What if the most transformative part of a “conscious life” isn’t the serene moments—but the messy ones where you feel flooded, triggered, and ready to explode? I share a raw, real story about a birthday plan gone sideways, how a sold-out ticket spiraled into rage and self-blame, and the small, steady thread that kept me from making the night worse: a ventral narrator offering compassion and gentle reminders through a more grounded lens.

We break down the nervous system in practical terms—ventral regulation, sympathetic fight-or-flight, dorsal shutdown—and why blended states matter when life hits hard. You’ll hear how I moved from “I failed my kid,” and blaming my partner for the failing, to being in a place (within less than 24 hours!) where I felt grounded enough to connect and repair with my husband.  I'll also share the surprising insight that sometimes calm reassurance doesn’t soothe an activated body. Matching a bit of the other person’s energy—naming the sting, acknowledging the frustration—can build connection faster than jumping straight to zen. We talk about how having that ventral narrator, who can offer far kinder self-talk than the hopeless dorsal dweller part that can get swept up in self-blame, can transform a moment of dysregulated reactivity, and how to ask for the support you actually need in the heat of the moment.

If parenting guilt, partner dynamics, or inner critics tend to hijack your evenings, this conversation offers a map: notice the state you’re in, name the unmet need, and choose a tiny next step. Conscious living isn’t about perfection; it’s about shortening the distance between rupture and repair, savoring gratitude alongside growth, and trusting that you can learn in real time by deeply attuning to yourself.

If this resonated, follow the show, leave a review, and share it with someone who could use a gentler way through big feelings. And before you go, try one simple experiment today: take one step—any size, any direction—toward the life you want.

If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!

For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.

Rest doesn’t have to mean sleeping in or finding a three-hour window for a nap when time is not something you have in excess. We reframe rest as a spectrum of accessible practices that fit into busy, real lives—rooted in the nervous system, informed by your inner wisdom, culture and community, and designed to restore capacity without adding pressure. Drawing on a polyvagal perspective, we explore how to move from shutdown or overdrive into “safely still,” and why even 90 seconds of breath, grounding, or time in nature can create real change.

We walk through eight kinds of rest—physical, mental, restorative, emotional, social, creative, sensory and ancestral/cultural/community—and show how each can be a part of a comprehensive, replenishing daily support to our systems. You’ll hear a few simple, repeatable ideas, with more practical suggestions to come in the next episode.  We discuss how honoring intergenerational exhaustion can allow space to reclaim rituals, community practices, and collective stillness as a way to support individual rest practices and that also heal backward and forward through our lineages.

This episode invites a new, expanded definition of rest as a conscious choice that can be made to allow a meaningful, mindful connection to your Self, your body, your ancestors and the greater world so that you have increased capacity to live the life you want to live.

 If this conversation opens something for you, follow the show, leave a review, and share it with someone who needs gentle permission to rest. Your one small step can shift your week—and maybe seven generations.

If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!

For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.

Rest represents one of our most fundamental needs, yet access to it remains profoundly unequal. Some can freely embrace rest without judgment, while others face criticism, shame, and real-world consequences for the same basic human necessity. This stark reality forms the foundation of what I call "the politics of rest."

Who gets to rest without being labeled lazy? Who can take mental health days without facing scrutiny? These aren't neutral questions but deeply political ones shaped by systems of privilege, power, and policy. Wealth-holding households enjoy vacations and help with daily tasks without judgment, while economically disadvantaged people, communities of color, women, and immigrants face barriers to the same recovery time. This disparity reveals how rest has become politicized—a resource available to some while denied to others.

I've experienced firsthand how transformative intentional rest can be. After feeling burnout, particularly following the pandemic, I consciously slowed down and reduced my workload. This choice—made possible by my privilege—profoundly improved my wellness journey. Yet I recognize that many cannot make similar choices. For generations, many communities have carried the trauma of not being allowed to slow down, where resting could mean life or death. This history lives on in our bodies and nervous systems today.

Perhaps most provocatively, I suggest that depression might be viewed not as a personal failure but as a reasonable response to unreasonable demands—the body's last-resort mechanism when proper rest is systematically denied. The collapse that comes with depression isn't truly restful, as it's accompanied by shame and self-criticism, but it points to our fundamental need for recovery. Creating a world where rest is accessible to everyone isn't just about personal wellness—it's about justice, equity, and transforming systems that exhaust us by design. What's your experience with rest? I'd love to continue this conversation with you.

If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!

For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.

What happens when we slow down in a society obsessed with constant motion? After spending eight transformative days in retreat settings, I've gained powerful insights about rest that challenge everything our culture teaches us about productivity and success.

The truth is startling: our nervous systems are designed for cycles of activity and rest, yet modern life rarely allows for genuine restoration. We celebrate those who "burn the candle at both ends" while dismissing periods of stillness as laziness or weakness. This toxic narrative keeps us trapped in survival states – either pushing through in sympathetic activation (fight-or-flight) or collapsing into dorsal shutdown (often experienced as depression).

