In this podcast, which is the audiofile of the YouTube video of the same name,  Alan asks some questions in relation to having an apology in a difficult situation or for a past experience. What does it mean to you to have one? Do you 'demand' one? What if you don't get it? What if you do? How real and genuine does it feel if you had to demand it?

Alan Sharland has been a Mediator and Conflict Coach for over 25 years and now runs CAOS Conflict Management based in London, UK.  This video explores something that often comes up in dispute situations but which can mean different things to those involved depending on the circumstances and what led to an apology, if given and what can mean people remain stuck while waiting for one if it doesn't happen. 

Alan's videos and podcasts are based on his observations when working with people involved in unresolved conflict during the last 25 years working as a mediator, conflict coach and conflict management consultant in London and across the UK.

Subscribe to the Communication and Conflict YouTube Channel:

Check out the Communication and Conflict Facebook page:

Visit the Communication and Conflict website:

Alan is Director of CAOS Conflict Management based in London, UK

BOOKS

How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All

A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict.

CREDITS

Outro Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman:

Using the ACAS Guide to bullying and harassment at work, this podcast, which is the audio file from a YouTube video of a similar title looks at the reasons why investigations into bullying allegations will almost always fail to reach a conclusion (less than 1%) and so all involved will feel let down, frustrated and even resentful, often leading to suggestions of conspiracy and cover-up when that is not the cause. 

Here is the ACAS Guide to bullying and harassment at work referred to in the podcast: 

Here is the ACAS Policy Discussion paper referred to in the video:

Alan also explains why it isn’t useful to speak of bullying and harassment in the same breath as harassment is legally defined while bullying isn’t and so to use the same approach to both is ineffective and leads to the many difficulties that arise when carrying out bullying investigations.

Alan Sharland has been a Mediator and Conflict Coach for over 25 years and in the last 10 years particularly he has provided mediation, conflict coaching and training in workplace dispute situations which invariably involve allegations of bullying. 

If you are looking for consultancy and support in responding effectively to allegations of bullying that do not rely on an investigation but provide an alternative approach, please contact Alan via this webpage: 

Alan's videos and podcasts are based on his observations when working with people involved in unresolved conflict during the last 25 years working as a mediator, conflict coach and conflict management consultant in London and across the UK.

Subscribe to the Communication and Conflict YouTube Channel:

Check out the Communication and Conflict Facebook page:

Visit the Communication and Conflict website:

Alan is Director of CAOS Conflict Management based in London, UK

BOOKS

How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All

A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict.

CREDITS

Outro Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman:

"Once you have identified with some form of negativity, you do not want to let it go, and on a deeply unconscious level, you do not want positive change. It would threaten your identity as a depressed, angry or hard-done by person. You will then ignore, deny or sabotage the positive in your life. This is a common phenomenon. It is also insane."

Eckhart Tolle (2010). “The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment”, p.189, New World Library

CONTEMPLATIONS ON CONFLICT - Alan Sharland introduces quotes, poems and other sayings relating to conflict and gives his thoughts on how they can be interpreted and their significance to his work as a mediator and conflict coach and also personally. If you have your own thoughts about the sayings he 'contemplates', please share them in the comments section below.

In this podcast, also available on youtube,  Alan discusses the relevance of this quote to his practice as a mediator and reflects on its significance in responding creatively to conflict.

Alan's videos and podcasts are based on his observations when working with people involved in unresolved conflict during the last 25 years working as a mediator, conflict coach and conflict management consultant in London and across the UK.

Subscribe to the Communication and Conflict YouTube Channel:

Check out the Communication and Conflict Facebook page:

Visit the Communication and Conflict website:

Alan is Director of CAOS Conflict Management based in London, UK

BOOKS

How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All

A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict.

CREDITS

Outro Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman:

This is a Guided Visualisation to help you respond more effectively to conflict. It starts by asking you to reflect on the ways in which you are presently responding to your unresolved conflict and goes on to help you create new, self-supporting, effective ways of responding to the conflict. 

Listen through to the end, or take a break and pause the podcast at times to reflect more deeply on your situation and even to take notes if you would find that helpful.

Alan Sharland has been a Mediator and Conflict Coach for over 20 years and in this visualisation he distils his understanding of how people fail, and then succeed in responding effectively to the different interpersonal conflicts they experience at work, with their partners, in their families, with their neighbours. Step by step you are taken through an initial awareness of yourself and how you are affected by the conflict, through an opportunity to see if you are responding in either of the two ways that never resolve a conflict, then on into an opportunity, for yourself, to create more effective ways of responding. 

This is the audio file from a YouTube video of the same title.

Alan's videos and podcasts are based on his observations when working with people involved in unresolved conflict, and training people to work in such situations  during the last 25 years working as a mediator, conflict coach, trainer in these skills and conflict management consultant in London and across the UK.

Subscribe to the Communication and Conflict YouTube Channel:

Check out the Communication and Conflict Facebook page:

Visit the Communication and Conflict website:

Alan is Director of CAOS Conflict Management based in London, UK

If you are based in the UK and would like to train to be a Mediator or Conflict Coach, contact Alan via this link for more information.

BOOKS

How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All

A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict.

CREDITS

Music: Still by Bob Holroyd, from album Fluidity and Structure available on iTunes. 

