantic Love in which we felt completely seen, valued, and understood by each other.

But when Ben started a high-stress tech job, our dynamic shifted dramatically overnight. The person who had been so present became consumed with work, which only caused my need for connection to intensify. We fell into classic relationship patterns – I became the pursuing "octopus" desperately reaching for connection, while he transformed into the withdrawing "turtle," retreating into his shell when overwhelmed. From a polyvagal perspective, I stayed locked in sympathetic "fix it" mode during conflicts, while he entered dorsal shutdown, finding safety in withdrawal.

What makes our story universal is how we represent what Imago Relationship Therapists call an "Imago match" – unconsciously choosing partners who embody both positive and negative characteristics of our early caregivers. On our very first date, we discovered I was a "cat person" and he was a "dog person" – which was seemingly trivial and yet actually symbolized fundamental differences that would both complement and challenge us through twenty years together. While those differences created painful disconnection at times, they also offered profound healing opportunities precisely because our partner triggered our deepest wounds.

The journey from romantic love to sustainable connection isn't straightforward, but understanding these patterns creates space for growth. If you recognize similar dynamics in your relationship, know that with conscious work, those moments of disconnection can decrease while connection expands. Take just one step today – any size, any direction – because movement toward healing is possible for everyone, even when depression is in your bed.

- If you are looking to take the first step towards improving your connection and communication with your partner, check out this FREE monthly webinar on "Becoming a Conscious Couple,".

- If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!

For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.

Are you exhausted by how much effort you've put in trying to figure out how to help yourself or your partner move out of depression?  Are you sick of the struggle?  Are you longing to finally figure out this seemingly impossible puzzle??  Look no further, the missing piece that will help your whole picture come together is here!  This episode invites you into the transformative world of Polyvagal Theory, a concept that reveals the intricate ties between your nervous system and mental health. By unpacking the dynamics behind emotional regulation, listeners will discover how our biological make-up affects our interactions with the world, others and ourselves. The conversation navigates through the three states of the autonomic nervous system—ventral vagal, sympathetic, and dorsal vagal—providing insights into how they influence our daily experiences and emotional landscapes.

As we explore neuroception, the subconscious mechanism that determines our sense of safety, we highlight the importance of acknowledging adaptive survival states that might lead us to feel overwhelmed or disconnected. You’ll learn how cultivating awareness around these states is essential for fostering connections with loved ones and oneself.

Through engaging anecdotes and relatable examples, we’ll illustrate the vital role of co-regulation in relationships and its significance for handling depression. This episode not only talks about the challenges of emotional regulation but also offers actionable steps to empower you in your journey toward healing and connection.

Join us for an enriching exploration into how understanding our nervous systems can help us reconnect with ourselves and each other, fostering a greater sense of belonging and human resilience in the face of adversity. Ready to take that first step towards emotional clarity and healthier connections? Let's embark on this journey together. Subscribe now, share your thoughts, and remember—you don’t have to navigate this path alone!

As mentioned in this episode, if you are interested in learning further about Polyvagal Theory, one recommended read is Deb Dana's "Anchored," which can be purchased at:  https://www.amazon.com/dp/1683647068?tag=&linkCode=ogi&th=1&psc=1

- If you are looking to take the first step towards improving your connection and communication with your partner, check out this FREE monthly webinar on "Becoming a Conscious Couple,".

- If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!

For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.

Talking about depression can often lead to what feels like a dead-end, a place in which we understand that someone feels bad, but not necessarily what can be done to help.  This may lead to feelings of isolation, frustration, hopelessness and more.  But what can be possible if we reframe the conversation and increase awareness of what is truly happening in the experience of depression?  Join host, Trish Sanders, as she navigates the profound connection between depression and our nervous system. In this episode, she delves into polyvagal theory—a groundbreaking framework that reveals how our emotional responses are rooted in our body’s autonomic states. 

Knowing that the disconnection that is a hallmark of depression is actually manifested as a protective nervous system response opens up new avenues for healing and self-compassion.  Trish shares personal insights and practical strategies to gently nurture ourselves as we shift from immobilization and collapse to safety and connection. 

Expect to learn about the three main states of our nervous system and how they influence our experience of depression. Embrace the idea that it’s okay to take small steps toward healing; every effort counts on the path to reclaiming joy and connection. If your nervous system is feeling a little frazzled, this episode provides a supportive perspective that is both empowering and compassionate. 

- If you are looking to take the first step towards improving your connection and communication with your partner, check out this FREE monthly webinar on "Becoming a Conscious Couple,".

- If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!

For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.