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From Car Conflict to Regulated Road Trips: A Nervous System Approach to Creating a Smooth Ride
Why do so many couples fight in cars? After a breathtaking but occasionally tense family road trip along the Pacific Coast Highway, I discovered something fascinating about car conflicts that completely changed my perspective.
Driving requires a unique blend of nervous system states - we need both calm groundedness (ventral vagal) and energized alertness (sympathetic) to navigate safely. But this delicate balance can easily tip toward dysregulation when fatigue, hunger, time pressure, or danger cues enter the picture. What I initially misinterpreted as my husband "being jerky" during our vacation was actually his nervous system working overtime to keep us safe while managing multiple stressors in an unfamiliar environment.
This revelation transformed my response from judgment to compassion. Rather than creating stories about why he was "ruining our vacation," I recognized what was happening physiologically and maintained my own regulation. This rippled through our entire family system, allowing us to navigate challenges more smoothly. When multiple nervous systems share a confined space like a car, they continuously communicate below consciousness - one person's dysregulation can quickly affect everyone else.
Understanding these patterns doesn't just improve road trips; it transforms relationships. By approaching behaviors with curiosity rather than criticism, asking "what makes sense about this reaction?" instead of "why are they being difficult?", we create space for connection even in stressful situations. Whether you're planning your next family vacation or just driving to the grocery store, this perspective shift might be exactly what you need to turn potential car conflicts into opportunities for deeper understanding.
If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!
For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.
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By Trish Sanders, LCSWWhy do so many couples fight in cars? After a breathtaking but occasionally tense family road trip along the Pacific Coast Highway, I discovered something fascinating about car conflicts that completely changed my perspective.
Driving requires a unique blend of nervous system states - we need both calm groundedness (ventral vagal) and energized alertness (sympathetic) to navigate safely. But this delicate balance can easily tip toward dysregulation when fatigue, hunger, time pressure, or danger cues enter the picture. What I initially misinterpreted as my husband "being jerky" during our vacation was actually his nervous system working overtime to keep us safe while managing multiple stressors in an unfamiliar environment.
This revelation transformed my response from judgment to compassion. Rather than creating stories about why he was "ruining our vacation," I recognized what was happening physiologically and maintained my own regulation. This rippled through our entire family system, allowing us to navigate challenges more smoothly. When multiple nervous systems share a confined space like a car, they continuously communicate below consciousness - one person's dysregulation can quickly affect everyone else.
Understanding these patterns doesn't just improve road trips; it transforms relationships. By approaching behaviors with curiosity rather than criticism, asking "what makes sense about this reaction?" instead of "why are they being difficult?", we create space for connection even in stressful situations. Whether you're planning your next family vacation or just driving to the grocery store, this perspective shift might be exactly what you need to turn potential car conflicts into opportunities for deeper understanding.
If you and your partner are ready to co-create the roadmap to the relationship of your dreams, join us for the next in-person "Getting the Love You Want" Weekend Couples Retreat!
For support in how to have deeper connections and better communication in the relationships that matter most in your life, follow the host, Trish Sanders on Instagram , Bluesky or LinkedIn.