We can all get drawn into trying to 'fix' people who have a difficulty of some kind. The problem with rescuing people in this way is that we do it out of an assumption that they are not capable of fixing things for themselves and so we try to 'take over' the problem for them and give them our fix. 

There are many unfortunate consequences of doing this both for ourselves and for the other person, not least that we become caught up in something we have no control over and experience a lot of stress and frustration as a consequence. Stress and frustration brought upon ourselves by over-identification with another person's life situation - as if we are trying to live their life as well as our own. This can also become very difficult for the person we think we are 'helping'. It can prevent them from recognising their own capacities and power in their situation, it can feel very intrusive in ways that they may feel are unpleasant and it can lead to a breakdown in the relationship between ourselves and the other person because we become frustrated and dismissive towards them when they don't accept our 'fix' and 'great ideas'. 

This podcast, taken from a video available on the Communication and Conflict YouTube channel,  goes through some of the many ways that rescuer syndrome can show up in our relationships whether in a personal or professional situation so that we can recognise it in ourselves and seek to lessen our rescuing and help our colleague or friend in difficulty to create their own answers to their situation.

Alan's videos and podcasts are based on his observations when working with people involved in unresolved conflict, and training people to work in such situations  during the last 25 years working as a mediator, conflict coach, trainer in these skills and conflict management consultant in London and across the UK.

Subscribe to the Communication and Conflict YouTube Channel:

Check out the Communication and Conflict Facebook page:

Visit the Communication and Conflict website:

Alan is Director of CAOS Conflict Management based in London, UK

If you are based in the UK and would like to train to be a Mediator or Conflict Coach, contact Alan via this link for more information. 

BOOKS

How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All

A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict.

CREDITS

Outro Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman:

"The aim of an argument or discussion should not be victory but progress." Joseph Joubert

CONTEMPLATIONS ON CONFLICT - Alan Sharland introduces quotes, poems and other sayings relating to conflict and gives his thoughts on how they can be interpreted and their significance to his work as a mediator and conflict coach and also personally. If you have your own thoughts about the sayings he 'contemplates', please share them in the comments section below.

In this podcast, also available on youtube,  Alan discusses the relevance of this quote to his practice as a mediator and reflects on its significance in responding creatively to conflict.

Alan's videos are based on his observations when working with people involved in unresolved conflict during the last 25 years working as a mediator, conflict coach and conflict management consultant in London and across the UK.

Subscribe to the Communication and Conflict YouTube Channel:

Check out the Communication and Conflict Facebook page:

Visit the Communication and Conflict website:

Alan is Director of CAOS Conflict Management based in London, UK

BOOKS

How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All

A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict.

CREDITS

Outro Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman:

CONTEMPLATIONS ON CONFLICT - Alan Sharland introduces quotes, poems and other sayings relating to conflict and gives his thoughts on how they can be interpreted and their significance to his work as a mediator and conflict coach and also personally. If you have your own thoughts about the sayings he 'contemplates', please share them in the comments section below. 

"CONFLICT IS THE BEGINNING OF CONSCIOUSNESS" - Mary Esther Harding from her book 'The I and the Not-I: a Study in the Development of Consciousness'

In this podcast, also available on youtube,  Alan discusses the relevance of this quote to his practice as a mediator and reflects on its significance in responding creatively to conflict. 

Alan's videos and podcasts are based on his observations when working with people involved in unresolved conflict during the last 25 years working as a mediator, conflict coach and conflict management consultant in London and across the UK. 

Subscribe to the Communication and Conflict YouTube Channel: 

Check out the Communication and Conflict Facebook page: 

Visit the Communication and Conflict website: 

Alan is Director of CAOS Conflict Management based in London, UK

BOOKS

How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All

A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict. 

CREDITS

Outro Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman: 

CONTEMPLATIONS ON CONFLICT - Alan Sharland introduces quotes, poems and other sayings relating to conflict and gives his thoughts on how they can be interpreted and their significance to his work as a mediator and conflict coach and also personally. If you have your own thoughts about the sayings he 'contemplates', please share them. 

In this podcast he considers a translation of  'Hsin-hsin Ming' by Seng-ts’an quoted in the book 'The Way of Zen' by Alan Watts

The perfect way is without difficulty

Save that it avoids picking and choosing.

Only when you stop liking and disliking 

Will all be clearly understood.

A split hair’s difference, 

And Heaven and Earth are set apart!

If you want to get the plain truth,

Be not concerned with right and wrong.

The conflict between right and wrong 

Is the sickness of the mind.

Alan's videos and podcasts are based on his observations when working with people involved in unresolved conflict during the last 25 years working as a mediator, conflict coach and conflict management trainer and consultant. 

Subscribe to the Communication and Conflict YouTube Channel: 

Check out the Communication and Conflict Facebook page: 

Visit the Communication and Conflict website: 

Alan is Director of CAOS Conflict Management based in London, UK

BOOKS

How to Resolve Bullying in the Workplace: Stepping Out of the Circle of Blame to Create an Effective Outcome for All

A Guide To Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution - How Mindful Communication Supports Growth Through Conflict. 

CREDITS

Outro Music: All Colours Pt 6 by Bob Holroyd, from album Hollowman: