Bon jour, and welcome to the show. Ian is currently wearing a voluminous outfit that both hinders the proper flow of traffic of guests and complicates seating in the theater, and Sam is currently nude, as we protest the new Cannes dress code, rub shoulders with honorary Palme D’Or winners Robert De Niro and Denzel Washington, and dodge falling palm trees as we celebrate the 78th Cannes Film Festival.

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