Looking to nature reveals fascinating parallels. Bees, the ultimate symbol of busyness, actually take regular breaks between gathering nectar. When they don't rest enough, they lose their ability to navigate – they literally cannot find their way home. Lions, apex predators at the top of the food chain, rest approximately twenty hours daily. This isn't weakness; it's what enables their power and effectiveness during hunting.

Depression itself can be understood as the body's desperate attempt to force needed rest when we've been pushing ourselves too hard. Unfortunately, it rarely provides the truly restful rest we need – the kind that happens in our regulated dorsal state, where we feel safely still, connected, and genuinely restored.

While society may not slow down anytime soon, we can begin rewriting our personal narratives about rest. This means questioning beliefs that equate rest with laziness and learning to create intentional moments of slowdown even within busy lives. Through this practice, we not only improve our well-being but contribute to a broader cultural shift toward valuing rest as essential rather than optional.

Ready to transform your relationship with rest? Subscribe for upcoming episodes exploring accessibility of rest, practical strategies for creating restful moments, and how to distinguish between collapse and genuine restoration. Your journey toward balanced well-being continues with each small step, even when depression is in your bed.

If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!

For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.

What do mosh pits have to do with mental health?  Everything, at least that's how it turned out for me. 

From the moment I stepped into my first mosh pit at Woodstock '94 with my dad at age 14, something profound happened—I felt alive again. As a chronically depressed teenager trapped in that collapsed, shutdown state, the vibration of bass against my chest, the permission to move freely without being watched, and the immediate acceptance of a community of strangers offered something my nervous system desperately needed.

For thirty years, across countless concerts, these energetic spaces have served as unexpected medicine. They've given me embodiment when depression disconnected me from physical sensation. They've provided community when isolation felt crushing. They've honored my full emotional range—joy, sorrow, and sacred rage—when the outside world was often more comfortable with me pretending I was fine.

This realization speaks to something much larger than music or dance preferences. Our nervous systems are brilliantly designed to seek what they need, often without conscious awareness. That hobby you've loved since childhood, that oddly specific comfort activity, that thing people don't understand why you're drawn to—these aren't random. They're your system's attempts to regulate, connect, and heal.

The wisdom lies in noticing these patterns. When we identify what needs are being met by our natural draws—whether healthy ones like movement and community or potentially harmful ones like substance use—we gain clarity and choice. We can consciously expand our wellness toolkit beyond our instinctive solutions.

What unconscious brilliance has your system shown in finding what it needs? What activity makes you feel alive, accepted, or embodied? Your path to healing might look nothing like the textbook version—and that's perfectly okay. Your nervous system knows exactly what it needs, even when you don't.

If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!

For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.

Gratitude might be the relationship superpower you're overlooking. In this heartfelt exploration, we dive into how deliberately practicing appreciation transforms relationships from the inside out.

Your brain naturally fixates on problems—it's biology, not a character flaw. This negativity bias served our ancestors well for survival but wreaks havoc in modern relationships. When something upsets us, our nervous system responds as though facing physical danger, triggering fight, flight, or freeze reactions that derail connection. Gratitude serves as the antidote, consciously redirecting attention to what's working.

Sharing appreciations does something remarkable: it signals that love remains present even during conflict. Many of us carry childhood wounds where caregivers withdrew love completely when angry. By maintaining appreciation alongside frustration, we break this pattern, showing our partners "I see you positively even when we disagree." This creates the emotional safety necessary for vulnerable conversations.

Through personal stories about concert mishaps and upcoming retreats, I reveal how holding deep appreciation for my husband transformed how I approached recent conflicts. Rather than spiraling into "inevitable misery" thinking, gratitude provided perspective and motivation to address issues constructively through dialogue rather than silent resentment.

The magic happens not just when you feel grateful internally, but when you express it specifically. Your partner might be doing dozens of things they think show love, but only certain actions truly resonate. When you highlight these moments, you're providing a roadmap to your heart.

Ready to transform your relationship? Start today by noticing one thing you genuinely appreciate about your partner and share it with them. Then watch as this simple practice begins shifting everything from how you communicate to how quickly you recover from disagreements. Your relationship deserves this gift.

If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!

For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.

Why do so many couples fight in cars? After a breathtaking but occasionally tense family road trip along the Pacific Coast Highway, I discovered something fascinating about car conflicts that completely changed my perspective.

Driving requires a unique blend of nervous system states - we need both calm groundedness (ventral vagal) and energized alertness (sympathetic) to navigate safely. But this delicate balance can easily tip toward dysregulation when fatigue, hunger, time pressure, or danger cues enter the picture. What I initially misinterpreted as my husband "being jerky" during our vacation was actually his nervous system working overtime to keep us safe while managing multiple stressors in an unfamiliar environment.

This revelation transformed my response from judgment to compassion. Rather than creating stories about why he was "ruining our vacation," I recognized what was happening physiologically and maintained my own regulation. This rippled through our entire family system, allowing us to navigate challenges more smoothly. When multiple nervous systems share a confined space like a car, they continuously communicate below consciousness - one person's dysregulation can quickly affect everyone else.

Understanding these patterns doesn't just improve road trips; it transforms relationships. By approaching behaviors with curiosity rather than criticism, asking "what makes sense about this reaction?" instead of "why are they being difficult?", we create space for connection even in stressful situations. Whether you're planning your next family vacation or just driving to the grocery store, this perspective shift might be exactly what you need to turn potential car conflicts into opportunities for deeper understanding.

If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!

For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.

Have you ever caught yourself thinking your relationship will never change? That moment of hopelessness is precisely what makes breakthrough moments of connection so powerful—when something shifts and you glimpse what's possible through conscious partnership.

In this vulnerable and insightful episode, I share a recent experience that validated years of relationship work with my husband. After two chaotic weeks dealing with a flooded basement, a sick child with pneumonia, missed family visits, and the stress of upcoming travel plans, my nervous system was completely dysregulated. I felt disconnected, overwhelmed, and caught in old interpretations about my relationship.

What happened next demonstrates the profound difference between unconscious and conscious partnership. Despite my dysregulation, I chose to reach out to my husband with honesty about my emotional state. His response—warm, understanding, and exactly what I needed—not only provided immediate relief but also showed me that our years of work with Imago therapy and polyvagal theory were bearing fruit.

This episode explores the fascinating connection between nervous system states and our interpretations of reality. When we're dysregulated, our thoughts become dysregulated too, creating stories that often aren't accurate. Learning to recognize this pattern without automatically believing those thoughts is a cornerstone of conscious relating.

While conscious partnership requires effort, I've discovered that unconscious relating demands far more energy and creates much more suffering. Even in the midst of life's inevitable chaos, we can make choices that align with the relationships we truly want to create.

Join me for this exploration of real relationship transformation, and discover how even small moments of conscious connection can shift your partnership in meaningful ways. Subscribe for weekly episodes that offer practical insights for navigating relationships, even when depression is in your bed.

If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!

For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.

Grief has its own timeline. And sometimes, the most profound revelations about loss emerge from unexpected places—like a flooded basement.

When contractors tore out the flooring and walls of what had been my late father's living space, I experienced a surprising wave of emotion. Though he had passed nearly five years earlier, that basement remained "Dad's room" in our family's daily conversations. The physical dismantling of this space triggered a grief experience that felt both familiar and entirely new.

What struck me most was how differently my body and mind processed this grief compared to five years ago. My nervous system felt safer, more capable of holding both the sadness of loss and the possibility of renewal. This wasn't because my earlier grief was somehow wrong—rather, it demonstrated how our emotional processing evolves over time, despite society's problematic expectations that we should "get over" significant losses within arbitrary timeframes.

The flood created an unexpected opportunity to honor what was while embracing what could be. As I found myself spontaneously researching new flooring options and imagining the space transformed for our teenage son, I recognized this dual experience as a meaningful part of my healing journey. This mirrors my relationship with depression—both involve nonlinear paths where compassion for wherever I am in the process proves essential.

Whether you're navigating grief, depression, or any significant emotional challenge, remember that healing happens in its own perfect, imperfect time. I invite you to take just one step today—any size, any direction—knowing that movement toward greater joy and connection is possible for everyone, including you, even when depression is in your bed.

If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!

For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.

What we believe about our relationships can become self-fulfilling prophecies. The notion that "past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior" might seem logical, but it ignores our capacity for growth and conscious choice.

Through a candid glimpse into my own marriage, I share how a flooded basement became an unexpected opportunity to break old patterns. When my husband discovered our underwater basement, I felt the familiar pull toward our dance of dysregulation—him upset, me trying to calm him down, both of us spiraling into disconnection. But this time, something different happened. One conscious breath created space for a new possibility.

The magic wasn't in pretending the flood wasn't stressful or in perfectly managing our emotions. It was in understanding how our nervous systems interact and choosing not to amplify each other's dysregulation. By allowing my husband his natural reaction without attempting to "fix" him, he regulated himself. We faced the challenge together rather than turning against each other.

This experience reveals the mechanics of relationship patterns: they repeat not because they're inevitable, but because they're calling for our attention. Every conflict contains within it the blueprint for growth—pointing to unmet needs and inviting deeper understanding. With consciousness and self-regulation, we can transform these patterns into pathways toward connection.

Whether you're struggling with recurring conflicts or simply want to enhance your relationship, remember that new possibilities emerge when we pause, breathe, and choose differently than we have before. Subscribe to join me on this journey of conscious partnership, where even flooding basements become opportunities for connection.

If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!

For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.